Blending a family isn’t just about making schedules work or learning each other’s habits. It’s about entering into an already-formed culture — one that existed before you. For the stepparent, that often means grieving what you imagined family life would look like, while choosing to restrain yourself from immediately reshaping the environment into “yours.”

In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton talk candidly about:

• Why grief is a normal and healthy part of the step-parenting journey
• The tension between honoring the existing family culture and slowly helping build a new one
• The unspoken expectations that every stepparent carries — and what to do with them
• Why building a new “normal” takes years (Ron Deal says seven, and it often feels true!)
• Encouragement for couples to stay connected in the long process of blending

If you’re in the thick of a blended family dynamic, you are not crazy and you are not alone. Healing, belonging, and love can grow in the middle of the mess — but it takes time, patience, and a lot of grace.

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
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Jason and Lauren have big news to share—their first grandbaby has arrived! 🎉 In this special family update episode, they reflect on the joy of this new season, the surprises of grandparenting while still raising their own 5- and 3-year-old, and what it means to live out relational health across generations.

Together, they unpack:

• 🌿 The uniqueness of navigating multiple family “layers” at once—parenting littles, supporting adult children, and stepping into grandparenthood
• 🎄 How conversations around holidays like Christmas shift when legacy and generational traditions come into play
• 👵🏼 The role of grandparents in relational health—offering support without overstepping, helping without hovering
• 👶 What’s different about parenting littles versus grandparenting (and how both roles sharpen each other)
• ❤️ Navigating relationships with adult kids as they step into parenthood, and why cheering them on matters more than critiquing
• 🌈 The emotional mix of joy, nostalgia, and gratitude in life’s transition seasons

The Vallottons remind listeners that family is never static—it’s always growing and reshaping. Whether you’re raising littles, sending teens into the world, or welcoming grandkids, relational health comes down to connection, presence, and legacy.

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
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What do you do when staying in your marriage feels unsafe, but separation feels like it might be the end of everything you hoped for? Separation is one of the most raw and tender topics couples face—and for many, it carries fear, shame, and deep confusion.

In this episode, pastors and coaches Jason and Lauren Vallotton respond to two courageous listener questions about separation in marriage. With compassion and faith-filled honesty, they explore how to discern when separation is a protective step, what questions to ask in the midst of uncertainty, and how to hold covenant and safety together without feeling trapped by either.

They discuss:

• Why separation does not equal failure—and how it can be a tool for safety and clarity.
• The key questions to ask when considering reconciliation: Is there sustained change? Is safety being rebuilt? Am I experiencing peace or manipulation?
• How to navigate the tension between covenant and crisis, especially when abuse or repeated betrayal is present.
• Why God values safety and mental health as much as marriage covenant.
• The importance of community, accountability, and long-term fruit when walking through separation.
• Practical pathways forward, whether toward reconciliation or a different future, always anchored in hope and healing.

Jason and Lauren remind listeners that separation is not the end of the story. If you’re walking through a season of uncertainty or pain in your marriage, this episode will bring perspective, permission, and pastoral care.

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
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What do you do when your husband’s porn struggle becomes a story you tell about yourself—about not being pretty enough, skinny enough, or desirable enough? For so many women, his brokenness becomes her self-hatred. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.

In this powerful episode, pastors and coaches Jason and Lauren Vallotton share hope and healing for women who are carrying shame that was never theirs to hold. With compassion and clarity, they unpack why porn is not about a wife’s worth, how self-hatred lies to keep women isolated, and what tools actually help rebuild connection and restore identity.

Together, they walk through:

• You Are Not the Cause — Why porn is about escape, not about you “measuring up.”
  
  
• Self-Hatred Is a Liar — How shame masquerades as self-awareness and how to speak truth over yourself instead.
  
  
• You Still Deserve Empathy — Why your pain is valid and how to ask for emotional repair.
  
  
• You’re Allowed to Ask for Help — Practical steps for inviting God, community, and safe people into your healing.

If you’ve ever felt the sting of comparison or the weight of carrying your spouse’s struggle, this episode is a reminder: you’re not broken, you’re not too much, and your story doesn’t end in shame. Healing is possible—for your marriage, yes, but even more importantly, for you.

Resources:

Shasta Blue Sky Addiction & Trauma Recovery Services

75. What to do in Marriage Emergencies

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
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Every new season brings change—and with it, a sense of disorientation. As human beings, we’re wired for stability and rhythm, so even good change can feel uncomfortable at first. The question isn’t whether change will shake us, but how we walk through it without losing our footing.

In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton share practical wisdom for navigating transitions with grace, humor, and hope. From their own stories of job changes and parenting milestones, they remind us that adjustment takes time (sometimes at least two weeks!), and that flexibility is key when fear tempts us to tighten up.

They explore:

• Why it’s normal to feel unsettled in the middle of change.
  
  
• The “two-week rule” that helps reframe transitions.
  
  
• How fear can make us rigid—and why flexibility matters most during change.
  
  
• The importance of limiting how much newness you introduce at one time.
  
  
• Guarding connection with your spouse and close relationships so disorientation doesn’t drive disconnection.
  
  
• How leaning into God brings clarity, peace, and a renewed sense of purpose for each season.
  
  

If you’ve ever felt unsettled in the face of change, this conversation will remind you: disorientation is temporary, and you don’t have to walk through it alone.

