Unpacking Emotional Baggage

Emotional baggage, unfortunately, we all have it! Although some of us have never gone through an extremely traumatic experience, we have all been wounded in some way in our past. Even though we can learn a great deal from our past, sometimes there are certain experiences that impact our future in an ongoing negative way. If we don’t deal with the emotional baggage from our past, it can weigh us down. It can negatively influence our decisions and actions, which can be detrimental to our relationships, especially our marriage.

Join us today as we talk about ways to unpack emotional baggage so it can no longer affect you or your marriage in a negative way.

Ways to Unpack Your Emotional Baggage

Identify the Problems

The first step in unpacking the emotional baggage that is negatively impacting your relationship is to identify what the problem areas are. This part of the process may take months, or possibly years, depending on the severity of both your and your spouse’s past experiences. The important thing here is to handle one issue at a time.

Acknowledge and Communicate the Emotion

As you are going through your emotional baggage piece by piece, you will experience emotions that are linked to whatever issue you are dealing with. Acknowledge and communicate those emotions. That’s the only true way that you can process and heal. It’s also the only way your spouse will truly know what is going on, and how to help.

Make Special Accommodations

Now that you have identified some problem areas, and have started communicating those issues and your emotions to your spouse, you can establish a plan of action.

This may mean that you and your spouse do and say things differently than other couples around you. You may discover that what is ok for others, may not be ok for your relationship, but here’s the truth about that.

Your marriage and your spouse are worth whatever changes need to be made.

Go to Therapy

There are some issues that are easily handled at home. However, some issues can be deeply rooted. It’s ok to acknowledge the fact that you need help dealing with it. If you find yourself in a situation where your emotional baggage is simply too overwhelming for you and your spouse to handle alone, get help.

https://abeautifuladventuremarriage.com/our-podcast/

With our last podcast, we went back to the basics. We looked up Paul’s definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13 and went through some ways we could apply patience and kindness to our marriages. This week we are talking about what loves isn’t and certain rules we can put in place to help us love our spouse well even during conflict.

We know what love is, now let’s look at what love isn’t.

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not brag, it is not puffed up, it does not behave inappropriately, it does not seek its own way, it is not provoked, it keeps no account of wrong, it does not rejoice over injustice but rejoices in the truth; it bears all things, it believes all, it hopes all things, it endures all things. Love never fails— 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is not rude or harsh. So how can we have conflict with our spouse but still love them well?

We establish Rules of Engagement for our marriages.

• Create a Delete List- words you will not say during conflict.

• Create Battle Boundaries- a list of rules you should follow during an argument. Warfare has rules. Why should our marriage be any different?

• Dig up the land mines- forgive your spouse for past hurts, and start looking for the good in them

If you make rules in times of peace, they will be easier to follow in

times of struggle. ~Alex Payne

Rules of Engagement Marriage Edition - A Beautiful Adventure Marriage

Today we are going back to the basics by looking at 1 Corinthians 13, and learning what the Bible tells us about love.

So what is love?

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not brag, it is not puffed up, it does not behave inappropriately, it does not seek its own way, it is not provoked, it keeps no account of wrong, it does not rejoice over injustice but rejoices in the truth; it bears all things, it believes all, it hopes all things, it endures all things. Love never fails— 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

As you go about your day and you come in contact with your spouse, pause.

Pause before you speak or act, think about what you are about to do and ask yourself these two questions.

• Am I being patient with my spouse?

• Am I being kind to my spouse?

Are your actions and words kind or mean? Is the tone of your voice soft or harsh?

Once you have the answers to these questions you have a choice to make. If you are being patient and kind great! Respond to your spouse. However, if you see that what you are about to do or say is not patient and kind, change your response.

Back to Basics with 2 Questions - A Beautiful Adventure Marriage

What if I told you, you are like the genie from Aladdin.That you have phenomenal cosmic power that could change not only your life but your marriage! Would you believe me? What if I added that the Bible backs me up on this claim? Still no?

Listen to this episode as we break down how you have the power to change your marriage when you change your words.

Five Ways to Change Your Words

• Stop speaking negatively over yourself, your spouse, and your life
• Communicate what your expectations are for your relationship.
• Pray with your spouse
• Pray for your spouse
• Use your words to convince yourself and your spouse daily that you really do love each other

Pray Model- from Tony Evan's Book "Kingdom Marriage"

Thank you for giving me _____ as my husband/wife. I pray that You will be clearly displayed in _____ life. Help _____ to grow spiritually, emotionally, and physically healthy every day. Surround _____ with godly relationships and clearly reveal Your purpose for him. Give _____ a desire to steward our family resources well and also to lead, learn, and love you. Help _____ to love you with all of their heart, soul, and mind. 

