A Thousand Tiny Steps

Evelyn and Steven have been through the ringer after two of their siblings died as a product of addiction. They still contemplate how things could have been different and if they would have followed the same path Leslie was on. But through their grief, they tell a raw story riddled with dark humor

Key Takeaways:

[2:37] Getting close to Leslie after I got pregnant at 16

[6:18] My relationship with Leslie was weird, especially with the huge age gap

[7:16] The funeral and thinking maybe we could've prevented her death

[10:44] Leslie was a good student and then it all suddenly took a turn her senior year

[15:47] Screaming after finding out Leslie was dead

[18:32] Having to tell people she was dead and they wouldn't leave us alone

[21:13] Finding out Sam was dead impacted us so much more

[22:45] How Sam died from alcohol and mom having a seizure

[25:32] Being sexually abused by Leslie's friends and not being believed

[29:50] Hypervigilance is safety and the moment we found out Sam died

[38:14] Having familial support and checking in truly made a difference

[40:19] Finding laughter in dark moments

[44:02] The difference between Leslie and Sam's personalities

[45:38] Seeing signs of Leslie and Sam throughout the universe

[48:53] The angst over their burial plots

[51:32] I'm never going to get closure, but I have to keep pushing through life

[54:28] Tomorrow is not promised so live your life authentically

[56:54] The things our siblings will never get to do

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Danielle cared for Lexi for 7 years as she battled a brain tumor they knew she would die from. Balancing taking care of someone she loves with also grieving them and having her life spent going from appointment to appointment was a lot - and that's an understatement. She is now learning what to do in the "after" as in after a person dies.

Key Takeaways:

[2:41] Knowing something was wrong with Lexi and finding cancer

[8:01] Finding out she would die and we didn't know when

[12:12] Spending so much time in the reality of death and not knowing what to do after

[15:03] Lexi's mom is living a new life

[18:03] Starting a blog for Lexi to keep everyone updated on her condition

[23:10] Wanting people to remember those who have died

[28:21] How Lexi's family managed to navigate this journey together

[31:05] Struggling in the early days of grief

[36:08] Grieving something you never had and going to a medium

[41:03] Let chronically ill people be their own person

[42:04] Let people help you in life

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Margaret is an author who lost a brother she never even knew. The news was a shock and she wanted to know all the details. But she didn't get all the details right away, it has been years of talking to others and research that helped show how the stories we carry throughout our lives impact our everyday choices.

Key Takeaways:

[2:41] I didn't know I had a sibling that died and I needed to know more

[9:15] We didn't talk about his death, but it came out in my town anyway

[14:01] My dad spilled all the details on what happened before he died

[17:13] I finally looked at the accident in the newspaper

[20:47] The secrecy of this story and wondering what might have been

[23:39] Leaving town to escape the everything that surrounded his death

[24:31] It was unsettling for people to know more about the story than me

[26:56] Learning the identity of who killed my brother

[30:01] How we carry stories throughout our lives

[39:10] Losing a baby and the loss of never knowing them either

[41:01] Resources for people that lost a sibling

[44:05] I wouldn't write a book about the accident

[47:25] My next novel

Resources:

• Camp Erin

• Margaret's Website

• Margaret's Instagram

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Patrick is 20 years old and has written a book that is filled with so much wisdom. We got to chatting about the impact of phones on society, instant gratification, his process for writing his book, and his unique outlook on life. In this episode, Patrick talks about his journey to find happiness and what he's learned along the way.

Key Takeaways:

[1:23] Patrick's basketball career and switching universities

[5:37] How I wrote my book

[9:32] Being addicted to your phone and getting a flip phone

[15:35] Expecting instant gratification because of phones

[23:32] Relationship expectations have changed and not in a good way

[28:17] Reading a page from Patrick's book about missing connection

[29:53] The philosophers that have influenced the book

[31:53] Living in the moment and meditating

[34:21] Going to Bali to learn what Patrick has already

[38:28] The framework from the book: the foundation of peace

[41:53] Maslow's hierarchy of needs

[43:41] Lived experienced versus book knowledge

[47:32] Gain wisdom from bad events

Resources:

• The Happiness Continuum

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Matt, the host of The Life Shift, came on to talk about losing his mom, perfectionism, learning new ways to grieve, and how having a podcast has been so validating. He goes through his journey of grief over a lifetime and how for so long he did what society expected of him. Now he has a different view on life and tries to share it every week.

