ADJUST YOUR SHORTS

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! This just in: you're free! To pay your taxes or else

Don't your taxes and we'll all be flying our own drones next year!

...and don't even get me started on the old "YEAR IN REVIEW" psy-ops.

She's baaaaack.. and boy are her lips sealed. Or are they? Well don't worry about that because Don says everything is affordable again.

So adjust your shorts

The sky is falling! Oh wait, that's just snow. Well, then there's a triple dip polar vortex invasion! So be afraid. Be very afraid! Because now the weather is out to get you too...

ADJUST YOUR SHORTS

The Archons can't get you if you MONAD so clap your hands. Oh, and if you ever wish to travel again, well, maybe you will and maybe you won't.

My new hat is foil, we're on thin ice, the CIA is cap and Trump makes sounds with his face. Also I can't believe they get their own Friday too...

Trump is a style-biter, Russia is a Brick-top, and the internet is probably lying to you.. But don't worry, the government is doin well on the stock market so enjoy eating shoe leather, everyman!

Propaganda is a Jaccarded Turkey and so is the peoples. Also, SEDITION? Does he even know the word...

Jaccarded turkeys for all and all for jaccarded turkeys.

Yes and no that is and is and is not not a euphemism for the they in charge.

Huzzah, the government is open! Who said that?