I have talked about the lottery on here before my dad has always loved the lottery and as I got older I realized how sad that was but seeing people I know fantasize about the lottery and just wanting it so bad it made me realize I really dont think I want it

I know I am privileged when I can look at the things that happen following winning the lottery and realize I would rather just not have the money than have to deal with that because some people that could change their lives to a level way more impactful than mine but I think thats why I get so pissed about those who think they need it like dj Khaled buying a ticket its just like what is wrong with our world?

I saw a tiktok about all the bad things that happen after winning the lottery and all the things you have to do to be able to obtain the money and pay taxes and it just gave me a headache but I mainly thought about safety and people coming out of the woodwork and the culture shock after winning and it just seemed like so unnecessary

Our society is fucked up and the lottery exposes that Americans see that number and get so fucking excited everyone talks about that damn ticket and its just like oh we are all suffering like no one feels content and everyone wants an easier life and people see this ticket as a way to it

I think our society glorifies wealthy to the point that poor people still aspire to have so much wealth that you don’t know what to do with it and I think about celebrities and their lack of privacy and how that coincides with lottery winners and I also think about the news about all the billionaires and their private flights (Kylie Jenner and Taylor swift) and how awful this has been for the environment but its all connected everyone wants something that they don’t have

Celebrities want the privacy that normal civilians have and normal civilians want expendable wealth and just to sit comfortable why cant we all compromise and why do we hold celebrities to such a high standard that they feel like they can’t take normal flights?

I think my main consensus is that no one is comfortable in life our society has created a game that no-one ever wins theirs always another record that you can break but at the end of the day everyone loses its just some are way more detrimental than other

The article of Sydney Sweeney talking about how she cant take 6 months off work was eye opening at first I was like just get an apartment girl but the more commentary and takes I saw on it I realized no thats actually kind of fucked up a working actor who’s job is kind of supposed to be on and off cant do that and she has no ease in her career either like she cant take breaks and the cost of living is so high that she cant even afford to do it without working more consistently and taking brand deals

We are literally in a recession and people are giving their $ to the lottery in hopes of being a millionaire and when I think about that money and how most millionaires just hoard their money dont help people but instead exploit people with it

Most days I look around and I just really hate our society I am a big believer in manifestation but the thought of fantasizing about winning the lottery and buying something that is so frivolous just really isn’t fun to me the more I realize how trapped I was in purchasing luxury goods in the past literally the dumber I feel like I just want to live freely and explore and learn and live I dont need a million dollars or a billion dollars when people are barely surviving we all deserve the ability to live comfortably and it just seems like no one cares

Anyways thanks for listening.

I watched NOPE tonight and it was amazing I did see spoilers before and watched the YouTube videos explaining the ending prior because I get scared easily and I wanted to be prepared for stuff and it helped a lot tbh but still the day prior to seeing it I saw Logan Pauls twitter thread and looking at it after seeing it all of his takes made zero sense and he had no depth of making and conclusions like everything was so surface level so im going through why I disagree and I dont dislike Logan Paul I watch impulsive ive mentioned it on here before but after hearing Jordan peele talk about it and listening to interviews of the actors and using critical thinking Logans takes suck and kind of prove the fact that people who exploit others and animals dont think its wrong another thing I have talked about a lot on this podcast.

He talks about Daniel kaluuya and barbie Ferreira I think barbie Ferreira’s role was perfect and didn’t need to be emphasized honestly i liked that there weren’t many characters that we needed to know and really learn because it made the story have more depth and detail instead I think every character was present for a reason and barbies character was realistic to angels story if he never interacted with a coworker it wouldn’t be realistic I think the actor was amazing my favorite character for sure

and I think hearing Jordan peele talk about how he wanted to depict black joy as well as it being a scary movie describes Daniel kaluuyas character as a black women who listens to black people talk about what they want to see in the entertainment field often we do want to see black people just doing shit and not experiencing trauma constantly and I think oj’s character is just a normal dude and I think its important like what the fuck do you want him to do tap dance for you that was kinda giving microagression in a weird way

He thinks that its weird that the saucer thing couldn’t tell a blimp from a human I think it was going after anything that moved it was a predator and it was looking for any signs of life in its way I dont think that the intelligence is linked to its actions if that makes sense like just because the power went down when it went by doesn’t mean its a mastermind you know?

