Addiction Makes Three

There’s a moment in every addiction-impacted relationship where you realise… it’s not just their drinking/drug use/gambling etc that’s changing the family, it’s changing you too.

You don’t plan for it.

You don’t see it coming.

And when it happens, the shame of it stays in your chest for years.

Today I’m sharing a story I’ve never fully talked about publicly, the moment I completely lost it, the moment my kids were scared of me, not their dad, and the moment I realised that addiction had changed me in ways that were unimaginable and I could no longer ignore.

If you’ve ever snapped, yelled, bellowed, broken something, stormed out, or reacted in ways you’re not proud of… please hear me:

you’re not a bad mother/father, a bad partner, or a bad person, you’re a human being in survival mode, and you're at your breaking point.

In this deeply personal episode, I talk about:

• The moment I “broke” and how my kids carried that memory
• Why your anger, snapping, and hypervigilance make total sense in survival mode
• How addiction slowly reshapes the “safe parent” without you realising
• Why getting support for you is the difference between coping and crashing

This isn’t an episode about blame or shame, it’s an episode about truth, compassion, and reclaiming yourself after years of walking on eggshells.

And if you’re thinking,

“I can’t keep living like this…”

or

“I don’t want my kids remembering me this way…”

This episode is for you.

And your great 2026 begins with one small step today. not in January, and not after the next crisis.

Ep 66 - They Say They're Sober... But You're Still Not Sure.

Ep 3 - Where Is My Lasagne?

Ep 47 - 11 Subtle Signs Your Partner’s Addiction Is Controlling Your Life

Ep 35 - When You're Scared to Set the Boundary... Start Here

1️⃣ Book a Friendly Chat: Explore what working together could look like because you’ve been trying “this way” long enough, and it’s not helping anyone.

👉 Click here to find a time

2️⃣ Join the Pathway to Wellness Waitlist: My signature program helps you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction — with calm, confidence, and community

👉 Join the waitlist here

3️⃣ Download the Free Crisis Conversation Guide: Learn what to say (and what not to say) when addiction takes over, with real scripts that help you stay grounded even when it’s messy.

👉 Get the Free Guide

4️⃣ Connect on Instagram: @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections? 💌 [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever looked at yourself and thought… “I don’t even recognise who I am anymore?”

If so, this episode will feel like someone finally turned the lights on in a dark room you’ve been sitting in for years.

When you love someone whose drinking or using creates chaos, unpredictability or emotional instability, it doesn’t just change them.

It slowly, quietly, painfully changes you too.

And one day you wake up snapping at your kids, checking his phone, scanning for signs of drinking, living in fear not love… and you realise:

“This isn’t the mother, partner, or woman I wanted to be.”

This episode is for you if you’ve ever thought:

• “I don’t like who I’ve become.”
• “I feel angry all the time.”
• “My whole life feels blurry.”
• “I’m doing everything alone.”
• “He’s changing… but I still feel stuck.”
• “I’ve lost myself somewhere in all this.”

You are not broken.

You are overwhelmed.

And you don’t have to stay this version of yourself.

💬 If this episode feels like I’m reading your diary… you deserve support too.

A good 2026 starts now, not after the next crisis, not in January, and not when things magically get better.

Ep 66 - They Say They're Sober... But You're Still Not Sure.

Ep 41 - The One Question Not to Ask Someone Struggling With Addiction

Ep 47 - 11 Subtle Signs Your Partner’s Addiction Is Controlling Your Life

Ep 35 - When You're Scared to Set the Boundary... Start Here

1️⃣ Book a Friendly Chat: Explore what working together could look like because you’ve been trying “this way” long enough, and it’s not helping anyone.

👉 Click here to find a time

2️⃣ Join the Pathway to Wellness Waitlist: My signature program helps you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction — with calm, confidence, and community

👉 Join the waitlist here

3️⃣ Download the Free Crisis Conversation Guide: Learn what to say (and what not to say) when addiction takes over, with real scripts that help you stay grounded even when it’s messy.

👉 Get the Free Guide

4️⃣ Connect on Instagram: @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections? 💌 [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if the change you’ve been waiting for has nothing to do with your loved one and everything to do with you?

