A Thousand Tiny Steps

As I go into the holidays and my 9th year grieving, here are some lies surrounding grief that I never stop hearing. Some of them just piss me off and some of them I understand better as I'm farther along. Either way, the important part is that you can grieve how you want to, it's not going to be linear, and take your time.

Key Takeaways:

[3:08] Grief can be temporary or forever

[5:21] Christmas plans

[8:08] Time does not heal all wounds

[10:35] I'm never going to be over it

[11:42] I'm not going to stop talking about Molly

[13:42] Being told I could have prevented her death

[15:30] Ignoring grief doesn't make it go away

[18:30] Just because you grieve doesn't make you a whiner

[22:18] God, death, and prayers

[24:21] Grief is not liner, you can't hide from it, but it can also be beautiful

[27:34] The trajectory of grief plus, I don't need to be told God needed Molly more

[31:59] Is grief easier for religious people? Do support groups make you sicker?

[34:22] There's no right way to grieve and it doesn't need to be controlled

[38:50] Grief being an obstacle and how religion treats it

[44:02] Don't avoid your pain, move along with it, and not dwelling on self pity

[46:49] Doing drugs and alcohol to cope with death

[48:58] People forget the ones who die, but we can't resent friends

[50:36] Take your time to grieve and what's left of Molly in Gracie's room

Resources:

• Kevin Thompson

• Just Playing House

• BeliefNet

• Substance Church

• Tides Program

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The Molly B Foundation

The school lunch program in this country is not healthy and creates a divide between the rich and poor. The amount of rules and regulations make it difficult to operate and none of these kids are getting something that is actually fresh and nutritious.

Key Takeaways:

[3:20] How the school lunch program works

[6:52] Schools buy lunches and the different menus for the wealthy and poor

[9:14] School lunch used to be fresh and healthy

[13:51] How much money these awful companies make

[14:47] So many kids can't digest the milk given

[16:45] Cafeteria workers are not awful and not everyone gets the same food

[19:03] Schools have reduced lunch time and eliminated recess

[23:40] America doesn't take into account cultural diversity

[25:04] Lying to kids and not making them healthy

[26:50] Criticism for hating on the FDA and having a choice with food

[32:13] The good happening

[33:39] My food experience, what's yours like?

Resources:

• Leftover Podcast

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The food industry is full of lies because of greedy people that set out to make a lot of money and it's costing Americans something even greater - their health. From lies about how great low fat is, to how fulfilling a bowl of Fruit Loops are, to how milk will make you healthy, the list of lies never stops growing.

Key Takeaways:

[0:43] Eating whole foods makes my body feel better

[2:54] Breastmilk, different diets, and religion

[5:47] I was made to clean my plate, my diet was not good in college

[7:41] Humans once lived off the land and their diets are different

[13:23] Many people of color are lactose intolerant and the school lunch program

[17:54] The food industry lies about what's healthy like Froot Loops and milk

[20:14] The safest food is around the perimeter of the store? C. diff and E. coli

[24:59] Low fat foods are good for you, but really they just put a lot of sugar in

[26:27] Your arteries clog because of sugar not fat

[27:53] The food pyramid was influenced by lobbyists

[37:38] Different diets work for different people

[33:22] What's happening in my life

Resources:

• The Food Pyramid

• Old Fruit Loops Ad

• Old Got Milk Commercial

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The Molly B Foundation

I'm having a not great week and it got me into the lies I constantly tell myself to feel better. The lies around grief, around my life changing, around my business working, around Kenny, and how I have a functioning life. In this episode, I also dive into the different types of grief and the lies that surround it.

Key Takeaways:

[1:45] I was always telling myself a story

[3:29] Going to self blame

[8:49] My relationship with Kenny

[12:42] I spend a lot of my life doing things I don't want to do

[17:21] Making sure Jack's life is not a carbon copy of Gracie or Molly's

[18:53] Lies around grief

[21:59] My life has never been a normal, enjoyable family life

[25:25] The biggest lies I tell myself

[32:23] What am I doing with my life?

[34:07] Complex grief, delayed grief, exaggerated grief, and masked grief

[37:38] Self blame and self punishment

Resources:

• The Silence of Great Distance

• Fast Girl: A Life Spent Running From Madness

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The Molly B Foundation

My dad died and it made me think about his life and actions. The lies that he was told as a man that he had to uphold in society and how that made him treat people. It makes me wonder if much has changed, but him being dead has also given me a sense of peace because of the abuse.

Key Takeaways:

[2:54] My dad looked like he had a normal childhood, but was neglected emotionally

[7:29] My dad thought he was unloveable and had to be better than my mom

[8:30] My dad had immense pressure to be a great athlete

[13:41] Has any of the stereotyping really changed?

