In this week's episode, I take a dive into step six: acknowledgement, taking responsibility, surrendering, and letting go of your ego. It made me think of my flaws, how I over apologize, and how I need to let my flaws flow through me.

Key Takeaways: 

[3:53] Step six of AA 

[8:19] I always want to try to fix things 

[10:45] Grace or responsibility: which comes first?

[14:27] Every day is a new day to rise and self punishment 

[16:35] Accountability and giving it over to god 

[21:41] All or nothing thinking 

[23:43] Step six is about acknowledgement 

[25:36] Having panic about not fixing things 

[30:21] You need to put in work to transform as a person 

[33:10] Letting go of your ego and deficits of character 

[36:09] You have to both surrender and take responsibility 

[39:27] I own my mistakes, but I lack self worth and have trouble giving over control

[42:19] I don’t wait I jump into things 

[43:47] I’m trying to float in the beautiful stream that is my flaws 

[45:32] Living in a spirit of gratitude and how I do prayers 

Resources:

• Breathing Underwater

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook 

Instagram

Be a guest on the podcast 

YouTube

The Molly B Foundation

This week I face my past actions, the friends that have stood by me, and the differences in religion. I look at retributive vs restorative justice and which one can help people that are struggling, as well as how my religion doesn’t support confession. 

Key Takeaways: 

[1:10] Step five feels like confession 

[5:11] Retributive vs restorative justice 

[13:26] Trying to change yourself to heal yourself doesn’t work well 

[18:13] Peer accountability and personal responsibility 

[21:27] Forgiving myself and others 

[24:03] The personal failure that I find hard to acknowledge 

[26:38] The people that love me in spite of my actions 

[30:54] My religion doesn’t support confession

[33:23] I had a skewed perspective on forgiveness and acceptance 

[34:50] The people I talk to my issues in life to

Resources:

• Breathing Underwater

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook 

Instagram

Be a guest on the podcast 

YouTube

The Molly B Foundation

This episode caused me to look at my moral inventory, what I carry with me, and what I’m learning to let go. It’s made me question my childhood and how that impacts my life today as well as using failure in my life as an excuse not to move forward with things. 

Key Takeaways: 

[4:02] Nothing annoys me more than people believing lies about me 

[6:54] Step four of AA  

[12:14] Life begins with transgression 

[17:20] Acknowledging that you’ve made mistakes in life 

[22:51] Shadow boxing: fighting an invisible opponent and living in denial

[32:15] This is what step four is all about 

[33:30] Praying for patience again and again

[36:49] My fear of being honest with myself 

[38:36] Using weakness and failure in my life as an excuse not to move forward

[40:36] Focusing less on sin and more on wisdom of the struggle 

[42:32] I get defensive when I feel I’ve been wronged 

[44:17] Not being able to admit my inner failure at first 

[46:27] Always looking for an escape in my life 

[49:14] I blame my lack of success on Kenny 

[50:12] How my childhood impacts how I treat people

[53:54] Making myself less afraid of admitting weakness

Resources:

• Breathing Underwater

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook 

Instagram

Be a guest on the podcast 

YouTube

The Molly B Foundation

Step three of AA had me delving into my need for control, resisting change, codependency, and trying to find gratitude when I find that difficult. In this episode, I dive into the third step and what renouncing yourself, giving yourself over to god, and love can do in your life.  

Key Takeaways: 

[5:06] Step three of AA

[10:21] Accepting all your losses, resisting change, and trying to stay in control 

[18:35] Renouncing myself for attention and validation 

[22:10] The things people seek love for 

[24:32] Being codependent 

[27:49] Doing good deeds because you want to 

[30:04] False sacrifice and holding onto control 

[35:04] Trying to find gratitude and religion being based on following rules

[38:48] Being radically accepted for nothing 

[41:10] Surrendering is a negative concept to me

[42:32] Accepting our past and our mistakes

[46:59] Renouncing yourself and giving yourself to god 

[50:47] Working on self forgiveness 

[51:33] True and unconditional love 

Resources:

• Breathing Underwater

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook 

Instagram

Be a guest on the podcast 

YouTube

The Molly B Foundation

In step two of AA it’s all about opening my heart, mind, and body. It’s a tough journey to accomplish though and it makes me look at points in my life where I made choices I didn’t feel great about, but also choices to forgive others. In this episode, I look how the mind, body, and heart are connected.  

