In the second installment of this series, we’ll discuss God’s framework for working through entitlement and how to encourage others who find themselves stuck there.

Hey, everyone! Welcome back to MercyTalk. All this month, we’ll be diving into Dr. John Townsend’s book, “The Entitlement Cure”. Last week, we looked at what entitlement is, who suffers from it, and why. This week, we’ll be looking at some tangible ways we can choose to turn from a spirit of entitlement and go the other way. To do this, we’re going to start with the “hard way” principles.

Being aware of each of these “hard way” principles is really important. It’s key to changing the entitlement mindset that can so easily find us all! Townsend also shares how entitlement limits one’s goals and individual growth. While it feels like it would be the opposite—as if someone with entitlement might have a lot of self-confidence and knows exactly what they really want—it is actually quite the opposite! Entitlement limits goals by making happiness the endgame of everything. This locks us into the pain/pleasure motivation cycle, which as Townsend describes, puts us at the same reasoning level as a child. Ouch. To make matters worse, entitlement limits growth by freezing development. It says, “Hmm, that sounds really hard, and it doesn’t look like it’s worth it.”

It’s true that entitlement effects more areas in our life than we realize, and that’s why we want to be made aware when others see this attitude in us (and help others when we see it in them). As you might guess, this most effectively happens in a conversation between two people. Townsend says, Most of the time, the entitled person’s stance has blinded him to the damage he is doing to himself or to others. And letting your frustration drive you immediately to drastic measures, such as ending the relationship, asking someone to move out, or firing someone, aren’t effective. Instead, start with a vulnerable conversation. Practically speaking, phrases like, “I want a better relationship with you,” or “I want to support you and cheer you on,” help to deliver the truth in a more effective way. They prepare the person for what needs to be said next—things like, “When you never ask how I’m doing, it causes me to wonder if you care about me.” This is super helpful, because these kinds of conversations foster honesty and kindness all at the same time. Maybe no one has ever told this person (or you) that there’s a problem. Delivering the news with compassion does a lot to move the needle forward. Now, this doesn’t mean the person is ready to change or turn things around just yet. There’s another step that may need to be taken after several of these vulnerable conversations. Townsend refers to this next step as a “consequence-based conversation”, and there are actually seven steps to this type of conversation. Make sure the other person knows that you’re FOR them.

At the end of the day, Townsend gives discipline and structure as the two key components for fighting a spirit of entitlement. In fact, it’s not even the choice of choosing to be disciplined. (Most of us try that for our new year’s resolution and end up failing.) Instead, it’s the actual process—the habits and structures—we develop over time that really help us.

Next week, we’ll dive into some of these habits and structures together. Join us then for more MercyTalk!