The Dad Edge Podcast

Justin Pickering spent nearly two decades in U.S. Army Special Forces, retiring as a Green Beret Sergeant Major with the 7th Special Forces Group, earning a Purple Heart and five Bronze Stars along the way. He's now an entrepreneur, real estate investor, and author of The Deliberate Mindset, a book built from his own collapse and recovery after coming home from his final deployment.

In this episode, Justin joins Larry to talk about the moment his youngest son didn't recognize him after his final deployment, the flashback that sent him to check himself into a psychological care program, and the five pillars he built to rebuild his marriage and fatherhood from the ground up.

[2:12] Larry opens with the moment Justin's youngest son, then five years old, looked at him after his final deployment and asked, "Who are you?"

[5:34] Justin's middle son, seven at the time, tells him he wishes he had died overseas after a week of nonstop new discipline at home.

[8:25] Justin describes why combat felt peaceful to him: one task, one standard, and a clear drill for every threat.

[11:40] Justin shares that he was depressed, medicated, and losing friends to suicide, and started wondering if he'd be the next statistic.

[13:05] Justin explains how watching elite Green Berets take their own lives led him to build the blueprint that became his book.

[15:06] Larry formally introduces Justin's record: two decades in Army Special Forces, a Green Beret Sergeant Major, a Purple Heart, and five Bronze Stars.

[20:47] Justin begins the story of his breaking point, a 30 day span that changed everything.

[22:51] During a disagreement on the family farm, Justin has a flashback and mistakes his 12 year old son for a disrespectful Afghan elder.

[24:44] Justin drives himself straight to base afterward and checks into the psychological performance program.

[25:05] Justin initially refuses medication, having watched his mother's lifelong struggle with pill addiction end in her death.

[25:59] Blood work reveals extremely high cortisol levels, explaining why Justin was constantly on edge after multiple deployments.

[27:26] Justin introduces the five pillars behind his recovery: gratitude, framing and reframing, controlling the controllable, action over perfection, and the power of words and thoughts.

[27:45] Justin admits he later stopped his medication cold turkey without telling his wife or his doctor, a decision he's explicit about not recommending to anyone else.

[35:04] Justin shares how reframing "I have to" into "I get to" changed his relationship with his kids, starting with school drop off.

[1:02:57] Justin tells the story of a blown trailer tire on the drive home from Florida, and how his new mindset replaced "Pickering luck" with gratitude.

[1:07:05] Justin shares where to find his book, his business, and his weekly newsletter, The Sunday Compass.

1. Coming home can be its own deployment. Justin says combat felt simpler than fatherhood because it had clear tasks and standards. Reentry doesn't come with a manual, and that gap is where a lot of men get lost.
2. Watch for the moment you stop feeling anything at all. Justin describes years on medication where he wasn't angry, but he also wasn't happy, sad, or anything else. Numb is not the same as healed.
3. The five pillars are simple on purpose: gratitude, reframing, controlling the controllable, action over perfection, and watching your words. None of them are new. What matters is actually doing them.
4. A single word swap can change a relationship. Justin changed "I have to take the kids to school" to "I get to take the kids to school," and silent car rides turned into conversations his kids will remember for decades.
5. Never stop medication or change a treatment plan without your doctor. Justin is explicit that going cold turkey off his prescription without telling his wife or his doctor was the wrong way to do it, even though it worked out for him.

• The Deliberate Mindset: https://www.amazon.com/Deliberate-Mindset-Overthinking-Resilience-Intentional/dp/B0GXMTCWSX
• The Deliberate Blueprint: https://deliberateblueprint.com
• Find Justin on Facebook/Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/justin.pickering.927/, https://www.instagram.com/thedeliberateblueprint/
• Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
• Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1539

Justin's story is proof that the strongest men still break, and that breaking isn't the end of the story. The dad who once told his own son "I'm going to have to defend myself" is the same dad now driving his kids to school and calling it a gift instead of a chore. If anything in this episode hit close to home, whether it's PTSD, a mental health crisis, or the loss of someone to suicide, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) is there any time you need to talk to someone. Go out and live legendary.

John R. Miles is a Naval Academy graduate, combat veteran, and former Fortune 500 executive who went on to found Passion Struck and write Passion Struck and the upcoming The Mattering Effect: Creating a Life of Meaning and Worth, a Next Big Idea Club selection curated by Susan Cain, Malcolm Gladwell, Daniel Pink, and Adam Grant.

In this episode, John joins Larry to talk about what he calls "the slow fade," the quiet erosion that happens when a man's sense of worth gets tied entirely to what he produces. He shares the story of walking in on an armed intruder in his own home, the friend's suicide that reshaped his life, and the two questions he believes every man should be asking himself about whether he feels valued and who he surrounds himself with.

[1:02] Larry introduces John's resume: Naval Academy, combat veteran, Booz Allen, Arthur Andersen, Fortune 500 C-suite roles, and multiple CEO positions.

