For the month of May, we have focused on communication. We have broken down communication and explained that it should be clear, calm, current, and constructive. Then we talked about how you could implement constructive communication in a Biblical and practical way. 

We are wrapping this month up by talking about a form of communication that absolutely changes our marriage for the better.

What Does It Mean to Over-Communicate?

Over-Communication means you use as many literal words as necessary to express an expectation, a need, or a want. In other words, over-communicate assumes nothing but communicates everything.

4 Ways to Over-Communicate with Your Spouse Flat-out state what you want/need.

Your spouse cannot read your mind. It is unfair to get upset over uncommunicated expectations or desires.

Repeat back what you heard.

When you and your spouse are having an important conversation it’s always a good idea to repeat back what you think they are trying to communicate. When you start practicing this you may be surprised how often you hear something completely different than what your spouse is trying to say.

Ask clarifying questions.

If you are having a hard time understanding each other start asking clarifying questions. Get as many details as possible, do not just assume you have an understanding of the point.

Once a decision is made, restate the decision in your own words as well as the plan (if applicable) you both agree to execute.

This is one of the most important steps in this process. Do not leave the conversation without making sure you know the plan but also know what the next step is.

Our Podcast - A Beautiful Adventure Marriage

On our last podcast, we talked about the breakdown in communication. We talked about how communication needs to be clear, calm, current, and constructive.

On this episode, let’s break down what constructive communication is, why it’s important, and how we can use certain tools to help us communicate in a more constructive way. We are also going to give you Biblical and practical ways to apply it to your relationships in hopes that these tools will help you to build the marriage you and your spouse want to have.

Tools for Constructive Communication Tool One: Compromise

A compromise is an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.

To compromise both people must be willing to make changes to move forward and accomplish whatever the task may be. No one person completely gets his or her way.

For compromise to happen both people must realize a few things.

• There is more than one way to accomplish the goal.

• Your way is not the only way.

• Your way may not even be the best option.

Tool Two: Capitulation

Capitulation is the action of surrendering or ceasing to resist an opponent or demand:

So, capitulation is the opposite of compromise. When we use the tool of capitulation one person does get their way.

For capitulation to happen both people must realize a few things.

• It’s not about winning or losing but about maintaining unity while accomplishing the goal.

• Your spouse’s way may be the best option.

• You can’t be bitter if your way is not chosen.

Tool Three: Agree to Disagree

Agreeing to disagree happens when the goal can be accomplished without the couple necessarily being in 100% agreement. There are times in your marriage where one way needs to be chosen. However, this is not the case all the time. In some situations, you can work individually and still accomplish the same goal. In these moments, you can agree to disagree and still move forward.

If you are going to practice “agree to disagree” both people must realize a few things.

• You don’t have to pick just one way to do something with every situation.

• You don’t have to accomplish every goal 100% together.

• You can divide and conquer but if you divide the task up, don’t get hung up on how your spouse does their part.

Biblical Application-

We get into the Word, and we become more like Christ. When we spend time in His Word, we will start to take on His unselfish love and concern for others, and using these constructive tools will come more naturally.

Practical Application-

Let the other person talk- we will never be able to move forward as a team if we don’t let the other person communicate their opinions and ideas.

Listen with the goal of understanding not responding- Really listen to what the other person is saying and genuinely consider their ideas. Don’t be formulating your response while they are talking.

Ask clarifying questions to further the conversation- this is the time to ask all the questions you need to in order to understand your spouse’s point of view and ideas

Stay humble- at the end of the day you win or lose as a team. Regardless of how the decision falls you and your spouse need to have a humble spirit.

Our Podcast - A Beautiful Adventure Marriage

Communication Breakdowns and Misunderstandings! Lack of Communication or the Silent Treatment!

If you ask any couple to name one thing they struggle with the most in their marriage, they would probably say something about communication. Communication between any two people can be difficult, but in marriage lack of communication or communication breakdowns can bring a lot of unnecessary harm.

Join us for this episode as we give you the breakdown on how to communicate effectively with your spouse.

To be effective communication must be...

 

Clear-

This means it must make sense, not only to us, but to our spouse as well. We don’t need to intentionally speak in a way that is confusing to our spouse. They shouldn’t have to decipher our words like some kind of code to “hopefully” figure out what we are trying to say.

Calm-

We learned that only 7% of the message another person receives comes from our actual words. The rest of the message comes from 55% body language, and 38% tone. This shows us that staying calm and in control of our body language and tone are very important. Staying calm in a situation will always improve communication. But we all know when tempers flare it’s easy to say and do things we regret later.

