I feel like everytime I start an episode I say I haven’t been on here in a long time and its true again! I feel like I lied to you all because I said on my big brother episode that I dont like the live feeds I like the tweets well I realized that because I only watched feeds for bb22 and it was awful I got feeds last week and I have been FULLY obsessed I have wanted to record an episode so many times while watching but I just get so sucked in I picked up on so many things I want to discuss

I always say CBS please hire me like I feel like I could produce a good season of big brother because I do believe it! This show takes over my life when it is on I should get paid for sure! I think I could produce well and know what to feed the houseguests versus not season after season someone is dissapointed I have never watched a show that gets people so heated including myself its crazy

What has made me so anxious this season is Taylor. Taylor Hale. I love her the show portrays her in a completely different light and I think the emphasis on race because of past seasons of big brother and the lack of understanding those who make the show have make it hard to watch at times

She is constantly overlooked like people are constantly disagreeing with her when her ideas might take a while to really catch on to but at the end of the day she is always doing what is best for her game, her cussing out Kyle perfect even if it was ‘just for tv’ I dont think it was one and also it really helped her in the house but the way the show edits her kinda sets her up for racist hate from the old casual viewers on Facebook

They show her twerking in the HOH with Joseph in the bed and it makes it look like she’s trying to seduce him or some shit bitch the put bootylicious on to wake up the houseguests I wouldve been going crazy too Its so obvious how important music is to her hearing her talk about Janet Jackson with turner and all of them which was so good

Turner made me realize how real astrology is I feel like so similar to him we have very similar tastes in music and I used to watch the h3 podcast a lot but hearing how passionate he is with music and stuff and knowing about how I think that is connected to like the generational placements like Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, Sedna, and Quaor

I love Joseph but I do feel like he has been very performative this season I dont like how he dogs Taylor to get in better with the other side because she doesn’t do the same and she’s really into him and I dont know if he is into her its just so sad and then his damn goodbye messages and the flirting its going to cause so much chaos when he gets out of here who is he trying to fuck? Ameerah, Indy, Taylor, or Alyssa like get real. But when the girls were trying to describe his type it was just bad and I feel bad for Taylor because this is what dating is as a black girl white men get famous for being nice to black women literally look at Chris evans and jack Harlow who I do love but it is embarrassing when you realize that us at black women just want to feel liked and loved and appreciated and usually we just dont from men within our race or not and people saying oh he wouldn’t lie on national television or people dont do that look at Caleb and Justine from love island just god awful he was such a fucking piece of shit

Teenage Bounty Hunters, Dare Me, The Carrie Diaries, The Wilds, First Kill, The Society, Genera+ion, Julie and the Phantoms, Anne with an E, and so many fucking others cancelled. I don’t get it! I LOVE consuming media and I get so passionate about it and always tell my friends and others about it and look up theories online and shit for the best shows to get cancelled.

I love analogies. Growing up there was a movie theater that went out of business but the screens and equipment were all left there so what they did was turned it into a $1.50 movie and it was amazing I was talking to my dad about it on the phone yesterday about how much I love movies and going and how I wish I could do it more often ( I am budgeting now so its definitely going to be harder)

But what if there was a production company of the misfits and their only goal was to pick up the cancelled shows and try to make something of them. Some would fail but I bet some would rise as well.

I feel like there is always an underdog that pulls through.

I have always been a very all in or all out person. I am either super into something or super out and I am realizing how bad that is for me. A few months ago I went to the doctor and found out that I have a lot of traits of bipolar disorder this revelation shook me to the core I am currently unmedicated and am scared I will flip the switch anytime

I get very obsessed with things very easily so im scared but I realized I needed to make a change recently I have always been very frivolous with money and when I thought about my healthiest relationship with spending I thought back to getting my first job at 16 and my dad making me use envelopes to store my cash Im pretty sure its like the Dave Ramsey method anyways I flashed back to being like 18-19 and looking in one of my purses and seeing $50 in an envelope and being so excited to spend the money and literally spending the money that day

So I am going back to cash stuffing and ive already realized how much better I am at spending money when I am paying attention to it and thinking about it and I realized that I would probably consume less food if I was being more diligent with my money so I started to go back to calorie counting as well

A few years ago my mom had said something really hateful to me and I am very easily motivated by spite so I went and lost a bunch of weight because she made a comment pretty much implying i couldn’t lose weight well she recently did it again so here I am back on a weightloss journey

I had been so scared of the scale because I often yo yo diet but I just knew it was time to get shit together I have just been thinking so much lately about what I want in life and I have to give myself the space to at least try to live my dreams so lets see where this shit goes

The thing is out of sight out of mind is so detrimental for me I will literally go crazy and just overdo it I overconsume literally everything and have a healthy relationship with literally nothing and I think knowing that I need to be monitored is important to recognize as an adult

I want to show my journey though creating but I am so worried about the audience but also I want to be held accountable

So I wrote what I said prior yesterday when I decided to go on another weightless journey that night I signed up for a weightloss program at this place I go to get b12 shots because I had started feeling so depleted after two days of changing my diet around and going back to taking my walks again and drinking coffee I feel so much better and alive

I think about astrology and the things ive learned about it a lot I am 23 and this year is a 12 house protection year and its known to be pretty awful to the point of isolating yourself and I find myself going out more with friends recently who sometimes make me feel more drained after and friends who ive questioned their intentions in the past and present

Im a big gossip but in the past year I have really tried to stop as much as possible and sometimes I feel like the people around me make it harder to not do it and I feel like the best way to stop that is to just isolate myself

Whenever I do a weightless journey I isolate myself and hone in and I think its kind of necessary but with the bipolar diagnosis I do get scared that its just a manic high.

Its hard to have trust in people who are being exploited by the system

Being overworked is so awful and it can allow you to do outlandish things, give up, but how can we trust our overworked workers with our lives if they don’t feel appreciated or valued in their place of work? The 9-5 is killing people obviously but when will the government value lives over dollars in their pocket? All lives matter right, the republicans are pro-life? Or are they just pro-cash?

I realized this after going to the doctors one day and then thinking about how teachers and doctors and those in the medical field were treated during the pandemic.

presidents and god complexes that create power that harms the masses

Everything is a PR stunt with the Kardashians | Why do they attack the innocent over the guilty?

disney fumbled the bag with descendants! | how i would’ve produced the movie!

I wanted to watch descendants because I was older when it came out and I have Disney plus right now and had never seen it and funny enough it became twitter discourse days after but when I tuned in and started the first one I couldn’t help but imagine it being animated I then started to think about how it wouldn’t be that hard to find an animation style based on the similarity in the style in the movies the princess ones more so but I just thought it would be really cool

Anyways I decided to watch the trilogy and give my thoughts because I personally loved HSM and teen beach movie and lemonade mouth!

finally watched King Richard and I am so glad that I did

I work from home on Mondays and Fridays which I love it allows me to catch up on shows and movies during the day and today I watched King Richard and it was amazing like i fully loved I related to it in so many ways and I think it more succesfully told a story about a famous person without being centered around the star in comparison to Elvis but I still do have the same complaint in the fact that I wish there was more focus on Venus and Serena but mainly serena like I feel like I wanted to see more! When it ended I was like thats it?