[14:48] Girls play hard to get, you need to push, and real men don't cry

[17:34] Dancing is gay, men only want sex, and girls can do anything boys can do

[19:50] Men in leadership and having a specific path laid out for you in life

[21:41] Men must be independent, wealthy, not express emotion, and be athletic

[25:32] Lying comes from a place of fear and wanting to fit in

[28:46] Life, death, and mortality

Resources:

• Article on things men are told

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The Molly B Foundation

Women are told so many lies around their bodies, sex, and social rules. From being told they're unclean to being told that they can just turn their period off, sometimes men just really have no idea. In this episode, I dive into some of the wildest lies women are told versus what men hear and how that impacts their growth.

Key Takeaways:

[5:41] Growing up in the 60s and how I was treated differently as a girl

[13:25] My asthma and the sexist thing the doctor said to me

[16:49] Internally lying to myself about being disgusting

[17:53] The NCAA didn't always give scholarships out to women

[19:44] Lies surrounding periods and being unclean

[25:55] Testosterone is also naturally in women

[27:02] Women's health is complex with illness

[29:01] You can't tell who's a virgin or how drugs mix

[31:00] Menopause lowering your libido and you can't get pregnant on your period

[32:56] You can't hold your period in and you can't turn off getting pregnant

[37:38] Hair, genetics, birthing positions, breasting feeding, and morning sickness

[41:18] Period syncing, heavy periods, and women being considered incomplete boys

[44:41] Men having orgasms, HPV, girls wanting to be skinnier, and the rules of sex

[50:18] Appearing stupid to get guys, if a boy bullies you he likes you, and being a lady

[51:57] BMI is fake, being called bossy, and being described as demure in athletics

[55:29] Spinsters and not wanting boyfriends to see them without makeup

[57:38] Revealing clothing means you wanted it and two wrongs don't make a right

[01:01] Having honest conversations and lies to perpetuate a reality

[01:03] Being told to be quiet, speaking up, and having tough conversations

Resources:

• All In Her Head book

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There are many lies we are told in school with the most major ones being that Native Americans broke bread with pilgrims, that the food pyramid was healthy, and that racism ceased to exist because slavery was abolished. In this episode, I dive into the lies I was told, how that shaped my worldview, and how I changed it.

Key Takeaways:

[2:17] You'll need algebra in real life they say

[3:36] Public education is supposed to level the playing field

[5:36] The hidden curriculum

[11:53] Implicit bias

[13:22] The lies about the Native Americans and Christopher Colombus

[19:04] Not being on time or getting a degree makes you a bad employee

[21:09] Teaching evolution vs Adam and Eve

[24:36] Perspectives and how much textbook companies control information

[27:11] Christopher Colombus, Native Americans, and racism

[33:57] The tea behind the Boston Tea Party

[35:18] The Food Pyramid poisoned people

[37:50] Learning styles are fake

[39:56] DARE program and alcohol culture

[41:02] STDs, abstinence education and AIDS

[43:57] The Civil War being about states rights or slavery

[47:29] Boarding schools for Native Americans

[49:22] Seeing history from others perspectives and how questions are perceived

Resources:

• Hidden Figures

• Lessons in Chemistry

• The Biggest Lies

• Lies My Teacher Told Me

• Dances of Wolves

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Is it true or is it just your perspective? People are told lives throughout their childhood and often go on to tell the same lies to their children. It's a vicious cycle, but everyone sees truth in a different manner based on their life experiences.

Key Takeaways:

[3:34] Summary of the 12 steps

[8:19] What are the lies you told your kids or other people?

[18:11] I was a secret keeper as a child

[24:24] Why people lie

[29:59] How people see things differently

[33:42] Everyone has their own truth

[35:06] Living in the world of white men

[38:08] What's the next for the podcast

Resources:

• Whose Story Is This?

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The Molly B Foundation

This is a new season all about lies: lies we were told, lies we tell, the morality of it all, and how perception can make a large difference between a lie and the truth. In this episode, I dive into the often silly lies that people were told as children like Santa Claus or that they're pet "went to a farm" and how that impacts others.

Key Takeaways:

[0:46] Why I'm done with last season

[9:42] What lying and the truth by definition are

[12:31] Reasons why people lie

[24:27] The funny lies that people were told as children

[43:34] Share the lies you were told as children

Resources:

• Life Shifts

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In the additional step of 13 in AA it talks about if God exists, why do bad things still happen and how he has suffered as much as us. I also see how through my suffering I was able to find great support with my angel moms, even though others have condemned me.

Key Takeaways:

[2:04] Step thirteen of AA

[3:32] If God exists then why do bad things happen?

[5:00] God suffered just like the people around them

[6:41] God doesn't just fix everything

[12:16] Why doesn't God sustain what was created?

[14:10] Finding connection amongst people

[18:33] I don't think Molly needed to die for me to learn to love

[19:57] Suffering is apart of life, but you can't let it consume you

[23:51] Passing over: getting through life's crap

[27:52] Losing my child united me with so many others

[28:25] I hate getting advice from people who haven't lost a child

[29:46] Times I have struggled, but found my north star

[30:29] Times I felt judged and condemned

[31:57] We have to look at our suffering and see it in a healthier way

Resources:

• Breathing Underwater

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The Molly B Foundation