[3:24] Larry names the turning point in John's story: reaching a state he calls "quiet desperation" despite external success.

[4:14] Larry introduces John's current work as founder of Passion Struck, bestselling author, and podcast host.

[8:10] John explains how a stalled FBI application during a government budget standoff pushed him into Booz Allen and management consulting instead.

[13:24] A chance conversation at a conference leads John to a $5 million contract building flight simulation training for Navy and Marine Corps pilots.

[20:12] John describes hitting a breaking point as an EVP at Catalina Marketing, facing a $100 million problem with a fraction of that in funding.

[22:48] John defines "the slow fade," the concept from his book describing how people quietly disappear from their own lives.

[27:53] John recounts walking in on an armed intruder inside his home shortly after his divorce.

[28:58] Three days after that break-in, a close friend died by suicide, a turning point that led John to start Passion Struck.

[38:07] John breaks down the structure of The Mattering Effect: the first three chapters diagnose the problem, the rest offers a way back.

[39:30] John explains the difference between global and specific self-esteem, and why success in one area of life doesn't guarantee feeling valued in another.

[41:28] John cites Cornell regret research and Bronnie Ware's hospice work: most people's biggest regret is never becoming who they wanted to be.

[47:20] John shares the two questions he thinks every man should ask: are you feeling valued, and are you adding value?

[49:40] John introduces "the Mosquito Principle," his framework for identifying and setting boundaries with draining people.

[57:15] John shares where to find his book, his coaching, and the Passion Struck podcast.

1. Success and feeling valued are two different things. You can check every external box, title, income, achievements, and still feel like you're disappearing, because self-esteem in one area of life doesn't transfer to the areas that matter most.
2. Watch for "the slow fade." Nobody wakes up one day and decides to disappear from their own life. It happens gradually, through years of being useful without being seen, until you don't feel as alive as you used to.
3. Ask yourself two questions regularly: are you feeling valued, and are you adding value? Most high-performing men are excellent at the second and starving for the first.
4. Identify the "mosquitoes" in your life, the people who quietly drain you, and set boundaries with them. You don't have to keep environments or relationships that only take.
5. What you don't deal with gets passed down. John's own kids noticed his emotional absence before he did. If you're checked out, your children see it as their mirror, whether you realize it or not.

• The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com
• Passion Struck: https://passionstruck.com
• John R. Miles: https://johnrmiles.com
• Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1537

John's story is a gut check for any man who's been rewarded for being useful while quietly disappearing on the inside. The moment his own son asked him why he never laughed anymore says more than any resume ever could. If this episode brought up something heavier for you, you don't have to carry it alone. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) is available any time you need to talk to someone. Go out and live legendary.

Chris Schuett is a Brooklyn dad of two, the COO of Little Cinema, and the author of You Are Now the CFO of a Very Small Family, where he writes about what he calls "the financial drift," the slow, unintentional neglect of a family's financial foundation. He's also the writer behind the New Family CFO newsletter, sharing what he's learned building his own financial system from scratch.

In this episode, Chris joins Larry to unpack why dads put off wills, life insurance, and college savings until "later" quietly becomes years, how to talk to your spouse about money without triggering a fight, and why identifying your family's core values makes financial decisions dramatically easier. Larry also shares the story of paying off $95,000 in debt in five years, and how it nearly sent his wife into a grocery store panic because he never looped her in.

[1:02] Chris joins from Brooklyn and the two swap hometown food takes, landing on Texas barbecue over Chicago pizza.

[9:32] Larry introduces Chris as the author of You Are Now the CFO of a Very Small Family and writer of the New Family CFO newsletter.

[11:12] Larry names the concept at the heart of the episode: "the financial drift," the slow neglect that turns one exhausted night into years.

[13:25] Chris defines the financial drift and traces it back to writing his book after three years of getting his own finances in order.

[15:32] Chris explains the drift isn't laziness. Urgent daily tasks always beat important but invisible ones like a will or life insurance.

[16:18] Chris and Larry compare notes on never being taught personal finance in school, only learning it later through trial and error.

[19:36] Chris describes texting a finance-industry friend at 4 or 5 a.m. to ask the "ignorant" money questions he was embarrassed to ask anyone else.

[27:08] Larry shares paying off $95,000 in debt in five years using Dave Ramsey's method, without looping his wife in on the plan first.

[28:17] Larry's wife is left with $150 in checking and no idea why, a story he uses to show what happens when money isn't communicated.

[29:31] Chris says the worst way to start a money conversation is pulling up bank statements. Start with feelings first, numbers second.

[36:16] Chris describes helping a friend buy his first property by focusing on the friend's goals instead of comparing income or net worth.

[40:07] Chris and Larry connect financial decisions to a shared vision, and how couples often never actually align on what that vision is.

[54:14] Chris walks through his family's core values (connection, environment, adventure) and how they make spending decisions almost automatic.

[1:01:37] Chris points listeners to the New Family CFO Substack and his book, available on Amazon in Kindle and paperback.

