A Thousand Tiny Steps

Step three of AA had me delving into my need for control, resisting change, codependency, and trying to find gratitude when I find that difficult. In this episode, I dive into the third step and what renouncing yourself, giving yourself over to god, and love can do in your life.

Key Takeaways:

[5:06] Step three of AA

[10:21] Accepting all your losses, resisting change, and trying to stay in control

[18:35] Renouncing myself for attention and validation

[22:10] The things people seek love for

[24:32] Being codependent

[27:49] Doing good deeds because you want to

[30:04] False sacrifice and holding onto control

[35:04] Trying to find gratitude and religion being based on following rules

[38:48] Being radically accepted for nothing

[41:10] Surrendering is a negative concept to me

[42:32] Accepting our past and our mistakes

[46:59] Renouncing yourself and giving yourself to god

[50:47] Working on self forgiveness

[51:33] True and unconditional love

Resources:

• Breathing Underwater

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The Molly B Foundation

In step two of AA it's all about opening my heart, mind, and body. It's a tough journey to accomplish though and it makes me look at points in my life where I made choices I didn't feel great about, but also choices to forgive others. In this episode, I look how the mind, body, and heart are connected.

Key Takeaways:

[2:07] Step two of AA

[5:00] Opening our hearts, minds, and bodies

[8:47] Opening of the mind

[12:56] Opening of the heart

[21:47] Opening of the body

[32:19] Spirituality and connecting with a higher power

[34:03] Points in my life where I asked for help

[35:47] I feel like my decisions are wrong

[36:51] Keeping space in my heart open, forgiving my father

[38:23] The people that helped me in tough times

Resources:

• Breathing Underwater

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The Molly B Foundation

To kick off the theme of season 9, I'm talking about Alcoholics Anonymous and my struggle with addiction. I discuss what AA is like, what I learned, how I feel powerless, and how I'm trying to improve my life.

Key Takeaways:

[4:56] Still struggling to get where I want to go

[7:52] My time in AA and the most significant thing I learned

[11:36] My moment of feeling powerless

[12:23] Step one of AA

[13:52] The poem that spoke to me about powerlessness

[17:35] Having to be honest in AA

[20:26] The ego is selfish, but is it sin?

[29:41] I've felt powerless through my abuse and being a woman

[38:00] I've never felt like God was absent in my life

[44:07] I'm doing things, but I need to get more comfortable asking for help

[47:04] I try to control things in my life which can cause trouble

[51:55] I don't like change, trying to change my life and struggling

[55:34] If people have community around them, they're less likely to be addicted

[59:01] What I'm doing to improve my life

Resources:

• Breathing Underwater

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The Molly B Foundation

Rewatching The Notebook brought back so many connections to my own life. It made me think about losing Molly, the mistakes I've made, how it's different raising Jack, the choices I'm making for him, and really just being at a turning point in my life deciding what to do next.

Key Takeaways:

[6:39] What the movie The Notebook is about

[11:20] The end of a friendship and connections to Molly

[14:38] More of the plot

[16:48] Being reminded of all my mistakes and second guessing myself

[20:08] The end of the movie, losing a child, and letting go

[23:29] Being at a turning point in my life

Resources:

• The Notebook

• The Teenage Liberation Handbook

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The Molly B Foundation

Menopause is seen differently in America versus other cultures. Society here sees it in a negative light, but there is so much more to the story. My own experience with taking estrogen has made my life better and I've noticed a huge difference.

Key Takeaways:

[1:02] Menopause is seen as a negative medicalized reality

[1:56] What menopause is and how society sees it

[8:12] In other cultures menopause is not seen as a negative

[15:11] Hormone imbalances and being premenopausal

[17:59] Intergenerational relationships are not as valued anymore

[20:46] I basically lost my period after Molly died

[23:16] Taking estrogen helped me feel better

[28:27] What estrogen decline does

[32:51] How estrogen helped me

[37:59] How estrogen affects the body physically

[39:55] The changes I've noticed from estrogen

[42:54] I would love to hear from other menopausal women

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The Molly B Foundation

After a post was made for pride month, I had a reaction - and I ended up deleting my comments. It was a learning experience that taught me patience and where to best put my words. In this episode, I dive into the meaning words have especially in the age of social media.

