Female by Design

238. Why I Struggled to Read Sex Books (and How I Healed)


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As a newlywed, I wanted to grow in intimacy—but even reading a sex book felt terrifying.

In this episode, I share how my early years of marriage were marked by fear, shame, and resistance around learning about sex. Even though my heart longed for connection, my nervous system was on high alert. I used to hide sex books inside other books at the bookstore—because I was afraid someone would see me learning.

If you've ever felt overwhelmed or ashamed when it comes to sex ed (even in marriage!), you're not alone. This episode is full of honesty, healing, and hope.

What you'll hear:

  • The cultural messages that made sex feel scary and shameful

  • Why I dissociated from my body—and how I began to reconnect

  • How sex books became a surprising tool for healing

  • The power of patient love and growing vocabulary in marriage

Mentioned Resources:

  • Enjoy! The Gift of Sexual Pleasure for Women – Joyce & Cliff Penner

  • Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start – Cliff & Joyce Penner

Resources and Invitation to Go Deeper:

Growth Courses

101 Strong Foundations for Married Sex, here

201 Pleasure and Orgasm: Passion and Practicals, here

Before (And After) I Do, here

Get Connected Inside the Circle Group Mentorship

Keep learning and get direct access to Francie! Join the Circle group mentorship. Inside the Circle, we talk practicals and get support to grow. Learn more here: The Circle

Donate to keep the message moving with Francie Winslow:

Your one time donation will allow us to continue to produce and distribute teaching and resources. Thank you for partnering with us! Donate here.

Connect with Francie:

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Female by DesignBy Francie Winslow

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