1. The financial drift happens to almost every dad. It's not that you're ignoring your family's finances on purpose, it's that urgent daily tasks always crowd out the important but invisible ones, like a will or life insurance, until years have quietly gone by.
2. Don't open a money conversation with bank statements. Start by asking your spouse how they're feeling about your finances first. Leading with numbers turns the conversation into an audit, and audits start fights.
3. You only have two ways to create more money in your life: increase your income or decrease your expenses. Once you accept that, you can stop guessing and start deciding where your finite balance actually goes.
4. Know your family's core values before you make big financial calls. When Chris and his wife identified connection, environment, and adventure as theirs, spending on travel and family time stopped feeling like a debate.
5. Paying off debt in secret isn't a win if your spouse doesn't know the plan. Larry paid off $95,000 in five years, but he also left his wife staring at $150 in checking with no explanation. Communication has to come before the strategy.

• You Are Now the CFO of a Very Small Family: https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Very-Small-Family/dp/B0H2G1NVZM
• New Family CFO: https://newfamilycfo.substack.com
• Little Cinema: https://www.littlecinema.net
• The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey: https://store.ramseysolutions.com/money/books/the-total-money-makeover-by-dave-ramsey/
• The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-That-Lasts/dp/1594153515
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1536

Chris's story about paying off debt without ever looping his wife in, and the panic she felt staring at $150 in the checking account, is a reminder that a good financial plan means nothing if your spouse isn't part of it. The real work isn't the spreadsheet, it's the conversation that happens before you ever open one. Start with how you're both feeling about money, get clear on your family's core values, and let those values point you toward your vision instead of chasing whatever the Joneses bought this week. Go out and live legendary.

Michael Lassman had millions of dollars, a successful Wall Street career, and by every outward measure had made it. Then alcoholism took nearly all of it away. In this deeply honest conversation, Michael walks Larry through his descent, his years long estrangement from his children, and the long road back through a twelve step program, faith, and eventually writing two books about what he learned along the way.

What makes this conversation land so hard is how much Larry opens up in return. He shares a recent, still raw season of using alcohol to cope with his oldest son leaving home, and the moment his own ten year old son called it out. He also shares his mother's decades long struggle with alcoholism and the hard boundaries he has had to set to protect his own family. If you have ever used something, anything, to numb a feeling you did not want to sit with, this conversation offers real, hard won language for that struggle and a path through it.

Timeline Summary

1:01 Michael shares the statistic that started this conversation. Most people report their life feels meaningless

2:08 Michael's descent in 2011. From a successful Wall Street career to living in a cheap motel

3:12 Michael shares contemplating suicide during his lowest point

4:07 The night police broke down his motel door, believing he was dead

6:14 How Michael went from millions of dollars to near total loss over several years

7:10 The year his children refused to speak to him, and what led to that breaking point

11:40 The story of his son reaching out after a friend's father died unexpectedly

12:39 A full introduction to Michael. A four decade career, multiple businesses, and two books

17:03 Michael reflects on what he would say to the version of himself at his lowest point

22:53 Introducing the spiritual malady, and why addiction is ultimately a comfort problem

25:43 A client's story. Four years free from pornography addiction and now helping other men

26:51 Naming the common thread behind every vice. It is never really about the substance itself

29:04 Michael's story of nearly relapsing at a bus station six months after leaving treatment, and the three step formula that stopped him

32:35 Larry shares his own recent struggle using alcohol to cope with his son leaving home

37:44 Larry's decision to stop drinking for the rest of the year, and how it has felt so far

40:00 Referencing this as episode 1535, and Michael sharing what led him to write about allowing God to remove his character defects

41:31 Breaking down the resentment inventory process from the twelve steps

44:53 Understanding surrender as the paradox at the center of recovery

48:33 Michael's reconciliation with his ex-wife after she read his memoir in full

52:12 An update on Michael's now adult son and daughter, and the state of those relationships today

55:52 Larry shares his own mother's decades long struggle with alcoholism

56:59 The specific incident that led Larry to set a hard boundary with his mother

59:04 Larry reflects on forgiveness without full reconciliation

1:00:23 The danger of family members unintentionally enabling an addict, and the value of Al Anon

1:01:06 Michael's closing message on finding purpose at the intersection of your values, gifts, and hardest experiences

1:04:07 Where to find Michael and his books

Five Key Takeaways

1. Addiction is rarely about the substance itself. It is almost always an attempt to escape discomfort, whether that discomfort is anxiety, sadness, resentment, or grief.
2. A simple three step practice can interrupt a craving in the moment. Name the discomfort to God or a higher power, talk to someone about what you are actually feeling, and then look for someone else you can help.
3. Surrender is not weakness. Trying to control or white knuckle your way through a painful season often makes the struggle worse, while genuinely letting go can be the thing that finally creates real change.
4. Reconciliation and forgiveness are not the same thing. You can forgive someone fully while still choosing not to reconcile or reopen a relationship that is not safe for your family.
5. Noticing a pattern early, even a small one, matters. A comment from a child or a spouse can be the signal that something you thought was harmless is actually a way of avoiding a feeling you have not dealt with yet.

