Is it normal for intimacy to feel like another item on your to-do list? You love your partner, but between parenting, exhaustion, and unspoken resentment… desire can fade.

In this episode, we're unpacking why intimacy feels like an obligation — and how to shift the emotional and physical energy in your marriage so that you both actually want it again.

We share real stories, emotional dynamics, and practical shifts that help couples go from feeling like roommates to rekindling passion — even in the busiest seasons of life.

Topics we cover in this episode:

-Emotional disconnection vs desire

-Why frequency isn’t the real issue

-How to rebuild emotional and physical intimacy

-Shifting from “obligation” to “wanting” again

Relationship resources:

Ready to reconnect and reignite the spark? Join our 30-Day Special Edition Couples Challenge — The Best of Us (only open 3x a year):

👉 https://mycoupleschallenge.com/best

🎧 Subscribe for more non-boring marriage advice:

New episodes weekly to help you communicate better, resolve conflicts, and stay on the SAME TEAM.

Episode timestamps:

00:00 – The real reason intimacy feels like a chore

00:28 – A typical day that drains your connection

01:28 – Intimacy isn’t just about frequency

02:08 – Emotional & physical disconnection = exhaustion

03:36 – Intimacy should fuel your life, not feel like an obligation

05:12 – What makes marriage different from other relationships

06:07 – Why passion fades (and how to bring it back)

07:06 – From obligatory intimacy to real desire

08:02 – The role of stress, overstimulation, and exhaustion

10:17 – Are you ignoring intimacy too long?

11:03 – Hormones, life seasons & libido shifts

12:10 – How unresolved tension blocks intimacy

13:00 – Top 5 blocks to intimacy (from our survey)

14:04 – Is intimacy actually enjoyable for both of you?

15:09 – Why honest intimacy check-ins matter

15:48 – Emotional tone shift #1: warmth, eye contact & presence

17:00 – Emotional coldness kills desire

19:00 – Micro habits that warm up emotional intimacy

20:08 – Shift #2: Physical touch outside the bedroom

21:36 – Shift #3: Initiation & anticipation matter

23:35 – Why women must also participate in creating desire

25:06 – Dating energy vs marriage complacency

26:35 – Would your dating self get a “yes” today?

27:53 – Shift #4: Intimacy starts outside the bedroom

29:19 – Check-ins and parenting stress affect desire too

30:12 – The power of fun and play in rekindling intimacy

31:27 – Relaxation and play spark openness

32:18 – Why our “Best of Us” Challenge is perfect for this

33:03 – Intimacy should be enjoyable — not expected

33:35 – Stop forcing frequency. Focus on connection instead.

34:13 – Subscribe + get ready for our upcoming Q&A episode

Attraction in marriage doesn’t just disappear overnight, but it can fade through the habits, energy, and unspoken patterns you fall into over time.

In this episode, we reveal the biggest emotional and physical turn-offs (and turn-ons) based on anonymous submissions from real couples. This episode is for couples who want to feel that spark again—without needing to go back to the beginning.

In this episode you will hear:

• What’s quietly draining desire in your relationship
• Five patterns that slowly erode attraction
• How to reignite emotional connection and physical intimacy—without pressure or perfection

Plus, learn how to take small daily actions with the 30-Day Best of Us Intimacy Challenge (sign ups officially open now - only available 3x/year)

Reignite emotional & physical intimacy through small, meaningful actions by starting this September 1st challenge here 👉 mycoupleschallenge.com/best

Episode Time Stamps: 

3:54 – Attraction in marriage takes effort

5:34 – How attraction quietly erodes

6:06 – Biggest turn-offs (survey results)

7:23 – Biggest turn-ons (survey results)

8:54 – Turn-offs women report most

10:18 – Turn-offs men report most

11:28 – Average satisfaction score (2.07 out of 5!)

12:25 – Criticism vs appreciation

15:12 – Physical self-care and energy

19:25 – The roommate dynamic

24:30 – Resentment is blocking desire

28:00 – Emotional shutdown erodes intimacy

30:33 – Rebuilding intimacy from now, not the past

31:39 – Energy you bring to the room

32:50 – Making your partner feel admired

35:33 – Refreshing rituals to spark attraction

37:00 – Timing matters: don’t wait till exhaustion

38:00 – Join The Best of Us 30-Day Couples Challenge

You want to feel peace, love, and connection—especially in your marriage. But when something disrupts that inner calm, it’s easy to slip into old patterns: snapping, shutting down, blaming.