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
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Counseling is incredibly valuable. Jason and Lauren are huge proponents of marriage counseling, coaching and investing in marriage in a way that invites outside input from experts who can give great feedback to help couples grow in their connection. But it’s so common for couples to spend years in sessions and workshops and retreats without ever experiencing lasting breakthrough. Why? Because no matter how good the tools are, they don’t work if certain foundations aren’t in place.

In this episode, pastors and coaches Jason and Lauren Vallotton unpack some of the hidden reasons couples stay stuck—even with professional help—and how to create the kind of environment where real change is possible.

They explore:

• Why solving problems without first building connection is like trying to spend from an empty bank account.
  
  
• How misdiagnosing root issues keeps couples treating the wrong thing—and stuck in painful cycles.
  
  
• Why communication tools and boundaries fail if you don’t understand your actual relational cycle.
  
  
• How “making things fair” in sessions can unintentionally block radical ownership—something both spouses need in order to break patterns.
  
  
• Why safety is the soil for growth, and how tools can feel like weapons if emotional safety isn’t present.
  
  
• The importance of “turning toward” your spouse and focusing on one clear target at a time.

This conversation offers fresh perspective and practical guidance for anyone longing for deeper transformation in their marriage.

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
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In this episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons, Jason and Lauren share wisdom from their unique experience raising both adult children and toddlers. Drawing from years of hands-on parenting, they dive into the intentional strategies that shape children into healthy, resilient adults—especially in a world that's vastly different from the one they grew up in.

Topics covered include:

• Why the goal is raising adults, not just managing children
• The importance of skills like delayed gratification, perseverance, and planning
• How to build family identity through phrases like “Vallottons tell the truth” and “Vallottons are helpers”
• Why today’s parenting landscape is nothing like past generations—and what to do about it
• How to establish healthy boundaries: what decisions your child makes on their own vs. with your input
• A new way to view trust: as a developmental process, not just a reflection of character
• Why certain "non-negotiables" (like music or swim lessons) are actually gifts you give your child
• Creating rhythms and structure while your kids are still moldable—because character is built early

Whether you're in the toddler trenches or navigating teenage independence, this conversation offers practical tools and timeless vision for parenting with the end in mind.

👉 If this episode encouraged you, share it with a fellow parent and leave a review to help others find our show!

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
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Connect with Jason:
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This episode is a vulnerable look into a recent real-life disconnection in the Vallotton's marriage! Every relationship experiences disconnection, but what matters is how we navigate back to each other. Hosts Jason and Lauren Vallotton share a recent experience where two weeks of limited quality time left them functioning as roommates rather than romantic partners.

• Jason feeling a lack of nurturing and tenderness in our interactions
• Lauren's problem-solving tendency sometimes coming across as harsh or critical
• The difference between "disgust" and constructive feedback in communication
• How personality differences (Enneagram Two vs Six) affect our relationship needs
• The crucial distinction between being good at "partnership" versus "lovership"
• Understanding that some relationship patterns can't be fixed in a single conversation
• The importance of both acknowledging issues and taking concrete steps toward change

The way you start difficult conversations will determine with 80% accuracy how they end. Remember that connection should always be the goal!

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
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Connect with Jason:
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Can love still feel new when someone has already been married and had children with someone else?

In this vulnerable episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton respond to a heartfelt question from a listener navigating the early stages of dating a divorced man with kids. Together, they unpack the very real fears, griefs, and hopes that can rise up in blended beginnings.

Whether you're walking this journey yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode offers practical wisdom, personal insight, and gentle clarity around some of the most tender questions:

• How do I reconcile the longing to be someone’s first with the reality of coming in second chronologically?
  
  
• Can I feel truly chosen if he’s loved before?
  
  
• What are healthy signs he’s healed from his past—and what red flags should I pay attention to?
  
  
• How do I navigate comparison, memories, or ongoing connection with a former spouse as they co-parent?
  
  
• What does “fairytale love” look like when the story begins with complexity?

Jason and Lauren speak from personal experience and pastoral wisdom to offer encouragement, grounded perspective, and honest dialogue about grief, hope, and choosing love in real life—not in the fantasy.

Because healing doesn’t mean the past never happened—it means the past no longer holds the pen.

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
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Connect with Jason:
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If your marriage feels chaotic, disconnected, or directionless… you’re not alone. In this episode, Jason and Lauren tackle what it looks like when couples are stuck in survival mode—no calendar, no plan, and no unity—and how to get back on the same team.

Jay’s been walking with several couples who feel overwhelmed and out of sync, and in this candid conversation, the Vallottons offer a lifeline of practical tools and fresh perspective to help you move from chaos to clarity.

In this episode, they unpack:

• Why chaos is a symptom, not the root issue
• How to create an ecosystem for your marriage that you’re leading—not one that’s leading you
• The power of living from a shared calendar and shared priorities
• Why independent goals can still flow from a shared vision
• What it takes to build peace, productivity, and purpose in your everyday rhythms

Key questions to ask together:

• What season are we in right now?
• What are our top three shared goals?
• Are we moving toward those goals—together?

🎯 Practical Challenge: Try this for one week

1. Set a Sunday night “calendar + priority” meeting
2. Write down your top 3 shared goals
3. Name one pain point and commit to addressing it with compassion

Don’t let the chaos run the show. Step into leadership together—one week, one goal, one shared step at a time.

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
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Connect with Jason:
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Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org