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In Part 3 of our anger series, we talk about the kind of anger that shows up after the relationship ends, when there’s more space, more clarity, and for a lot of people, a brutal realization of what you actually lived through. This is the anger that confuses you because you wanted peace. You thought leaving would automatically bring closure. But instead, your mind starts connecting dots: the patterns, the lies, the lost time, the double standard, the aftermath, and the ways you had to shrink yourself just to survive.

We break down what’s happening neurologically and emotionally, why anger often comes later, and why it’s not a sign you’re stuck or doing it wrong. We also talk about the accountability trap, what happens when there’s no real justice, no apology, no repair, and how your healing can’t depend on the person who harmed you suddenly becoming self-aware.

This episode is about turning anger into something useful: truth, values, boundaries, and meaning, so it doesn’t own the next chapter of your life.

If you’ve left and thought, “Why am I still feeling this?” this one’s for you.

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Today’s episode is a re-release of one of Paige’s favorite Paige’s Perspective episodes, Even If  - brought back with a new intro by Matt.

This conversation gets to the heart of something we talk about often at TWFO: the difference between living in “what if” and learning how to live in “even if.”

“What if” thinking keeps us stuck in fear, scanning the future for danger and trying to predict outcomes we can’t control. “Even if” shifts the focus back to self-trust, resilience, and knowing that no matter what happens, you will be okay.

In this episode, Paige breaks down how reframing “what if” thoughts into “even if” statements can calm the nervous system, reduce spiraling, and help you move forward without needing certainty. She shares real-life examples, practical mindset shifts, and simple exercises you can start using right away.

Whether you’re navigating addiction, recovery, a major life transition, or just the everyday uncertainty that comes with being human, this episode is a reminder that strength isn’t about avoiding hard things, it’s about trusting yourself to handle them.

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In this Mindset Monday, Matt talks about a gap in the recovery world that almost nobody wants to name: families are expected to learn everything about addiction, but addicts are rarely required to learn the same depth about the damage addiction causes on the other side.

This episode breaks down what “support” actually looks like when trust has been destroyed by lying, gaslighting, hidden use, infidelity, or financial chaos. Matt explains why empathy is not a zero-sum game, why “leave the past in the past” doesn’t work in real life, and how betrayal trauma changes the brain and nervous system in ways most recovery programs don’t teach.

If you’re a man in recovery who wants to rebuild a relationship, this is a roadmap. If you love someone in recovery and feel like the system keeps asking more of you, this episode will put language to what you’ve been carrying.

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Many partners expect relief when sobriety begins.
Instead, they may feel confused, guilty, and angry when everything is finally going well.

In this episode, Matt and Paige explore why anger often surfaces months or even years into recovery, not during the chaos itself. They break down how survival mode suppresses emotion, why the brain protects relationships through betrayal blindness, and how safety is often what allows buried feelings to finally emerge.

They also talk about the guilt partners feel for being angry once their loved one is doing everything right, why being grateful and angry can coexist, and how avoiding the past in the name of moving forward often creates more damage long term.

If you have ever asked yourself, “Why am I angry now?” this conversation will help you understand what is happening and what to do with it.

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Most partners think they’re “holding someone accountable,” but what they’re really doing is chasing accountability, forcing awareness, and slipping into shaming without realizing it. This episode cuts through all of that.

Paige breaks down the difference between identity attacks and behavior statements, why shame can be a driver for change but shaming never works, and how to communicate in a way that aligns with your values even when the person you’re talking to doesn’t change.

If you’ve ever wondered why your conversations escalate instead of resolve, or why “explaining it better” doesn’t help, this episode will give you the clarity you’ve been missing.

