A Table at the Tan-O: Conversations About the World of General Hospital

So....lots going on at General Hospital. Brains and bone marrow doing their thing. Not that we get to see any of it. Is it so hard to take a shot of Ned or Willow looking unwell? Olivia is singlehandedly delivering the drama. But. We got to see Leo! Even Cody is more bearable when Leo is around. And great to see Spencer and Trina again. Maybe they can breathe some life into Portia and Curtis. Maybe. Also, Jordan smiled, and it was a lovely sight. Maybe she could smile more often? And will Nina ever smile again?

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Ned is not dead! Hang in there, Neddy! You're getting the best possible care (at a hospital that never has more than two doctors in the building at the same time)! And how much longer will Nina be able to enjoy Sonny's chicken piccata? Will Dex make chicken piccata for Carly, Michael, and Joss? Meanwhile, is Ava going to buy what Austin is selling? He's not the smoothest talker. But he is a doctor. She could do worse?

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Not Ned! Yeesh. We wanted some action, but not a wet, unconscious Ned. And shame on Nina for getting the hell out of there. You can run, but you can't hide, Nina. Well, you can hide for a while. And Carly has certainly got her hands full. If that moss could talk! Also, Elizabeth and Terry are back! Congratulations on your promotion, Elizabeth! But what's with that creepy nurse harassing Willow? Hopefully, she'll turn out to be a ghost. Or a patient who wandered out of the psych ward. Meanwhile, Jordan got a little bit naked with Zeke. Good idea? So much activity. And when will the strike end? Let's give the writers what they deserve and get Ned's heart beating, okay?

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Curtis! WTF. W. T. F. Jordan may have finally seen the real Curtis, and he's a clown. Didn't used to be, but now he is. And Trina! How could this fierce, confident woman be the daughter of Curtis and Portia? Maybe she should steer clear of both of them and hang with Taggert. And Carly, poor Carly. Michael and Joss are a bit of a disappointment. Even as they try to help her. Willow will understand. Go see Willow, Carly. 

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Sometimes (understatement?) Gia and Keisha just don't feel very sharp. This is one of those times. But they still manage to touch on some Hospital-related matters. Conspicuously absent characters: Willow (!) and maybe an oncologist (Terry!? Jason Momoa?!) . And Willow's crew isn't even Googling treatments and outcomes so they can sound like doctors (Gia!). Did they even listen to TJ? On the plus side, Gia discovered how much she likes to say Chechnya. 

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Gia and Keisha are a day late (and a dollar short?)! Memorial Day and two middle-aged women whining about their stories just didn't seem to go together. But they're back today! And whining about their stories. Mostly about General Hospital (and a little Y & R) and the fact that we're no closer to becoming medical professionals because they refuse to pay any real attention to Willow. Gia would like to see Jason Momoa in the role of a world famous oncologist (perhaps flown in by Sonny?), and this doesn't seem like a terrible idea. They have some other ideas too, mostly having to do with Robert and Wiley talking less.

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Where to start. The blonds? The brunettes? We recognize the blonds. The blonds are volatile. Feisty. A little crazy. Maybe even scary. Watch out, Carly. Nina's coming at you like a hurricane. And then there are the brunettes. Who are these people. Sam doesn't seem to recognize Kristina. Kristina doesn't recognize Molly. Alexis is trying to be someone else. Sam is trying to be Alexis. It's a lot. And then there's Jordan, Portia, and Curtis. It's too much. Or not enough. We need some storylines that are worthy of our characters, please. And let's check in on Willow. Before we forget what she looks like.

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Oy. Somehow Port Charles has become less interesting than...Greenland? Maybe this is just the calm before the next storm (which will hopefully be more than the six snowflakes that made up the last storm). Let's hope it's a sass storm. With a bit more Ava and Austin, and a bit less (sorry) Carly and Drew.

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Gia and Keisha are inflicting their nonsense upon you a day early! Gia will be traveling on Thursday (look out, Memphis!), so here is a Wednesday episode. That probably won't change your life. G & K are happy (right word?) to see Esme back to hauling around her enormous baby. And also happy to see Alexis back in the world and not trying to convince us she's changing the world with the Invader. Awesome to see Ava trying (but failing) to get Portia to see that she's not the boss of Trina. Less awesome to see Diane and Holly and Robert getting all of Port Charles involved in their business (not so much Diane, who deserves better all around). And finally, keep an eye on that moss, Carly. It's going to swallow you whole.

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Anyone else sad that Port Charles isn't buried in snow? Oh, we're happy to be on the other side of Victor and his shenanigans, but there's nothing like a blizzard to throw people together. Like getting stuck in an elevator only colder. Speaking of cold, how about that Morgan Fairchild? Will Sasha be able to keep it together? If you had to guess who will unravel first, who would you pick: Sasha, Gladys, or Nina? Let's hope it's not Sasha. Also, way to be cool, Liesl, Willow, Joss, and (always) Felicia.

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