You’ve probably heard it a thousand times, “they just need to hit rock bottom.” But what if that’s the very idea keeping you both stuck?

When someone you love is struggling with addiction, it’s easy to believe that “rock bottom” is what will finally make them change. We’ve been told it by friends, family, even therapists, that things have to get bad enough before they get better.

But here’s the truth: addiction is doing something despite the negative consequences, which means waiting for more pain doesn’t motivate change, it fuels the cycle.

In this episode, Amanda unpacks:

What addiction really is (and why it isn’t about bad choices or willpower)

Why the “rock bottom” story keeps both you and your loved one stuck

How waiting quietly teaches you to abandon yourself

What actually creates motivation for change (hint: it’s hope and safety, not shame)

How to start building the “safety scaffolding” that makes recovery possible before a crisis

If you’ve been walking on eggshells, waiting for the next disaster — this conversation is your permission slip to stop waiting and start leading change from a place of calm, clarity, and strength.

Book a friendly, no-pressure chat to talk through your next small, best step toward peace. Because a good 2026 starts now, not “one day.”

👉 Click here to find a time or send me a DM on Instagram@addictionmakesthreeto share what’s feeling hardest right now.

Ep 41 - The One Question Not to Ask Someone Struggling With Addiction

Ep 53 - Are you Gaslighting Yourself? The Quiet Habit Keeping you Stuck

Ep 6 - Painful thought #1 - Why are they choosing a substance over me?

Ep 47 - 11 Subtle Signs Your Partner’s Addiction Is Controlling Your Life

1️⃣ Book a Friendly Chat: Explore what working together could look like because you’ve been trying “this way” long enough, and it’s not helping anyone.

👉 Click here to find a time

2️⃣ Join the Pathway to Wellness Waitlist: My signature program helps you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction — with calm, confidence, and community

👉 Join the waitlist here

3️⃣ Download the Free Crisis Conversation Guide: Learn what to say (and what not to say) when addiction takes over, with real scripts that help you stay grounded even when it’s messy.

👉 Get the Free Guide

4️⃣ Connect on Instagram: @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections? 💌 [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If your loved one says they’re sober but part of you still isn’t sure, this episode is for you.

After living through lies, gaslighting, and constant second-guessing, rebuilding trust can feel impossible. You want to believe them. You want your relationship to work. But you’re also exhausted from checking, doubting, and playing detective.

In this episode, Addiction Relationship Coach Amanda Lockyer explains what rebuilding trust really looks like after addiction, without losing yourself in the process. Y

What We Talk About

• Why “you just have to trust me” doesn’t work after addiction
• The first (and most important) step: rebuilding trust with yourself
• How to use boundaries and clarity, not control, to feel safe
• What to do in the “messy middle” when things are better, but not good yet
• Why noticing when words and actions align is the key to lasting trust
• How to support recovery without turning into the sobriety police

For Listeners Who Are In the “Messy Middle”

If you’re trying to stop living in detective mode, but you don’t know what to do next, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

👉 Book a friendly chat to talk through your next small, best step forward in peace - Click here to find a time

Or, if you’d prefer, send me a DM on Instagram @addictionmakesthree and we can talk through what’s feeling hardest right now.

Listen next:

Ep 35 - When You're Scared to Set the Boundary, Start Here.

Ep 53 - Are you Gaslighting Yourself? The Quiet Habbit Keeping you Stuck

Ep 65 - What no one warns you about when they go to rehab

Ep 28 - Your Unexpected Resentment in Their Recovery

💌 Need support for yourself (not just your loved one)? Book in a no-pressure chat with Amanda to share what's going on and find out what your next best smallest steps are, or join the waitlist for the next intake to the Pathway to Wellness Program.

1️⃣ You can book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like. Because you know you’ve been trying ‘this way’ for long enough and it's not helping anyone.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

2️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When your loved one says they’re sober but you still smell alcohol, feel uneasy, or can’t shake that gut feeling, you’re not crazy.

In this episode, I unpack what happens after the lies, after rehab, and after the chaos settles.

I explain why it’s so hard to feel calm, how broken trust shows up in your body, and why believing yourself is the first step toward healing, not policing your partner.

