Join Dr. Greg, a board-certified couples psychologist, to discuss how to love less conditionally in our romantic relationships and with our kids.
We want to distinguish between self-worth and the availability of our love and affection. Kids who have parents who are emotionally validating regardless of their progress toward goals (i.e. academic, extracurricular) fare easier in romantic relationships.
Marriage, for instance, has us showing up as ourselves every day with a partner for decades at a time. We want to feel loved as we are, regardless of transient moods or any given day in a 10+ year relationship.
The same goes for kids, who soak up critical or contemptuous messages that hurt their self-esteem, efficacy, and sense of self-worth. When talking to their kids, it’s helpful for parents to stay focused on their life-affirming values and less on what a child may not be doing particularly well at that moment.
When a child develops strong self-worth through positive reinforcement versus criticism, they can thrive. And when they start their own relationships, they’ll do so with greater self-esteem and relational skills.
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