Do all the same for me, Lord. Help me to have a gentle spirit toward_____. Help us to follow Your leadership in our lives. Help us to be best friends, lovers, adventurers, prayer warriors, and devoted followers of You. Reveal to us anything that can be improved in our marriage and give us the desire and determination to improve it. Pour passion and spontaneity in our sex life. Help us to always turn to each other and not someone else. Put a hedge of protection around our marriage and guard us against any attack from the enemy. Help us to seek You first and love each other well.     Amen

For more resources check out our website- www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

What comes to mind when you think about passionately pursuing your spouse? Do you think about a dozen roses or a fancy candle light dinner? Maybe you think of a steamy shower together or a night of wild and amazing sex. Perhaps passionately pursuing your spouse means doing special things for them or simply spending quality time with them. The truth is all of these are great ways to passionately pursue your spouse

On this episode we will be discuss 2 things we learned about passionate pursuit from a very unlikely source. 

1. You have to pursue Jesus first. 

Luke 10:27 Amplified Version

And he replied, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.

     2. There are multiple ways to be passionate in pursuing your spouse.

For more marriage resources check out our website.

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

• Talk of Alabama 

3 Ways to Grow Your Marriage

We know the proper care of plants (water, soil, sunlight)

Just like plants a marriage needs proper care if it is going to grow and thrive.

There are multiple ways for you to invest in your marriage this year. We encourage you to tap into as many sources as possible but with this podcast, we are going to talk about easy ways that you can start investing in your marriage today.

1. Practicing Patience

Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Practical Way…

Ask yourself… Is this a big deal… Will this matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 years?

No-move on

Yes- deal with it

1. Support Your Spouse in Both Big and Small Ways

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Practical ways…

Be your spouse’s cheerleader

Don’t be the first negative voice they hear

Support them by participating in their hobby, interests, dreams, etc.

1. Care for Your Spouse’s Needs

Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Practical ways…

Ask your spouse how to care for them (while you wait on their answer… try the ones below)

Make sex a priority

Take something off their plate

Speak their Love Language

Let’s go into this new year being intentional about investing in our marriage in these three ways. Let’s stop wishing and making excuses… remember with proper care your marriage will grow.

https://abeautifuladventuremarriage.com/3-ways-to-grow-your-marriage-in-2023/

And they all lived happily ever after!

That's how all the good love stories end. Have you ever wondered... how? How are these people living "happily ever after"? What are they doing to make that happen? The world wants us to believe that it just happens with out any effort on our part. We are led to believe that if it doesn't "just happen" something is wrong with us,

On this episode, we are going to destroy the lie that says you can't have your "happily ever after" by showing you ways to be intentional everyday in order to strengthen your relationship.

Begin with the End in Mind - A Beautiful Adventure Marriage

On today's episode we wanted to start by introducing ourselves, sharing a little bit of our story, and explaining why we started A Beautiful Adventure Marriage. 12 years ago when we had our first pre-marital counseling session, no one in the room would have dream that we would be the founders of a marriage ministry. However the Lord works in mysterious ways and He has given us a passion for marriage and we want to share that passion with you.

You wil find that we aren't perfect. We don't get it right everytime. We are just two peole you love God, each other, and being married. Our goal is to give you anything we have that can help draw you closer to God and your spouse, We believe that marriage is God's idea. It is a good idea, and it can be a bautiful adventure.

Don't forget to hit that follow button and share this with your spouse! 

Adventure Awaits! So let's go! 

Let's Start at the Beginning - A Beautiful Adventure Marriage

Welcome to A Beautiful Adventure Marriage Podcast.

We are Alex and Tara Payne and we are here to help your marriage be the adventure of a lifetime.

So whether you are newly engaged or have been married for years we want to come alongside you to make your adventure the best it can be.

You will find with us no topic is off limits. We want to dive into any issue that could arise in marriage and give Biblical advice and practical tips to solve the problem, or just avoid it altogether- all while strengthening your relationship.

So if you want to go on this adventure with us grab your spouse, go to your favorite place to listen to podcasts, and hit that follow button. Remember your marriage can be the adventure of a lifetime. 

Let's go!

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com