I have been off tiktok so i have spent a lot of time on twitter and you tube recently and the black twitter hypotheticals have gotten insane! The dating discourse, bathing discourse, marriage discourse, age gaps, who eats first, who sits in front seat. And i came to the conclusion that it all links to poverty!

I remember hearing that a lot of guys say and think women have high standards for men but they really just don’t want to date broke men and i was like yeah that makes sense

But although we are set back because of racism and slavery to reach the same heights as those who aren’t black and people of color we fail to address who put that in that position and instead just attack and attack people

I don’t want to offend people because of my stance on this but the not wanting people who aren’t financially stable to have kids is eugenics thing i disagree with because i feel like we should try our hardest to end traditions of generational poverty

recently on twitter there was a woman romanticizing and holding white marriages on a pedestal to black relationships the tweet said something about how it all happens in their 20s and they are so happy but at the end of the day each marriage no matter race has it’s own strengths and issues and i think we all need to spend less time comparing our situation to others but at the end of the day marriage is different when you have generational wealth no matter your race and it’s easier to accomplish financial goals and have one partner working and one partner staying at home when someone in that relationships benefits from the patriarchy, white supremacism, and generational wealth

anyways some debates online just make my ass itch! like why are you bringing one kid food and not the other kids food? poverty is the answer you can’t afford it and i think we just need more education in our communities on why our government pushed black fathers out of households and why it’s so much harder for people to provide for their children and what we can do to get people set up with good jobs so these hypotheticals stop becoming real life situations for many people in our communities

the excessive cleanliness also links back to poverty and slavery because of how we focus so much on our appearance and wanting to feel worthy in society and wanting others to perceive us as in a higher class which is just so sad because i feel like it’s also used as a bragging tool like i have seen way too many embarrassing tweets about women bragging about their vaginal health and the odor…. like i don’t need to know girl anyways

i want our people to start sending out resources that help link people with ways to get loans for college if that’s what necessary or links to good jobs with little experience or trade schools or family planning classes 401ks 529s for college i want to see more black people and families with generational wealth not people who are living paycheck to paycheck and not able to provided for themselves and their family thank you for listening and like the great twitter prophet said please wrap your hypotheticals up by 2023!!!!

okay i was thinking this morning about the album reaction to sos by sza and i was like wait who’s lying because everyone online was saying havent we grown up why are you calling yourself a loser etc and i was like um let’s be real one the men out there are pretty shitty! and everyone’s grown from their past and assuming sza is still in this mindset is no critical thinking considering how long she’s been working on this album and her clarification tweet and music is stories like it doesn’t have to 100% pertain but listening to some of her songs like the loser one i relate ive messed with some ducking losers and it made me feel like one and feel good music can only soothe us at so many times if that’s what you listen to do that! szas singles and first album also weren’t all sunshines and rainbows so this discourse is stupid! szas new album is really good enjoy it! go listen to it i took a little break but im back! thanks for listening

tiktok mariah the scientist challenge spread thin trend

So I was kind of in a reading funk this year. But when I was on tiktok I saw how booktok was running with colleen hoover so I sipped I bought it ends with us, verity, and ugly love I have finished two out of three and have thoughts. Unlike most, or like most I guess im not really sure but anyways I had a BAD wattpad phase like staying up all night to read after at like 13-14. I was young okay. So it was very apparent that the relationships in both verity and it ends with us were toxic awful and kind of just like the whole time I was reading I would say outloud what the fuck like how did someone come up with this shit and why was I still reading it I was thinking about what I wanted to say about her books this morning and all I could think was like so little happened that I just wanted to keep reading like I read both books very quickly but so far ugly love has completely lost me.

Hearing colleen hoover talk about how she took the abuse her mother faced and wrote about it and it was like the realest she’s been in her writing I understood what she was saying also but I didn’t like it. Like I understand that not every book has to be rainbows but also there becomes a weird conversation about how toxic traumatic love stories impact impressionable audiences like I said I had a wattpad phase and the amount of toxic relationships that were romanticized in those books was insane and definitely fucked me up a little

Its like on simpler and less drastic terms telling young girls that if a boy is mean to them that means they like them like no thats not the truth and thats also not what you should be looking for in a partner I think of myself and my attraction to men who literally dont care if I live or love like I love searching for attention from those who dont care about me and its just a toxic trap

Also this will probably have spoilers im just going to say that now but when lowen had sex with Jeremy I remember just getting angry like the book didn’t have to go that way and it still would’ve been super interesting I don’t know and that book I had to put it down multiple times when I read it because it was so fucked up like I just couldn’t take it at points.

