Did you know that birth is only one of the three parts that make up the rite of passage that is the childbearing year? When in first heard this concept spoken by Kimberly Ann Johnson in MotherCircle, I deeply knew this to be true even though I’d never heard it before. 

 

First articulated by anthropologist Arnold van Gennep in a book he published in  1908, these phases are separation, transition, and incorporation. The actual event of birth is only the transition phase of a rite of passage, and by acknowledging and consciously experiencing the separation and incorporation aspects of this rite will deepen our experience and provide greater clarity and orientation. 

 

Not having a cultural or personal understanding of this process is what leaves so many women today feeing lost in motherhood. ‘You lose yourself in motherhood’ is only a true statement if you haven’t consciously left your old self behind in pregnancy, journeyed outside of yourself in birth, and rediscovered your new self in the postpartum time.

 

In this episode I go into the these three phases of a rite of passage, how they apply to the childbearing year, and how we can create an internal and social environment that supports us through this.

 

You'll hear about:

• The separation phase of a rite of passage - pregnancy. While often thought of as a time of growth and connection, putting into the context of this greater rite of passage asks us to look at the other side as well.
  • What do we need to let go of to become a mother (or a mother of more)? What habits, thought patterns, beliefs, relationships do we need to let go of? How can we allow the maiden to die in order to step into being mother?
  • My own experience with morning sickness and first trimester fatigue as a call to enter this ‘separation phase’. In the “go-go-go, you can do anything and don’t need help” culture of today, many of us need a wake up call that things need to change. That we ARE irrevocably different now and will need to let some things go.
  • Some thoughts on our cultural need to rewrite out relationship with death. With darkness, and letting go. It can be a beautiful process.
• The transition phase - Birth. Often marked with blood, physical pain and hardships, and some kind of sacrifice, birth fits this description perfectly.
  • This stage is a “jumping across the canyon”, being between two worlds.
  • How the ecstatic (ex meaning “out of” and static coming from “to be firm in place, grounded, in yourself) hormones of an undisturbed birth direct this process by allowing you to go outside of yourself during birth on all levels. Leaving behind your normal, thinking brain, allowing your spirit to leave your body and go collect the soul of your baby from the cosmos, being able to transcend/transmute intense physical sensation, and come face to face with death in order to bring new life.
• The incorporation phase - postpartum. From the Latin ‘incorporare’ meaning “to unite into one body, embody, include”. This final stage requires community support and witnessing.
  • Rites of passage are not just for the growth of the individual, but also for the growth of the culture. When people successfully make it through a rite of passage, they bring back seeds from their journey, messages for their community. These stories need to be heard and these women held by people who understand that they are coming back changed, and need the space and love to reconfigure their whole beings around this rite of passage and their new identity.
• Rites of passage exist to evolve cultures! Whether this is Inanna in her underworld journey, Vision Quests, Moon Lodges, or other traditional rites of passage, when we are able to journey through this liminal space of the transition phase after having allowed the separation phase to happen, we come back with gifts and visions for our people. We need our stories to be heard and held, and those stories have special medicine.
• These phases can also be acknowledged in the moon cycle every month. The luteal phase is the separation; PMS is trying to tell you what you need to let go of. Bleeding is the liminal space, and returning to life and ovulation after is the incorporation.

 

So how to make this knowledge actionable despite not having a greater cultural awareness of these phases?

• Make space in pregnancy to allow yourself to let go and be separated. Rest. Say no to things.
• Create an environment for an undisturbed birth. Find a care provider who can support this hormonal orchestration and the golden hour after birth.
• Gather women around you in the postpartum time who can hold you and your story in your transformation.
• Physically care for yourself in the postpartum time.
• Come to MotherCircle!

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Mentioned in the show:

 

MotherCircle

Of Water and the Spirit by Malidoma Some

Go Diaper Free - Our potty training guide

My favorite podcasting outfit - Indie Birth's Keep Birth Wild sweatshirt

 

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Thanks for listening!

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If you have anything you want to hear more about, or any questions you'd like us to address, please reach out at [email protected]. We welcome your feedback. 

 

Make sure you are following us on Instagram @catskillsbirthcollective for more musings and information on wholistic pregnancy, physiological birth, and intuitive motherhood.

 

If you’re local, we’d love to see you at our MotherCircle in October!

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