Sound familiar?

This episode is about how to stop being emotionally reactive—and start responding in a way that brings clarity, compassion, and connection (even in the tough moments).

🎧 What You’ll learn:

• Why controlling your partner won’t regulate your emotions

• How to take ownership without bypassing what you feel

• A 5-step process to go from reactive to responsive

• How to repair when you do mess up (because we all do)

If you’ve ever said, “I don’t want to keep reacting like this…”—this is the conversation that will help you shift.

🛠️ Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

→ Rebuilding Us 30-Day Challenge → De-Escalating Conflicts Guide

Every couple has conflict. But when disagreements turn into labeling your spouse—with words like “selfish,” “dramatic,” or “narcissist”—it doesn’t just hurt in the moment… it chips away at emotional safety and long-term connection.

In this episode, we unpack:

• Why labeling is so destructive (even if you didn’t mean it that way)
• How it rewires the way you see each other over time
• What to say instead that’s honest—but not hurtful
• Real-life phrases to express hurt without attacking character

We also give you a simple script to use during tough conversations—so you can still speak your truth without triggering shame or defensiveness.

If you want to feel closer and more emotionally safe in your marriage, even during conflict, this is a must-listen.

🛠️ Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

→ De-Escalating Conflicts Guide → Making Up & Moving Forward Guide → Family Meeting Guide

Episode Time Stamps:

00:00 – Why name-calling or labeling is never okay in a marriage

01:05 – What actually happens in your brain when you label your partner

02:13 – Pop psychology traps: labeling as “anxious,” “avoidant,” or “narcissist”

03:12 – Labels attack identity, not behavior — and here’s why that matters

04:01 – Labels don’t inspire change—they create shame and resistance

05:05 – The long-term damage: how labels rewire how you see each other

06:38 – How labels erode emotional safety and destroy repair opportunities

08:13 – The shift from “us vs. the problem” to “me vs. you”

09:42 – A moment of truth: do you and your partner ever label each other?

10:18 – What to say instead of labeling: label behavior, feelings, or boundaries

12:09 – Scripts to use: “When you ___, I feel ___, and what I need is ___.”

13:35 – Labeling your boundaries vs. punishing your partner

15:00 – Quotes to remember: “Name the impact, not their character”

16:02 – Why this episode is a wake-up call for every couple

17:13 – The 2 tools every couple needs to stop the label-repair cycle

18:05 – Final encouragement + how to find our best conflict resources

You don’t just marry your partner’s strengths—you marry their triggers too.

If you’ve found yourself walking on eggshells to avoid setting them off… or shutting down because you feel like you’re too much… you’re not alone.

But let’s be clear: tip-toeing isn’t emotional maturity—it’s disconnection in disguise.

In this episode, we unpack how to create real emotional safety in your marriage—so you can stop spiraling and start feeling heard, seen, and safe again.

🎧 What You’ll learn:

• How to bring things up without triggering defensiveness
• What to do if your're the one who reacts quickly
• The subtle shift that turns arguments into deeper understanding
• How your perception—not just the event—shapes your emotional response
• A real-life story from our marriage about navigating triggers in real-time

Whether you’re the one walking on eggshells or the one who reacts fast, this episode will give you tools to stop avoiding hard conversations—and start transforming them into connection.

🛠️ Resources Mentioned in the Episode

1) If triggers are hijacking your conversations, these three guides will help you de-escalate, repair, and reconnect fast—especially in those “walking on eggshells” moments.

 → De-Escalating Conflicts Guide: https://thecouplesexperience.com/conflictguide

2) If you’re working through a hard season in your marriage — the Rebuilding Us 30-Day Challenge was made for you.

