August 11

There will be days when you just want to be consoled. To be comforted. To be reassured. Your insecurities will kick in, and you will internally scream, “I am not doing this right! I am not good enough!” You will desire the soothing words of others and ask questions like “Are we good?” as you look for a reassuring answer of “Yes, we are good.” Or, like me, you will attempt to craft complicated and specific questions to disguise your need to be comforted. Make no mistake, this is the behavior of someone who wants to take control of the situation. This is manipulation and a complete lack of acceptance. As my new sponsor just informed me, “Do yourself a favor when the moment comes, and you are dying to ask a well-crafted question to calm your insecurities: just shut the fuck up.”

Reflections

Are you still trying to control others and manipulate situations? How are you addressing your insecurities?

Daily Challenge

“Just shut the fuck up.”

August 10

For a brief period in our early recovery, we become childlike (not to be confused with our usual childish state), and we start to do things that interest us. We try new things, and we pick up some old interests, too. It’s not unlike discovering yourself as a child (not like that, you sick pervert!). We learn what we like and what we don’t like. We refine our tastes for friends and acquaintances as we redefine who we are. We will go through many phases and all at different times. Each one of us is unique in this way. We seek to fill in the gaps created by a lifetime of drinking/drugs and a seemingly absent existence. Suppose we are selective about what we take on and don’t get obsessed about it (like some of us do). In that case, we can look forward to healthy habits and behaviors that allow for greater balance and much-appreciated freedom. Now, isn’t that worth staying sober today?

Reflections

Am I finding new habits and behaviors that I enjoy? Do I have true balance in these things, or am I just convincing myself that I do?

Daily Challenge

Write down three hobbies you would like to start doing. Be thoughtful. Think about your time, effort, and, most importantly, the experience you would like to have in these new hobbies.

August 9

My sponsor always said, “You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it.” For years, I had a horrible time as I accused everyone in my life of doing things I disapproved of. I just could not control some things and felt I was a victim of those outside circumstances. Are you like me? Maybe you see the actions of others as some sort of slight against you. Perhaps, like me, you take it all too personally. After years of struggling, I listened to what my sponsor had to say and focused on how I could respond to “people, places, and things.” I worked towards acceptance and began feeling a “new freedom” in responding to the world and people around me. I found freedom in how I chose to react. That’s real freedom.

Reflections

Do you have freedom from your reactions? Are you reactionary?

Daily Challenge

Have you ever bought yourself a gift? Maybe something small, like a really nice pen and notebook or something? Get yourself something real nice.

August 8

Most of the time, you just need to show up. Unfortunately or fortunately (depends on your point of view), that’s more than half the battle some days. Some mornings, I have sat in bed as I opened my eyes and thought, “Shit! Another day! Again?” And all I want to do is pull the covers over my head and just go back to sleep. I would have been happy if I had died in my sleep. But there I am, trying to get myself out of bed again. I must remember that I was not made to lie in bed all day. I was made to work. I was made to be creative. I was made to connect, love, encourage, and share with others in this beautiful orb we all float on. But my “-ism” was doing push-ups in my sleep and is prepared for my awakening. It wants me to lay there and give up. It wants you to do the same thing too. Don’t kid yourself. If your “-ism” isn’t kicking your ass right now, it will be strong enough soon enough. So, get up, suit up, and show up. When your “-ism” comes to knock you down, at least you’ll be dressed for it.

Reflections

Are you taking a back seat in your own life today? When was the last time you decided to not suit up and show up?

Daily Challenge

Set your alarm clock for 15 minutes sooner than usual. Just try it.

August 7

Alcoholics and addicts are probably the only people I know who have to question their thoughts daily. We get all sorts of “great ideas” and even begin to act on them well before we should. It can cause a lot of trouble if we don’t stay on top of our thoughts. That is why we talk about “staying close to the herd” and not straying too far away from one another in the rooms of recovery. On our own, we can come up with some strange ideas. Unfortunately, some of those “great ideas” might end up getting us drunk, high, or worse. So, we must question our own thinking and check in with ourselves and others. Make room for this to happen. Pause when we get excited or agitated and take long, deep breaths where we can find our center and continue on with the task in front of us.

Reflections

Am I getting distracted today? When was the last time my “great ideas” got me in trouble?

Daily Challenge

Are you checking in with others today? Should you talk about your ideas with someone?

