The Dad Edge Podcast

This week I sat down with Steven Wolt, the founder of Valor Recovery, a virtual coaching program that helps men overcome pornography abuse and compulsive sexual behavior. Steven is a husband, father, and entrepreneur who spent decades fighting a private war with sexual addiction while looking successful on the outside. After hitting rock bottom in 2008, he rebuilt his life and now uses that story to help other men get free.

We went underneath the shame, the secrecy, and the promises of I'm done. Steven explained why willpower alone fails, why porn abuse is really an intimacy disorder, how a phone became his main tool for regulating emotions, and what recovery looks like through emotional regulation, community, and vulnerability. If you're a dad who has struggled in silence, or you want to break the cycle so your sons do not inherit it, this one is for you.

Timeline Summary

[1:02] Larry welcomes Steven Wolt and explains why porn recovery episodes get big downloads but few comments

[2:25] Larry shares his own origin story with pornography, starting at age nine

[4:09] Larry introduces Steven, the founder of Valor Recovery, and what dads will learn

[7:33] Steven's start in 1990s New York City, using porn to numb depression and loneliness

[9:07] How his use escalated, and the shame that came with a progression no one explained to him

[12:18] Hitting rock bottom in 2008 after losing his career and cycling through treatment centers

[19:40] Why porn abuse is an intimacy disorder and why the opposite of addiction is connection

[23:18] How shame feeds the belief "I am flawed" and keeps your life small

[26:59] The difference between porn use and porn abuse, and using it to regulate emotions

[28:21] Why it's not about willpower: the phone as a primary regulation tool and retraining the nervous system

[30:30] Three things a man must address: regulating emotions, finding root causes, and tolerating boredom

[36:16] How exercise and caring for yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually replace the need to escape

[44:59] A walk with the baby, with and without a phone, and why men need time away from screens

[50:24] Larry sits with his sadness over his first son leaving, and why emotions are neither good nor bad

[56:49] How men find the courage to go first with vulnerability, and why it creates a domino effect

[1:00:12] How Valor Recovery works as a 90 day coaching program led by men in long term recovery

Five Key Takeaways

1. Willpower alone doesn't fix porn abuse because it is a learned way to regulate emotions, so recovery means retraining your nervous system to handle urges, discomfort, and cravings.
2. Porn abuse is often an intimacy disorder, which means the opposite of addiction is connection, and very few men overcome it by white knuckling it alone.
3. Guilt says I did something wrong while shame says I am wrong, and moving past shame is what stops it from keeping your life small.
4. Learning to sit with boredom and uncomfortable emotions like sadness and loneliness, without reaching for your phone, is a key part of lasting recovery.
5. Caring for yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and being brave enough to be vulnerable with other men, builds a life you don't need to escape from.

Links & Resources

• Valor Recovery social media: https://www.facebook.com/ValorRecovery/, https://www.instagram.com/valorrecovery1/, https://www.linkedin.com/company/valor-recovery
• Valor Recovery: https://findyourvalor.com
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1545

Closing

Steven said the opposite of addiction is not recovery, it's connection, and I felt that when I admitted I'd been distracting myself with busyness instead of sitting with my sadness over my first son leaving for college. If you're struggling with this, you're in good company, and it's a battle none of us should fight in isolation. Reach out to a brother or to Valor this week, put your phone in another room, and let yourself be bored for a few minutes. Go out and live legendary.

This week I sat down with Dr. Diane Mueller, a board certified sexologist with doctorates in natural medicine and acupuncture and oriental medicine. She is the host of the Libido Lounge and a best selling author and international speaker who helps committed couples who went from passionate lovers to feeling like roommates. She looks at the whole picture, including hormones, stress, kids, menopause, communication, and life transitions.

We got honest about how easily intimacy slips off track, including my own sadness since our first son left the nest and the drinking habit I traced back to it. Dr. Mueller explained why new relationship energy fades after 6 to 18 months, the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, how novelty brings the spark back, and why talking about sex feels like such a threat. If you're a husband or dad who wants to stop settling for roommate status in your marriage and rebuild desire and connection, this one is for you.

