You were told to chase green flags.

You were never taught how some of them hide the biggest red flags of your life.

In this episode, Marvyn Harrison pulls five “perfect” green flags apart and shows the shadow side underneath: limerence, trauma bonds, emotional shutdown, manipulation and cruelty dressed up as “being real”. 

Across romantic relationships, friendships, family and work, Marvyn unpacks:

Intense Chemistry From Day One

• The “we could marry right now” energy that feels like destiny.
• Why you feel deeply connected on almost no information.
• Limerence: the repeat pattern of getting obsessed, acting like it’s real and only understanding it years later.
• How trauma bonds, nervous system chaos and mirroring can feel like soulmate energy while your body is actually in crisis.
• Why neurodivergent people often feel this intensity and believe it’s “how love is supposed to feel.” 

People Who Respectfully Hate Everybody But You

• “They’re just honest, they see through everyone” – the seductive packaging.
• The contempt, gossip and dehumanising that’s actually rehearsing how they’ll later talk about you.
• The difference between feedback, sharing and constant judgement.
• Why “it’s us against the world” often means “you’re next when the honeymoon ends.”

Extreme Independence And Having ‘No Needs’

• “I’m low maintenance, I’m drama free” as a brand.
• Emotional shutdown disguised as maturity.
• The triple problem: they can’t ask, can’t receive and can’t repair.
• How fear of abandonment sits behind “I don’t need anything from anyone.”
• You end up doing all the emotional labour, while they quietly protect a chaotic inner world they don’t want you to see. 

Total Overlap In Values, Opinions And Tastes

• “We’re literally the same person, we never argue” – why that feels like winning.
• People-pleasing and mirroring as manipulation: pre-written caring responses, no behavioural change.
• Why genuine adults have differences, and why tolerating disagreement is actually intimacy.
• The truth about “peaceful” relationships that never argue: someone gave up bringing their full self.

Brutal Honesty With Zero Empathy

• “I just tell it like it is, I keep it 100” as a personality costume.
• Cruelty cosplaying as truth.
• Why timing is a core part of empathy: the film-premiere example where “honesty” is actually violence. 
• How real friends hold their feedback, let the moment pass, then come back with thought, care and context.
• Why brutal honesty is often laziness and emotional illiteracy, not integrity.

Marvyn closes by turning the lens back on you:

• Why you keep choosing intense chemistry, “low maintenance” partners or brutally honest friends.
• Why you might secretly want spontaneity, chaos and “life of the party” energy, then demand they calm down once you’ve got them.
• How to notice the patterns you recreate, instead of taking internet advice “cold” and blowing up relationships that could be repaired with awareness and conversation. 

This is not a call to go home and dump everyone.

It’s a call to see what’s really happening underneath your favourite “green flags” and work out whether you’re genuinely safe, genuinely seen – or just addicted to the chaos you were never taught to name.

Content Warnings

This episode includes discussion of:

• Trauma bonds and nervous system dysregulation
• Emotional shutdown and abandonment fears
• Manipulation, people-pleasing and cruelty in relationships

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