Are humans fundamentally "not good"? My husband needs to be intimate to feel close, and I need to feel close to be intimate. How do we resolve this disparity in our marriage?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

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Q1: Recently I attended a Lutheran Free service with my parents. Their pastor, a very scholarly man who knows his Bible well, mentioned 3-4 times in his sermon that after the fall God sees us as 'not good'. How can I explain the Truth (Catholic teaching) to him in love?

Q2: My husband often needs to BE intimate to feel close, where I need to FEEL close to be intimate. The way we express and receive our love is just different. But for me, I am on guard about "always to love never to use" almost to a fault. I'm hesitant to give myself until we FEEL close (and I know that would be ideal), but with young kids we just don't realistically always have the time or energy to reach that point emotionally, and so therefore seldom reach the ability to be intimate physically either.

How can I shift my mindset to be open to intimacy even when I may not FEEL it, knowing that it ultimately is a way I AM showing my husband love in the way he can receive it? I don't want to be afraid that the act is somehow "letting myself be used" just because I may not 100% emotionally FEEL it in the moment. (Worth noting, my husband is also very on guard to "never use" so it's not like he is demanding sex, it just is his love language. )

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Resources mentioned this week:

TOB Institute Courses - Including October's course centering on Mary

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Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

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