Key Takeaways:

[1:20] Losing my mom at age 8 and no one around me talking about their grief

[5:02] Being perfect out of fear and grieving the things you didn't get to do

[8:41] I didn't have a safe place and lost all of the items I cared about

[11:49] I don't really remember my mom and all the moving I did as a child

[14:05] Using my mom's death as a crutch and doing what I was "supposed to" in life

[21:38] I feel like I've closed the door on grief with my mom

[22:56] My grandma dying and having a conversation with her about our grief

[26:47] Having a living funeral and saying the things you want to while they're alive

[30:23] If my mom hadn't died, I wouldn't be this version of me

[32:26] My twenties was about doing what society expected of me

[33:21] In my thirties, I took a break, grieved on my terms, and did something scary

[32:35] Hearing other people's struggles is validating

[41:56] The power of having control over someone else's story

[46:02] Losing a pet is a grieving experience that shouldn't be invalidated

[52:49] We don't know what people are going through, meet them where they are

Resources:

• Matt's Podcast: The Life Shift

• Instagram

• YouTube

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Gabby is the daughter of Tim who had a pig kidney put inside him, but he knows it's only a temporary fix. So it sent Gabby on a journey to initially be a possible candidate to donate her kidney, but it became so much more. It has become a journey of health - and what that means to her.

Key Takeaways:

[1:51] Gabby traveled all over the country and took care of animals

[4:33] Having a dad on dialysis needing a kidney but not being eligible due to BMI

[9:39] Getting gastric bypass surgery, the pain, and the emotional hurdles

[16:03] Finding out my partner has kidney disease

[20:41] Discovering some of my weight is genetic

[27:13] The choice of possibly donating my kidney and the stress on my mom

[32:35] Believing in yourself even when it feels like everything is against you

Resources:

• Tim's episode

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Highway to Hell… waitttt a minute, sorry, wrong place, although it can feel like that sometimes. In this episode, I am once again brought back to making other people comfortable in my grief. I may be at exit twenty in grief on a really good day, but the others? Well, it can feel like the highway to hell.

Key Takeaways:

[0:46] Bereaved Parents Month and my mixed thoughts on it

[3:01] The highway of grief, I'm at Exit God If I Know.

[9:44] Making comments from our exit sounds terrible to others

[12:30] I never get to have these memories with Molly again

[17:36] Taking a step back and stepping into other people's shoes

[20:04] Seeing Molly's friends and thinking of who she would be

[21:43] Gracie never getting to do things with Molly again

[23:16] Running, my birthday, moving my mom, and the tea that's piping hot

[27:53] Leave a review as a birthday present to me

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Tammy went on a journey to find her diagnosis: Primary Hyperparathyroidism. Countless doctors, tests, misdiagnoses, and so many pills it made her head spin. After all the turmoil, she found her diagnosis, got treatment, and is living a great life today running again.

Key Takeaways:

[2:01] Finding out I have high blood pressure again and again

[3:53] The beginning of taking medication after medication

[9:48] Low potassium, terrible migraines, and horrid edema

[12:40] Doing a mind/body program for high blood pressure

[18:56] Being diagnosed with colitis and ovarian abscess

[20:11] Being told I have a tumor on my adrenal gland and little syndrome

[23:36] Getting the tumor removed: my life changed

[29:11] Writing a book on my experiences

[32:05] Entering a contest on a whim and winning!

[35:47] Don't stop advocating for your health

Resources:

• Misdiagnosed For Miles

• Millenium Running Club

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Eleanor joins me again to discuss our new relative: how we found her and the mix of emotions surrounding it. Excited, nervous, and a lot of feelings over the memory of our brother Jeffery. Finding out our deceased brother had a child who will never get to know him is another twist in our lives.

Key Takeaways:

[4:45] A woman reached out asking if we were related

[7:46] Feeling intimidated, excited, selfish, and seeing my assumptions debunked

[9:26] Finding Jeffery's child felt so important because he's dead

[10:48] Protecting the memory of Jeffrey and the news

[13:11] Finding out my dad wasn't my dad was traumatic

[17:11] Niece's family support and what her life was like growing up

[18:12] The similarities between us and what we'll give her as a person

[21:20] Jeffery's traumatic brain injury

[23:51] Visiting Jeff in Happy Valley

[25:29] It takes a village to welcome someone new

[28:36] Exploring new things and facing my fears

Resources:

• Eleanor's past episode

• NPE Podcast

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Kelsey is the amazing woman who supplied me donor milk when Jack was young. This concept didn't exist when I was younger and I'm so glad this option does now. It's a great opportunity to connect with other moms, get advice, and have support to breastfeed and not use formula if that's what you choose.

Key Takeaways:

[1:47] Nursing all my kids to older ages and using donor milk

[11:55] I nurse in public and criticism I've received

[15:11] Using donor milk and great groups that support breastfeeding

[20:31] Just nursing one child now and the feelings that come with it

[23:06] My favorite memory nursing and having painful mastitis

[28:58] Funniest memory nursing and a memory Barb's track team never forgot

[32:06] Advocate for yourself and find a IBCLC Consultant

[33:39] Nurses giving the wrong information on breastfeeding

Resources:

• Human Milk for Human Babies

• The New Hampshire Breastfeeding Support Group

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