Timeline Summary

[0:00] Introduction and the October Dad Edge Alliance promo

[3:01] Larry welcomes Dr. Diane Mueller of the Libido Lounge and asks how she got into this work

[4:24] Her story of how life gets couples off their intimate track and turns them into roommates

[8:42] What somatic experience means and why we escape uncomfortable feelings in the body

[11:32] Larry shares how sadness over his son leaving led him to drink more, and why he gave it up

[12:47] Breaking habits by asking "why am I doing this" and letting the ego take a back seat

[15:15] Larry introduces Dr. Mueller and the questions on roommate syndrome, desire, and kids

[17:04] Why new relationship energy lasts 6 to 18 months and how dopamine and novelty drive desire

[19:49] Why couples plan intimacy before moving in together, then expect it to happen on its own

[24:16] Spontaneous desire versus responsive desire and why the difference matters in marriage

[25:30] Why a partner with responsive desire needs 15 minutes to an hour of warm up

[27:32] Bringing novelty back with a yes, no, maybe checklist and a date night conversation

[30:14] How to set your partner up to respond well when you share something vulnerable

[33:01] Why talking about sex feels like a bigger threat than other conflicts

[35:07] Start by talking only about what's going right to help the nervous system feel safe

[40:30] The right next step for dads: start the conversation and don't put intimacy on autopilot

[43:17] Where to find Dr. Mueller's books, free resources, and social channels

Five Key Takeaways

1. The rush of new relationship energy lasts about 6 to 18 months, so when it fades it doesn't mean something is wrong with your marriage.
2. Spontaneous desire and responsive desire are different, and a partner with responsive desire often needs 15 minutes to an hour of warm up before the desire shows up.
3. Bring novelty back by going through a yes, no, maybe checklist on a date night, and tell your partner ahead of time how you want them to respond to what you share.
4. Conversations about sex feel like a bigger threat than other conflicts, so start by only talking about what's going right until both of you feel safe.
5. Intimacy can't run on autopilot any more than your health can, so ask what you're avoiding and take one small step toward talking about it.

Links & Resources

• Dr. Diane Mueller (My Libido Doc): https://mylibidodoc.com
• Want to Want It by Dr. Diane Mueller: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=want+to+want+it+diane+mueller
• Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
• Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1547

Closing

Dr. Mueller reminded me that the body doesn't lie, and when I admitted I'd been drinking more because I was sad about our son leaving, I saw how easily we avoid the feelings we don't want to face. Her challenge is simple: tell your wife what she does well, make it safe to talk, and don't let your marriage run on autopilot. Pick one thing you love about the way she connects with you and tell her this week. Go out and live legendary.

Bill Winchester is back on the show, and one word kept coming to mind as I read his story: builder. He started with backyard tree forts, married his high school sweetheart Christy at 21, raised three kids, and helped build the church his family worshiped in and the school his kids attended. Somewhere along the way he realized the most important thing he'd ever build was men, which led him to create the Dangerously Good Men rite of passage in Bend, Oregon, and Improving Grounds, where men gather around a fire on Saturday mornings.

We talked about raising sons in a digital world, why despair and loneliness are rising among men, and the difference between protecting your son and preparing him. Bill walked through the liminal space between boyhood and manhood, the six core values behind his framework, and the men of significance every young man needs in his corner. If you're a dad raising a boy who is nearing his teens and you want to send him into manhood supported instead of unprepared, this conversation is for you.

Timeline Summary

[1:01] Larry welcomes Bill Winchester back and asks about the rite of passage he created for his oldest son

[3:18] How Dangerously Good Men serves boys 12 to 15, and a father and son who came full circle after four years

[5:59] Larry introduces Bill: a builder, a father of three, and a man helping fathers lead sons into manhood

[9:22] Raising sons in a digital world, the despair among men, and living in 3D in a 2D world

[12:46] Why fathers must shift from protecting their sons to preparing them

[18:00] The liminal space: the threshold between boyhood and manhood

[19:53] How absent fathers, latchkey kids, and screens left young men unprepared

[22:34] Why anything that can give you everything can take it all away

[24:16] Turning the SOS into shared strength and building community before the crisis

[29:28] Six arrows, a shadow box, and the four year journey that ended in a college dorm room

[31:38] The six HEROIC core values: honorable, enterprising, responsible, original, intimate, and creative

[38:49] Men of significance: the letters five men write to a son, each tied to a core value

[40:36] Driving away from a college dorm knowing his son was prepared and not alone

[44:25] Why a boy needs other good men besides his dad, from grandfathers to coaches

[56:46] Why a deep installation process beats cramming, and why it is simple but not easy

