July 22

In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths. All of which deal with suffering. The Four Noble Truths put simply: suffering exists; it has a cause; it has an end; and it has a cause to bring about its end. Or even simpler, “All life is suffering.” It seems bleak and dark, but it is true. We deal with pain, grief, disappointment, loss, hurt, anguish, etc. So much suffering. When we acknowledge the suffering and turn towards acceptance rather than denial, we move toward the solution. Growing towards a better understanding of suffering and learning what it has to teach us. When we embrace the suffering and move into it, we learn to accept it. That is the lesson of the Four Noble Truths, to learn to identify our suffering, know where it comes from, and know that we can change it and that it does end. In the meantime, suffer well.

Reflections

Are you embracing your suffering? Do you suffer well?

Daily Challenge

What is one thing that you can do today to embrace your suffering?

July 21

“Now, this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” – Winston Churchill

When you got sober, perhaps you thought it was the end? Maybe you thought, “What the fuck am I going to do for the rest of this banal-dull-gray life?” In the Big Book of A.A., they talk about not being able to envision life with alcohol or without alcohol. You can apply the thoughts to drugs or any other addictions and obsessions we have. It’s the same for just about everyone. We think it’s the end as we know it. This is the end of the movie! The fun times are over, and the rest of this thing will suck. We simply can’t imagine life without drugs and alcohol. But this is not the end of the movie! This is only “The end of the beginning,” as my good friend Winston reminds us. So enjoy the shit out of it! And don’t forget to take pictures! Trust me, you will want the pictures!

Reflections

Are you ready for the rest of the movie now?

Daily Challenge

Take pictures and post them on Sober Pod Live. https://www.facebook.com/groups/soberpod

July 20

Up until this point, you have managed well. You may have been able to keep a job, buy a home, raise a few kids, care for a few dogs, and maybe even save a little money for retirement. But what happens when you can no longer manage well? What happens when you get sick or need to be hospitalized? What do you do then? I can tell you what I did. First, I had to commit, and then I had to submit. I learned this through the process of recovery. When I had a medical issue a few years ago that I was powerless over (again), I immediately recognized what I needed to do. I entered the process by beginning to diagnose and identify the problem. Then, accepting the options provided by professionals (people with experience), I submitted to powers more significant than myself to receive the medical help I desperately needed.

Reflections

Are you ready to commit and submit?

Daily Challenge

Have you read any good books lately? Find a new book you want to read and buy it!

July 19

If you are anything like me, the past can be downright haunting. For nearly thirty years, every day that I got up, I would retrace the situations and images in my head. Battling the thoughts of, “Why me?” and, “Why did it have to be like that?” I had a terrible time resolving my childhood trauma, neglect, and abandonment. This way of thinking and the pattern of behavior that goes with it can be self-destructive, self-loathing, and full of low self-esteem. Finally, a few years ago, I felt I had turned a corner with this internal struggle. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments, and they can be overwhelming, but not anything like they were. Today, I must remember that those people were sick too, just like me, but different. Coming from the same divine source, just as misguided but in different ways. I should be able to love them the same way I love myself today. Imperfect, forgiving, and progressing.

Reflections

How was your childhood? Painful? Haunting? I feel ya. It gets better. Keep going.

Daily Challenge

Write a memory from your childhood that made you happy down in your journal. Those memories are there. Don’t have a journal? Start one.

July 18

Have you tried affirmations? You know, like that character from Saturday Night Live, Stewart Smalley? He looks in the mirror and says, “I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” I mean, it is funny how they parody recovery and some people in it, but there is some truth here. I was never a fan of the idea of doing stuff like this. It seemed too hokey and felt precisely how they portrayed it on Saturday Night Live. But as I began working on the 12 Steps in Adult Children of Alcoholics, there is a page on daily affirmations (Page 329 in the B.R.B.) describing this exact scenario. Stand in front of the mirror and say these things to yourself each day. I did it reluctantly, but I did it. Over two weeks, I began to look at myself in the mirror and truly began to see the value in the exercise. It feels uncomfortable initially, but the more you do it, the more you understand why doing it can be so important. So, go on, give it a try.