I just wished that we praised romance books that were a little more upbeat and positive and not like the most fucked up scenarios you know because the fact that women read romance books so much should probably be more telling than it is or how its perceived

A lot of women are missing romance in their lives and I feel like as a society we often look to media and what we consume to inform what we think is normal in a sense not fully but you know we cant say it doesn’t influence it at all.

I dont read a lot but I have read a lot of romance books and just all the controversy around colleen hoover I am assuming that there are a lot more authors who could do more good with her platform but from what I have seen from colleens social media and some interviews I think she agrees to an extent.

Anyways maybe im wrong hopefully I can read ugly love and get back to you on that and my opinions but the whole step sibling dating things is already rubbing me the wrong way.

Thanks for listening.

I went to get my starter locs retwisted at the beginning of December and honestly I had a ball I sit down and a few minutes go by I updated her on the state of my hair and how this new loc journey is going and then she asked me a question..

Do you know who dr. Umar is?

Oh boy do I! Dr.Umar is famous in my household. If you dont already know I am a twitter addict and for the past I would say 3-5 years dr Umar has been a meme online. I was like yeah he’s so fucking funny and she was telling me he was recently on the breakfast club we talked for a while but after she washed my hair we turned it on and I was shocked

That interview was amazing I agreed with every single stance he took

He talked about interracial marriages, Deion sanders, how we fail to hold celebrities accountable, Kanye West, sports, he spewed off black history facts like it was his name my eyes were opened and of course there were comedic moments like when he called people out for being coons and negropeans as he called it and giving famous people lashings like Shannon Sharpe and Deion sanders but he was speaking facts like everything he said was needed and then I realized I am a victim of the memifcication of black people I play into it and while dr Umar obviously isn’t a prophet and has said harmful things and is definitely hotep adjacent and I disagree with probably some if not most of his beliefs but he is an educated man and an instagram live clip of him messing around in the park isn’t the full story or the full complexity of who he is

The school I only knew of in reference to a clip of him on Instagram like thanking sister Cindy for $20 and asking more but hearing him talking about the school he is building on the breakfast club and how he plans on helping properly educate black men and what they will learn there was eye-opening

The way we meme is second nature we rarely look into the initial reason why something went viral or anything I think about the “double homicide” joke from a few years ago and its just kind of gross you know and I dont think everyone who posted a clip of dr Umar was trying to discredit some of his strong opinions and discredit the advances he wants to make in the black community it doesn’t minimize the harm these actions can do for our intellectual growth and understanding of polarizing figures in the black community whether they are important figures or not

Zachary campbell is a new one his music reviews create some of the funniest clips ever but he is out here saying he understands Megan thee stallion as them both sharing the same sun sign of Aquarius and accusing her of lying about being shot like I like to laugh at his videos but I dont stand with his blatant misogyny and the discrediting of those who have experienced gun violence

Reality tv there are so many black women who become memes off of real pain they experience in those situations as well but my question is where do we draw the line and when does it become a mockery and minstrel show adjacent I think of ms juicy, nene, dr Umar, Davonne, and others and believe they also deserve profit over their likeness and how much their images are used on social media.

Anyways thanks for listening and I encourage you to discover the brain and voice behind the meme I think of Quinta brunson and her success and how well she seemed literally the name of her memoir she memes well.. but its just food for thought! Again thanks for listening.

Im truly disgusted to see how people respond to megan thee stallions shooting. I can not imagine living in her shoes and even attempting to log on social media for the past like year and a half straight just constant heat and judgement and lies and its intolerable.

I have never seen a star like her. As a 6’ black woman she gives me the confidence I wish I had my entire life merely by listening to her music all she does is stand strong in her sexuality and self confidence and people use that to attack her and condone the violence and hyper-sexualization she has received from others its fucking ridiculous

And these men and power never miss an opportunity to discredit her truth or her success its disgusting

I stand with victims I believe woman but a lot of these idiots and high position can not say the same but what hurts me a lot is the jump that these make to quickly give energy and praise to those who hurt women!

