Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce

Show notes for this episode at https://husbandhelphaven.com/marcus-interview/

Not every story has a happy ending.

Or maybe, the happy ending isn't always what we believe it will be.

That's exactly the case for Marcus Farris, a former Peace & Control student who is now living on the other side of divorce. In today's episode, we sit down to talk honestly about what happened in his marriage, separation and divorce. He bares his heart and shares all his struggles and successes that he experienced on his journey through marriage crisis.

Even though Marcus didn't end up saving his marriage, he is still every bit a success story in my book. As you listen to his story, you'll see what I mean - he learned the hard way that you can't put your full worth and happiness in the hands of another person. But what came out the other side of that hard lesson is a man who is loving, confident and impactful.

In addition to generally sharing his story, a few specific topics we hit on in our extended conversation include...

• How did he handle his wife's infidelity? Did he confront the other man?
• What most helped him survive his marriage crisis?
• How does he reconcile the reality of his divorce with his belief as a Christian that God is good and hates divorce?

It was a privilege of the highest order to host Marcus on today's podcast. If you like hearing his insights, be sure to check out his new book that goes deep on his journey through divorce. It's called No Less Faithful and you can get his free Love-Loss-Recovery one-week plan at https://www.nolessfaithfulbook.com/

In the last episode, we talked about how to get out of your wife's friend zone when you're early in the separation... But what about when you're beginning to rebuild the marriage on the other side of separation?

What do you do when your wife is starting to come back, but can't seem to get those pesky "feelings" back?

That's the subject of this week's episode. We'll talk about developing an effective mindset to survive this phase of separation, and what you can do to lead the way from a genuinely renewed friendship with your wife back to a loving, happy marriage.

"Stephen, my wife and I get along great, but she has no attraction to me. I think I'm stuck in her friend zone. What should I do?"

This is the question we'll be answering on today's episode of the Husband Help Haven Podcast. I'll tell you right now, I don't particularly like the term "friend zone", but it's one that many separated men use when describing their current relationship with their wife.

In this episode, I'll tell you why I don't like the term, what I think the actual problem is, and what you should do if you're in this position. Here are some of the topics we'll cover:

• When does this friend zone question come up?
• Why I don't like using the term in separation?
• What the friend zone problem actually describes?
• What are some solutions to your wife's awareness of mismatched attraction?

If you'd like insight into any of these questions, grab a cup of coffee and start listening!

Thankfulness and marital separation seem like they'd go together about as well as oil and water...

What could you possibly have to be thankful for when your life as you knew it has been thrown into upheaval?

In this episode, we're going to talk about three things:

1. Why thankfulness is important and how it will help you navigate separation better
2. Specific things you can be thankful for, even when you're separated
3. What you should do when gratitude feels impossible

Whether you're celebrating Thanksgiving this week or not, gratitude is timeless and it has a direct relationship with how much confidence you retain as you navigate through your separation.

Why?

Because when you seek gratitude in no man's land, you refuse to let yourself be dominated by negativity - despite the discouraging, seemingly impossible obstacles that may lie in front of you, you can still determine yourself to seek humble thankfulness to combat your pride and keep your motives where they need to be.

I'm not saying this is the silver bullet that's going to transform your marriage overnight. But when you set an example of thankfulness to your family and perhaps even to your wife, even when life is difficult, that has very real value - and that's why we're talking about it today.

The holidays can be tricky when you're separated. Made worse by the fact that the new year is often a time where a separated wife may choose to move forward with divorce.

• How do you make the most of this holiday season if you're already separated?
• What can you do to get the best possible chance of positively impacting your wife's decision about the marriage?
• What if your wife has already come out and told you she plans to file after Christmas?

In this episode, I'll share the 7 most common pieces of advice that I give men at this time of year. These are tips intended to help you stay stable, focused and confident as you navigate the last weeks of the year.

Today's episode is in response to a recent question I got from a guy named JD. Basically, his wife is doing things that he feels are truly unacceptable, so his fear is that continuing to forgive her will simply enable her bad behavior.

I love this question because it highlights two important concepts that often come into play during separation:

Forgiveness and boundaries.

How do these two concepts coexist? Should you continue forgiving your wife even when she's breaking the boundaries of the relationship?

Throughout the episode, we'll look at what forgiveness and proper boundaries each do in a relationship, and then I'll tell you my answer to JD's question and the best way for YOU to show your wife strength when she continues doing things that are unacceptable.

Today we're answering three reader-submitted questions:

• Question #1 - How do you have an open and honest conversation with your wife while you're separated?
• Question #2 - If you were the one to have an affair, do you do anything different to try and get your wife back?
• Question #3 - If your wife starts warming up to you AFTER you've stopped saying 'I love you', should you start trying to be affectionate again?

Since each of these questions were submitted by a Husband Help Haven subscriber, you'll be hearing the real problems other men are having in their marriage, as well as the advice I give in each situation.

Today's episode is a little different. Instead of direct separation-related strategy, we're going to talk about two important reasons to do the hard, but good thing in your marriage.

Most HHH readers / listeners can identify with doing the hard, but good thing. After all, being the only one to fight for your marriage is exactly that.

When you do the right thing, the good thing, when the outcome isn't guaranteed, when even recognition for trying isn't guaranteed... Is it worth it? In this episode, I give two reasons why I say yes.

Trust is something we've talked a lot about on Husband Help Haven, and for good reason. It is a prerequisite that must be in place before you can rebuild romantic love with your wife.

In today's episode, we're going to talk more in-depth about what exactly trust means in a relationship and what elements of trust may be missing or damaged in YOUR relationship.

Then, we'll talk about three unconventional - but powerful - ways you can look to rebuild trust with a separated wife, even when things are distant and even when she is adamant about not coming back to the marriage.

How do you endure a separation that drags on for months on end?

In today's episode, I'm sharing the 5 most common reminders that I give to men who are in long-lasting separations.

• For example, how do you keep the ball rolling once the relationship starts to improve?
• How do you handle a wife that keeps bringing up divorce, but still hasn't filed?
• How do you stay stable and consistent through the chaos of separation?

Spoiler alert, these are the things that you probably already know, or that already make sense to you, but they are easy to forget as the separation drags on and new challenges arise.

So, if you want some extra encouragement as you navigate the ups and downs of waiting for your wife to figure out what she wants, this episode is for you. And make sure you listen to the end for a special announcement!