Links and Resources

• Killing Mr. Hyde by Michael Lassman: https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Mr-Hyde-Michael-Lassman/dp/1942451024
• Modern Man's Search for Meaning by Michael Lassman: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H1MJ22XN
• Michael Lassman: https://www.michael-lassman.com/
• The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1535

Closing

If any part of this conversation felt close to home, whether it is your own relationship with alcohol, a parent's addiction, or a season of using something to avoid a feeling you have not faced yet, please know you are not alone, and help is available. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous and Al Anon are both free, widely available resources. If you are having thoughts of suicide, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available 24 hours a day by calling or texting 988. Go out and live legendary.

This week's Wednesday Q&A tackles a single question, but it's one that touches a lot of co-parenting dads. A member named Mike wrote in about a genuinely tricky situation. His ex-wife coaches their daughter's softball team and wants her fully involved, but Mike is also trying to build his own relationship with his daughter through something they both love, jiu jitsu. The two schedules keep colliding, and Mike is left wondering how much effort he should really be putting into supporting an activity that's eating into his own time with her.

Joe took the lead on this one, drawing from his own experience raising five kids across multiple co-parenting relationships. His core message was simple but hard to live out. Stop asking what's convenient for you and start asking what's genuinely best for your daughter, and never let your kids feel like they have to be the peacekeepers in a situation adults created. Larry tied it together with a reference to a past guest, Gary Chapman, and a lesser known book of his built specifically for blended families. If you're navigating co-parenting tension of your own, this conversation offers real, hard won perspective rather than easy answers.

Timeline Summary

1:01 Introducing today's single question format and Joe joining from a borrowed candy shop closet

3:21 Mike's question. Balancing his daughter's softball commitment, coached by his ex-wife, against their own jiu jitsu time together

4:24 Joe's own co-parenting background. Three prior marriages, five kids, and blended families from every angle

6:41 Larry announces a rare, small group preview of the Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood

8:38 Joe's first question back to Mike. What does his daughter actually want, not what either parent wants for her

11:38 Naming the trap of projecting our own wants and needs onto our kids instead of putting theirs first

13:52 Joe's underlying philosophy. Every co-parenting decision is a chance to build partnership and trust for the years ahead

14:16 Larry announces the first ever Dad Edge Day with the Arizona Cardinals, November 15th

16:39 Joe reflects on his own childhood as a blended family kid caught in the middle

18:24 Naming the difference between being a peacekeeper and a peacemaker

19:23 The scriptural reframe. Blessed are the peacemakers, not the peacekeepers

21:04 Larry shares his own childhood memory of physically stepping between fighting parents

22:07 Mike reflects on what he's taking away from the conversation

23:20 Joe's honest admission that co-parenting wisdom came through years of trial and error

24:44 The long term payoff. Joe's grown kids now raising strong, peaceful families of their own

25:28 Larry introduces Gary Chapman's book on blended families and the five love languages

26:33 Closing reminders about the Boardroom Brotherhood preview and the Arizona Cardinals game

Five Key Takeaways

1. Put your child's actual wants and needs ahead of your own convenience or resentment. Kids can tell the difference between a parent who is genuinely supportive and one who is just tolerating an obligation.
2. Kids in co-parenting situations often quietly take on the role of peacekeeper, trying to manage tension between the adults around them. Naming that pressure and removing it from their shoulders is one of the most protective things a parent can do.
3. There is a real difference between keeping the peace and making peace. Peacekeeping is passive and avoids conflict. Peacemaking means actively confronting hard conversations for the sake of the whole family.
4. Building trust with a difficult co-parent takes years of trial and error, including plenty of failed attempts. The goal is not a quick fix, it is a foundation that will matter even more once your kids reach their teenage years.
5. The work you put into peaceful co-parenting now can shape your children's own future marriages and families, long after the original conflict is resolved.

Links and Resources

• Building Love Together in Blended Families by Gary Chapman and Ron L. Deal: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WJ1DFT6?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback
• The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood Preview: https://thedadedge.com/guest
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1534

Closing

If you take one thing from this episode, let it be Joe's line that peacemaking means dying to your own wants for the sake of your kids. It is not easy, and it will not happen overnight, but the payoff, watching your own children grow up to build peaceful families of their own, is worth every bit of the work. Go out and live legendary.

David Gerber opens this episode with a story that stops you in your tracks: a wild lioness charging at 50 miles an hour, stopping just six feet from him, in the African wilderness where he spends weeks each year tracking lions on foot, not to hunt them, but to experience a level of presence and aliveness he says he's never found anywhere else. David is an executive coach at Novus Global who works with pro athletes, CEOs, and high performers, but the real heart of this conversation is what led him there: a divorce five and a half years ago that broke him open and led to a genuinely dark period in his life, one he's candid about in detail.