All of these mysterious tory lanez fans show up why weren’t they promoting his failed albums and tours prior to the shooting? Because they didn’t give a fuck they only cared about bringing a woman of notoriety and fame down

Megan thee stallion has experienced so much loss and hurt and her music community doesn’t even come to her defense its embarrassing

Our community is filled of idiots black men and women are so divisive

But I ask this question why is it so hard for black men to believe black women? And why would you quickly believe that someone lied instead of telling the truth?

misogyny and colorism mean thee stallion vs doja cat

I also wanted to touch on dojo cat who is experiencing so much hate for her appearance I wish I would’ve talked about her in the style episode I love her style and makeup looks and how she expresses her self its so unique and you can just see her beaming I understand how hard it must be to have 4c hair and why she felt relieved when she cut it off as well but I saw this video of Jackie Aina this am analyzing the attack on women with personal style and a comment sparked my mind about colorism

People are upset that she isn’t being the stereotypical light skin woman with 30” hair and not presenting as more emo or alt and the commenters were talking about how rico nasty does the same and hasn’t popped off in the same sense even though she is talented as fuck

I think about how in the past few years men have gotten fame for dressing more androgynous and painting their nails but its like women have this specific look they have to fit into or they are disregarded

I one saw a tweet from sabria from black girl brunch someone I talked about in the episode touching on personal style hers is amazing she is a doll collector as well like what a cool hob any way it read this

Y’all allow men to be something they’d never allow you to be: Ugly and loved

Thank you for listening and everyone listen to scary by Megan thee stallion featuring rico nasty an amazing song.

So I have been off tiktok for proabbly about a month now but I have heard the news about Maia Knight blurring her children’s faces in her tiktoks and I was relieved for her. Her kids are getting older and the relationship she has built with tiktok fans is very scary seeing people on twitter share tiktoks of her followers damn near crying about not being able to see maias children is scary/

The par asocial relationship has gone way too far there’s one video where a woman refers to maias kids as “my babies” which is just absurd like literally insane and I can only hope that a bad encounter didn’t cause Maia to take her kids off the internet but her realizing what putting them in the spotlight could potentially do and how it could harm her children

I think of the kardashians and how Khloe and Kylie have new baby boys and they shield them from the internet and I just read all the theories and they just rub me the wrong way they continue to exploit their daughters and show their daughters but hide their sons I remember hearing I think the dad challenge podcast talk about how vloggers make more money off of having daughters because of capitalism obviously and how it creates more ads and stuff and ways to make more money its so gross but its like why cant the kardashians give all their children privacy

Why do people feel like its okay to profit off of their children and show them to a world of people who they dont know opening them up to criticism and just bad energy in general

I know Trisha paytas recently had a daughter and she said something along the lines of she isn’t making money off of her daughter and that was just false? She posts videos of her daughter takes pictures of her daughter uses her as the thumbnail technically just having anyone or anything in your monetized content is using them to make money and then it gets muddy like I agree with her stance on people asking for pictures of her kid thats freaking weird but what would they expect when they watch you use her as a prop all day

The laws pertaining to children on the internet need to be put into action now its gross and I dont know what prompted Maia to take her kids faces off the internet but Im happy she did it maybe she should try to find a way to be a content creator without constantly disrespecting her kids privacy.

And I have seen the news about okbaby kyra… and let me just say she has protected Preston more than she has ever protected her children Kyra and Oscar saw how invested people got in their relationship and their breakup and how awfully it impacted them both mentally subjecting their four kids to being able to watch their breakup should’ve been a wake up call to create content outside of their kids lives.

