A Table at the Tan-O: Conversations About the World of General Hospital

What is going on in Port Charles?! Between the revolving Mollys and Sasha's endless suffering, it's impossible to unwind with our favorite medical drama! Is anyone having fun right now? Maybe Cyrus? Heather? She always seems to be enjoying herself. But isn't there something wrong when the only people who can laugh are wearing prison jumpsuits? Even poor Joss didn't get to finish covering Dex in lotion. Why, oh why?! Woe is us. Woe. Is. Us.

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Gia and Keisha are struggling. No surprise there. But struggling to enjoy General Hospital! Is it the heat? The rain? Their aging brains? Even Anna, Dante, and Sonny can't save the day. Or Ava, Austin, and Nina. Or Leo! Not even Leo! Not even Leo? Would drinking help? Maybe. Probably. But also better writing. These characters deserve better writing. And we haven't had a single shot of Chechnya. Not even a fake skyline or a barren landscape with a handful of styrofoam rocks. Very disappointing. Gia and Keisha will still watch, of course. They would even be willing to write a scene or two. Reach out. Please.

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The good news is we finally got a scene worthy of a medical drama. That's all of the good news. Oh, and it looks like Curtis is going to make it. But we keep having to endure fully clothed adults hanging around the pool. What kind of a town is this? Also, let's sort out this Sasha business because watching her twirl around is exhausting. It was sort of pleasant watching Felicia and Lucy in action. And Martin and Anna. But even those scenes seemed to fall short. Not as fun as they could be. Like unscented deodorant.

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Curtis has been shot! So, needless to say, Gia and Keisha talk about air fryers, Star Trek, and Trapper John, M.D. Oh, they don't want Curtis to die. Of course not. But maybe he could stay unconscious for a little while. And then wake up as the old Curtis. And Jordan should keep looking. Also, Gia is upset that Trina has laryngitis and that Dex showed up with two iced lattes instead of three. Keisha is upset that Gia had so many questions about air fryers.

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Oh America. World. If you want to hear two cranky women in their twilight years bitching about their stories, look no further. Is it the heat? No, it's not the heat. It's that they are tired of the sloppiness! And the disappearing storylines! And characters! Where the hell was Terry when Willow was circling the drain?! Where's Liesl?! Why is the creepy ghost nurse back now?! Who told Curtis he could give anybody advice?!! Gia and Keisha throw up their hands. Throw. Up. Their. Hands.

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Okay, so Willow is back, but why aren't we excited? Why did our favorite daytime medical drama take away the medical drama? Of course, now Willow's suffering really begins. Michael is going to keep her in a bubble, and Wiley is going to be circling around her all needy and acting like a little boy. Poor Willow. The good news is....hmm....good news. Well, looks like Sasha might be getting back into the drugs, but this time it's not her fault. So that's good. Right? Really, no good news. Oh, except that Drew is locked up. Finally. He was always guilty of being a dink.

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America! World! Malawi? Gia and Keisha gave special guest Adam Belanoff (aka Bob) a seat at The Tan-O, and he weighed in on everything from bar shampoo to Star Trek. If you are interested in the world of a TV writer, or you're a fan of Robert Gossett's work on The Closer, Major Crimes, or, of course, General Hospital, check it out! Plus, Gia and Keisha chat a little bit about GH. And their hair.

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Just when it appeared General Hospital was flatlining, someone hit it with the paddles! The drama returned along with some of our favorite characters! Poor Anna has a case of Chechnya envy (Chechenvy?) Will Laura and Kevin drag Valentin and Yuri halfway around the world, or will Ava and Austin manage to throw a wrench in the works? Will Eddie Maine and Sonny Corinthos give us the bromance we never knew we needed? Will Drew spend three years in the big house (and not the nice big house with the snacks and board games)? And will we ever see Willow again? Seriously, where the hell is Willow?! Also, Gia and Keisha will be talking to TV writer Adam Belanoff later this week. There will be some TV-related questions, of course, but we will also learn about Adam's own experience with bar shampoo! Can't wait!

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What happened to you, Port Charles?! Where's all of the fun? The drama? And where the hell is Liesl? Anna? Valentin? NIKOLAS?!! We're going to forget what Nikolas looks like. Or is that the idea? Plus, we're getting tired of the people on the screen. Also, this creepy new shrink is making us uncomfortable. And why did Brando have to die? 

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It looks like Nina can keep smiling. For now. She might be the only one smiling. For some reason, the rebirth of Eddie Maine is a massive downer. Ned is coming across as more Edward Quartermaine than Eddie Maine. Anyway, TJ has his hands full. Really everyone is a little out of sorts. Laura is wobbly. Austin and Ava are scrambling. Curtis suddenly finds Portia appealing now that she's seeing who he really is. Even Gia is a bit off her game (she went shopping at Sam's Club, too much for her, or anyone). Needless to say, the conversation wanders. To bears. Prescription drugs. Patchouli. Don't get your hopes up.

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