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In this Mindset Monday, Matt gets real about why the holidays are a pressure cooker for people in recovery and for the families who love them. He shares hard personal memories from his last Christmas in active addiction and his first Christmas sober, and breaks down the three stages of relapse, emotional, mental, and physical, so you can catch a slip long before a drink ever hits your hand. You will hear simple rules for getting through parties, travel, and family drama without “testing” your recovery, plus how to talk with your spouse about support without falling into codependent patterns. Matt also walks spouses through his three tiers of holiday invitations for someone in active addiction, from full invite with hard boundaries to separate, safer meetups, so you can protect your kids and the sanctity of the day without losing your mind. If this is your first sober Christmas or your first one on your own, this episode will help you grieve what was, create new traditions, and remember there is still a fire inside you and a future worth building.

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In this first episode of our three part anger series, we talk about what anger really is when you are still with someone in active addiction or someone sober, but unhealed. Anger is not a flaw to fix or a sign that you are the problem. It is a mobilizing, revolutionary emotion that is trying to tell you that you are not safe, that your values are being violated, and that you cannot keep living like this.

We break down the difference between anger and aggression, why stuffing anger down only prolongs the chaos, and how waiting for your partner to finally take accountability keeps you stuck. You will hear how we each processed anger differently, how to use anger as fuel instead of a weapon, and how to start shifting from destructive reactions to constructive action using our VEER framework. Even if your partner is in recovery or you are already out of the relationship, this episode lays the groundwork for parts 2 and 3, so do not skip it.

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In this Mindset Monday, Matt sits down with the questions men usually ask in private. These are the messages he gets from guys in crisis who are trying to get sober, repair their marriage, and figure out what it actually means to be a good man.

We'll go rapid fire through questions like:
 • “Why do I have to be the one to change first?”
 • “If I am sober, why is she still angry?”
 • “How long is she supposed to stay mad after I apologized?”
 • “Why do I feel like the bad guy even when I am trying?”
 • “Do I get to have needs too, or is it all about her healing?”
 • “How much of her triggers are my responsibility?”
 • “What is the difference between her boundary and her controlling me?”
 • “Why does everything still get blamed on my addiction, even when I am sober?”   • “Why does she shut down about sex?”

Matt shares the mindset shifts that helped him get and stay sober for nearly 13 years, rebuild his marriage, become a better father, and stop seeing himself as the victim of his own past. If you are a man who is trying to change, or a partner who wants to understand what might be going on in his head, this one will give you language, perspective, and a challenge to rise to.

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In this Paige’s Perspective, I talk about something I see online all the time. There is a lot of content that normalizes staying stuck. People laugh about being overwhelmed or blame survival mode for how they treat others, and it removes the accountability that actually creates change.

I share my own experience with anxiety, panic disorder, depression, OCD, and the season this summer when I slipped back into survival mode. I explain how I decided to treat those moments as a challenge instead of a permanent identity. You can understand your struggle and still choose to rise from it.

This episode is a reminder that your symptoms are real, your pain is real, and your potential is real too. You are capable of more than you think, and you do not have to shrink to make other people comfortable. You can grow, you can heal, and you can stand back up.

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In this episode Matt breaks down why people struggling with addiction and people in relationships with addicts keep their standards low and stay stuck in the same cycles. He explains why so many men fear success more than failure, why sobriety feels terrifying even when you know you can do it, and how comfort becomes the enemy of long-term recovery.

Matt shares his own story of keeping the bar on the floor for years and how Paige’s unrelenting standards for honesty, integrity, and showing up as a good man forced him to confront the life he was hiding in. He talks about burning the boats on the old life that was easy but destructive, raising the bar, and finally committing to the hard work that recovery requires.

This episode also speaks directly to spouses and partners of addicts, explaining why they lower expectations, avoid enforcing boundaries, and silence themselves to avoid conflict, abandonment, or disappointment. Matt shows the parallel between men avoiding effort and spouses avoiding expectations, and how both create long-term pain and resentment.

If you are trying to get sober, rebuilding trust, fighting for your marriage, or trying to find yourself again after years of addiction-related chaos, this episode will give you clarity, direction, and a push toward the higher standards that lead to real change.

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