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Trusting yourself sounds simple until you try to do it. If you grew up being told what to do, spent years in systems that trained you to follow rules, or lived in a relationship where you got second-guessed, criticized, or controlled, self-trust can feel impossible. So you outsource. You poll your friends. You Google. You ask the group chat. You ask ChatGPT. And little by little, you stop using the muscles that make you confident in your own decisions.

In this episode, Matt and Paige break down how self-trust is actually built. Not through hype, not through “just be confident” advice, but through tiny low-stakes choices that teach your brain, “I can handle this.” What to eat. What to wear. Whether to ask for reassurance. Whether you really need someone else to validate your instincts. They also talk about the hidden cost of outsourcing your thinking, why friction matters, and how tools like AI can be helpful without becoming a crutch that quietly erodes your confidence.

You will also hear the difference between validation and advice, and why validation can be necessary when you are rebuilding yourself after chaos, betrayal, or addiction affected dynamics. The goal is not to have someone hand you answers. The goal is to become the kind of person who can make decisions, live with the outcome, and trust yourself more because of it.

Challenge for the week: try 24 hours with no reassurance seeking. Gather information if you need it, but do not outsource the decision. Start small, build proof, and watch what changes.

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In this Mindset Monday, Matt drops a handful of hard-earned lessons from the last month, pulled straight from the notes app, the place where the real thoughts live before the world distracts you out of them.

He breaks down why boundaries are one of the most misunderstood concepts in relationships, and why they rarely fix an emotionally immature person, but often do deliver the clarity you have been avoiding. Then he tackles a brutal question for anyone stuck in justification mode. If the behavior is working, why do you keep trying to cut back, manage it, or quit in private?

From there, Matt offers a permission slip a lot of people need. There is a difference between processing your pain and keeping it alive. Healing matters, but constantly revisiting the same trauma can become its own kind of trap. And finally, he goes after a sacred cow, acceptance. Yes, acceptance can save your sanity and build resilience, but it can also turn into complacency and keep you tolerating chaos you should not have to survive.

If you are in recovery, in a relationship affected by addiction, or on the other side trying to rebuild your life, this episode is a gut check in the best way. Clarity over comfort, wisdom over coping, and growth that actually moves you forward.

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In Part 3 of our anger series, we talk about the kind of anger that shows up after the relationship ends, when there’s more space, more clarity, and for a lot of people, a brutal realization of what you actually lived through. This is the anger that confuses you because you wanted peace. You thought leaving would automatically bring closure. But instead, your mind starts connecting dots: the patterns, the lies, the lost time, the double standard, the aftermath, and the ways you had to shrink yourself just to survive.

We break down what’s happening neurologically and emotionally, why anger often comes later, and why it’s not a sign you’re stuck or doing it wrong. We also talk about the accountability trap, what happens when there’s no real justice, no apology, no repair, and how your healing can’t depend on the person who harmed you suddenly becoming self-aware.

This episode is about turning anger into something useful: truth, values, boundaries, and meaning, so it doesn’t own the next chapter of your life.

If you’ve left and thought, “Why am I still feeling this?” this one’s for you.

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Today’s episode is a re-release of one of Paige’s favorite Paige’s Perspective episodes, Even If  - brought back with a new intro by Matt.

This conversation gets to the heart of something we talk about often at TWFO: the difference between living in “what if” and learning how to live in “even if.”

“What if” thinking keeps us stuck in fear, scanning the future for danger and trying to predict outcomes we can’t control. “Even if” shifts the focus back to self-trust, resilience, and knowing that no matter what happens, you will be okay.

In this episode, Paige breaks down how reframing “what if” thoughts into “even if” statements can calm the nervous system, reduce spiraling, and help you move forward without needing certainty. She shares real-life examples, practical mindset shifts, and simple exercises you can start using right away.

Whether you’re navigating addiction, recovery, a major life transition, or just the everyday uncertainty that comes with being human, this episode is a reminder that strength isn’t about avoiding hard things, it’s about trusting yourself to handle them.

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In this Mindset Monday, Matt talks about a gap in the recovery world that almost nobody wants to name: families are expected to learn everything about addiction, but addicts are rarely required to learn the same depth about the damage addiction causes on the other side.