We get into his framework for why so many successful, high-performing men quietly rate their own lives a "seven out of ten," comfortable enough to avoid change but never truly alive, and what it actually takes to break out of that pattern. David shares practical tools, including an exercise he calls "making friends with the worst case scenario" and his own process of writing a forgiveness letter to his ex-wife, alongside a genuinely moving exchange about his own complicated relationship with his father. If you've ever felt like you're winning at a life you secretly resent, this conversation offers a real, unflinching way through it.

Timeline Summary

[1:02] David's story of a wild lioness charging within six feet of him while tracking on foot in Africa

[9:47] Larry announces a rare, small-group preview of the Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood

[11:25] Why David has never seen anyone run from a charging lion, and how courage functions like an energy

[14:34] A full introduction to David: executive coach at Novus Global, author of "The Lion Is You"

[16:51] The origin of the book's title and David's lifelong fascination with lions

[17:41] David shares a period of significant suicidal ideation following his divorce

[22:33] Unpacking what made the divorce and its aftermath so difficult for him personally

[23:47] David shares taking a hair loss medication around the time of his divorce and its effect on him

[26:43] Larry announces the first-ever Dad Edge Day with the Arizona Cardinals, November 15th

[29:33] Introducing "the drift," and why winning at a resented life is more dangerous than failing

[36:15] The "1 to 10 scale" most people rate their lives on, and why most land on a comfortable seven

[36:36] The story of "Mike," who sold his company for $42.4 million and still felt unfulfilled

[38:19] The question Mike's wife asked him that changed everything: "does this mean you can have donuts with dad at school?"

[41:11] What actually calls a man to change without a crisis forcing his hand

[46:11] The exercise of identifying what's blocking you from being present

[50:35] David's "making friends with the worst case scenario" exercise

[53:11] Why David now considers his divorce the best thing that ever happened to him

[54:36] The forgiveness letter David wrote to his ex-wife, and what writing it did for him

[57:31] Larry shares his own story of reconciling with his biological father after years apart

[59:02] Larry's son Mason asks how Larry was able to forgive his own father

[1:01:05] David's closing message: find the people closest to you and ask if you need to do deeper work

[1:04:09] Where to find David and his book

Five Key Takeaways

1. The most dangerous thing for a high performer often isn't failure, it's winning at a life they secretly resent. Many successful people rate their own lives a comfortable seven out of ten, good enough to avoid real change.
2. A crisis isn't the only thing that can call someone toward a better life. Getting honest about what you deeply want, and don't currently have, can spark the same shift without requiring rock bottom first.
3. "Making friends with the worst case scenario" means imagining the thing you fear most happening, and recognizing that even then, you'd likely find a way through it, and possibly grow because of it rather than in spite of it.
4. Forgiveness doesn't require the other person's response or validation. Writing something down and releasing resentment can restore your own integrity and peace, whether or not it changes the relationship itself.
5. True presence requires doing real inner work, understanding your nervous system and emotional patterns, not just deciding to "be more present" as an abstract intention.

Links & Resources

• The Lion Is You: Lessons from the Wild on Coming Alive Again by David Gerber: https://www.amazon.com/Lion-You-Lessons-Coming-Alive/dp/1971795003
• David Gerber: https://www.davidagerber.com
• David Gerber on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/davidgerber
• Novus Global: https://novus.global/
• The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood Preview: https://thedadedge.com/guest
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1533

Closing

What's staying with me from this conversation is David's line that the most dangerous life isn't the one that fails, it's the one you win at while secretly resenting it. If you're sitting at a comfortable seven right now, wondering if that's just what life is supposed to feel like, let this be the nudge to ask what you actually, deeply want. And if you're in a season that feels much darker than a seven, please don't carry that alone. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 by calling or texting 988. Go out and live legendary.

I opened this episode by asking Kaseena Birnbaum about something I'd heard her talk about online: the 72 hour rule, a simple commitment she and her husband made years ago to never go more than three days without prioritizing physical intimacy in some form. What made this conversation different from a lot of marriage talks I've had is how honest Kaseena was about how hard that was for her to actually implement, even though it ended up being, in her words, the single thing that changed their entire marriage.

We got into what was really underneath her own resistance early on: unaddressed resentment, unspoken expectations, and a cultural upbringing that made talking openly about sex feel shameful. Kaseena shared the exact moment her husband finally understood that her "no" wasn't rejection of him, just exhaustion in that moment, and how that reframe changed everything for both of them. We also talked through the small, everyday behaviors, being observant, following through on your word, creating emotional safety, that build the kind of trust and attraction that makes physical connection feel natural instead of like an obligation.