Thanks for listening!

grow dreads out and become more carefree about my hair

Divest from beauty standards

be more social and lively and outgoing and friendly and confident start taking pictures more

work on improving personal hygiene teeth fixed cleaned white etc

work out and get fit and toned: tone arms and stomach area abs continue walking try to hit 10,000 steps on WFH and weekends

try to cook home cooked meals as much as possible and try going vegan or pescatarian ( fish and no dairy?) i think giving up dairy for 2023 and meat would be a good idea you could learn other ways to spice up your cooking and find new things you like to make

step out of my comfort zone and travel

learn a few new hobbies and join groups of people form solid connections with new people

go to a festival or concerts and enjoy live music

work on improving anxiety and depression

try to find a less traditional way to make money

volunteer your time and try being as genuine and kind as possible

work on prioritizing a good work life balance get a new job and move

practice positive self talk

live within my astrology and human design inform and speak positive things into existence

continue and grow my podcast

save $ and work on controlling and stopping my impulsive spending save your bonuses don’t spend them

Spend less time online in turn practice writing more start short stories continuations of cancelled series and turn them into podcast episodes

Maybe make a YouTube channel for the podcast and try to animate videos or something to post there loc video 1 year honestly just revive a letter for sally

get back to dream journaling and manifesting monthly

better at cleaning and staying up on things

crying this am about my mom

JANUARY- i have no expectations for my progress i’m honestly just trying to get by i feel okay

If theres anything Ive learned since the new year or right before from being chronically online its that I don’t have to treat myself as a brand I don’t have to constantly strive to become a better human and constantly try to kill all my bad habits as a creature of comfort I want to just start making decisions that I wouldn’t always necessarily do I am starting a new job now and maybe start being more outgoing and confident and just social I know that I will have a lot of changes in this next year and I don’t have to be perfect I want to make sure I am manifesting and checking in with tarot readers for transits and stuff because if there is anything I fell in love with at a certain time last year it is spirituality

I didn’t start my dreadlocks in January but that Is okay I don’t even necessarily have to start them this year to still be moving towards that goal

Choices I feel like thats what is most important

Cold showers making a small change and sticking with it trying not to be a creature of habit and begin to do different things

Today I started my first day at my new job in the closest city and I just feel so happy and excited working in a city felt so cool and I am so excited to be in this next path of my life

I feel like ive gotten to the point where congratulating myself doing the bare minimum is New Years resolutions success like I didn’t do a grocery pickup order I walked around the store and for me thats a success and something that I also used as an eating disorder weightloss tool when I wos in the heat of it I don’t know its kind of just sad

Not having to make yourself a brand

I think the best thing I have heard and realized this month is that I dont have to work on this timeline I can move at my own pace and still reach my goals I wasnt forcing myself to eat a clean diet this month or anything like that but instead just following my body and the things I felt like doing I dont have to make myself this brand that is constantly doing and doing I feel like I will stop doing whatever I am trying to accomplish quickly I just try to make a change here or there and be mindful

I finally scheduled my appointment for dreads and I think I am ready for this journey

honestly i sturggled a lot this month with food and getting outside and getting my anxiety under wraps and it’s something that i think will change this year

DECEMBER-

I can feel my manifestations starting to unfold which is exciting and hopefully everything will go as planned for so long ive always told people compliments but i haven’t been very transparent something ive been doing that i’m not sure if it’s consciously or not is telling people their strengths and things i admire in them but also being transparent about what i need from others something i have never been good at it

boundaries are definitely something i am still learning

still strong on no fast food no soda and i also cut off coffee shocking so shocking

this month has felt like the build up before a big cry like many days after work i get in my car and just break down the holidays are coming up and i’ve come such a long way but i still feel like i don’t measure up id love to end this saying that i feel good and great and amazing and excited for the next year and while im excited im also judy really sad

i miss feeling like i have a place to call home i think i miss living in a house and feeling loved you know which is sad but just true im struggling a little bit and that’s okay i started taking ashwagandha to soothe my anxiety and ive stuck with some of my healthier habits but i think in my career i feel shitty

first christmas alone coming up and im nervous but i know i will be okay ive fallen back in love with this podcast and being creative so im excited to get back into that element soon

thanks for listening and i hope everyone had a great holiday and new years :)

townies are evil; practicing your dreams as hobbies and being okay with everything not being perfect everywhere you have to start somewhere ; importance of personal style and wearing what you want and centering others opinions less and just being you; What can we do instead? How are we spending our time?; the next person i love…; i am waiting for a perfect love story but am worried my bipolar brain would ruin it; happy videos of people who have committed suicide