Has your wife ever said, "You don't validate me," or "Stop trying to fix it"? This episode is for the guys who love solutions—but keep getting told they're not listening. I'll show you why solution-first often backfires and exactly how to lead with validation so your solutions actually land.

Big idea: When she brings a problem with hurt feelings, she needs an emotional landing pad before logistics. Start with validation, add curiosity, and remember imperfect is allowed—then offer a concrete action you'll take.

00:00 Welcome to Husband Help Haven 00:27 The Fixer Mentality 02:39 Understanding Your Wife's Feelings 05:57 Example of My Failure to Validate 10:27 The Importance of Emotional Engagement 13:44 Validation First 18:28 Curiosity, Not Judgment 20:44 Imperfect Is Allowed 24:03 Recap and Key Takeaways

What you'll learn

• Why "being a fixer" frustrates her (she feels unheard or dismissed)
• The skill most men skip: say the truth she already knows, in your own words
• Three cues that change everything:
  • Validation first
  • Curiosity, not judgment
  • Imperfect is allowed
• How to own impact (move from "sorry you felt…" → "I'm sorry I did ___ that led to ___")
• Why you should state what you'll do (don't make her manage you)

Try these in your next hard talk

• Validation: "You're right—this is a lot. I left too much on your plate. I'd feel overwhelmed too."
• Curiosity: "Can you help me understand which part felt worst today?" / "What would feeling supported look like right now?"
• Action (no permission required): "I'm taking A, B, and C off your plate. If you want me to swap anything, tell me."

One line to remember

"She still wants to SEE the solution, but she wants to HEAR validation first."

Resources & next steps

• Episode notes, quotes, and quick-reference cues: https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-29/

• Husband Help Group (waitlist): https://husbandhelphaven.com/waitlist

  (A private, pro-marriage, pro-hope community for men navigating separation or working to rebuild.)

Who is this for?

Husbands in separation, men feeling stuck under the same roof, and any guy who wants a clear, compassionate way to calm conflict and build connection.

If this helped, like the video, subscribe, and share it with a friend who needs it.

Much manly love,

Stephen | Husband Help Haven

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