If your partner’s addiction has taken over your life, it’s easy to slip into survival mode: waiting for the next crisis, hoping this time things will magically improve, telling yourself you’ll feel better once they finally change.

But here’s the truth: nothing changes if nothing changes. And in addiction-impacted relationships, things rarely stay the same. They usually get worse.

In Part 2 of this two-part series, Amanda walks you through what actually creates real, sustainable change for you, your loved one, and your relationship. No fluff. No false promises. Just grounded, compassionate, practical tools you can use immediately.

You’ll learn:

✨ What truly motivates change (and why shame never does)

✨ How to make the truth safe again

✨ Why boundaries create change (and control doesn’t

✨ The micro-moments that rebuild trust and momentum

And because we’re in November? A calmer, clearer, stronger 2026 starts now, not in January, not after another crisis.

If you’ve been walking on eggshells, waiting for ‘rock bottom’ to wake someone up… this episode will show you why you don’t have to wait anymore, and how you can start leading meaningful change today.

Book a friendly, no-pressure chat to talk through your next small, best step toward peace. Because a good 2026 starts now, not “one day.”

👉 Click here to find a time or send me a DM on Instagram@addictionmakesthreeto share what’s feeling hardest right now.

Ep 41 - The One Question Not to Ask Someone Struggling With Addiction

Ep 47 - 11 Subtle Signs Your Partner’s Addiction Is Controlling Your Life

Ep 35 - When You're Scared to Set the Boundary... Start Here

Ep 66 - They Say They're Sober... But You're Still Not Sure.

1️⃣ Book a Friendly Chat: Explore what working together could look like because you’ve been trying “this way” long enough, and it’s not helping anyone.

👉 Click here to find a time

2️⃣ Join the Pathway to Wellness Waitlist: My signature program helps you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction — with calm, confidence, and community

👉 Join the waitlist here

3️⃣ Download the Free Crisis Conversation Guide: Learn what to say (and what not to say) when addiction takes over, with real scripts that help you stay grounded even when it’s messy.

👉 Get the Free Guide

4️⃣ Connect on Instagram: @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections? 💌 [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You’ve probably heard it a thousand times, “they just need to hit rock bottom.” But what if that’s the very idea keeping you both stuck?

When someone you love is struggling with addiction, it’s easy to believe that “rock bottom” is what will finally make them change. We’ve been told it by friends, family, even therapists, that things have to get bad enough before they get better.

But here’s the truth: addiction is doing something despite the negative consequences, which means waiting for more pain doesn’t motivate change, it fuels the cycle.

In this episode, Amanda unpacks:

What addiction really is (and why it isn’t about bad choices or willpower)

Why the “rock bottom” story keeps both you and your loved one stuck

How waiting quietly teaches you to abandon yourself

What actually creates motivation for change (hint: it’s hope and safety, not shame)

How to start building the “safety scaffolding” that makes recovery possible before a crisis

If you’ve been walking on eggshells, waiting for the next disaster — this conversation is your permission slip to stop waiting and start leading change from a place of calm, clarity, and strength.

Book a friendly, no-pressure chat to talk through your next small, best step toward peace. Because a good 2026 starts now, not “one day.”

👉 Click here to find a time or send me a DM on Instagram@addictionmakesthreeto share what’s feeling hardest right now.

Ep 41 - The One Question Not to Ask Someone Struggling With Addiction

Ep 53 - Are you Gaslighting Yourself? The Quiet Habit Keeping you Stuck

Ep 6 - Painful thought #1 - Why are they choosing a substance over me?

Ep 47 - 11 Subtle Signs Your Partner’s Addiction Is Controlling Your Life

1️⃣ Book a Friendly Chat: Explore what working together could look like because you’ve been trying “this way” long enough, and it’s not helping anyone.

👉 Click here to find a time

2️⃣ Join the Pathway to Wellness Waitlist: My signature program helps you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction — with calm, confidence, and community

👉 Join the waitlist here

3️⃣ Download the Free Crisis Conversation Guide: Learn what to say (and what not to say) when addiction takes over, with real scripts that help you stay grounded even when it’s messy.