For 30 days, you’ll rebuild trust, improve communication, and reconnect emotionally through simple, guided steps each day. Start healing and moving forward together:

 → Rebuilding Us: www.MeetTheFreemans.com/Rebuilding

3) Meet Us In Person — October 5th Couples Workshop

Want to go beyond podcasts and guides? Come experience a full-day, in-person marriage workshop with us in Chandler, AZ. You’ll do private, guided exercises, learn powerful tools, and walk out feeling closer than you’ve felt in a long time. Spots are limited and always sell out.

→ Reserve your seats now for the Couples Workshop: https://www.thecouplesworkshop.com

4) You can also view all of our other resources here: https://www.meetthefreemans.com/links

Episode Time Stamps:

00:00 – Are you tiptoeing around your partner’s emotions?

01:10 – The problem with trying to “keep the peace” in marriage

02:24 – How we accidentally train each other to hide the truth

04:00 – When you’re scared of your partner’s reactions (or they’re scared of yours)

05:13 – What emotional eggshells actually sound like in real conversations

06:28 – The silent damage of unspoken resentment

07:42 – Why you both need to feel emotionally safe to be honest

09:03 – It’s not about walking on eggshells—it’s about building emotional maturity

10:21 – A secure marriage isn’t trigger-free—it’s repair-friendly

11:45 – How to shift your tone, so feedback doesn’t land as an attack

13:12 – Real example: giving feedback without provoking defensiveness

15:01 – “I want to be able to bring things up without it becoming a blow-up”

16:30 – The difference between emotional regulation and emotional suppression

18:18 – Why tiptoeing keeps your marriage stuck

19:20 – You both play a role in the dynamic—here’s how to change it

21:04 – Your tone might be more triggering than your words

22:47 – Tools for building a secure marriage where honesty is welcome

Just because something is common in marriage doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

We’ve heard countless couples ask: “Is this just a hard season… or is something actually wrong?” “Are we still okay, even though this feels hard?”

In this episode, we unpack those questions using anonymous submissions from real couples. You’ll hear what challenges are normal in long-term relationships—and what behavior or dynamics cross the line into unhealthy territory.

We cover emotional disconnection, mismatched intimacy, recurring conflict, parenting stress, and more. Plus, we share clear next steps for how to handle each one.

Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed or just want clarity, this conversation will leave you feeling validated, informed, and ready to make meaningful change.

🎧 What You’ll Learn:

• What’s normal vs what’s not okay in conflict, intimacy, and parenting
• What’s normal vs what’s not okay in conflict, intimacy, and parenting
• Real examples from couples like you (and how we’d respond)
• One mindset shift that helps you stop tolerating what’s not working

🛠️ Resources Mentioned in the Episode 

THIS SUMMER ONLY 3 MARRIAGE CHANGING GUIDES FOR THE PRICE OF TWO 🎉

 → Making Up & Moving Forward Guide  → De-Escalating Conflicts Guide  → Family Meeting Guide

Get the bundle here: https://thecouplesexperience.com/3guidesbundle

Surprise Bonus for Committed Couples If this episode was a wake-up call or gut check, you're not alone. Many couples drift because they normalize disconnection, resentment, or the roommate phase… until it’s too late.

That’s why we created the Best of Us 30-Day Couples Challenge to help you reignite emotional and physical intimacy in just a few intentional minutes a day.

This limited edition is only available a few times per year. And right now? We’ve got a surprise for you waiting here:  https://thecouplesexperience.com/surprise

Episode Time Stamps: 

01:00 – Is this a normal marriage challenge… or not okay?

01:38 – One key mindset shift: “If it hurts your partner and you won’t change, it’s an issue”

03:03 – Are you playing the same game—or using totally different marriage rulebooks?

05:29 – Conflict: What’s normal vs. what’s actually damaging

07:13 – Are you really repairing—or just resetting the same fight cycle?

08:43 – Is it okay to not talk for days after an argument?