Reflections

Do you think it won’t work for you? Do you think it’s too cheesy and stupid? All the more reason to give it a try.

Daily Challenge

Look up some affirmations and try them out.

July 17

It doesn’t have to be this way. All your life has been spent in turmoil, overwhelmed by your own emotions and thinking. Has it never occurred to you that you could let it go? Of course not! You have been busy being busy. Causing havoc and calamity. Too busy stirring pots and shaking hornets’ nests. Pissing in the wind. So why all the trouble? Why all the distraction and heartache? Why all the bullshit? Sometimes we fight for the very thing we desire. Living in a completely backward existence to the thing we wish deep down we could be. There is another way to live. Look for others who are acting the way you wish to be. Do what they have done.

Reflections

Is there someone in your life who acts and behaves the way you wish to? Someone, you admire?

Daily Challenge

Find a mentor. Ask them to be your sponsor or life advisor. You’d be surprised how willing people are to help if you just ask.

July 16

We become like those who we spend the most time with. For years, I spent time with highly dysfunctional and irrational people. People who acted from emotion and lacked empathy. It’s amazing how much we infect each other with some of our worst traits and don’t even think twice about it. But! When we attach ourselves to others who are virtuous and headed in the same direction as we would like, we acquire those traits too. Join a writers’ group if you want to be a good writer. If you want to be a good guitarist, join a band. If you want to be a good speaker, consider joining a Toast Masters group. Want to lose weight? Join Weight Watchers. Want to get and remain sober? Join a recovery group. On the other hand, if you want to stay as you are, stay home.

Reflections

Do you really desire to change? How much are you willing to change?

Daily Challenge

You guessed it! Go join a fucking group! Get out there and make some good trouble!

July 15

You don’t have to dance with everyone, but you really should dance with someone. We don’t do this thing alone. We really don’t. As much as some of us would like to, it is nearly impossible to stand alone in this disease of addiction and fight it alone. We all romanticize the lone avenger or the anti-hero in American movies. It is part of our culture, but it is not part of recovery. It’s rare to hear stories of someone addicted to drugs and alcohol suddenly getting struck sober and living the rest of their lives without a compulsion or desire to drink or drug again. And especially doing that all by themselves. We have become so used to our self-reliance and taking care of ourselves (sometimes very poorly). We survived on our own terms, and asking for and receiving help is entirely foreign to some of us.

Reflections

Are you trying to do this solo? Are you receiving the help you asked for?

Daily Challenge

If you are having trouble receiving help, be honest about this aspect of yourself with someone else and let them know it’s hard for you to receive help.

July 14

What else holds you back today? You have a clear head. You have been honest, open-minded, willing, and able to do things you were utterly incapable of doing before you got sober. But there is still something holding you back. What is that? Fear. Fear. And more fear. It really does seem to touch every aspect of our lives. It pops up in just about every situation. It grabs hold of our hopes and crushes them. It forces us to become a person we don’t want to be at any moment. Strangles us and pins us into submission. Fear requires us to be small. Fear demands that we desire and take less. Fear takes over whenever we lack faith, courage, or knowledge.

Reflections

What is holding you back from overcoming your fear today?

Daily Challenge

Overcoming your fears is your task today.

July 13

“Love and tolerance of others is our code.” This is something that they say in Alcoholics Anonymous’ Big Book on page 84. For a few years, I heard this statement frequently in meetings. It always reminded me of my personal code (more of a pirate code) when I was drinking and using. My personal code was “Do unto others before they do unto you.” And I have to say that my personal code served me pretty well for many years. However, when I heard the words “love and tolerance” in recovery, I translated the words in my head into “love OR tolerance,” and I truly missed the meaning of the code. It’s pretty easy to have one OR the other, but it’s entirely different from having them both simultaneously. Having love AND tolerance at the same time takes empathy, compassion, care, a deep understanding of others, and the desire to be helpful. Something we know too little about these days.

Reflections

Do you have love “AND” tolerance of others, or is it more like love “OR” tolerance of others?

Daily Challenge

When you greet someone today, say to yourself, “I can love and tolerate this spirit today.”