August 6

Have you ever watched Seinfeld? You know, the ‘90s sitcom? There is an episode where one of the characters (George Costanza) decides that every decision he has ever made has been wrong. So he decides that he is going to start doing the complete opposite. He realizes that this new idea is actually working for him. He is surprised by how easy his life starts to go for him. In recovery, we call this idea “contrary action,” which we can use with great benefit in certain situations. For example, when we feel like not going to a meeting, we can find one to attend. When we think we should kill the neighbor, chop him up in little bite-sized chunks, and feed them to our dogs, maybe we should think about doing the opposite. This practice may take time; it does help to have someone bounce ideas off once in a while.

Reflections

When have you done the opposite of your instincts or usual behavior? Did it work out?

Daily Challenge

Find one thing you don’t want to do today, and then do it as soon as possible. Watch the growth happen!

August 5

When I was drinking, I used to think, "Is that all there is to the circus?” (Reference to Peggy Lee's song, “Is That All There Is?”) After reaching a highly anticipated goal, I was constantly disappointed in almost everything, and it all just seemed so dull. I found no excitement in life and had little interest in trying. After I hit another bottom with alcohol, I was awakened into, yet again, another round of recovery and the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Talk about disappointing! The last thing I ever wanted was to be attached to these people. I needed a better class of losers, but I couldn’t find any of my caliber! So, I stayed there because it was, as they call it, “The last house on the block.” And the only house left that would have me! They were immediately suspect as I wouldn’t want to be a part of any group that would have me as a member (thanks, Groucho!). However, as I stayed and began to acclimate myself to this “spiritual” lifestyle with spurts of “altruistic” endeavors, it began to grow on me. I discovered that there is more to the circus and that all I needed to do was change every motherfucking thing and stop getting shit-faced while listening to old depressing Peggy Lee songs.

Reflections

So, you still have a plan?

Daily Challenge

Listen to a speaker on sobercast.com.

August 4

Recently, I had thought about someone I had harmed in some small ways, and I felt that it was necessary to let this person know that I was genuinely sorry for my words and actions. Muttering the word “sorry” is inappropriate because it would not compare to the reason for the apology. For years I have let this one go un-amended because the dude was a real fucking jerk sometimes. But to do these things right, we only have to look at our actions. Where were we wrong, selfish, self-centered, arrogant, dishonest, rude, or jerks? What occurred to me was that it bugged me to have that hanging over my head. I needed to clear that air and move on, no matter how small it seemed. Also, this person might appreciate an apology a decade after the fact. If you are like me, you might want to wiggle out of this thing, so there is something I say at the end of every amends. You might want to try it yourself. It goes like this, “It would be arrogant of me to assume that I would know what would make this better. If there is anything I can do to make up for my words/behavior in the past, I would be happy to do it.”

Reflections

Are you really ready to make amends?

Daily Challenge

Be prepared to go through with any reasonable requests.

August 3

Don’t take that first drink. Man! Why didn’t I think of that? It may seem ridiculous to think about years into your recovery, but at some point, it never occurred to you to just not take that first drink. Denial is so fucking strange. It’s like living with a friend that has convinced you of a truth that is obviously a known lie to everyone else. The self-deception it takes to overlook the very thing that is destroying our existence is a powerful force in our minds. Strangers and relatives will look at us as though we are absolutely insane and require padded cells for our own protection. But we truly need protection from our minds; no amount of a white padded cell (or treatment center) can provide that. So, what do we do about that?

Reflections

Are you still having trouble putting down that first drink? Have you thought about why that might be? Is drinking the problem, or do you still see it as the solution?

Daily Challenge

Listen to us discuss the book “Living Sober” on SoberPod.com Search the podcast feed for “New Beginnings.”

August 2

Dolce far niente | dol·ce far nien·te

/ˌdōlCHā ˌfär nēˈentā/

This is an Italian phrase for “Sweet Doing Nothing.” Or translated into English: “The pleasure/sweetness of doing nothing.” Sometimes, we neglect the thought that we need to do absolutely nothing. In recovery, we hear phrases like, “If you aren’t growing, you are going!” We even say shit like, “Stay active. Stay sober.” As though staying active means you will remain sober (ha!). We must learn to meet our needs and evaluate when we should be active and when we should pause, rest, and renew. When we work towards balance and pay attention to what we need, we will find the right ebb and flow of our natural rhythms.

Reflections

What does a day of “doing nothing” look like for you? When was the last time you had a day of doing “sweet fuck all” nothing? Does this thought excite or scare you? Something to think about.

Daily Challenge

Make time today. Pick an hour you can set aside today and do absolutely nothing with it. Try this attitude on for an hour and see how it feels.