Lauren opens the episode by setting the context for today’s discussion as part 2 in a 4-part mini series with today’s topic being “developing” couples. Listeners should visit jasonandlaurenvallotton.com to take the free marriage assessment to get a real-time look at the state of your relationship. Understanding the three possible categories is essential to chart a pathway forward for growth in your marriage.

Segment 1: Recognizing the Need for Growth

Jason describes the subtle signs that signal a marriage needs development. These signs might manifest as a feeling that the marriage should be better, or they might surface after a significant event that reveals the need for work to achieve a healthy relationship.

Key points discussed include:

• "Good Enough" Syndrome: Couples might feel they are “good enough” but still experience loneliness in certain areas, avoiding painful topics while focusing on what works well.
• Dissatisfaction: A feeling of dissatisfaction without clarity on whether it’s valid or how to address it.
• Partial Understanding: Feeling only partially known by your partner, recognizing areas in the marriage that lack strength, particularly in communication and conflict resolution.
• Recurring Disagreements: Persistent disagreements that never seem to find true resolution, often leading to fear of expressing true thoughts or feelings.

Segment 2: Contributors to a Developing Marriage

Jason dives into the factors that contribute to a marriage being in a developing stage, emphasizing the lack of intentional growth.

Key factors include:

• Outdated Skills: Many couples continue using communication, connection, and conflict resolution skills that they developed in high school, which are no longer sufficient.
• Pressure of Life: The added responsibilities of kids and full-time work put immense pressure on marriage, necessitating growth in both capacity and competency.
• Outdated Operating Systems: Jason likens it to using an old operating system under new pressures, which leads to feeling overwhelmed and quickly bankrupt in key areas of the relationship.
• Accumulation of Unresolved Issues: Over time, unresolved conflicts build up, creating ongoing pain, and couples have less grace for old, painful habits. The attitude of “that’s just who I am” can become a barrier to growth.

Segment 3: Moving Toward Connection and Growth

Jason outlines the steps necessary for couples to transition from a developing stage to a more connected and fulfilling marriage. He shares insights, observing that many couples experience a great awakening, often after a failure, which leads to a determination to rebuild their marriage.

Steps to move forward include:

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