Key Takeaways: 

[2:07] Step two of AA 

[5:00] Opening our hearts, minds, and bodies 

[8:47] Opening of the mind 

[12:56] Opening of the heart

[21:47] Opening of the body 

[32:19] Spirituality and connecting with a higher power

[34:03] Points in my life where I asked for help 

[35:47] I feel like my decisions are wrong 

[36:51] Keeping space in my heart open, forgiving my father

[38:23] The people that helped me in tough times 

Resources:

• Breathing Underwater

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook 

Instagram

Be a guest on the podcast 

YouTube

The Molly B Foundation

To kick off the theme of season 9, I’m talking about Alcoholics Anonymous and my struggle with addiction. I discuss what AA is like, what I learned, how I feel powerless, and how I’m trying to improve my life.  

Key Takeaways: 

[4:56] Still struggling to get where I want to go 

[7:52] My time in AA and the most significant thing I learned

[11:36] My moment of feeling powerless 

[12:23] Step one of AA

[13:52] The poem that spoke to me about powerlessness

[17:35] Having to be honest in AA

[20:26] The ego is selfish, but is it sin? 

[29:41] I’ve felt powerless through my abuse and being a woman 

[38:00] I’ve never felt like God was absent in my life 

[44:07] I’m doing things, but I need to get more comfortable asking for help

[47:04] I try to control things in my life which can cause trouble 

[51:55] I don’t like change, trying to change my life and struggling 

[55:34] If people have community around them, they’re less likely to be addicted

[59:01] What I’m doing to improve my life

Resources:

• Breathing Underwater

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook 

Instagram

Be a guest on the podcast 

YouTube

The Molly B Foundation

Rewatching The Notebook brought back so many connections to my own life. It made me think about losing Molly, the mistakes I’ve made, how it’s different raising Jack, the choices I’m making for him, and really just being at a turning point in my life deciding what to do next. 

Key Takeaways: 

[6:39] What the movie The Notebook is about 

[11:20] The end of a friendship and connections to Molly

[14:38] More of the plot

[16:48] Being reminded of all my mistakes and second guessing myself 

[20:08] The end of the movie, losing a child, and letting go

[23:29] Being at a turning point in my life

Resources:

• The Notebook

• The Teenage Liberation Handbook

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook 

Instagram

Be a guest on the podcast 

YouTube

The Molly B Foundation

Menopause is seen differently in America versus other cultures. Society here sees it in a negative light, but there is so much more to the story. My own experience with taking estrogen has made my life better and I’ve noticed a huge difference. 

Key Takeaways: 

[1:02] Menopause is seen as a negative medicalized reality 

[1:56] What menopause is and how society sees it 

[8:12] In other cultures menopause is not seen as a negative 

[15:11] Hormone imbalances and being premenopausal 

[17:59] Intergenerational relationships are not as valued anymore

[20:46] I basically lost my period after Molly died 

[23:16] Taking estrogen helped me feel better

[28:27] What estrogen decline does 

[32:51] How estrogen helped me

[37:59] How estrogen affects the body physically

[39:55] The changes I’ve noticed from estrogen 

[42:54] I would love to hear from other menopausal women

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook 

Instagram

Be a guest on the podcast 

YouTube

The Molly B Foundation

After a post was made for pride month, I had a reaction - and I ended up deleting my comments. It was a learning experience that taught me patience and where to best put my words. In this episode, I dive into the meaning words have especially in the age of social media.

Key Takeaways: 

[3:00] The post surrounding pride month that bothered me 

[9:14] Commenting on the posts and then deleting them 

[13:36] Changing the words in a spiritual song and people getting angry

[15:58] I have the right to be affected, but not post about it 

[21:38] The time period I refrained from gossiping 

[25:33] My communication style and not being able to take words back

[30:07] May was a hard month for me and I’ve struggled with anger

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook 

Instagram

Be a guest on the podcast 

YouTube

The Molly B Foundation 

As I had the most frustrating weeks I’ve had in a while, it made me think about my anger. My coping mechanisms, good and bad, as well as the repressed anger and how I’m learning to do better. For both myself and to teach Jack better coping skills. 

Key Takeaways: 

[1:23] I pray a lot about my anger

[2:27] My life is in upheaval and feeling like everything is a mess

[4:39] I was taught to be quiet as a child especially during my abuse 

[14:40] Self anger in my adult life, feeling judged, and how I coped

[15:54] Jack asks me if I’m angry, I’m trying to teach him better coping skills

[21:56] What I’m learning about anger and not repressing it

[23:51] My self harming behaviors and unresolved anger

[25:59] The differences in men and women when it comes to anger

[30:30] How I deal with my anger positively and negatively 

[32:52] CrossFit honoring the military 

[37:39] Me being angry doesn’t do anyone good

[40:48] If you need to be angry, be angry 

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook 

Instagram

Be a guest on the podcast 

YouTube

The Molly B Foundation