3000 Movies to Die Before You Watch

Welcome to our first "trailer" style episode! It's short and sweet and tells you which movies we've picked for the next two episodes, so you have time to watch them before those episodes get released. I mean, if that's what you're into. Let us know whether you like having these as separate little mini-episodes, or if there is a different format you would prefer.

Join us on our jubilant return from brief hiatus, as we try to describe a movie we barely watched. This time we watched 2009's "9" but we only spend about half the episode talking about it and the rest is all regular shenanigans. 

We don't know if this episode sucks or not, but we sure had a good time recording it, if you catch our drift. We discuss land surveying, pickup lines, and the movie we sort of watched, 2007's Music and Lyrics. Mercifully, this particular DVD skipped and we missed a solid 30 or 40 minutes, but somehow we still got the main point which was that pop music is incredibly easy to write. So much so that we use a random song lyric generator to create a Mad Libs version of a One Direction song.

Whoo! What a ride we took on this one! This double feature starts in a simpler time, the 80's, when every teenager had a large tree right outside their window for convenient escapes. We watched Girls Just Want To Have Fun and one of us had significantly more fun than the other. Then we took a sharp left turn and watched Splice, which leaves us with a lot of important ethical questions such as "is it cheating if you fuck a half-clone of your significant other?"

We are so glad that the random number generator chose a good movie for us this time. The Disappearance of Alice Creed managed to keep Jen's attention throughout the entire film, which is a pretty rare feat. We also discussed Dark Pheonix and Ma, even though they're not part of our 3120 DVD bulk purchase. Sometimes you just gotta watch other stuff too.

Today we revealed that there are hidden messages in all of our episodes, and you don't wanna know what happens when you play one backwards. Or maybe you do, if you've got a family like the one in Dogtooth. Darcy has to explain the entire movie to Jen because it makes no sense, and then we get into our mostly spoiler-free review of IT Chapter Two. At least, we avoided all the big spoilers, but there were a few little mini-spoilers, so tread carefully if you haven't seen it yet.

This past weekend we went on a ghost town camping adventure, and decided to keep the spooky vibes going by picking one of the few horror movies that came with our collection of 3,120 DVDs: The Ring. Jen overreacted to practically every scene, which greatly enhanced Darcy's enjoyment of the film.

This week we stepped into a parallel universe where everything is pie, and everybody speaks like they're in a play. We recommend watching 2007's "Waitress" for yourself because it's pretty bonkers and mostly fun. Also, we can't agree on what actually happened in this movie, or on the order of events that took place, so feel free to pick sides and tell us how wrong we are.

This week we pluck the low-hanging fruit - that is, the fruit that was left in the dorm room toilet. We watched 2007's live-action Bratz, which has a stylized font that looks more like Bcatz. It met and exceeded all expectations of awfulness, but a few characters did have some sick burns so that was fun.

We start this double feature with everybody's favourite sparkly vampire movie - Twilight. As with a few others that we've reviewed so far, we believe that this movie could easily have been a great comedy if only they had added one or two jokes. Then we follow up with the informative "Starstruck Women" which taught us... nothing... about 2004's most famous female stars. We didn't want to talk about it, so instead we tell you all about our newest foster dog, Bo. Or Beau, or however that's spelled.