[1:02:15] Where to find Bill's work and a free 90 minute call for registering for the January 2027 event

Key Takeaways

1. Shift from protecting your son to preparing him, because a boy who has only been protected steps into manhood empty handed.
2. Give your son a clear threshold between boyhood and manhood, because a graduation party alone doesn't tell him who he is becoming.
3. Recruit a small circle of trusted men who will write him letters and answer the phone at 3 a.m., because a boy listens differently to a man he respects.
4. Teach your son that his worth doesn't come from likes, followers, or screens, because anything that can give you everything can take it all away.
5. Build values deep over years instead of cramming them in a crisis, because what is bolted on quickly gets unbolted at the first challenge.

Links & Resources

• Dangerously Good Men (January 2027 event, use code FirstArrow for a free 90 minute coaching call): https://dangerouslygoodmen.com
• Improving Grounds: https://improvinggrounds.com
• Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
• Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1548

Closing

Bill told me about driving away from his oldest son's dorm room, knowing his boy had a quiver of arrows and a handful of men who would pick up the phone, and how that gave him peace he couldn't have gotten any other way. That's what I felt when I watched Mason walk through his own rite of passage, and it's why I'm bringing Lawson to Bill's January 2027 event. Whether you do it with a mountain hike, a weekend away, or a simple circle of men, don't leave your son's manhood to chance. Start by picking one man you trust and asking him to step in. Go out and live legendary.

Dr. Goran Jezic is a dual board certified physician practicing in Houston since 1996 who has focused on hair restoration for over a decade, with his team reporting more than 1 million hair grafts implanted. He personally conducts every consultation and specializes in the follicular unit extraction (FUE) method, working with everyday men as well as professional athletes, actors, and celebrities.

In this episode Larry and Dr. Jezic break down why men actually lose their hair, what finasteride and minoxidil really do (and their side effect profiles), and how modern FUE transplants compare to the older strip method and the "hair plugs" of the past. If you're a man noticing thinning or a receding hairline and you want straight answers on genetics, medications, and what's possible before your hairline is gone, this conversation is for you.

Timeline Summary

[1:01] – Larry welcomes Dr. Goran Jezic and frames the topic every man quietly thinks about: hair loss

[1:24] – Dr. Jezic on his father, a three time Olympian in water polo and PhD chemist who called fatherhood his proudest achievement

[4:22] – His dad's early passing from prostate cancer just shy of 74, and being inducted into the Water Polo Hall of Fame posthumously

[6:14] – The one standard his father held him to: integrity and "do the right thing when nobody's looking"

[9:07] – Larry's intro to Dr. Jezic's credentials, 1 million plus grafts, and hands-on consultations

[12:10] – Why high-performing dads often pressure their kids, and how Dr. Jezic's father chose "did you do your best?" instead

[20:11] – Larry reveals he had hair restoration surgery in 2012 and has zero regrets

[20:35] – The real cause of hair loss explained: androgenic alopecia, DHT, and genetically susceptible follicles

[22:43] – Busting the myth that baldness comes only from your mother's side of the family

[25:32] – Finasteride, DHT, and the small subset of men who get low-T side effects including depression and suicidal ideation

[28:21] – How minoxidil actually works, why it's different from finasteride, and the oral pill option

[33:36] – FUE versus the older strip (FUT) method, linear scarring, and why both beat the old hair plugs

[37:21] – What men are most worried about in consultations and the real psychological weight of hair loss

[40:04] – How TRT and testosterone optimization can accelerate hair loss in predisposed men

[45:11] – Dr. Jezic's closing message: free consultations, no stigma, and "you've got nothing to lose but more hair"

5 Key Takeaways

1. Hair Loss Is Genetic And Hormonal — Male pattern baldness is androgenic alopecia, driven by genetically susceptible follicles that react to the testosterone byproduct DHT. It's roughly a third of men by 30 and half by 50.
2. The Mother's Side Myth Is Mostly Myth — Baldness was once thought to be inherited only from the maternal line, but research now shows it's multifactorial, can come from either side, and can skip generations.
3. Finasteride Keeps, Minoxidil Grows — Finasteride blocks DHT to protect the hair you still have, while minoxidil lengthens the growth cycle to stimulate fuller hair. They work by completely different mechanisms and pair well together.
4. Know The Side Effect Profile — A small percentage of men on finasteride experience low-T type effects like low libido, mood changes, and in rare cases depression or suicidal ideation. It's uncommon but real and worth discussing with a doctor.
5. Modern Transplants Are Not Hair Plugs — Today's FUE method extracts individual follicles with no linear scar, minimal downtime, and natural-looking results, a far cry from the strip method and the obvious plugs of decades past.