👉 Get the Free Guide

4️⃣ Connect on Instagram: @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections? 💌 [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If your loved one says they’re sober but part of you still isn’t sure, this episode is for you.

After living through lies, gaslighting, and constant second-guessing, rebuilding trust can feel impossible. You want to believe them. You want your relationship to work. But you’re also exhausted from checking, doubting, and playing detective.

In this episode, Addiction Relationship Coach Amanda Lockyer explains what rebuilding trust really looks like after addiction, without losing yourself in the process. Y

What We Talk About

• Why “you just have to trust me” doesn’t work after addiction
• The first (and most important) step: rebuilding trust with yourself
• How to use boundaries and clarity, not control, to feel safe
• What to do in the “messy middle” when things are better, but not good yet
• Why noticing when words and actions align is the key to lasting trust
• How to support recovery without turning into the sobriety police

For Listeners Who Are In the “Messy Middle”

If you’re trying to stop living in detective mode, but you don’t know what to do next, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

👉 Book a friendly chat to talk through your next small, best step forward in peace - Click here to find a time

Or, if you’d prefer, send me a DM on Instagram @addictionmakesthree and we can talk through what’s feeling hardest right now.

Listen next:

Ep 35 - When You're Scared to Set the Boundary, Start Here.

Ep 53 - Are you Gaslighting Yourself? The Quiet Habit Keeping you Stuck

Ep 65 - What no one warns you about when they go to rehab

Ep 28 - Your Unexpected Resentment in Their Recovery

💌 Need support for yourself (not just your loved one)? Book in a no-pressure chat with Amanda to share what's going on and find out what your next best smallest steps are, or join the waitlist for the next intake to the Pathway to Wellness Program.

1️⃣ You can book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like. Because you know you’ve been trying ‘this way’ for long enough and it's not helping anyone.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

2️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When your loved one says they’re sober but you still smell alcohol, feel uneasy, or can’t shake that gut feeling, you’re not crazy.

In this episode, I unpack what happens after the lies, after rehab, and after the chaos settles.

I explain why it’s so hard to feel calm, how broken trust shows up in your body, and why believing yourself is the first step toward healing, not policing your partner.

You’ll Learn

• Why trust doesn’t return the moment sobriety starts
• The trauma response behind hyper-vigilance and “detective mode”
• What your nervous system is really doing when you can’t relax
• How to begin rebuilding trust with yourself first
• Why “just trust me” never works, and what to say instead

Listen next:

Ep 14 - The Power of the Pause

Ep 53 - Are you Gaslighting Yourself? The Quiet Habbit Keeping you Stuck

Ep 65 - What no one warns you about when they go to rehab

Ep 28 - Your Unexpected Resentment in Their Recovery

💌 Need support for yourself (not just your loved one)? Book in a no-pressure chat with Amanda to share what's going on and find out what your next best smallest steps are, or join the waitlist for the next intake to the Pathway to Wellness Program.

1️⃣ You can book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like. Because you know you’ve been trying ‘this way’ for long enough and it's not helping anyone.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

2️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everyone says, “They just need to go to rehab.”

And maybe they do.

But no one talks about what happens to the person left at home once they finally do.

In this honest episode, Addiction Relationship Coach Amanda Lockyer shares what really happens on the other side of rehab. The emotional whiplash, the relief mixed with resentment, and why it’s completely normal to feel angry, confused, or even jealous while your loved one gets help.

You’ll learn:

• Why relief often turns into resentment (and what it’s telling you)

• How to stop waiting for their recovery to fix everything

• What your own recovery and support can look like independent of theirs

Rehab isn’t the finish line. It’s the start of two recoveries, theirs and yours.

Ask yourself: What support do I need right now, for me?

🎧 Listen now, and explore your next steps and resources in the show notes.

Listen next:

• Ep 28 - Your unexpected resentment in Their recovery
• Ep 18 - Rehab from the other side - Part 3
• Ep 17 - Rehab from the other side - Part 2
• Ep 16 - Rehab from the other side - Part 1

1️⃣ You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like. Because you know you’ve been trying ‘this way’ for long enough and it's not helping anyone.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

2️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you’re the one holding everything together, the house, the kids, the finances, the emotional whiplash and fallout, it’s no wonder you’re exhausted.