Current-

This means we need to communicate with our spouses every day. There does not need to be long stretches of time when we aren’t speaking to our spouse. This also means the communication we do have needs to be up to date, and frequent. We don’t need to leave anything to assumptions.

Now you can break “current” down two ways in your daily life:

• Communicating any changes that happen.

• Not being historical, especially during a conflict.

Constructive-

When you have a situation where you do not agree, it can cause a lot of stress, especially if this decision will impact your future. Yelling and screaming and being downright belligerent will in no way make your communication or your marriage better. If you are not emphatic, it can cause your spouse to feel like you do not value them or their opinion, which can lead to more issues down the road.

On our next podcast we are going to bring down how you can constructively communicate with your spouse.

The Break Down on Communication - A Beautiful Adventure Marriage

The Power of Consistent Behavior

 

How would you like to be “the” couple?

You probably know the couple I am talking about but if not, let me introduce you to them.

This couple seems genuinely happy and optimistic about their life and marriage. They speak kindly to each other and about each other. Regardless of how long they have been together or what season they are going through; their marriage relationship is thriving. Although they have seasons of hardship and struggle you never really see it. They respect each other in public, and they don't air their dirty laundry on social media.

There is just something about this couple. Everyone enjoys being with them and wants to know what their secret is.

There really isn't a secret. You can become "the" couple by practicing consistent behavior.

What is consistent behavior?

Consistent behavior means you do the same things in the same way over a long period of time. 

·        By making good consistent decisions, you prove that you are trustworthy and dependable. 

·        When you make good consistent decision in your relationship, you are showing you value the wellbeing of not only yourself but the other person.

 

Matthew 5:37 gives us a great formula for consistent behavior.

All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

 

Biblical application-

·        Let your yes be yes - if you say you are going to do something, do it. Big or small (the little things add up)

·        Let your no be no - if you can't do something, be honest about it.

·        Communicate often - if things change, communicate the changes to avoid unnecessary conflict.

 

Check out the podcast for the ways you can practically apply this in your life.

 

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

Unpacking Emotional Baggage

Emotional baggage, unfortunately, we all have it! Although some of us have never gone through an extremely traumatic experience, we have all been wounded in some way in our past. Even though we can learn a great deal from our past, sometimes there are certain experiences that impact our future in an ongoing negative way. If we don’t deal with the emotional baggage from our past, it can weigh us down. It can negatively influence our decisions and actions, which can be detrimental to our relationships, especially our marriage.

Join us today as we talk about ways to unpack emotional baggage so it can no longer affect you or your marriage in a negative way.

 

Ways to Unpack Your Emotional Baggage

Identify the Problems

The first step in unpacking the emotional baggage that is negatively impacting your relationship is to identify what the problem areas are. This part of the process may take months, or possibly years, depending on the severity of both your and your spouse’s past experiences. The important thing here is to handle one issue at a time.

 

Acknowledge and Communicate the Emotion

As you are going through your emotional baggage piece by piece, you will experience emotions that are linked to whatever issue you are dealing with. Acknowledge and communicate those emotions. That’s the only true way that you can process and heal. It’s also the only way your spouse will truly know what is going on, and how to help.

 

Make Special Accommodations

Now that you have identified some problem areas, and have started communicating those issues and your emotions to your spouse, you can establish a plan of action.

This may mean that you and your spouse do and say things differently than other couples around you. You may discover that what is ok for others, may not be ok for your relationship, but here’s the truth about that.

Your marriage and your spouse are worth whatever changes need to be made.

Go to Therapy

There are some issues that are easily handled at home. However, some issues can be deeply rooted. It’s ok to acknowledge the fact that you need help dealing with it. If you find yourself in a situation where your emotional baggage is simply too overwhelming for you and your spouse to handle alone, get help.

 

https://abeautifuladventuremarriage.com/our-podcast/

 

 

 

With our last podcast, we went back to the basics. We looked up Paul’s definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13 and went through some ways we could apply patience and kindness to our marriages. This week we are talking about what loves isn’t and certain rules we can put in place to help us love our spouse well even during conflict.

We know what love is, now let’s look at what love isn’t.

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not brag, it is not puffed up, it does not behave inappropriately, it does not seek its own way, it is not provoked, it keeps no account of wrong, it does not rejoice over injustice but rejoices in the truth; it bears all things, it believes all, it hopes all things, it endures all things. Love never fails— 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is not rude or harsh. So how can we have conflict with our spouse but still love them well?

We establish Rules of Engagement for our marriages.

• Create a Delete List- words you will not say during conflict.