Kind of like people who harm things without even realizing it and animals that often cant tell the difference between things that are alive and aren’t

Anyways everyone go see nope all the actors and actresses were amazing and I think it was great movie and really important for people to see I think of black fish and all of the time recently I have spent watching videos of animals in captivity versus in the wild and its so sick what we do to animals I think of polar bears being held in hotter climates and want to cry we are creating so much pain and torture for those animals and they deserve their peace

The idea of an animal getting upset with being controlled in their territory is not absurd look at the elephant in India that killed a woman after she tried to tell poachers where he was makes sense doesn’t it? Go see nope! Thanks for listening.

I was reading an article or to be honest it was probably tweets I dont remember about the bear and the sexual tension between Sydney and carmy without like touching each other or like being affectionate and it made me think of the similar conversations that happened following the release of bridgerton season two and even my opinion on it I loved season two way more than season one the sex scenes in the first season felt so unnecessary and one borderline rapey but like I just felt like the duke and Daphne had no real connection which was totally opposite Kate and Anthony and their sexual tension and the yearning was so much more captivating I dont know if sexier is the right verbiage anyways I do wonder if thats because a lot of media that we consume kind of cops out and shows sexual attraction as sex instead of everything else that is involved with it which is usually yearning that awkwardness the tension you know not just having sex and I think that this is because at least in my situation is that I watch a lot of media made by men instead of women and that difference is very major in how sex appeal is approached like I think of euphoria off the bat and literally every couple in euphoria lacks depth in their relationships and you dont really warm up to anyone before they become intimate its just like okay and one day it happened I think thats what rubbed me the wrong way with euphoria season two and i think why sam got a lot of criticism is because instead of showing what could’ve happened to Cassie and Nate and how they got into that bathroom it just cut to a shot of her tits and them fucking like im kind of sick of it I want romance!

I think that hypersexualization has done many things and when I think of female rap and music one I get upset because I dont think its fair that most of these women are most likely told that sex sells but also i think that a lot of women in rap are trying to own their sexiness and sex appeal and come into themselves and do it because they want to but I also think it plays a role into us not feeling anything when we see it or not being moved by seeing nudity or sex scenes in an hbo show or bridgerton its just become kind of normalized I dont know if this makes sense but I want more sexual tension on screen instead of sexual intimacy!

I dont know if this makes sense but when corporate people complain about their jobs they dont complain to their bosses you know what I mean? I understand that influencing is a full time job that you cant off and its very stressful but I think the fluctuation of income is kind of apart of the job and many influencers refuse to become irrelevant even if its inevitable or happening I consume a lot of content and I think its so weird when one influencer says they are shadow banned and then next thing you know 1500 influencers are saying the same thing this is happening on tiktok right now and I think influencers are failing to realize that their content has peaks and ive heard from other influencers on podcasts and such that engagement goes down in the summer which makes perfect sense people are outside enjoying their lives

I think at the end of the day I am just jealous of influencers but the constant complaining and using it for content Is just so annoying to me I saw this tiktok of a girl talking about how her videos only trend when she is complaining and it makes me wonder about so many things like are we all just negative and seek negative attention and thrive off of it? Sometimes I feel that way.

I love when influencers embrace the ups and downs and iterate how hard it is to rely on influencing as a full time career and take the dips in views as a chance to be more personal and vulnerable with their audience instead of complaining and demanding their audience to do something to help their videos get boosted

It also makes me wonder if Emma chamberlains podcast about influencer culture is true in a different way to the point of me seeing influencers as normal people and them viewing themselves as micro celebrities and feeling entitled to relevancy and exposure without having earned it in a mainstream type of way where its harder for it to expire

Its really interesting I do wonder how influencer culture will change over time as the amount of people on social media expands and people wanting to become creators grows as well how will brand deals and sponsorships work in a oversaturated market?

