I see this happen a lot: someone finally gets into a healthy relationship after struggling with insecure attachment (through a lot of work on themselves, of course), and they miss the intensity. They watch a passionate love scene on TV or hear about their friend’s romantic escapade and momentarily lament their “boring” relationship, wondering if this is what a healthy relationship is supposed to feel like.

But then they realize, “Hey, I’m not constantly in pain! My stomach isn’t tied up in anxious knots. I can relax and be myself with this person!” Attachment is like a drug with extreme highs and lows, so giving up the lows also means giving up the highs. When we equate love with intense chemistry, then realize that’s not real love, it can be an adjustment. If this happens and you find yourself craving intensity in a healthy relationship, listen to this podcast. I’ll tell you what you can do to fill your emotional tank and focus on what you have rather than operating from a place of lack.