• Create Battle Boundaries- a list of rules you should follow during an argument. Warfare has rules. Why should our marriage be any different?

• Dig up the land mines- forgive your spouse for past hurts, and start looking for the good in them

 

If you make rules in times of peace, they will be easier to follow in

times of struggle. ~Alex Payne

 

Rules of Engagement Marriage Edition - A Beautiful Adventure Marriage

Today we are going back to the basics by looking at 1 Corinthians 13, and learning what the Bible tells us about love.

So what is love?

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not brag, it is not puffed up, it does not behave inappropriately, it does not seek its own way, it is not provoked, it keeps no account of wrong, it does not rejoice over injustice but rejoices in the truth; it bears all things, it believes all, it hopes all things, it endures all things. Love never fails— 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

As you go about your day and you come in contact with your spouse, pause.

Pause before you speak or act, think about what you are about to do and ask yourself these two questions.

• Am I being patient with my spouse?

• Am I being kind to my spouse?

Are your actions and words kind or mean? Is the tone of your voice soft or harsh?

Once you have the answers to these questions you have a choice to make. If you are being patient and kind great! Respond to your spouse. However, if you see that what you are about to do or say is not patient and kind, change your response.

Back to Basics with 2 Questions - A Beautiful Adventure Marriage

 

 

What if I told you, you are like the genie from Aladdin.That you have phenomenal cosmic power that could change not only your life but your marriage! Would you believe me? What if I added that the Bible backs me up on this claim? Still no?

Listen to this episode as we break down how you have the power to change your marriage when you change your words.

Five Ways to Change Your Words

• Stop speaking negatively over yourself, your spouse, and your life
• Communicate what your expectations are for your relationship.
• Pray with your spouse
• Pray for your spouse
• Use your words to convince yourself and your spouse daily that you really do love each other

Pray Model- from Tony Evan's Book "Kingdom Marriage"

Thank you for giving me _____ as my husband/wife. I pray that You will be clearly displayed in _____ life. Help _____ to grow spiritually, emotionally, and physically healthy every day. Surround _____ with godly relationships and clearly reveal Your purpose for him. Give _____ a desire to steward our family resources well and also to lead, learn, and love you. Help _____ to love you with all of their heart, soul, and mind. 

Do all the same for me, Lord. Help me to have a gentle spirit toward_____. Help us to follow Your leadership in our lives. Help us to be best friends, lovers, adventurers, prayer warriors, and devoted followers of You. Reveal to us anything that can be improved in our marriage and give us the desire and determination to improve it. Pour passion and spontaneity in our sex life. Help us to always turn to each other and not someone else. Put a hedge of protection around our marriage and guard us against any attack from the enemy. Help us to seek You first and love each other well.     Amen

For more resources check out our website- www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

 

What comes to mind when you think about passionately pursuing your spouse? Do you think about a dozen roses or a fancy candle light dinner? Maybe you think of a steamy shower together or a night of wild and amazing sex. Perhaps passionately pursuing your spouse means doing special things for them or simply spending quality time with them. The truth is all of these are great ways to passionately pursue your spouse

On this episode we will be discuss 2 things we learned about passionate pursuit from a very unlikely source. 

1. You have to pursue Jesus first. 

Luke 10:27 Amplified Version

And he replied, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.

     2. There are multiple ways to be passionate in pursuing your spouse.

For more marriage resources check out our website.

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

 

 

• Talk of Alabama 

 

3 Ways to Grow Your Marriage

 

We know the proper care of plants (water, soil, sunlight)

Just like plants a marriage needs proper care if it is going to grow and thrive.

There are multiple ways for you to invest in your marriage this year. We encourage you to tap into as many sources as possible but with this podcast, we are going to talk about easy ways that you can start investing in your marriage today.

 

1. Practicing Patience

Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

 

Practical Way…

Ask yourself… Is this a big deal… Will this matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 years?

No-move on

Yes- deal with it

 

1. Support Your Spouse in Both Big and Small Ways

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

 

Practical ways…

Be your spouse’s cheerleader

Don’t be the first negative voice they hear

Support them by participating in their hobby, interests, dreams, etc.

 

1. Care for Your Spouse’s Needs

Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Practical ways…

Ask your spouse how to care for them (while you wait on their answer… try the ones below)

Make sex a priority

Take something off their plate

Speak their Love Language

 

Let’s go into this new year being intentional about investing in our marriage in these three ways. Let’s stop wishing and making excuses… remember with proper care your marriage will grow.

https://abeautifuladventuremarriage.com/3-ways-to-grow-your-marriage-in-2023/