Links & Resources

• Houston Hair Transplant Center — https://houstonhairtransplant.com
• Maxim Hair Restoration (Dr. Jezic is medical director) — https://maximhairrestoration.com
• The Dad Edge website and episode page — https://thedadedge.com/1552
• Join The Dad Edge Alliance — https://thedadedge.com/alliance

Enjoyed This Episode?

If you've ever stared at a clump of hair in the shower drain and wondered whether anything actually works, this conversation gives you the straight science without the Instagram hype. Share it with a friend who's been quietly battling the bald and wondering what his options really are. Follow The Dad Edge, and if the show's helped you, leave a rating and review so more dads can find it.

This week I sat down with Michael Bernoff, a human behavior expert with more than 20 years of study into communication, influence, and language. He's the founder of the Human Communications Institute and the author of Average Sucks, and he started as an average middle class Jersey kid who was told that certain things weren't for people like us. At 19 he discovered that communication is a skill you can learn, and at 21 he met his mentor Jim Rohn, whose success principles shaped decades of his work.

We got practical on the words we use with our kids, our wives, and ourselves when nobody is listening. Michael shared why saying it's hard keeps us stuck, why telling your kid you're proud of him might not be enough, how one phrase takes the pressure off any habit, and what your wife may really mean when she says you should know by now. If you're a dad or husband who wants to be more intentional about the language and communication patterns in your home, this one is for you.

Timeline Summary

[1:01] Larry welcomes Michael Bernoff and asks the story behind going by Mike versus Michael

[4:19] Larry introduces Michael: communication expert, founder of the Human Communications Institute, and author of Average Sucks

[9:17] Growing up with the "that's them, this is us" mindset, and why "how can I do that" beats "how does he do that"

[12:29] How wrestling legend Jake Herbert and Larry trade a daily gratitude text before 6 a.m.

[18:54] The psychology of communication: why words trigger a chemical reaction and performance is influence

[22:15] The reframe for kids: swap "it's hard" for "it's harder than you'd like it to be"

[25:39] Why "you should be proud of yourself" can land better than "I'm proud of you"

[29:24] Larry's story about praising a talented wrestler's wins instead of his work ethic

[31:30] Honor the effort, not the result: why "of course you did, that's the kind of person you are" works

[37:59] Why absolutes like every day create stress, and how "more often than not" makes habits doable

[43:40] What to say at night instead of "I'm exhausted": "I served a lot of people today"

[48:35] Sorting food into nutrition, entertainment, and addiction to change what you eat

[52:37] Marriage: why unspoken expectations lead to disappointment, and how to own your mistakes

[58:16] What "you should know by now" really means, and how to ask your wife for what you need

[1:00:35] Why your wife expects you to be great, and why it's okay she doesn't say it every day

[1:02:38] Closing message: it's up to dads to lead the change in how we communicate at home

Key Takeaways

1. Communication isn't about what you said, it's about what was heard, so speak to get the response you want instead of to sound right.
2. Teach your kids to say it's harder than they'd like it to be instead of it's hard, because that small change points the mind toward a solution.
3. Honor your kids' effort and who they're becoming instead of just the result, and help them feel proud of themselves so they don't need your approval to feel good.
4. Trade absolutes like every day for more often than not, and the pressure comes off while the habit sticks.
5. Say your expectations out loud to your wife, because unspoken expectations lead to disappointment, and you're not owed a particular response.

Links & Resources

• Michael Bernoff: https://michaelbernoff.com
• Average Sucks by Michael Bernoff: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=average+sucks+michael+bernoff
• Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
• Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1544

Closing

Michael said it isn't what you say that matters, it's how what you said was received, and I've been listening to my own words differently ever since. When I told him how I wished my wife would touch me more and she heard criticism, I saw exactly how quickly a good request turns into a defensive moment. Michael's challenge was simple: ask for what you want, don't expect a perfect response, and lead the way in how your family talks. Pick one phrase this week, maybe more often than not, and use it with your kids and your wife. Go out and live legendary.