You’ll Learn

• Why trust doesn’t return the moment sobriety starts
• The trauma response behind hyper-vigilance and “detective mode”
• What your nervous system is really doing when you can’t relax
• How to begin rebuilding trust with yourself first
• Why “just trust me” never works, and what to say instead

Listen next:

Ep 14 - The Power of the Pause

Ep 53 - Are you Gaslighting Yourself? The Quiet Habbit Keeping you Stuck

Ep 65 - What no one warns you about when they go to rehab

Ep 28 - Your Unexpected Resentment in Their Recovery

💌 Need support for yourself (not just your loved one)? Book in a no-pressure chat with Amanda to share what's going on and find out what your next best smallest steps are, or join the waitlist for the next intake to the Pathway to Wellness Program.

1️⃣ You can book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like. Because you know you’ve been trying ‘this way’ for long enough and it's not helping anyone.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

2️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everyone says, “They just need to go to rehab.”

And maybe they do.

But no one talks about what happens to the person left at home once they finally do.

In this honest episode, Addiction Relationship Coach Amanda Lockyer shares what really happens on the other side of rehab. The emotional whiplash, the relief mixed with resentment, and why it’s completely normal to feel angry, confused, or even jealous while your loved one gets help.

You’ll learn:

• Why relief often turns into resentment (and what it’s telling you)

• How to stop waiting for their recovery to fix everything

• What your own recovery and support can look like independent of theirs

Rehab isn’t the finish line. It’s the start of two recoveries, theirs and yours.

Ask yourself: What support do I need right now, for me?

🎧 Listen now, and explore your next steps and resources in the show notes.

Listen next:

• Ep 28 - Your unexpected resentment in Their recovery
• Ep 18 - Rehab from the other side - Part 3
• Ep 17 - Rehab from the other side - Part 2
• Ep 16 - Rehab from the other side - Part 1

1️⃣ You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like. Because you know you’ve been trying ‘this way’ for long enough and it's not helping anyone.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

2️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you’re the one holding everything together, the house, the kids, the finances, the emotional whiplash and fallout, it’s no wonder you’re exhausted.

Loving someone who struggles with alcohol or drugs can quickly take over your life. You keep going because stopping feels dangerous, like everything might collapse if you let go for a second.

In this episode, Amanda shares what “the pause” really means when you’re run-down and stretched thin, and why it’s necessary for everyone’s wellbeing for you to pause. You’ll learn how to notice the crappy internal thoughts that keep you stuck, how to ask for help without guilt, and why rest isn’t a luxury, it’s maintenance.

I know it’s hard here and you’re beyond tired. Take that micro moment and have a rest. It’ll help more than you could ever imagine

Listen next:

• Ep 14 - The Power of The Pause
• Ep 55 - 7 Late Night Google Searches That Reveal Addiction Red Flags
• Ep 54 - What Real Support Looks Like (Without the Shame of Enabling)
• Ep 33 - You're not Their Rehab

1️⃣ You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like. Because you know you’ve been trying ‘this way’ for long enough and it's not helping anyone.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

2️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Navigating perimenopause while living with a spouse struggling with addiction can feel like too much. Because it is, in fact, too much. In this episode, Amanda shares why these two experiences collide, how it impacts your emotions and nervous system, and what real support looks like so you can start feeling calm and in control again

If you’re navigating perimenopause while also living with a partner who’s struggling with addiction, you are not imagining how hard this feels, it’s a lot.

Your hormones are shifting. Your sleep’s all over the place. Your emotions are on high alert. And when you layer in the stress, uncertainty, and heartbreak that comes with addiction in a relationship, it can feel impossible to stay calm, steady, or even like yourself anymore.

In this episode, I’m unpacking what happens when perimenopause, stress, and addiction in a relationship collide, the perfect storm of emotional overload, fatigue, and burnout that so many women find themselves in but rarely talk about.

We’ll chat about:

Why perimenopause makes emotional regulation so much harder when addiction is involved

How your nervous system gets stuck in “fight or flight” mode

The hidden compassion we can find in those small moments of resistance (yes, even over coffee)

And what it really takes to start feeling calm, in control, and well again — no matter where your loved one is in their recovery

Your ability to find your peace, even when things around you are chaotic is going to be what helps you. And when you're better in yourself, you can support your loved one in a healthy way.

Listen next:

• Ep 14 - The Power of The Pause
• Ep 5 - What About Us
• Ep 15 - What got you here won't get you there
• Ep 20 - You’ll achieve more in 1 year focusing on your own wellbeing...

