The number 13 is historically unlucky so it makes sense that this episode starts with Alison telling on Dana to Oprah for misspellings and not understanding basic math. We also read some listener feedback and give a shout-out to our show’s mascot.

Episode 13 is dedicated exclusively to a segment in our show called Absolute Worst Therapy wherein we try to solve listener problems. Our first question leads to a discussion about appropriate bagel store attire and we try to understand if it’s ok to be objectified. Afterwards we try to fix one of the most difficult issues we face in society — a bad haircut.

Then we meet a man who is in love with two siblings but is forced to choose just one. I HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS!!! We also once again discuss dildos and what you should do if you don’t have one in your immediate vicinity.

Finally, we answer a question about Jamaica and weed smoking and find the solution in a Selena Gomez lyric. And then Dana blows Alison’s mind by reasonably answering a question about perfume allergies.

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

The number 13 is historically unlucky so it makes sense that this episode starts with Alison telling on Dana to Oprah for misspellings and not understanding basic math. We also read some listener feedback and give a shout-out to our show’s mascot.

Episode 13 is dedicated exclusively to a segment in our show called Absolute Worst Therapy wherein we try to solve listener problems. Our first question leads to a discussion about appropriate bagel store attire and we try to understand if it’s ok to be objectified. Afterwards we try to fix one of the most difficult issues we face in society — a bad haircut.

Then we meet a man who is in love with two siblings but is forced to choose just one. I HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS!!! We also once again discuss dildos and what you should do if you don’t have one in your immediate vicinity.

Finally, we answer a question about Jamaica and weed smoking and find the solution in a Selena Gomez lyric. And then Dana blows Alison’s mind by reasonably answering a question about perfume allergies.

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

Episode 12 starts with a moment of triumph when Dana and Alison realize they’re inadvertently following Queen Oprah’s advice! All they want in the world is to learn from her teachings.

We kick this episode off with some Absolute Therapy questions and try to determine if exercise can actually ruin a marriage. We also talk about people-pleasing and confrontation. Unsurprisingly, Dana chooses people-pleasing and once Alison realizes that doesn’t mean blow jobs, she picks confrontation. Finally, we ruin yet another relationship.

During the Absolute Yourst segment, we hear about some fun listener diseases and Alison starts to feel moderately better about her spine fusing together!

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

Episode 12 starts with a moment of triumph when Dana and Alison realize they’re inadvertently following Queen Oprah’s advice! All they want in the world is to learn from her teachings.

We kick this episode off with some Absolute Therapy questions and try to determine if exercise can actually ruin a marriage. We also talk about people-pleasing and confrontation. Unsurprisingly, Dana chooses people-pleasing and once Alison realizes that doesn’t mean blow jobs, she picks confrontation. Finally, we ruin yet another relationship.

During the Absolute Yourst segment, we hear about some fun listener diseases and Alison starts to feel moderately better about her spine fusing together!

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

In this week’s episode we do a quick catch-up and meet a listener who owns a bridal boutique and wants us all to learn the etiquette of trying on wedding dresses.

We also address the age-old question — when is it ok to make a comment about somebody’s body? Also, if you’re not pregnant but someone asks you if you are, is it ok to murder them?

In the Absolute Yourst segment, we hear some horrific war stories from women who have had babies ripped out of them. From there things devolve and Dana and Alison have an emotional experience that no one was prepared for. Buckle up!

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them anonymously through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

In this week’s episode we do a quick catch-up and meet a listener who owns a bridal boutique and wants us all to learn the etiquette of trying on wedding dresses.

We also address the age-old question — when is it ok to make a comment about somebody’s body? Also, if you’re not pregnant but someone asks you if you are, is it ok to murder them?

In the Absolute Yourst segment, we hear some horrific war stories from women who have had babies ripped out of them. From there things devolve and Dana and Alison have an emotional experience that no one was prepared for. Buckle up!

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them anonymously through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

By some miracle, Dana and Alison start this episode by BEING NICE TO EACH OTHER! It’s shocking but it feels good.

In Episode 10, we discuss the horror of weddings and contemplate why they are unreasonably expensive. Also, why do no clothes fit literally anyone?!

This week, we read a lot of Absolute Yoursts! Our first one involves dentistry — literally the worst — and our second involves a tibia aka a shinbone. The tibia story unravels to such a degree that we’re still not even really sure what happened.

We also get to hear Dana’s arm-scar story!!! It involves a ukulele and a doorknob. And most importantly, we get a whole new introduction to Dana’s grandma, Neva. This episode ends with a very special Neva’s Corner (this is where Dana makes Alison apologize to her grandma).

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

By some miracle, Dana and Alison start this episode by BEING NICE TO EACH OTHER! It’s shocking but it feels good.

In Episode 10, we discuss the horror of weddings and contemplate why they are unreasonably expensive. Also, why do no clothes fit literally anyone?!

This week, we read a lot of Absolute Yoursts! Our first one involves dentistry — literally the worst — and our second involves a tibia aka a shinbone. The tibia story unravels to such a degree that we’re still not even really sure what happened.

We also get to hear Dana’s arm-scar story!!! It involves a ukulele and a doorknob. And most importantly, we get a whole new introduction to Dana’s grandma, Neva. This episode ends with a very special Neva’s Corner (this is where Dana makes Alison apologize to her grandma).

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

In Episode 9, Dana and Alison once again plead with Oprah to help them on their journey of fixing people’s problems. It’s unclear whether or not Oprah will intervene but Alison continues to stalk her on Twitter in the interim. Also, they elect one of their listeners to become their official mascot!!!

In this week’s Absolute Yourst, we meet a modern-day hero who has to fight against the urge to pee. We then discuss Alison’s sexcapades and try to force Dana The Prude to tell hers. Turns out Alison has dated a couple? Unclear if that’s even a thing. Please listen and decide.

During Absolute Worst Therapy, we continue to fix the world’s relationship issues and discuss dating married men, thinking about our exes, and deciding which one is “The One.”

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

In Episode 9, Dana and Alison once again plead with Oprah to help them on their journey of fixing people’s problems. It’s unclear whether or not Oprah will intervene but Alison continues to stalk her on Twitter in the interim. Also, they elect one of their listeners to become their official mascot!!!

In this week’s Absolute Yourst, we meet a modern-day hero who has to fight against the urge to pee. We then discuss Alison’s sexcapades and try to force Dana The Prude to tell hers. Turns out Alison has dated a couple? Unclear if that’s even a thing. Please listen and decide.

During Absolute Worst Therapy, we continue to fix the world’s relationship issues and discuss dating married men, thinking about our exes, and deciding which one is “The One.”

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255