The people have spoken, and the rubber chicken has been given a reprieve from being retired back to the annals of comedy history. He lives! She lives!! They live!!! (We will reserve questions about the gender of the rubber chicken for another time.) Much like our rubberized feathered-friend, another public figure with links to the Jazz Age is going back to the people to get their vote. In this case it is sitting Senator Chuck Grassley (R-IA), who, if re-elected would be 96 years old at the end of his next term. While that would make Sen. Grassley decidedly on the old side of elderly, it would still put him several years shy of Lewis’s mom Jeannette, who will turn 104 in a couple of weeks. Lewis paid a visit to his mom this past week, and though her stories of teaching immigrants may have been a conflation of past events, or possibly fiction, they are still more coherent than Sen. Grassley’s incomprehensible interpretation of the $80 billion going to the IRS. It’s OK to make things up if you are 104 and have no responsibilities. Not so much if you are one of the longest-serving politicians in Washington.

On the conundrum front, Democrats have somehow become the defenders of the FBI (historically one of the most conservative parts of the executive branch), the former leader has seemingly found a way to defy all laws of physics and jurisprudence (he may be a hologram), and on a much more somber note, a judge in Florida determined that a pregnant sixteen-year-old is mature enough to be a parent, but not mature enough to decide whether to proceed with the pregnancy or have an abortion. And after years of being underpaid and underappreciated, the teachers of America have had enough. It was bad enough for them when all they had to deal with was bratty kids and over-involved parents. Now it’s all book banning, not teaching history, and dealing with school boards comprised of fellow citizens determined to impose their warped reality on the general public.

The rants this week include submissions about abortions, gun violence, and the descent of the United States into lawless chaos. Also addressed are serious topics like customer service phone options and Dodge Ram pickup trucks. Plus, an FBI-related top ten list.

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