A Better Love with Dr. Greg Matos

Welcome back to A Better Love, I'm your host, Dr. Greg, today we're talking about anxious attachment styles and post-traumatic stress symptoms. If you have experienced trauma in your life you're going to want to listen to today's episode.

 First, let's answer the question: have I experienced trauma? if you grew up in a house where there was physical or psychological abuse If you experience sexual abuse or sexual assault if you've experienced War or intimate partner violence oh, it may be the case that you'll experience post-traumatic stress symptoms. briefly, these symptoms fall into several clusters including intrusions, avoidance, persistent alterations in cognition and mood, or hyperarousal. 

If you had any of these kinds of experiences in childhood, oh, there's a high likelihood that your attachment style was shaped in a way that may lead to more anxiety or avoidance in your interpersonal attachments. it may be the case that you had this type of attachment with your primary caregiver.  and lastly, it may be the case that your primary caregiver induced the trauma in the first place.

Let's pause for a moment so you can answer this question: have you experienced psychological trauma in your life? 

Now let's consider whether you describe your attachment style as anxious. Do you experience persistent fear of interpersonal rejection or abandonment? Do you have excessive concerns about and desire for proximity to close others? Do you experience significant distress when relationship partners aren't immediately available or unresponsive?

If any of these things describe your experience in your current relationship or maybe past relationships, what you can develop is the awareness of where your attention and focus is going before, during, and after conflict with your partner.

Is your mind scouring your partner's words for indications of threat? in this case the threat of losing the person? This will definitely have an impact on your experience of the relationship. It will discuss in a moment my general recommendation is it going to be for folks who tend to have a more anxious attachment style.

Perhaps you have less of an anxious attachment style and more of an avoidant attachment. Do you experience discomfort with close interpersonal relationships? Are you excessively self-reliant? When you feel things intensely do you move away from the emotion so as to deactivate it in a way as a way of regulating it?  folks with an avoidant attachment 10 to have challenges acknowledging negative emotional states in themselves,  they tend not to seek social support end of the attachment styles this group of people is likely to experience proportionately higher rates of depression. 

The connection between these two attachment Styles and post-traumatic stress is the following:  first, those who have these styles tend to report more post-traumatic stress symptoms than folks with secure attachment styles.  The general take-home here is that strong emotional connection to family and friends after trauma serves as a protective factor in later experiencing PTSD symptoms, in other words being diagnosed with PTSD  in the first place.

For listeners who may have experienced trauma in their childhoods,  post-traumatic stress often becomes much more complex and is stickier to work through.  and this gets me to my general recommendation here which is not going to surprise any of my listeners.

There's a significant benefit to those who have experienced physical emotional or sexual abuse neglect,  and from intimate partner violence to combat. It's important to integrate processes and make meaning of these experiences. and in relationships oh, it will be important for our partners to understand these difficult parts of our story. I've worked with many combat veterans to be able to share meaningfully with their

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Join Dr. Greg to discuss a question providers often hear: how do I know if they're the one? We'll dig into the concept of soulmates, how many Americans believe in them, and if it's helpful for lasting love.

Send your relationship questions to Dr. Greg @abetterloveproject and until tomorrow, love each other fiercely.

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Join Dr. Greg and special guest, Dr. Jenicka, to talk about picking the best gifts for your loved ones this holiday season and learning our love languages to do that. Dr. Jenicka Engler is a developmental neuropsychologist in Massachusetts and we're covering:

1. Identifying our love language and how it developed.
2. Communicating with our partner about their love language.
3. Considering how our gift fits our partner's love language and present desires/hopes.

If you’d like to connect with the good doctor, visit her on Instagram @drjenicka. And to you, our listeners, thank you for spending time with us today and your commitment to a better love. Send your relationship questions to me, Dr. Greg @abetterloveproject on TikTok and Instagram. 

Until tomorrow, love each other fiercely.

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Join Dr. Greg to talk about growth in midlife (age 40-59) and why a crisis in midlife is NOT part of a typical developmental trajectory. Still, there are a few things everyone approaching or in their midlife years can consider.

In today's episode:
1. Normalizing changes in mood and appearance/body.
2. Reflection on the meaning of life choices/creating shared meaning.
3. Celebrating accomplishments and honoring dreams.

Today's topic came from a TikTok audience member! Make sure to send your relationship questions to Dr. Greg @abetterloveproject. We'll answer them on the podcast. Until tomorrow, love each other fiercely.

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Join Dr. Greg for a quick overview of the Gottman's Sound Relationship House Theory, with particular emphasis on:

1. Trust and Commitment
2. Building Love Maps
3. Sharing Fondness and Admiration
4. Turning Towards vs. Away

Ask your relationship questions @abetterloveproject on TikTok and Instagram. Until tomorrow, love each other fiercely. 

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Join Dr. Greg, a couple psychologist, to answer: How do I get past missing someone I spent 24/7 with? 

On this episode:
1. Grief
2. Loss
3. Meaning Making

Ask your relationship questions @abetterloveproject on TikTok and Instagram. Until tomorrow, love each other fiercely.

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Join Dr. Greg, a board-certified couple psychologist, to answer the question: How do I manage the boundary between depression in my partner and my own needs?

In this podcast:
1. Generating understanding and compassion
2. Supporting our partner's choice to do individual therapy
3. Honoring our needs and communicating those with our partner

Send your relationship questions to @abetterloveproject on TikTok and Instagram, we'll answer them on the podcast soon. See you tomorrow. 

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Our first 5-minute daily podcast answering your relationship question: How do I try not to find others attractive whilst in a relationship?

We dive into:

1. Turning Towards vs. Away
2. Refocusing on your desires within your relationship.
3. Reinforcing your boundaries, especially if the issue is a reoccurring experience.

Send your questions to Dr. Greg @abetterloveproject on TikTok and Instagram, we'll answer them on the podcast!

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Join Dr. Greg and guest Hayley Almeida for their conversation about frustration on hikes, how to leverage nature, time, and mindfulness to still enjoy your day together.

Conflict is normal, so of course, it will sometimes come up when you're out with your partner in nature.

I know many couples who love being outside together and enjoying the fresh air. Getting exercise together is a great ritual of emotional connection. It's also a time when meaningful conversations can deepen. What do you typically do when frustration arises or a regrettable incident?

Anonymously submit a question for us to answer on an upcoming podcast episode: https://www.abetterloveproject.org/ask. 

Connect with Hayley on IG: @HayleyAlmeida for nature photography and for daily relationship advice, stop by @abetterloveproject.

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Join Dr. Greg for a quick review on attachment styles and what they have to do with our childhood as well as our adult romantic relationships. 

This topic comes from a TikTok audience member who was struggling with an anxious attachment. We use the example of waiting for a text response from our partner to consider the different styles.

Have a question we can answer on the show, follow us on TikTok and Instagram @abetterloveproject! 

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