11:27 – Want to shorten your conflict recovery time? Here’s how

13:05 – The truth about intimacy: What’s normal… and what hurts the relationship

16:00 – Intimacy shouldn’t only satisfy one person

18:48 – What to do if desire is low (emotionally, physically, or hormonally)

20:44 – The role of emotional and physical check-ins

22:57 – Are you in a “roommate rut”? You need this challenge

24:35 – The emotional load & mental load: What’s normal, what’s not okay

28:15 – “If you’re not playing by the same rules, no wonder it feels off”

32:11 – Parenting struggles: How common are they and what’s truly not okay

36:55 – You don’t just need consistency… you need adaptability

38:44 – Stop parenting by default—here’s what to do instead

42:30 – What happens when personal struggles or boundaries go unaddressed

44:15 – The boundary breakdown: “If you're not playing by the same rules, you're losing”

47:55 – Final takeaways + How to get resources for your marriage

Why is it so hard to change the way we show up in marriage, even when we know what we want to do differently? In this special episode, we sit down with John Assaraf, a renowned global leader in success and performance coaching, decades-long behavioral neuroscience researcher, and CEO of MyNeuroGym.com. He’s authored 4 bestselling books (including 2 New York Times bestsellers) and has been featured in 11 films.

Together, we explore the science behind why we get stuck in patterns like defensiveness, withdrawal, or reactivity and how to finally break free. Whether you’re trying to communicate better, stay calm in conflict, or just feel more connected, this episode reveals what’s really happening in your brain during those moments, and what it takes to rewire it.

John shares breakthrough insights from his book Innercise, along with practical tools to reshape your beliefs, upgrade your mindset, and master the habits that shape your relationship. Which is required if you want to get new results in your life and marriage. If you are ready to become the partner your relationship and your future needs, this episode is a must-listen.

👉 Grab John Assaraf’s book Innercise on Amazon  

🎯 Get the Freemans’ relationship tools at MeetTheFreemans.com/links

Few things create more frustration in a marriage than the feeling of a double standard—when it seems like the rules are different for you than for your partner. Whether it’s around emotional regulation, how long you’re “allowed” to feel upset, or what tone is acceptable from whom, these invisible imbalances quietly erode trust and connection over time. In this episode, we unpack the real-life double standards men and women often feel in marriage—and how those dynamics are deeply tied to core fears like unfairness, rejection, or not being heard.

We’re not here to point fingers—we’re here to name the patterns, give them language, and teach you how to break the cycle without turning on each other. You’ll learn how to move beyond keeping score, how to express your needs without weaponizing them, and how to create emotional safety when things feel uneven. If you’ve ever thought, “Why is it okay when they do it, but not when I do?”—this one is for you.

👉 One way to prevent these double standard dynamics is by consistently building up your “Love Account” through small daily deposits of connection, appreciation, and presence. That’s exactly what the Prioritizing Us 30-Day Couples Challenge is designed to help you do. Start today at MyCouplesChallenge.com.

You want your marriage to feel like a place of joy, momentum, and shared purpose—not just survival mode. Just like in any great sport, the most fulfilling performance only happens inside clear, agreed-upon boundaries. In this episode, we explore the invisible lines that protect your connection, prevent slow erosion, and allow your relationship to thrive through both play and pressure.

Whether it’s how you handle conflict, manage emotional energy, or protect your marriage from outside influences, these boundaries are non-negotiables for couples who want to go the distance. You’ll walk away with powerful insights and practical tools to strengthen your bond and prevent unnecessary damage along the way.

👉 Don’t miss the summer-only special of our 3-guide bundle—De-Escalating Conflicts, Making Up & Moving Forward, and Family Meeting—designed to help you implement everything from this episode. Get the Special 3 Guide Bundle here.

Your emotional state doesn’t just affect you—it affects your partner, too. In fact, if you don’t learn how to co-regulate, you’ll unintentionally become each other’s stressor instead of each other’s support system. This episode goes beyond managing your own emotions and explores how to stay grounded together, especially in high-stress moments.

We’ll break down what co-regulation really means in marriage, how your nervous systems influence each other in subtle but powerful ways, and how to stop spiraling into fights about the fight. You’ll learn 5 practical steps to co-regulate in real-life moments and how to create a more emotionally safe home—one small choice at a time.

👉 Don’t forget to grab the summer-only special of our 3-guide bundle, featuring the De-Escalating Conflicts Guide, Making Up & Moving Forward Guide, and Family Meeting Guide—all designed to help you stay connected and handle hard moments with more calm and clarity. Available here Special 3 Guide Bundle