I think my opinion on sponsorships has become more negative as well because I have been watching influencers since I was like a pre-teen I used to buy the makeup products now I just skip the ads a lot of influencers lack being genuine I loved when influencers actually worked with things they like and support without being paid for it I think thats why I love all of girlbosstowns tiktok pr ideas because they are actually practical. I think Emma chamberlain excels in that sense as well.

Anyways I just wanted to let you all know im shadow banned on here so let me know if you see this upload. Im kidding of course I literally dont understand why anyone would ever go on any platform and say that I thought after gabbie hanna did it people would realize how odd it looks but I guess not. Anyways thanks for listening :)

as i took all the clothes out of my closet and placed all my bags on my bed because i noticed the hvac leaking in my apartment onto my clothes and bags i began to mentally wake up. i think im finding my consciousness as an adult like everything is beginning to make sense anyways looking at all of these things i have accumulated most of my bags being gifts i realized how much weight they held and just felt a camera zooming out on me standing in that closet and just looking like a complete idiot

i don’t really understand the medias role in fear mongering and scaring us to make us feel like the world is hopeless or if they are still shielding us from awful things happening on but if they are trying to scare us it worked the news is horrendous right now especially in regards to the climate crisis

it’s scary and reading these articles about what’s going on in europe and seeing people saying we are reliving the heat rises in the 1920s or 1820s or whatever and so many thoughts came to my head okay that could be the case but what if it isn’t and what does the end look like?

like i do feel like i would live my life differently if i knew the end was closer and what do governments and rule makers want the end to look like if we live through it? you see all these closures for heat in europe right now and it’s like will the world end with us needing to be locked up or will we be physically working and fighting until the end.

i don’t know so much about the climate and what is real and what is not and i just felt so ignorant i saw a video of a wedding or some gathering in hawaii and a wave coming though the resort and waves going over houses in hawaii as well and it didn’t look normal at all and knowing that temperatures in europe didn’t get as high as they do in the US but not knowing how drastic that is for them and these records are being broken everyday and the wildfires and suddenly every material purchase i ever made felt so small

i don’t so much these days but when i do i find myself getting so worried about how i look for the perfect event and at the end of the day when recounting that memory of whatever that event is the last thing i think about it what i was wearing or how i looked not that those don’t things don’t make me feel much more confident but it just made me realize how much time and worry i put into my outer appearance

i have felt very lost lately i don’t know what to do with my hair i don’t know if i should go on a diet i question getting plastic surgery and just fucking killing myself most days but it’s just so crazy how a lot of people don’t have to ever think about it at all i think about the new natural hair movement on tiktok and just embracing who you are beautiful it gets hard trying so hard to be someone who you aren’t like why am i getting braids every month what is the end goal? and i really want dreads but there are so many conversations and stupid discourse stopping people from just fucking doing what they want to do

i want to lose weight and make better habits to set up my thirties and i want to live without overthinking i have a friend who recently shot her shot at a guy she liked for a long time and it made me realize how many people i wish i would’ve been honest with when i had the chance to

our world is in a weird fucking place and it’s so hard to become grounded and be positive and happy and just be me when i feel like every which way im told that im not good enough and being handed the rule book that i need to follow to not be berated in public or online like following this set of rules won’t make you feel better necessarily it won’t make others value you like most but you won’t be humiliated as much like what…

and i know that my episodes on here are usually inconclusive and hard to follow but i really love doing them and i hope people relate and like listening to them as well!!!

I have been thinking a lot lately after what happened with big brother 24’s Paloma and my obsession with the game and feeling like I could never play it because of my neurodivergent traits and characteristics and so many things came to mind we aren’t really diverse our media just isn’t because if so any who wanted to play big brother could and at the end of the day I would never pass all the tests and all of the hoops and bounds to get on the show.

