Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons

Money can be a tough topic for marriages and relationships, especially in today's challenging financial climate. Finances can become a minefield for some couples, but achieving a life of peace and power in every area, including finances, is possible. Peace isn't about the absence of conflict or troubles; it's about having a plan.

In this dynamic and empowering episode, Jason Vallotton sits down with his good friend Chris Lamm, owner of Mortgage One in Redding, California, and host of the Money Whole podcast. Together, they address the keys to moving towards financial freedom and fostering financial harmony in relationships.

1. Seek Expertise: Find someone who’s better at managing finances than you and ask for help.
2. Budgeting: Utilize a personal family budget to track and manage expenses effectively.
3. Long-Term Vision: Create a long-term vision for where you want to be financially, then reverse-engineer that vision to set achievable goals.
4. Strategic Financial Management: Be strategic with income, investments, and savings by either increasing your income, cutting unnecessary spending, or both.
5. Overcoming Barriers: Address barriers to financial growth, including fear and uncertainty.
6. Take Action: Take proactive steps towards your financial goals, no matter how small they may seem.

Quotes:

• "Peace isn't the absence of conflict or troubles; it exists when you have a plan."
• "People want to feel powerful in every area of life, finances included."

Resources:

• Mortgage One
• Money Whole Podcast

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In this insightful Q&A session, the Vallottons tackle some of the most pressing questions about relationships, marriage, and friendship.

Questions Answered in This Episode:

1. Sexual Attraction in Marriage After Weight Gain
   • Discussion Points:
     • Understanding how physical changes can impact attraction.
     • Strategies to maintain intimacy and emotional connection.
     • Fostering open and honest communication with your partner about these changes.
2. Dealing with Insecurities: Boyfriend's Gorgeous Female Friend
   • Discussion Points:
     • Navigating feelings of insecurity and jealousy in a relationship.
     • Importance of trust and open dialogue with your partner.
     • Setting healthy boundaries.
3. Building a Friend Group as a Guy: Importance of Thriving Marriages
   • Discussion Points:
     • The challenge of finding male friends who are committed to their marriages.
     • How to cultivate friendships that support and reinforce positive relationship values.
     • Evaluating the importance of shared values in friendships with regards to taking ownership over areas of your life that need work.
4. Knowing When to Stop Fighting for Your Marriage
   • Discussion Points:
     • Make these decisions with wise counsel who know you and are in your daily life with you.
     • Rebuilding a solid marriage with a willing spouse is always better than divorce.
     • You can’t control anyone but yourself.
5. Dealing with Chronic Illness and Sexual Dysfunction in Marriage
   • Discussion Points:
     • Understanding the impact of chronic illness on marital intimacy.
     • Ways to maintain physical affection and emotional closeness.
     • Communicating needs and finding solutions together as a couple.

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In any deep relationship, having hard conversations is unavoidable. It's not the conflict itself that destroys connection, but rather the behavior within the conflict. Research shows that how you start a conversation determines how it ends with 80% accuracy. In this episode, we delve into the essential skill of engaging in difficult conversations in a way that builds connection rather than tearing it apart. Join the Vallottons as they explore practical strategies and mindsets for navigating these challenging moments with grace and empathy, ultimately strengthening your relationships.

5 Keys to Having Hard Conversations Well:

1. Leave Assumptions About Motives at the Door:
   • Recognize it’s easy to see a situation only from your perspective.
   • Understand there’s always another perspective and we rarely assume the best when emotions are high.
   • Avoid deciding why someone does what they do or what is happening for them.
2. Seek to Understand:
   • Ask questions like “Can you help me understand?” instead of “Why would you do that?”
   • Approach the conversation with curiosity and openness.
3. Soft Startup:
   • Use “I” statements to talk about yourself.
   • Avoid using accusatory language like “You always…” or “You make me…”
4. Look for Win-Wins:
   • Strive for outcomes that benefit both parties.
   • Focus on mutual respect and understanding.

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Episode 76 is a message that Jason Vallotton preached at Bethel Church on Father’s Day, 2024! Following the annual BraveCo men’s conference, Jason recalls testimonies and big wins from BraveCo’s  largest men’s event of the year before diving into a profoundly impactful message.

Drawing lessons from the creation story in Genesis, Jason explores how God's structured approach to creating the world can offer us valuable insights for managing our own lives. Each day of creation holds a lesson on bringing order to our personal chaos.

To wrap it up, Jason confronts chaos head-on, exploring themes of divine order and the necessity of setting boundaries. Personal stories highlight financial struggles and the fears that come with instability, offering lessons from biblical stories like the Israelites in the wilderness. He shares the importance of seeking support and true repentance as keys to transforming chaos into order in every area of life.

