so my dating stint has come to an abrupt halt an intermission if you will i don’t know when it will start again but i’m delusional and hopeful of love around the corner i just feel it
but today was so fucking weird the nice guy i talked about in the grwm episode i kinda set a boundary with and i think he’s going to ghost me now and i think i’m kinda sad about it because i just hate getting ghosted i know everyone does but i think just because i really am so fucking alone it makes me feel like dead inside
like im just left with nothing and i just get really hurt i wrote a little message to myself today saying i’m so happy and proud of myself for setting a boundary because in the past i wouldn’t i would do whatever i could to get attention no matter how suspect the other person was or if they were just using me as an object or only interested in me sexually but it just really hurts my feelings and makes me feel really stupid
when people only want to talk to me sexually and not romantically like i talked to him for over a week everyday pretty much like i probably talked to him more than anyone over this time and just to know it was all for him to get in my pants is so sad
i just don’t yearn for sexual relationships i yearn for romantic relationships and i’ve never had one and it makes me feel so sad and like i don’t deserve one and will never have one and i know that’s not true but stuff like this makes me feel like it is
i was watching edits of all my favorite ships on youtube and trying to make myself cry more and more but after those first tears came out the only thing that made me cry again was the beginning of writing this
i wish i didn’t get attached so easily.
i wish it was easier to find your person. maybe it’s so hard because it’s so special. that’s what i keep telling myself.
i hope i fall in love soon. anyways thanks for listening. and if you feel like crying during cancer season… do it :)