Over the holidays, a nurse in recovery from opioid use disorder struggled to keep her addiction in check. She was caring for coronavirus patients on the front lines in an ICU outside Seattle. She asked her hospital for more support, and received little. She reached out to her family, but that just made things worse. On Sunday, January 3, 2021, Tiffany Swedeen relapsed.

Tiffany's story highlights the fact that when it comes to substance use disorders, our healthcare system has one standard for patients and another for nurses. And while nurses have responsibilities not only to themselves, but to the public, it's worth remembering that substance use disorder is still a chronic but treatable brain disease, and not a moral failing.

This episode of Anamnesis features discussions of drug abuse and suicide that may be disturbing to some listeners. Discretion is advised.

Chapter 1. Blacked Out on Fentanyl for a Day (2:40) -- A nurse in recovery shares one of her loneliest moments.

Chapter 2. Job, License, and Livelihood on the Line (11:09) -- After diverting drugs, the foundation begins to crack for this nurse.

Chapter 3. Nurses Are Not Unbreakable (26:20) -- We as a society need to serve nurses better.

Episode produced by Shannon Firth

Special thanks to Crystal Phend

Sound engineering by Emily Hutto

Theme music by Palomar