On what should be the happiest and romantic day of the year, people can still prove themselves to be insolent, vicious, rude pigs. That's when it's time to break out the big guns and show no mercy at all. Go out shopping with the worst case of gas you've had in years and when the rude bastards come near you...just let it rip in the most silent, but deadly way possible.

It may be cold outside right now, but summertime is just around the corner. It's not too early to start thinking about long, hot days at the beach and all the fun you'll be having in a few short months. You may want to start planning right now for those lazy days hanging out on the beach blanket playing Tramp Stamp Bingo.

With the recession going on in California, one enterprising woman has found a way to make a cool, easy $2 million as the new baby expert on "Oprah". With 14 asses to wipe, 14 mouths to feed and 14 kids to send to college, she's going to need all the help she can get.

Next time you're thinking about getting that cute new haircut that you saw in a magazine...take a few minutes to ask yourself one very important question. Is it the hair cut that you like or is it the thought of the haircut model between your legs that's really calling out your name?

Millions of new ideas are born every single day. People with entrepreneurial spirits are always coming up with new and exciting products or business opportunities that could be the next big thing. Of course, they all know someone who is an expert at crushing their dreams right from the start so that their money-making ideas never even have a chance to hatch.

If you're going to run for a public office you'll need a platform to run on. You'll need to have a point of view and some important issues to inspire people to vote for you. You have to give the people something to believe in, even if your campaign is all about stopping people from shitting in public.

Lesbians all over the world were outraged last Sunday night to find out that they would have to endure another season of "The L Word" with the vile and insipid Jenny character. The only saving grace is the possibility that we'll get a new Lesbian series with Leisha Hailey as someone's prison bitch. Read all the details of the new series at www.shewired.com.

The mother-daughter bond is unique in many ways. Whether she was the one who squeezed you out of her birth canal, the one who brought you up or the one you simply lean on for support, she'll always be "Mom". She's the one who knows exactly how to push your buttons, how to make you feel guilty about almost anything and the one who makes sure that therapists will always have a job.

Sometimes we wonder where today's kids went wrong...why they lie, why they have trust issues, or maybe even why they have psychological problems or other trauma in their lives. It never occurs to us that all those lies we told to them when they were growing up might have something to do with it. Instead, we keep propogating the myth of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and some overweight rabbit that lays eggs.

Studies show that the majority of pedophiles are straight white males. Apparently, straight males also build robots that they can screw and even marry. With all this going on...it's hard to believe that anyone is worried about Gays getting married.