Traver Boehm is back on the show for the third time, and I still remember his first story like it was yesterday. He's a former professional MMA fighter and bodyguard with a master's degree in traditional Chinese medicine, a hospice volunteer, more than 11 years sober, and the founder of the Uncivilized movement. He's the author of Today I Rise, Uncivilized, and 28 Days in Darkness, and he has now spent 77 days of his life in complete darkness, including 49 straight days in a dark room in Tuscany with no phone, no people, and no clock.

We talk about what it takes to stop running from yourself, the fragmentation I see in so many men, and the morning a phrase landed so hard that Traver dropped to his knees. We also get honest about suicide, why men need to pick up the phone, and what a relationship with yourself does for your marriage and your kids. If you're a dad who feels the drift of busyness and wonders who you really are underneath it, this conversation is for you.

Timeline Summary

[1:01] Larry welcomes Traver Boehm back for his third time on the show

[4:32] Larry introduces Traver: MMA fighter, bodyguard, hospice volunteer, 11 years sober, and 77 days in the dark

[6:01] How 2016 brought a lost pregnancy, a divorce, and a lost business, and the question of who he was as a man

[8:27] Fragmentation: the man everyone sees, the man his family sees, and the man nobody sees

[10:26] Why Traver felt called back into the dark after his father died

[11:49] The call about his cousin's death that pushed him to write his book and go back into darkness

[19:09] Terror and acceptance: why a true initiation has to carry the risk of a breakdown

[23:04] A message to men in dark times: pick up the phone, because we want you to reach out

[28:52] The mantra One Life, All In: why a man is meant to live one life, not a public, private, and secret one

[30:35] The morning a word came to him while pacing the dark mile and dropped him to his knees

[36:34] Day 45: the hardest morning of the 49 days, and the guide who sensed it from afar

[46:44] Walking out on day 49: the sunrise, birds, and tears after seven weeks without light

[50:20] Welcome back to reality: credit card fraud, a rough landing, and a year of reorganizing

[54:32] The core lesson: your relationship with yourself changes every other relationship

[57:13] Questions every father should answer, and why kids need a dad who knows himself

[1:00:52] Larry on human doing versus human being, and what he avoids with distraction

Key Takeaways

1. You don't have to wait for a crisis to ask who you are as a man, and one quiet hour with yourself is a good place to start.
2. Keeping the public, private, and secret versions of yourself apart drains your energy, and living one life gives it back.
3. If you're in a dark place, pick up the phone and tell someone, because the people who love you would rather hear from you than lose you.
4. Everything you build on top of a relationship with yourself is a bonus, and chasing success to fill that void never works.
5. Your kids get a better father when you can honestly answer what you want and whether this is the life you want to live.

Links & Resources

• 28 Days in Darkness by Traver Boehm: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=28+days+in+darkness
• Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
• Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1541

Closing

Traver said the most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves, and I've been asking myself those same questions ever since we stopped recording. I told him I can't sit still for 30 minutes, and that tells me I have some work to do on what I'm avoiding with distraction. So this week, take one hour, ask the man in the mirror how he's really doing, and ask your wife whether she's happy. And if you're in a dark place right now, call someone today. Go out and live legendary.

This week I talked with Sam Kelly, a mom of three, a master's-level art therapy counselor, and the creator of Little Cycle Breakers, about the mental load, the invisible, exhausting job of noticing everything that needs to be done in a house before anyone else even sees it. Sam spent over a year trying to get her husband to share that load the old way, more chore charts, more reminders, more managing, before she realized she was just teaching her own kids to wait for instructions too. That realization became "notice and do," the framework at the center of her brand new book, and the idea we spend most of this conversation digging into.

This one gets real, and it's not just for moms. Sam and I get into what dads are actually missing when it comes to invisible labor, why chore charts and reward systems tend to fail, how to teach a five-year-old to notice a full trash can without becoming "the manager" forever, and a section where I push her on how men and women can both actually feel heard instead of attacked when these conversations get hard. If you've ever felt like you're just waiting for the next assignment in your own house, or you're the one handing them out, this episode is for you.