Key Takeaways:

[3:00] The post surrounding pride month that bothered me

[9:14] Commenting on the posts and then deleting them

[13:36] Changing the words in a spiritual song and people getting angry

[15:58] I have the right to be affected, but not post about it

[21:38] The time period I refrained from gossiping

[25:33] My communication style and not being able to take words back

[30:07] May was a hard month for me and I've struggled with anger

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The Molly B Foundation

As I had the most frustrating weeks I've had in a while, it made me think about my anger. My coping mechanisms, good and bad, as well as the repressed anger and how I'm learning to do better. For both myself and to teach Jack better coping skills.

Key Takeaways:

[1:23] I pray a lot about my anger

[2:27] My life is in upheaval and feeling like everything is a mess

[4:39] I was taught to be quiet as a child especially during my abuse

[14:40] Self anger in my adult life, feeling judged, and how I coped

[15:54] Jack asks me if I'm angry, I'm trying to teach him better coping skills

[21:56] What I'm learning about anger and not repressing it

[23:51] My self harming behaviors and unresolved anger

[25:59] The differences in men and women when it comes to anger

[30:30] How I deal with my anger positively and negatively

[32:52] CrossFit honoring the military

[37:39] Me being angry doesn't do anyone good

[40:48] If you need to be angry, be angry

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The Molly B Foundation

As I've had a frustrating day, this reel on six techniques to combat the freeze response were just what I needed. It has motivated me and made me think about what my ikigai is most of all. In this episode, I explore the different times of my life and my ikigai then.

Key Takeaways:

[2:34] Six Japanese techniques to combat laziness or freeze response

[4:23] Ikigai or your reason for living is the first technique

[22:28] Kaizen or the theory that you can change for the better

[24:52] The pomodoro technique for time management

[28:15] Hara Hachi Bu, eating until your 80% full

[31:32] Shoshin is being curious about mundane tasks

[35:42] Wabi Sabi is the philosophy that the most beautiful art has flaws

[39:38] This is what I needed today, finding my ikigai

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The Molly B Foundation

There is a lack of third spaces or places to spend time with one another that don't cost money and cultivate social connection these days. It's changed so much from when I was young and has impacted my social relationships. In this episode, I explore how I don't spend enough time cultivating third space activities for myself.

Key Takeaways:

[2:58] Third spaces are diminishing for Americans

[4:28] Times have changed since when I was younger

[6:48] Third spaces helped me through my abuse

[9:53] People are much more focused on their career these days

[12:26] Gen Z cares more about what people think

[13:15] I struggled to find my third space after college

[18:53] Being unhealthy by diving head first into relationships

[20:49] My free time has been spent coaching or helping others

[22:52] Working remotely took away my friends social interaction

[25:48] How my families third space activities have changed

[27:43] I don't spend enough time cultivating third space activities

Resources:

• Article on third spaces

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The Molly B Foundation

Today, I'm taken back to a memory of my childhood and how I can't undo the terrible things that have happened in my life. Accepting my brokenness as a part of my reality is what's needed to find the wholeness from me. In this episode, I contemplate what I first needed to break like my kitchen and my yard in order to fix them.

Key Takeaways:

[0:48] I raised my siblings and it was a chaotic time

[5:14] I felt like everything was out of control and the self blame

[6:33] Fighting with Gracie and Kenny

[9:42] Dealing with death week, Mothers Day, and the gala

[11:49] Kintsugi theory, ripping up the old to see the new with my kitchen and yard

[14:33] I can't undo the bad things that have happened to me

[16:37] Digging up shit, invisible scars, and what it says about our society

[20:36] Why does my life never change?

[23:36] I wasn't chosen to have these terrible things happen to me

[25:44] Accepting my brokenness and the wholeness that can come from it

[28:21] We're all doing the best we can

[30:09] What do you need to break in order to fix?

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The Molly B Foundation