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After a two-week vacation, the Vallottons are back with an insightful episode on what to do in marriage emergencies. In this episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies, they dive deep into what truly constitutes an "emergency" in a marriage relationship. Whether it's the utterance of "I'm done" from one or both partners, the toxic presence of the Four Horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling), or severe issues like infidelity and addiction, they explore the signs and solutions. If you're feeling the weight of unresolved conflicts, avoiding emotional and physical connection, or dealing with major mistrust, this episode is for you.

Key Points:

1. Identifying an Emergency:
   • One or both partners saying, “I’m done.”
   • Presence of the Four Horsemen: Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
   • Unresolved conflicts leading to bitterness and hopelessness.
   • Avoiding emotional and physical connection.
   • Infidelity and addiction.
   • Major mistrust.
2. Steps to Take During a Relationship Emergency:
   • Don't Try to Solve It Alone:
     • Reach out to a counselor.
     • Seek support from friends.
     • Trust someone more than yourself.
   • Developing a Real Plan:
     • Emergencies require real plans and a willingness to adhere to them.
     • Avoid making plans without accountability. Who’s on your team?
     • Ensure your plans are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound), not fluid or subjective.
   • Establishing Boundaries:
     • Understand what boundaries look like in marriage and how they are not “controlling.”
     • Discuss when separation might be appropriate and helpful.
   • Communicating with Your Kids:
     • What to tell your kids and when to share it.
3. Common Mistakes Couples Make:
   • Trying to fix a marriage when they’re really burned out.
   • Unwillingness to take ownership of their part.
   • Reluctance to try again after previous efforts have failed.

Takeaways:

• Understanding what constitutes a relationship emergency is crucial for timely intervention.
• Seeking external help and creating accountable, structured plans are vital steps.
• Setting and respecting boundaries can prevent further damage and facilitate healing.
• Communicating appropriately with children can mitigate their emotional burden.
• Avoiding common pitfalls can pave the way for more effective solutions and renewed efforts in saving the relationship.

Tune in to gain insights and practical advice on navigating these challenging times in your relationship. Don't miss out on expert guidance and supportive strategies to help you through your relationship emergencies.

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In May of 2024, Jason and Lauren spoke at an online event with the thriving singles ministry at Life Center Church in New York City about the foundations of relational health! This episode is part two of a two part message about connection as the bedrock of relational health.

This portion is a recording of the Q&A time we shared with Life Center Church at their singles event.

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In May of 2024, Jason and Lauren spoke at an online event with the thriving singles ministry at Life Center Church in New York City about the foundations of relational health! This episode is part one of a two part message about connection as the bedrock of relational health.

Connect with Lauren:
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In this weeks episode, hosts, Jason & Lauren Vallotton answer five questions sent in by listeners like you! Topics include the following:

1. How do you have boundaries with all the different roles you carry in life?
2. Where do I begin in rebuilding a dead marriage?
3. What do you do with the tangible reminders of a relationship that has ended, like photos, dried flowers, gifts, etc?
4. How can you create healthy boundaries in marriage?
5. How does a young woman get ready for a healthy relationship?

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In this enlightening episode, the Vallottons peel back the layers on the complex art of motherhood, equipping you with five transformative strategies that promise to shift your perspective and nurture your soul. In short:

1. Take care of yourself first!
2.  Build a support network!
3.  Prioritize your marriage over your children!
4. Watch out for over-responsibility and shame!
5. Plan for success!

From the imperative of self-care, likened to the crucial oxygen masks on airplanes, to the power of a robust support network, the Vallottons guide you through the essentials that will not only help you flourish as a mother but also teach your children the vital importance of self-respect and personal well-being.

As glasses are raised to Mother's Day, the Vallottons also shine a light on the often-overlooked cornerstone of a happy family life: your marriage. Witness as they unravel the reasons why placing your partnership before parenting isn't just good for you and your spouse, but it's the foundation for a stable, loving environment for your children.

Alongside heartfelt wisdom and anecdotes, they explore the pitfalls of parenting from a place of over-responsibility and shame, and offer a peaceful, faith-centered paradigm to replace the fear and comparison that can so easily infiltrate our lives.

Join the Vallottons for a journey into the heart of motherhood, where joy and balance are not just possible—they're within reach.

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In the 70th episode of their podcast, celebrating a quarter-million downloads, The Vallottons delve into the concept of emotional bank accounts. They guide listeners through recognizing the subtle signs of emotional depletion and emphasize the importance of self-care to maintain inner resilience. From navigating the challenges of loss and parenthood, they advocate for replenishing one's spirit through activities that bring joy and fulfillment to everyday life.

Drawing from the insights of the Gottman Institute, The Vallottons explore the dynamics of emotional exchanges in relationships, particularly within marriages. They highlight the institute's recommendation of maintaining a golden ratio of five positive interactions to every negative one for a thriving partnership. The hosts offer practical advice on making intentional deposits into the love account through affirmations, encouragement, and thoughtful gestures that nurture the bond between partners.

Connect with Lauren:
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