Timeline Summary

[2:15] Sam and Larry discuss the hate she gets online whenever a post about partners goes viral, and how this is her first podcast interview with a man

[4:12] Larry reads Sam's full bio: her art therapy background, Little Cycle Breakers, and her new book, Notice and Do

[7:53] Sam explains which topics tend to trigger men the most, especially content about partners rather than kids

[9:20] Sam introduces the idea of a "mental privilege" gap between how men and women are culturally conditioned

[13:29] Larry shares a story about trying to recreate his wife's artwork, and admits he never learned "notice and do" growing up

[15:24] Sam points out couples spend roughly 1,500 hours preparing for a wedding and about three hours preparing for the marriage

[19:26] Larry asks how women can raise the mental load without it turning into an attack, and Sam reframes rage as desperation to be seen

[23:18] Larry raises the flip side, men who don't feel physically wanted, and Sam responds that women don't owe their partner sex, but both partners deserve to feel seen

[27:19] Sam cites the statistic that women still carry roughly 70 percent of a household's cognitive labor

[30:13] Larry shares his own "what can I help you with" habit and how he shifted to noticing and offering specific choices instead

[42:19] Sam walks through the "noticing walk," her core method for teaching kids what to notice room by room

[46:18] Larry has an on-air realization that he's never taken his own sons through a notice exercise in 20 years of fatherhood

[48:30] Sam shares her son's "carry the mental load" line in a public restroom, and a sixth grader's school "mental load" comment

[50:57] Sam explains the notice and do structure was built with her own neurodivergent, ADHD family in mind

[55:09] Sam and Larry compare how their own households divide bigger recurring responsibilities instead of splitting every task

[1:00:06] Sam shares where to find her on Instagram and how to get Notice and Do

Five Key Takeaways

1. The mental load is a whole-family issue, not just a partner issue, so kids need to learn it too, not just adults.
2. A woman's anger about the mental load is usually desperation to be seen, not an attack.
3. Notice and do beats chore charts because it teaches kids to spot what needs doing, not just complete a task on command.
4. Couples spend roughly 1,500 hours planning a wedding and about three planning the actual marriage.
5. Dividing bigger recurring responsibilities, instead of splitting every single task, takes the mental load off just one partner's plate.

Links & Resources

• Sam Kelly (Instagram): https://www.instagram.com/samkelly_world
• Notice and Do (Sam's book) on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0063460912
• Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
• Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1542

Closing Sam didn't let either of us off easy in this one, and that's exactly why it mattered. The moment that's going to stick with me is admitting on air that I've been a dad for 20 years and never once walked my own boys through a notice exercise, something as simple as pointing at a trash can and saying "here's the line." If this conversation made you want to stop managing your house and start teaching it, go take your own kids on a noticing walk this week. Go out and live legendary.

Traver Boehm is back on the show for the third time, and I still remember his first story like it was yesterday. He's a former professional MMA fighter and bodyguard with a master's degree in traditional Chinese medicine, a hospice volunteer, more than 11 years sober, and the founder of the Uncivilized movement. He's the author of Today I Rise, Uncivilized, and 28 Days in Darkness, and he has now spent 77 days of his life in complete darkness, including 49 straight days in a dark room in Tuscany with no phone, no people, and no clock.

We talk about what it takes to stop running from yourself, the fragmentation I see in so many men, and the morning a phrase landed so hard that Traver dropped to his knees. We also get honest about suicide, why men need to pick up the phone, and what a relationship with yourself does for your marriage and your kids. If you're a dad who feels the drift of busyness and wonders who you really are underneath it, this conversation is for you.

Timeline Summary

[1:01] Larry welcomes Traver Boehm back for his third time on the show

[4:32] Larry introduces Traver: MMA fighter, bodyguard, hospice volunteer, 11 years sober, and 77 days in the dark

[6:01] How 2016 brought a lost pregnancy, a divorce, and a lost business, and the question of who he was as a man

[8:27] Fragmentation: the man everyone sees, the man his family sees, and the man nobody sees

[10:26] Why Traver felt called back into the dark after his father died

[11:49] The call about his cousin's death that pushed him to write his book and go back into darkness

[19:09] Terror and acceptance: why a true initiation has to carry the risk of a breakdown

[23:04] A message to men in dark times: pick up the phone, because we want you to reach out

[28:52] The mantra One Life, All In: why a man is meant to live one life, not a public, private, and secret one

[30:35] The morning a word came to him while pacing the dark mile and dropped him to his knees

[36:34] Day 45: the hardest morning of the 49 days, and the guide who sensed it from afar

[46:44] Walking out on day 49: the sunrise, birds, and tears after seven weeks without light

[50:20] Welcome back to reality: credit card fraud, a rough landing, and a year of reorganizing