Loving someone who struggles with alcohol or drugs can quickly take over your life. You keep going because stopping feels dangerous, like everything might collapse if you let go for a second.

In this episode, Amanda shares what “the pause” really means when you’re run-down and stretched thin, and why it’s necessary for everyone’s wellbeing for you to pause. You’ll learn how to notice the crappy internal thoughts that keep you stuck, how to ask for help without guilt, and why rest isn’t a luxury, it’s maintenance.

I know it’s hard here and you’re beyond tired. Take that micro moment and have a rest. It’ll help more than you could ever imagine

Listen next:

• Ep 14 - The Power of The Pause
• Ep 55 - 7 Late Night Google Searches That Reveal Addiction Red Flags
• Ep 54 - What Real Support Looks Like (Without the Shame of Enabling)
• Ep 33 - You're not Their Rehab

1️⃣ You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like. Because you know you’ve been trying ‘this way’ for long enough and it's not helping anyone.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

2️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Navigating perimenopause while living with a spouse struggling with addiction can feel like too much. Because it is, in fact, too much. In this episode, Amanda shares why these two experiences collide, how it impacts your emotions and nervous system, and what real support looks like so you can start feeling calm and in control again

If you’re navigating perimenopause while also living with a partner who’s struggling with addiction, you are not imagining how hard this feels, it’s a lot.

Your hormones are shifting. Your sleep’s all over the place. Your emotions are on high alert. And when you layer in the stress, uncertainty, and heartbreak that comes with addiction in a relationship, it can feel impossible to stay calm, steady, or even like yourself anymore.

In this episode, I’m unpacking what happens when perimenopause, stress, and addiction in a relationship collide, the perfect storm of emotional overload, fatigue, and burnout that so many women find themselves in but rarely talk about.

We’ll chat about:

Why perimenopause makes emotional regulation so much harder when addiction is involved

How your nervous system gets stuck in “fight or flight” mode

The hidden compassion we can find in those small moments of resistance (yes, even over coffee)

And what it really takes to start feeling calm, in control, and well again — no matter where your loved one is in their recovery

Your ability to find your peace, even when things around you are chaotic is going to be what helps you. And when you're better in yourself, you can support your loved one in a healthy way.

Listen next:

• Ep 14 - The Power of The Pause
• Ep 5 - What About Us
• Ep 15 - What got you here won't get you there
• Ep 20 - You’ll achieve more in 1 year focusing on your own wellbeing...

1️⃣ You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like - without doing this alone, because you know you’ve been trying ‘that way’ for long enough by now.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

2️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if the stories we’ve been told about addiction recovery, rock bottom, tough love, they have to want it themselves... are only half the truth?

In this episode, Amanda sits down with Conrad Tracey, founder of Addiction Coaching Australia, to unpack the outdated myths that keep people stuck, and reveal what real, sustainable recovery actually looks like.

Together they explore the messy middle of change, the space between crisis and consistency, and how both the person struggling and their loved ones can find steadier ground through boundaries, compassion, and evidence-based support.

You’ll learn:

Why waiting for rock bottom can be dangerous and what to do instead.

The difference between helping and enabling (and why it matters).

How relapse fits into recovery without meaning “back to day one.”

What real accountability looks like without shame or control.

How small, consistent actions create lasting transformation.

This episode is for you if:

You love someone navigating addiction or early recovery.

You’re a high-functioning person quietly struggling yourself.

You’re tired of outdated advice and want tools that actually work.

Connect with Conrad

• Addiction Coaching Australia
• @conradmtracey_addictioncoach on Instagram
• We are running a promotion for listeners of the podcast of a special introduction price to our Circuit Breaker program $97 per week ex GST for the first three months, rather than usual $149 per week ex GST.
• Just use the code SOBER at the check out.https://pages.addictioncoachingaustralia.com.au/the-circuit-breaker

1️⃣ join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

2️⃣ You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like - without doing this alone, because you know you’ve been trying ‘that way’ for long enough by now.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

3️⃣ If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

4️⃣ Connect with Amanda on Instagram @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections → [email protected]

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.