Timeline Summary

[1:02] Kaseena's unusual name and a lighthearted detour into the pressure of naming your own kids

[3:49] Introducing the 72 hour rule and what changed after Kaseena and her husband started following it

[6:20] Why implementing the rule was far harder for Kaseena than she expected

[9:21] A full introduction to Kaseena: marriage coach, content creator, and mother of two

[10:06] Resentment as "the polyp," and why it quietly grows until it becomes something much bigger

[11:26] Unpacking unspoken and unmet expectations as the root of most disconnection

[16:12] Larry announces the first-ever Dad Edge Day with the Arizona Cardinals, November 15th

[16:49] Naming an expectation your spouse never actually agreed to isn't really their failure

[17:51] The Instagram story that resonated with Larry: flirting all day, then feeling "smoked" by evening

[19:53] Understanding the "baby mode" reaction men fall into after being turned down

[24:03] The moment Kaseena's husband learned that her "no" wasn't rejection, just exhaustion

[25:48] What specific behaviors outside the bedroom actually build attraction and trust

[29:06] Larry announces a rare, small-group preview of the Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood

[31:05] Getting curious instead of triggered when your spouse is having an off day

[34:23] The two or three things Kaseena hears most often from clients in crisis

[37:35] How Kaseena coaches couples: identifying the one shift that will move the needle fastest

[41:13] Why small, consistent follow-through matters more than big romantic gestures

[42:19] The grocery list example: how small broken promises quietly erode trust

[43:47] Why offering two specific options works better than an open-ended "what can I help you with"

[45:01] What Kaseena is most excited about next for her mission and message

[48:10] Where to find Kaseena and the 72 hour rule challenge

Five Key Takeaways

1. Resentment behaves like a polyp: not every instance turns into something serious, but nearly every serious breakdown started as an unaddressed resentment that was left to grow.
2. Most disconnection in a marriage traces back to expectations that were never actually communicated out loud. If your spouse doesn't know what you expect, you can't fairly hold them accountable for missing it.
3. A "no" to intimacy is often a no to the current moment, not a rejection of your spouse as a person. Understanding that distinction can remove years of unnecessary hurt and insecurity.
4. Trust is built or broken in small, ordinary moments, following through on what you said you'd do, being observant, noticing when something's off, far more than through grand gestures.
5. When your spouse is overwhelmed or triggered, respond with curiosity instead of reacting personally. Getting curious about what's really going on defuses conflict far faster than matching their energy.

Links & Resources

• Making Marriage Sexy: https://www.instagram.com/makingmarriagesexy
• The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1532
• The Dad Edge Boardroom Mastermind: https://thedadedge.com/guest

Closing

What's staying with me from this conversation is how simple Kaseena's reframe actually is: a no is usually a no to the moment, not a no to you. So much unnecessary hurt in a marriage comes from taking things personally that were never meant that way. Whether it's the 72 hour rule, addressing an expectation you've never said out loud, or just getting curious instead of defensive the next time your spouse is having a hard day, small, consistent shifts are what actually rebuild connection. Go out and live legendary.

This week's Alliance Q&A is one I think a lot of you will relate to, even if you've never said it out loud. A member named Eric brought a question on behalf of a close friend who's in a genuinely rough season with his marriage, arguments about a job, about help around the house, about who's doing enough for the kids. Rather than treat it as a surface-level scheduling problem, we spent this entire episode digging into what's actually happening underneath, because I've coached enough men to know the surface complaint is almost never the real issue.

We get into the real needs driving most marital conflict, why a woman needs to feel seen, heard, and safe, and why a man needs respect, appreciation, and physical affection, and what happens when both partners stop meeting those needs and start reacting to each other instead. I introduce the concept of the emotional bank account, a term I credit to researcher John Gottman, and share a personal example of learning the hard way that not all acts of service are created equal. We also talk through "nice guy syndrome" and its unattractive cousin, people-pleasing, and I introduce a book that's helped me completely reframe how I show up for Jessica: G.S. Youngblood's three-part framework of responding instead of reacting, leading with structure, and always providing safety.

Timeline Summary

[1:02] Introducing today's Alliance Q&A and the friend's marriage situation Eric is bringing forward

[2:24] The staggering statistic: only about 12% of married couples have a genuinely thriving marriage

[3:16] Eric lays out the surface-level arguments: the job, help around the house, time with the kids

[6:19] Establishing the marriage timeline and when things started to unravel

[8:16] Asking whether the job is really the issue, or just where the resentment gets pointed

[8:38] Larry announces the first-ever Dad Edge Day with the Arizona Cardinals, November 15th

[10:40] The real needs at play: seen, heard, and safe for her; respected, appreciated, and affection for him

[12:14] Whether he's actually meeting those needs, and the common trap of guessing instead of asking

[13:58] The reactive cycle: unmet needs on one side triggering unattractive behavior on the other

[15:09] Introducing the five love languages and why they aren't one-size-fits-all

[15:51] Introducing the emotional bank account and why not all acts of service move the needle

[16:09] Larry's own car wash story, and the moment he learned what actually mattered to his wife

[18:49] The question worth asking your spouse: what exactly is happening when you feel most loved

[21:41] Naming "nice guy syndrome" and the pattern of doing things with a hidden expectation attached

[23:22] Confirming he's a people pleaser, and why that trait is deeply unattractive to a woman