[54:32] The core lesson: your relationship with yourself changes every other relationship

[57:13] Questions every father should answer, and why kids need a dad who knows himself

[1:00:52] Larry on human doing versus human being, and what he avoids with distraction

Key Takeaways

1. You don't have to wait for a crisis to ask who you are as a man, and one quiet hour with yourself is a good place to start.
2. Keeping the public, private, and secret versions of yourself apart drains your energy, and living one life gives it back.
3. If you're in a dark place, pick up the phone and tell someone, because the people who love you would rather hear from you than lose you.
4. Everything you build on top of a relationship with yourself is a bonus, and chasing success to fill that void never works.
5. Your kids get a better father when you can honestly answer what you want and whether this is the life you want to live.

Links & Resources

• 28 Days in Darkness by Traver Boehm: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=28+days+in+darkness
• Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
• Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1541

Closing

Traver said the most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves, and I've been asking myself those same questions ever since we stopped recording. I told him I can't sit still for 30 minutes, and that tells me I have some work to do on what I'm avoiding with distraction. So this week, take one hour, ask the man in the mirror how he's really doing, and ask your wife whether she's happy. And if you're in a dark place right now, call someone today. Go out and live legendary.

This week I sat down with Jordan Raynor, a bestselling author, serial entrepreneur, and one of the leading voices in the faith and work movement. Jordan wrote Called to Create, Redeeming Your Time, The Creator in You, and his newest book, Redeeming Your Goals, and he's the executive chairman of Threshold 360 after stepping down as CEO to write full time. He has been married since 2009, is a dad to three daughters, and he asks a much better question than most goal-setting gurus: who are we becoming while we chase these goals?

We started with the all-boys versus all-girls dad debate, and I told the story of a sold-out daddy daughter retreat that left me with serious FOMO. From there we got into the Tim Keller book that changed Jordan's faith, the day his kids' drawings of the family left him out and he gave his board 15 months notice, and the nightly ritual that keeps his phone out of his hands from 5 p.m. to 6:37 a.m. If you're a dad who wants to stop compartmentalizing your faith, your work, and your family, this one is for you.

Timeline Summary

[1:01] Larry welcomes Jordan, and the two compare life raising all girls versus all boys

[2:25] Larry shares how a sold-out daddy daughter retreat with 12 dads and 12 daughters became his favorite event

[10:27] Larry introduces Jordan: bestselling author, serial entrepreneur, and faith and work voice

[12:23] Jordan explains how he became a Google Fellow running a political tech company

[13:58] Jordan on his faith, his first campaign at 17, and why he left politics for entrepreneurship

[18:23] Jordan credits Tim Keller and The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness with changing how he follows Jesus

[22:05] Jordan tells the story of meeting his wife at Florida State and two years in the friend zone

[28:56] Jordan on writing his first book, Called to Create, and betting on himself as a full-time writer

[33:05] Why Jordan gave his board 15 months notice as CEO after his kids drew family pictures without him

[38:12] Why Jordan refuses to compartmentalize faith, marriage, parenting, and work

[42:11] Two practical steps: remember God cares about your work, and pray in short silent moments all day

[44:08] Jordan's phone ritual: no phone from 5 p.m. to 6:37 a.m. so his kids see his full presence

[50:27] A study showing kids run the bases faster and make fewer mistakes when parents aren't on their phones

[51:56] Redeeming Your Goals: seven principles, 58 practices, a no template, and kill criteria for strategic quitting

[57:00] Jordan's family goal to love like Jesus, and his 12-year-old raising money to send two orphans to college

[1:03:23] Jordan shares where to find him and how preordering Redeeming Your Goals enters you to win $4,000

Five Key Takeaways

1. God cares about your work, so you don't have to live in separate worlds for your faith, your job, and your family.
2. Short, silent prayers throughout the workday, even a sticky note that says pray, invite God into ordinary work.
3. Turn your phone into a landline after work, and your kids get your presence instead of your leftover attention.
4. Set kill criteria for a goal or strategy ahead of time, so you quit on purpose instead of on emotion.
5. Write down a family goal and review it every quarter, because confident kids come from a clear target and a loving example.