I think about the ticktocked crutches and spice I believe her name is Imani and she is constantly bringing light to the awful things that disabled people go through and thinking about mental illnesses and invisible disabilities that is something our media continues to ignore being a designer and learning about ADA and hearing Imani talk about how malls were one of the only wheelchair accessible spaces for a long time is just the saddest thing I ever heard and as a child seeing all the ramps in my childhoods town mall and thinking about how beautiful they made the space it almost flowed like a river like the beauty of design and how ramps should be everywhere

I heard recently I believe on binchtopia that the amount of people taking antidepressants went up A LOT like if not at 30% around there and I honestly thought they were going to say 50 percent people are still struggling during this never ending pandemic and their literally feels like no end in sight. Mental illness is something a lot of people live with forever and its hard but I feel like if Paloma was suffering through an episode airing it is important for people to see understand and be able to recognize in a person

As someone with depression, and anxiety and bipolar tendencies it was hard to understand that because of that there are so many things that I cant do and I just couldn’t imagine how people with disabilities feel and how our world shuts them out and makes their lives so much harder

But what is the answer? Will anything ever be fully diverse? Will I ever get to see someone with bipolar disorder, anxiety, and depression on reality tv? Is that fair to require so much mental testing to do regular things? Is it necessary for safety? And when will a reality tv show have a disable contestant at least a show that I watch? Everyone deserves to see themselves on tv.

But also like maybe thats big brothers prerogative and why they have such a strict process of getting in but maybe the requirements from getting on are faulty because they strive so much for finding entertaining personalities that they disregard the biases those they cast might have and maybe wanting bad attention is still attention to them I dont know but I know fans go crazy every summer because of bad casting

i have been very eye opened this week and it just makes me sad at the end of the day I do not want to come off as racist or mysogynist but I will making a lot of generalizations in this podcast not all women are racist not all women have privilege but these situations that I have seen have had the people involved have had some similarities

I have heard so many women in my life rub me the wrong way I always hear black women talking about how we need to be more apprehensive when letting some women into our lives and I think so many things in pop culture make this feel like it never ends

RHOBH has been all over my twitter and tiktok and its so fucked up how these women are getting away with being so awful to Garcelle and Sutton but the way women have been talking about people and the decisions they make with ease without realizing how it truly impacts others and not realizing the privilege in being able to say or do that

I have a friend who I grew up with and sometimes I feel like we are a safety net for each other but she constantly has awful interactions with homeless people and it always rubs me the wrong way like its so fucked up I saw a video on tiktok of a southern state packing the homeless in these huts that the women recording the video said were pretty much like slaughterhouses for the people to die from heat exhaustion and its just so sad

Homelessness is a product of a fucked up capitalist society like why do you need to vilify them they are just trying to stay alive and these days living is so fucking hard

I dont know if im just a communist bitch but when I see articles like the one I saw last night of the women who froze her dead mother to keep receiving her social security checks I didn’t think of this women as a villain I thought about how hard it probably was for her to do that and thought about how bad she was probably struggling financially to where her mothers check would keep her alive

Our society is flawed and its hard not everyone is born with a financial advantage like most affluent white women

I was at work a few weeks ago and a coworker told a story about how growing up her dad had connections to cops through working in a career field that closely works with cops and she said when people would rub her dad the wrong way he would take the persons plates and give them over to the cops to give them tickets but call me crazy.. imagine if the person that rubbed them the wrong way that day was a person of color and next thing you know the cop with his fucking huge ego and god complex fucking shoots the person like thats a privilege that some people have that It seems like they dont even see because it is way less likely for them to get killed by police

And this brings me back to the commentary following the roe v wade overturn I remember when I heard the news and I was moving from my shady apartment to a new shady apartment and I couldn’t even process it fully and after moving and going online and seeing all the upset women and I woke up to how this will mostly impact women of color and poor women in comparison to affluent women who have the $ to safely get abortions

I want women to wake up but I just don’t think they care about those below them and the proof is in the pudding, the statistics about voting are shocking and I know they face abuse from others and sexism and misogyny but when things like the ones that happened prior in this it makes this country feel so divisive and its all about access its not just a certain race of women who have privilege its not a certain physical appearance or fucking personality trait its all about access and socioeconomic status really changes how you live in this world and more specifically America.

