Many of us associate pain with love. We may not consciously think so, but it’s beneath the surface of our desire for love and all its glory in our lives. We don't realize we actually bring pain into our relationships (because it’s what we've known). We don’t see it as a choice, but self-awareness can set you free. If you're an avoidant like me, it can keep you detached from relationships, in search of something that does not exist in the form of the perfect feeling (like you’ve imagined for years). It keeps you looking for that perfect feeling that will ensure safety outside of yourself because you don’t feel it inside. The mixture of pain and lack of safety keeps you from focusing on what you actually feel beneath the surface-level emotions, and believing something outside of you is the current cause for your pain. Your words will not match your desires when you are taking action from the belief that love is painful. You create this in your relationships, usually with someone who is matching you at the level of pain they are used to as well. It's a vicious cycle because the amount of emotional awareness you need to catch yourself is pretty intense, and hard to recognize if you have never paid attention to how you show up.

Most of us think we’re fine and that it’s all about the other person. Nope! It is freeing to keep your heart open, then catch yourself when you try to invite pain where it doesn't belong. Join me for more of this Attachment Series to learn how to separate pain from love.