[23:48] Introducing G.S. Youngblood's book and its three-part framework for masculine leadership

[24:07] The first principle: respond, don't react

[24:26] The second principle: lead with structure instead of asking open-ended questions

[25:54] The third principle: always provide safety through calm, grounded tonality

[26:20] Wrapping up and reflecting on how these ideas apply directly to Eric's friend

[27:33] Reminders: Roommates to Soulmates starting September 16th, and the Business Boardroom Brotherhood preview

Five Key Takeaways

1. Surface-level arguments, about a job, about chores, are rarely the real issue. Almost always, there's an unmet need underneath that both partners are struggling to name directly.
2. A woman's core needs tend to center on feeling seen, heard, and safe. A man's core needs tend to center on respect, appreciation, and physical affection. When either side stops meeting those needs, both partners start reacting instead of connecting.
3. Not all acts of service are created equal. The emotional bank account concept means some gestures barely register while others, often smaller and more specific, become huge needle-movers. Ask your spouse directly what actually makes them feel loved.
4. "Nice guy syndrome" and people-pleasing are deeply unattractive traits, not because kindness is bad, but because doing things with a hidden expectation attached (do this, then maybe she'll be nice to me) isn't genuine generosity.
5. A grounded, masculine approach to leadership in a relationship comes down to three things: responding instead of reacting, leading with structure instead of vague open-ended questions, and consistently providing emotional safety through your tone and presence.

Links & Resources

• The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman by G.S. Youngblood: https://www.amazon.com/Masculine-Relationship-Inspiring-Devotion-Woman/dp/1699443386
• The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1528
• The Dad Edge Boardroom Mastermind: https://thedadedge.com/guest

Closing

If you take one thing from this episode, let it be this: stop guessing at what your spouse needs and just ask. Eric's friend, like so many of us at some point, has been doing things with the hope that they'll move the needle, without ever finding out what actually would. Go ask your wife directly what she was doing, and what you were doing, the last time she felt most loved and connected to you, and then go do more of that. Go out and live legendary.

Baruch HaLevi opens this conversation with a statistic most listeners have never heard: every 13 minutes in America, a man dies by suicide, and men account for roughly 80% of all suicide deaths. For Baruch, this isn't abstract. He's lost family members to suicide across multiple generations, and he candidly shares that he himself came close to the same fate about a decade ago, during a period of profound identity loss after stepping away from 20 years as a rabbi.

Grounded in the work of Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, Baruch and Larry talk through what actually helps a man in genuine despair: finding a "why not," the specific reason to keep going, learning to sit with guilt without letting it curdle into shame, and the necessity of real, honest community instead of empty check-ins. Both men share their own history with suicidal crisis directly. If you or someone you love has ever been in a season that felt unbearable, this conversation offers a clear, compassionate way through it, but given the depth of what's discussed, please take care with how and when you engage with it.

Timeline Summary

[1:24] Introducing the statistic behind Baruch's mission: a man dies by suicide every 13 minutes in America

[2:41] Baruch shares that his father and grandmother both died by suicide, and that it's deeply personal to his work

[4:50] Larry and Baruch each share their own history of suicidal crisis

[7:07] Discovering Viktor Frankl's work as a turning point during his own darkest season

[11:11] Rebuilding identity from the ground up after stepping away from a lifelong profession

[12:22] A full introduction to Baruch: logotherapist, rabbi, author of "The Guy in the Glass"

[13:40] The origin of the book's title, tied to a poem given to Baruch by his grandfather

[16:21] Larry announces the first-ever Dad Edge Day with the Arizona Cardinals, November 15th

[18:24] Baruch reflects on why his father reached the point he did

[27:46] Introducing the concept of a "why not" as a foundation to keep living

[29:49] Discussing how the idea of "finding your why" has become diluted in modern culture

[31:19] Viktor Frankl's concept of self-transcendence: living for something beyond yourself

[36:50] Larry announces a rare, small-group preview of the Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood

[38:00] How genuine community changes the experience of shame and crisis

[41:11] Why hiding in isolation during a hard season is actually a disservice to others

[45:37] The loss of Baruch's closest friend, and the concept of "bearing witness" to another man's life

[47:45] Unpacking the phrase "shame dies in safe conversations," and the difference between guilt and shame

[49:53] Details on Baruch's book, his mission, and where to find his work

[51:37] What Baruch would say directly to a man in a moment of crisis

[53:24] Larry shares an important reframe he once heard from his own therapist

Five Key Takeaways

1. Finding a concrete "why not," a specific reason not to give up, can be as important as finding a broader life purpose when someone is in genuine crisis.
2. Guilt and shame are not the same thing. Guilt corrects behavior and can be redemptive; shame attacks a person's fundamental worth and has no redemptive value. Healthy communities make room for guilt and accountability without slipping into shame.
3. Self-transcendence, living for something or someone beyond yourself, is described as the deepest source of meaning available to a person, more foundational than personal happiness or self-actualization alone.
4. Withdrawing into isolation during a hard season doesn't protect the people who care about you, it deprives them of the chance to show up for you, and it removes the example of bravery that could help someone else going through the same thing.
5. Genuine connection, being truly seen and known by another person, is one of the most protective forces against despair. Real community requires honesty, not surface-level check-ins that accept "I'm fine" as a real answer.

