What if the marriage you’re living is the exact marriage you deserve? I know—sounds harsh, right? But hang with me. In over ten years of coaching men through separation, I’ve learned that treating this “what-if” as true is the quickest way to spotlight the blind spots you're contributing to the breakdown of the relationship.

Go to https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-26 for a full episode overview.

00:00 Introduction  00:20 You Get The Marriage You Deserve... Sort of 01:00 Key to Uncovering Blind Spots 03:44 How to Use this "What If" 04:29 Am I Too Harsh on Husbands? 05:42 Why You Should Want This To Be True 08:17 Addressing The Peace Keepers 12:10 The Danger of Peacekeeping 14:22 Key Takeaways 16:11 If you remember one thing... 17:33 Moving Forward With Self-Awareness

“Stephen… isn’t that a little harsh?”

Yes, and it’s meant to jolt us awake. I’m not saying you deserve pain or betrayal. I’m asking you to imagine you might be a bigger part of the problem than you realize. I often see two typical reactions to this statement:

1. “Nope, not me!” → usually indicates pride, unwillingness to self-examine.
2. “Okay… maybe.” → usually indicates humility, openness to learn, far easier to coach.

The question forces healthy self-interrogation:

“What would I need to be blind to for this to be true?”

Why You Should Want This To Be True

• You have more power than you think – If your habits helped create the mess, your new habits can help clean it up.
• Divorce ≠ Automatic Fix – You can’t divorce yourself. Growth—not escape—is the thing that brings lasting change.
• Pride Shattered, Humility Unleashed – Humility and marital satisfaction rise (or fall) together. Most lessons in this series seek to help you do one of three things: Set aside ego, Consider your wife’s experience, Proactively do better—because there is better to do.

Big Takeaways You’ll Hear

• It’s not literally true you always get exactly what you deserve—but acting as if can uncover life-changing blind spots.
• Every marriage contains two flawed humans carrying baggage and ignorance. When those go unexamined, dissatisfaction skyrockets.
• “You don’t have a ceiling—you do have blind spots.” Deny that, and your best-possible marriage stays out of reach.