How do you communicate with an avoidant? And how do you determine if they are a narcissist, pathological liar, or have some other “malady”? I get questions like this a lot. People want strategies for dealing with partners they are quick to label. Here is the short answer: There is no special language for communicating with avoidants, and it is not your job to diagnose people. If you don’t believe you can have what you want (e.g. a healthy relationship), you’ll turn to manipulation. And yes, communicating in a particular way to get what you want is manipulative because it is not coming from an authentic, loving place. It is rooted in fear.

In this week’s episode we’ll explore being “other” directed, and how labeling someone else is a way of distracting yourself from YOU. It’s not about figuring out how to deal with your partner, it’s asking yourself why you choose relationships that require mental strategies. Your happiness and wellbeing is not the responsibility of anyone but you, and as long as you diagnose others and try to manipulate them to get what you want, you’ll be miserable. Instead of searching for tips and tricks, look at the choices that got you here… and why you made them.

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)

Focus on yourself. All parts of you. Trust that your choices are leading you somewhere—to another lesson or to your goals. It is the same road for all of us.