Links & Resources

• Baruch HaLevi: https://bhalevi.com
• The Guy in the Glass by Baruch HaLevi: https://bhalevi.com
• The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Boardroom Mastermind: https://thedadedge.com/guest
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1530

Closing

If you are having thoughts of suicide, or you're worried about someone who might be, please don't wait. Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, every day. You are not a burden, and the people who love you would rather have you, in any season, than lose you. If you're not in crisis yourself but this episode brought something up for you, please talk to someone you trust, or a licensed therapist, today rather than carrying it alone.

John Sapiente never planned to become a charitable force in the veteran community, he just wanted to play golf with a celebrity at a charity gala. That single decision in 2013 led him to a life-changing weekend with military families, a friendship with Folds of Honor founder Lt. Col. Dan Rooney, and eventually the creation of Volition America, a lifestyle apparel brand that has raised over $2 million for veteran and first responder families by donating 13% of profits, a number tied to the 13 folds of the American flag.

In this conversation with Larry, John shares the origin story behind brand partnerships with Puma, Cobra Golf, and Luminox, the moment he surprised a wounded Navy SEAL with a custom Jeep on July 4th, and his approach to raising four kids while running two manufacturing companies and a nonprofit-adjacent brand. He's candid about the tradeoffs of building a business empire, protecting Mother's Day as sacred family time, and 30 years of weekly date nights with his wife. If you've ever wondered what it looks like to turn a single meaningful moment into a lasting mission, this episode is a direct look at how that actually happens.

Timeline Summary

[1:02] The 2013 charity golf event that sparked John's "patriotic awakening"

[4:58] Meeting wounded veterans and hearing taps played during a tournament, and the impact it had

[9:22] Becoming friends with Lt. Col. Dan Rooney, founder of Folds of Honor

[10:07] The origin of "volition" as a word and a brand philosophy: the power of choice

[12:31] A full introduction to John: founder of Volition America, raising over $2 million for veterans

[14:32] Raising a confident, self-sufficient daughter, and the values he prioritized as a father

[21:56] The family rule that sports never come before Mother's Day

[25:43] Referencing Dr. John Delony's take on travel sports ruining the family dinner table

[26:46] The mandatory Sunday family dinner tradition that started when the kids were young

[28:34] The family rule that every kid needs "a battle," something they're passionate about, one at a time

[29:19] A son's question about whether John was disappointed he chose band over sports

[31:10] Supporting a daughter who hated soccer but lit up when she found dance

[32:13] The father-son talent show plan built around a shared love of Michael Jackson

[34:01] Thirty years of marriage and the weekly date nights that started when their kids were young

[36:15] Why "if you have to think about your last date night, it's been too long"

[43:40] Introducing Volition America and the $2 million raised for Folds of Honor

[47:20] The story of surprising Navy SEAL Jeff Samuels with a custom Jeep on July 4th

[50:25] How brand partnerships with Puma, Cobra Golf, and Luminox actually came together

[53:21] Upcoming brand extensions: a cigar line with Gurkha and a new wine label

[55:55] Where to find Volition America and support the mission

Five Key Takeaways

1. A single moment of unexpected exposure, in John's case a charity golf outing, can become a life's mission if you stay open to what it reveals. He wasn't looking for a cause; the cause found him.
2. Kids need something they're passionate about, one thing at a time, not necessarily a sport. Supporting a child's actual interest, whether it's marching band or dance, builds more confidence than pushing them toward what you expected.
3. Protecting non-negotiable family time, like Mother's Day or a weekly date night, requires real boundaries. John's family skipped championship games that landed on Mother's Day because some things matter more than convenience.
4. You cannot build a major business while being a 50/50 present parent every single day. Real tradeoffs exist, and the goal is being genuinely present in the time you do have rather than pretending you can do everything equally.
5. Purpose-driven business partnerships can create value for everyone involved. Brand collaborations built around a genuine mission bring new audiences to both the cause and the partner brand, not just a marketing gimmick.

Links & Resources

• Volition America: https://volitionamerica.com
• Folds of Honor: https://foldsofhonor.org
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1529
• Roommates to Soulmates: http://thedadedge.com/soulmates
• The Board Room Mastermind: Guest Session: http://thedadedge.com/guest

Closing

What stays with me from this conversation is how one afternoon of golf, entered into for the wrong reasons, turned into a mission that's raised over $2 million for the families of fallen and disabled service members. John didn't set out to build a movement, he just stayed open to what that weekend showed him. Whether it's a cause, a kid's unexpected passion, or a weekly date night you've let slide, the same principle applies: show up for the thing in front of you, and let it become what it's going to become. Go out and live legendary.