Links & Resources

• Jordan Raynor: https://jordanraynor.com
• Redeeming Your Goals (preorder before October 16 to enter the $4,000 giveaway): https://jordanraynor.com/redeeming-your-goals
• The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Tim Keller: https://gospelinlife.com/book/the-freedom-of-self-forgetfulness
• Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
• Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1549

Closing

Jordan said he can't imagine a more valuable present to give his kids than his presence, and that line has stayed with me. I've watched a mom at my son's soccer game barely look up while her little boy banged on the glass for attention, and I don't want to be that dad for even one day. If this conversation moved you, pick two hours tonight, put your phone in another room, and give your family everything you've got. Go out and live legendary.

This week I sat down with Adam Ukman, the founder of The Dads Initiative, a media company built entirely around a question almost nobody else in men's media is asking: where's the content for the normal dad? About a year ago, Adam launched The Dads Initiative after noticing men's media split into two toxic lanes, anger and blame, and set out to build a third lane for guys just trying to show up and do their best. His team surveyed more than 1,300 fathers and found that when asked which father figure in media actually reflects who they are, the most common answer was "nobody," a gap his shows, like the confidence-focused Reset Mode and the golf-and-life show Cart Talk, are built to fill.

This is also just a deeply personal conversation. Adam lives in Fort Collins, Colorado, has been married to his wife, Jessica, for over a decade, and is dad to a three-year-old son named Noah. We get into the alter egos he leans on as a father, including a surprising nod to Jonathan Roumie's portrayal of Jesus in The Chosen, the mentor who taught him that confidence starts with keeping your word to yourself, and the simple, unglamorous rituals, a standing Thursday lunch date, a Friday afternoon date day, that keep his marriage on the front burner instead of the back burner.

Timeline Summary

[1:44] Adam joins Larry, and the two dive right into the mission behind The Dads Initiative, which Adam launched about a year earlier

[3:25] Adam shares that he lives in Fort Collins, Colorado

[6:36] Larry introduces Adam's full story: over a decade of marriage, a son named Noah, and a media company built around content for men who happen to be fathers, not more parenting lectures

[9:27] Larry and Adam discuss the loneliness so many men report and the need for men's media to offer "better company"

[12:16] Adam breaks down why triggering, divisive content gets rewarded by social algorithms while hopeful, genuine content struggles to break through

[18:43] Adam introduces his research study of more than 1,300 fathers on how they experience their own identity and fatherhood in the media

[20:28] The study's most common answer for a father figure in media who reflects them was "nobody," with only Bluey's dad, Bandit, and Pa from Little House on the Prairie standing out as exceptions

[23:05] Study finding: two-thirds of dads said they'd rather be seen as a strong, independent, protective provider than simply a kind, caring one

[30:28] Adam walks through Todd Herman's Alter Ego Effect framework and the archetypes he personally draws on as a father, including Jonathan Roumie's portrayal of Jesus in The Chosen for compassion and calm

[35:29] Adam highlights The Dads Initiative's golf show, Cart Talk, hosted by Paul Sullivan, and a recent episode featuring golf writer Tom Coyne on his decade of sobriety

[42:18] Adam shares a mentor's lesson that confidence starts with keeping your word to yourself and others

[46:34] Adam reflects on what he wants his three-year-old son, Noah, to "catch" from watching him: decency, curiosity, and respect

[57:12] Adam and Larry talk about modeling apology and ownership for their kids instead of avoiding it

[1:03:12] Adam describes protecting his marriage with a standing Thursday lunch date and a longer Friday afternoon date day

[1:05:33] Adam references the book Us, by therapist Terrence Real, on making relationship decisions as a unit rather than as individuals

[1:10:26] Adam shares where to find The Dads Initiative and its Substack, and closes with the episode number for the show notes

Five Key Takeaways

1. Most dads don't need another lecture, they need better company, which is the whole reason Adam built The Dads Initiative.
2. Confidence starts with keeping your word to yourself, not just intending to.
3. An interested dad is the most interesting dad on the block, curiosity beats lecturing every time.
4. Protecting your marriage takes an actual calendar entry, not just good intentions.
5. Apologizing to your kids builds more respect, not less.

Links & Resources

• The Dads Initiative: https://www.dadsinitiative.com
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1546

Closing Adam's not out here trying to convince anyone he's got fatherhood figured out. He's the guy who still gets dragged some mornings, who's had to rebuild his marriage's front burner on purpose, and who apologizes to his own three-year-old rather than pull rank. If this conversation reminded you that showing up imperfectly still counts as showing up, go set your own Thursday lunch date. Go out and live legendary.