Thanks for listenting and I am thinking of all the women out there who have lost their rights to choose because we all deserve it.

i am a HUGE big brother fan and have just been realizing so many things about it this week watching this season begin to play out and something that kind of makes me feel weird is how it is literally two shows i don’t like to watch the live feeds i like to read the tweets i don’t know why i’ve always just preferred it more but in these past few seasons i’ve been more into that then the actual show and i think it allows big brother to be a bigger show because they are so vastly different the overproduction the corniness of the produced show on tv versus the raw not sensored live feeds where you really get to see the cast for how they are

i really loved last season i was so invested in the players but i feel like it does take time to know them and get to that point something i keep thinking about is when is the game manipulated like when have we learned the lesson too much seeing the girls alliance constantly fail and the racism and microagressions towards block women for no particular reason is so hard to watch like the similarities to season 21 are uncanny but at the end of the day is it because they have watched 20 and see taylor as bayleigh? how difficult is it to think of a person as themselves instead of their casting archetype?

it makes me wish that there could be a season of recruits who aren’t allowed to watch the show or if there was a season that in the diary rooms the players saw how they looked to the outside world like the cast wasn’t even in the bubble for 48 hours before bullying someone for just being themselves

i love the game of big brother so much that i know i could never go on and i love the older seasons like season 10 when they are constantly going for peoples throats but there’s something about my critique on new big brother that makes me feel so much more sensitive i don’t know it just pisses me off anyways

i am excited for the cbs challenge because it is bringing back people i loved on big brother and love island which i can’t believe was cancelled i loved that too but CBS listened when we said we wanted more people of color and less racism on 23 but i do want to see successful female alliances and less bullying i think that was what i liekd about the older seasons it wasn’t bullying everyone could hold there own now it’s just like divide and conquer and the power is never split evenly the big alliance thing ruined the game for real well hopefully i am wrong and this season gets better but tbh where is whoever casted for last season? i need them back! i would love to design the house for big brother or cast like for cbs in general that’s like my dream job

thanks for listening!!!!

I was seeing the bear praise last weekend and decided to tap in and was pleasantly surprised it was so good to be able to fully relate to a story that wasnt about love if that makes sense and love a romantic comedy but what most people who consume media go through is deciding a career and balancing being fully immersed into it and wanting to be successful and deciding if your mental health and sanity is worth your passion that coupled with family issues and trauma and the impact that one death can have on an entire family dynamic is so raw and real and I think we should be able to see more stories like this

And I think there is room in the industry for stories like this I think escapism and light hearted tv is important but I also think about the changes that need to be made in our capitalist society and how this can be something that opens people eyes to what is wrong with our world in a way even if it is an overdramatacized interpretation

I think of abbott elementary and all of the things the cast is doing to support inner city teachers and showing how difficult but amazing it is to work at underfunded schools and what these kids deserve and working class overworked people need help do and I may not know all the answers I think it could help

I remember hearing about how modern familys episode about mitchell and Cameron getting married changed peoples opinions on gay marriage if theres one thing we all do its watch tv what we consume and how makes a statement (fluently forward podcast)

Jeremy allen white was amazing and I love how his similar in shameless is so similar to his character in the bear and how refreshing it is to see a Chicago based show ayo’s character was so easy to understand and the passion that she had that she didn’t know what to do with and the inherent skill and seeing her step into her role as a leader was wonderful

I loved seeing the older generations response to Sydney someone from a younger generation find out what works in the kitchen the apprehensiveness the amount of doubt and then the proof being in the pudding and her solutions working and the older employees coming around to it so beautiful and raw!

Seeing Marcus display characteristics of hyper fixation and maybe being neurodivergent was also brilliant and just how much these people care about their jobs which to someone like me who would never think twice about peoples passions behind the kitchen it was an interesting story to see but im assuming most chefs are too tired to be this passionate too overworked to have this much drive and be able to cook outside of work because they are emotionally and physically drained and thats important to realize

I need a season two and I need to see and hear more stories of working people and how beautiful and chaotic and difficult and amazing their and honestly our lives can be too