Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce

Episode notes available at https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-24/   Do you need help reconnecting with your wife? Maybe you need to know some specific things to say to your wife to navigate the often-challenging conversations that happen during separation? Or maybe you just want some tips to be a better husband overall.   In today's episode of the Husband Help Haven Podcast, I'm going to share some good ol' fashioned communication advice to help you build a better connection with your wife, whether you're happily married or in the thick of separation.   As you listen, you'll learn about 8 different three-word phrases that you can and should incorporate to your conversations with your wife. For each phrase, I'll tell you what it really means beyond just the words spoken, and I'll tell you how you can use it both in a happy marriage and a broken one.   This is a little different from our normal separation-focused topics, but should still be helpful for all men who care about being an excellent relationship partner.

Show notes and video for this episode can be found at https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-23/   How do you know when it really is time to be done waiting for your wife to come back? This is the other side of the question answered in the previous episode. As a pro-marriage optimist, please know that I'm rarely going to tell you to move on from your marriage, but in this episode I will share the reasons that I've seen other separated men make that decision for themselves.   I will warn you, unlike the last episode, this one may not be very encouraging. But this is a real-life question that comes up regularly, especially among men who have endured lengthy or difficult separations with no end in sight. However, even though this episode is an answer to a somber and difficult question, we will make sure to finish on an encouraging note -- you'll learn why my hope is that hearing the reasons men decide to be done waiting could actually help you more confidently choose to keep going.

Show notes and video available at https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-22/   Do you ever question if it's worth waiting for your wife to come back? Does it feel like your separation is dragging on indefinitely? We all need to be reminded sometimes why we do the things we do. This episode is for the men who are sick of being in no man's land, and need a pep talk to remember why they're still holding onto hope for their wife.   When you're doubting whether it's worth it to keep going, I want this episode to be one that you can listen to and go, "Oh yeah, that's why I'm still waiting for my wife... That reason is worth choosing to keep going.

"Stephen, I know you can't tell me an exact timeframe, but based on your experience, how much longer do you think this separation will last? How long 'til she comes back? How long til she pushes through the divorce?"   I get this sort of question a lot, and I understand why. Separation is hard. Being able to have some reasonable expectation of how much road you have left to travel would help you set realistic expectations.   Obviously I can't predict the future, but today I'm going to walk you through seven questions that you can ask yourself to help figure out how much longer your separation might last.   The factors we address in these questions each affect the duration of a separation, so knowing where you stand in these areas will help you predict if you'll end up on the long side of an average separation, or not. Plus, I'll tell you how long the average separation lasts so you have a sort of baseline to work from.   If you want to see a sort of "cheat sheet" for these factors, head on over to https://husbandhelphaven.com/how-much-longer/

Show notes for this episode at https://husbandhelphaven.com/marcus-interview/

Not every story has a happy ending.

Or maybe, the happy ending isn't always what we believe it will be.

That's exactly the case for Marcus Farris, a former Peace & Control student who is now living on the other side of divorce. In today's episode, we sit down to talk honestly about what happened in his marriage, separation and divorce. He bares his heart and shares all his struggles and successes that he experienced on his journey through marriage crisis.

Even though Marcus didn't end up saving his marriage, he is still every bit a success story in my book. As you listen to his story, you'll see what I mean - he learned the hard way that you can't put your full worth and happiness in the hands of another person. But what came out the other side of that hard lesson is a man who is loving, confident and impactful.

In addition to generally sharing his story, a few specific topics we hit on in our extended conversation include...

• How did he handle his wife's infidelity? Did he confront the other man?
• What most helped him survive his marriage crisis?
• How does he reconcile the reality of his divorce with his belief as a Christian that God is good and hates divorce?

It was a privilege of the highest order to host Marcus on today's podcast. If you like hearing his insights, be sure to check out his new book that goes deep on his journey through divorce. It's called No Less Faithful and you can get his free Love-Loss-Recovery one-week plan at https://www.nolessfaithfulbook.com/

In the last episode, we talked about how to get out of your wife's friend zone when you're early in the separation... But what about when you're beginning to rebuild the marriage on the other side of separation?

What do you do when your wife is starting to come back, but can't seem to get those pesky "feelings" back?

That's the subject of this week's episode. We'll talk about developing an effective mindset to survive this phase of separation, and what you can do to lead the way from a genuinely renewed friendship with your wife back to a loving, happy marriage.

"Stephen, my wife and I get along great, but she has no attraction to me. I think I'm stuck in her friend zone. What should I do?"

This is the question we'll be answering on today's episode of the Husband Help Haven Podcast. I'll tell you right now, I don't particularly like the term "friend zone", but it's one that many separated men use when describing their current relationship with their wife.

In this episode, I'll tell you why I don't like the term, what I think the actual problem is, and what you should do if you're in this position. Here are some of the topics we'll cover:

• When does this friend zone question come up?
• Why I don't like using the term in separation?
• What the friend zone problem actually describes?
• What are some solutions to your wife's awareness of mismatched attraction?

If you'd like insight into any of these questions, grab a cup of coffee and start listening!

Thankfulness and marital separation seem like they'd go together about as well as oil and water...

What could you possibly have to be thankful for when your life as you knew it has been thrown into upheaval?

In this episode, we're going to talk about three things:

1. Why thankfulness is important and how it will help you navigate separation better
2. Specific things you can be thankful for, even when you're separated
3. What you should do when gratitude feels impossible

Whether you're celebrating Thanksgiving this week or not, gratitude is timeless and it has a direct relationship with how much confidence you retain as you navigate through your separation.

Why?

Because when you seek gratitude in no man's land, you refuse to let yourself be dominated by negativity - despite the discouraging, seemingly impossible obstacles that may lie in front of you, you can still determine yourself to seek humble thankfulness to combat your pride and keep your motives where they need to be.

I'm not saying this is the silver bullet that's going to transform your marriage overnight. But when you set an example of thankfulness to your family and perhaps even to your wife, even when life is difficult, that has very real value - and that's why we're talking about it today.

The holidays can be tricky when you're separated. Made worse by the fact that the new year is often a time where a separated wife may choose to move forward with divorce.

• How do you make the most of this holiday season if you're already separated?
• What can you do to get the best possible chance of positively impacting your wife's decision about the marriage?
• What if your wife has already come out and told you she plans to file after Christmas?

In this episode, I'll share the 7 most common pieces of advice that I give men at this time of year. These are tips intended to help you stay stable, focused and confident as you navigate the last weeks of the year.

Today's episode is in response to a recent question I got from a guy named JD. Basically, his wife is doing things that he feels are truly unacceptable, so his fear is that continuing to forgive her will simply enable her bad behavior.

I love this question because it highlights two important concepts that often come into play during separation:

Forgiveness and boundaries.

How do these two concepts coexist? Should you continue forgiving your wife even when she's breaking the boundaries of the relationship?

Throughout the episode, we'll look at what forgiveness and proper boundaries each do in a relationship, and then I'll tell you my answer to JD's question and the best way for YOU to show your wife strength when she continues doing things that are unacceptable.