Some people treat their pets as their children. That means you can never call someone's pet ugly...even if it is. Next time you're pet sitting, make sure you have some compliments ready to go just in case you need them. Here's a handy one to use on just such occasions: "Oh! Your baby has such pretty hair!"

Statistics show that more relationships come to an end during the holidays than at any other time of year. This year you can make a difference and save your own relationship by not being a selfish pig. Forget the practical, useful gift that she can use all year. Get her something useless and expensive instead. You're welcome.

Opinions are like assholes...everyone has one. The funny thing is that we're going to look rather odd walking around with two. That's going to make people talk.

Becoming a vegan seemed like such a good idea at first. You were going to save the world, end hunger and stop global warming. Next time, instead of being so self-centered and selfish, think about your friends who can't stand going out to dinner with you, who can't ever invite you over for a meal and who have to think of new and exciting ways to serve up Quorn just because you won't eat anything with eyes.

It's off to college and time for your first real Lesbian experience. Make sure you take the time to do your research and studying beforehand so that after the first time you make sure you come away with all A's and head directly to the top of the class.

When the enonomy turns sour it's time to exercise those entrepreneurial skills to help make a little extra cash. With eBay it's easy to drum up a little extra cash by selling what you've got...even if it's your virginity. I wish we'd thought of that.

A simple request for advice turns into a math lesson for all. It's a shame that so many Lesbians seem to have missed that day in school the first time around. We'll just have to help tutor the rest of you. Get out your pencils.

Nothing says "holiday stress" like having to go to three different stores for groceries on the day before Thanksgiving, with a list you got from someone else, and with items on it that you're not really sure about. The entire Thanksgiving dinner hangs in the balance and depends on whether or not you get the right type of carrots.

With the price of airline tickets these days, if you're going to fly you may as well get your money's worth. Insist on on an airline with a full array of inflight services to make your next long trip as comfortable as possible.  If they don't have "dancers" on board...just forget it.

Even if you're not outraged over Prop 8 in California, there are still plenty of good reasons to join the protests. You no longer have to waste your time meeting freaks on the on-line web sites, chat rooms and at bars. You'll find lots of lots attractive Lesbians down at the protests...and they already know they want to get married.