This episode breaks down what “support” actually looks like when trust has been destroyed by lying, gaslighting, hidden use, infidelity, or financial chaos. Matt explains why empathy is not a zero-sum game, why “leave the past in the past” doesn’t work in real life, and how betrayal trauma changes the brain and nervous system in ways most recovery programs don’t teach.

If you’re a man in recovery who wants to rebuild a relationship, this is a roadmap. If you love someone in recovery and feel like the system keeps asking more of you, this episode will put language to what you’ve been carrying.

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Many partners expect relief when sobriety begins.
Instead, they may feel confused, guilty, and angry when everything is finally going well.

In this episode, Matt and Paige explore why anger often surfaces months or even years into recovery, not during the chaos itself. They break down how survival mode suppresses emotion, why the brain protects relationships through betrayal blindness, and how safety is often what allows buried feelings to finally emerge.

They also talk about the guilt partners feel for being angry once their loved one is doing everything right, why being grateful and angry can coexist, and how avoiding the past in the name of moving forward often creates more damage long term.

If you have ever asked yourself, “Why am I angry now?” this conversation will help you understand what is happening and what to do with it.

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Most partners think they’re “holding someone accountable,” but what they’re really doing is chasing accountability, forcing awareness, and slipping into shaming without realizing it. This episode cuts through all of that.

Paige breaks down the difference between identity attacks and behavior statements, why shame can be a driver for change but shaming never works, and how to communicate in a way that aligns with your values even when the person you’re talking to doesn’t change.

If you’ve ever wondered why your conversations escalate instead of resolve, or why “explaining it better” doesn’t help, this episode will give you the clarity you’ve been missing.

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In this Mindset Monday, Matt gets real about why the holidays are a pressure cooker for people in recovery and for the families who love them. He shares hard personal memories from his last Christmas in active addiction and his first Christmas sober, and breaks down the three stages of relapse, emotional, mental, and physical, so you can catch a slip long before a drink ever hits your hand. You will hear simple rules for getting through parties, travel, and family drama without “testing” your recovery, plus how to talk with your spouse about support without falling into codependent patterns. Matt also walks spouses through his three tiers of holiday invitations for someone in active addiction, from full invite with hard boundaries to separate, safer meetups, so you can protect your kids and the sanctity of the day without losing your mind. If this is your first sober Christmas or your first one on your own, this episode will help you grieve what was, create new traditions, and remember there is still a fire inside you and a future worth building.

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In this first episode of our three part anger series, we talk about what anger really is when you are still with someone in active addiction or someone sober, but unhealed. Anger is not a flaw to fix or a sign that you are the problem. It is a mobilizing, revolutionary emotion that is trying to tell you that you are not safe, that your values are being violated, and that you cannot keep living like this.

We break down the difference between anger and aggression, why stuffing anger down only prolongs the chaos, and how waiting for your partner to finally take accountability keeps you stuck. You will hear how we each processed anger differently, how to use anger as fuel instead of a weapon, and how to start shifting from destructive reactions to constructive action using our VEER framework. Even if your partner is in recovery or you are already out of the relationship, this episode lays the groundwork for parts 2 and 3, so do not skip it.

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In this Mindset Monday, Matt sits down with the questions men usually ask in private. These are the messages he gets from guys in crisis who are trying to get sober, repair their marriage, and figure out what it actually means to be a good man.

We'll go rapid fire through questions like:
 • “Why do I have to be the one to change first?”
 • “If I am sober, why is she still angry?”
 • “How long is she supposed to stay mad after I apologized?”
 • “Why do I feel like the bad guy even when I am trying?”
 • “Do I get to have needs too, or is it all about her healing?”
 • “How much of her triggers are my responsibility?”
 • “What is the difference between her boundary and her controlling me?”
 • “Why does everything still get blamed on my addiction, even when I am sober?”   • “Why does she shut down about sex?”

Matt shares the mindset shifts that helped him get and stay sober for nearly 13 years, rebuild his marriage, become a better father, and stop seeing himself as the victim of his own past. If you are a man who is trying to change, or a partner who wants to understand what might be going on in his head, this one will give you language, perspective, and a challenge to rise to.

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