1️⃣ You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like - without doing this alone, because you know you’ve been trying ‘that way’ for long enough by now.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

2️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if the stories we’ve been told about addiction recovery, rock bottom, tough love, they have to want it themselves... are only half the truth?

In this episode, Amanda sits down with Conrad Tracey, founder of Addiction Coaching Australia, to unpack the outdated myths that keep people stuck, and reveal what real, sustainable recovery actually looks like.

Together they explore the messy middle of change, the space between crisis and consistency, and how both the person struggling and their loved ones can find steadier ground through boundaries, compassion, and evidence-based support.

You’ll learn:

Why waiting for rock bottom can be dangerous and what to do instead.

The difference between helping and enabling (and why it matters).

How relapse fits into recovery without meaning “back to day one.”

What real accountability looks like without shame or control.

How small, consistent actions create lasting transformation.

This episode is for you if:

You love someone navigating addiction or early recovery.

You’re a high-functioning person quietly struggling yourself.

You’re tired of outdated advice and want tools that actually work.

Connect with Conrad

• Addiction Coaching Australia
• @conradmtracey_addictioncoach on Instagram
• We are running a promotion for listeners of the podcast of a special introduction price to our Circuit Breaker program $97 per week ex GST for the first three months, rather than usual $149 per week ex GST.
• Just use the code SOBER at the check out.https://pages.addictioncoachingaustralia.com.au/the-circuit-breaker

1️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

2️⃣ You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like - without doing this alone, because you know you’ve been trying ‘that way’ for long enough by now.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You love them and you’re exhausted.

One day there’s hope, the next there’s heartbreak.

And the question won’t stop circling your mind: Should I stay, or should I leave?

In this episode, Amanda helps you step off the exhausting mental treadmill of “what ifs” and find solid ground again.

You’ll learn:

• Why both staying and leaving are hard
• The real question you need to ask instead
• How doing your own inner work is the key to clarity

Whether your partner is in active addiction, early recovery, or somewhere in between, this conversation will help you stop waiting for a sign, start choosing you and get you stepping closer to making decisions that feel good, even when they are hard.

Listen next:

• Ep 42 - How many chances is too many?
• Ep 27 - Should you Leave or Stay? Why that's not the Only Question
• Ep 23 - How to get through a relapse without losing hope

1️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

2️⃣ You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like - without doing this alone, because you know you’ve been trying ‘that way’ for long enough by now.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if you’re grieving someone who’s still alive?

In this episode, Amanda explains living grief, the hidden heartbreak of loving someone in addiction. Learn why it feels confusing, how grief shows up in your body, and gentle ways to begin healing without losing yourself.

It’s the tension between hope and heartbreak.

Between who they were and who they are now.

You can love them and still grieve them.

You can hold hope and still hold boundaries.

Listen next:

• Ep 47 - 11 Subtle Signs Your Partner’s Addiction Is Controlling Your Life
• Ep 3 - Where is my lasagne?
• Ep 20 - You’ll achieve more in 1 year focusing on your own wellbeing...

1️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

2️⃣ You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like - without doing this alone, because you know you’ve been trying ‘that way’ for long enough by now.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You’ve sniffed laundry, counted bottles, checked phones, screenshotted bank statements.

Me too.

You’re not crazy, you’re trying your best to cope the only way you know how.

In this episode, I unveil my long list of whack and unhinged behaviour and unpack why the “detective mode” makes sense and why it’s quietly breaking you, and how to step out of it with compassion.

You’ll learn:

• The gaslighting → doubt → evidence-hunt loop (and why it’s addictive)
• Why hyper-vigilance feels like control but creates burnout
• A kinder swap: put down the magnifying glass, pick up the mirror
• One tiny action to retire (today) + what to do instead
• 
  

If you’ve been living on high alert, this is your permission slip to choose peace over proof.

And truly - send me a DM on Instagram or drop me an email - let me know the one thing you are going to 'stop' doing... and let's get a plan together.

Listen next:

• Ep 53 - Are You Gaslighting Yourself?
• Ep 57 - 4 Signs Your Boundaries Aren’t Working
• Ep 48 - Why Sobriety Isn’t the Finish Line

1️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

2️⃣ You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like - without doing this alone, because you know you’ve been trying ‘that way’ for long enough by now.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

3️⃣ Or join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.