All Home Care Matters

All Home Care Matters is privileged to share with our listeners and viewers an exclusive interview with the Director and Creator of the new dementia documentary, Renée Brack. Renée was also joined by Dementia Champion, Tim England. Tim was a part of the film as an expert consultant.

Throughout this in-depth interview and discussion of the film we explore Renée's journey from finding out her father was diagnosed with dementia to how this impacted her and her journey with her father. Ticketyboo: A Secret in Plain Sight is scheduled to be released around Christmas time of 2021.

Connect with Renée:

https://reneebrackacademic.com.au/

Link to the Reel of Ticketboo: A Secret in Plain Sight:

https://documentaryaustralia.com.au/p...

Today’s Quick Tips episode is a part of our new Nutritional Health for Seniors mini-series. First, we want to thank all of our viewers and listeners for joining us for this mini-series, and please, let us know what you want our next series to be. For today’s episode, we’ve gathered some tips, tools, and resources that we think can help you and your loved one with dementia ensure that they are able to get the nutrition they need. Now let’s move on to the rest of the show.

Memory loss and the decline of cognitive abilities are often brought to mind when thinking about dementia and how it affects our loved one, but what about the other issues that dementia brings? Mealtimes often present an all-too-common issue that families face with loved ones who have dementia. Making sure your loved one is eating and getting the proper nutrition that they need is a daunting, but extremely important task that family caregivers face daily.

According to the Terra Vista Foundation, many individuals with dementia often experience unplanned weight loss due to things like decreased levels of activity, depression, side effects of medications, and lack of muscle coordination which leads to problems with chewing and swallowing.

When considering ways to help your loved one make sure they are getting the nutrients they need, always talk to their doctor first. Make sure you tell them any side effects of the medications your loved one is on are causing, such as trouble swallowing, so that they can make any adjustments to dosage or changes of medication as soon as possible. Your doctor also might have suggestions on how to help your loved one eat.

It’s important to make sure your loved one is drinking enough water throughout the day. If they are having trouble remembering to drink when they are thirsty, try using a measured water bottle with fun designs to help them drink more throughout the day. Popsicles are another great way to keep your loved one hydrated and you can make them yourself. Popsicles are especially great if swallowing hurts their throat. The ice can help soothe the inside, possibly making eating easier.

Engaging the senses is another way that entices dementia patients to eat or eat more. Using aromatic herbs and spices and vibrant colors can engage their vision and sense of smell. This is a good technique to use, as long as your loved one isn’t feeling nauseous. Fragrant foods may make them feel worse, so make sure you try to gauge how they are feeling before preparing any foods.

Your loved one with dementia may easily become overwhelmed and mealtimes are no different. Using smaller portions on a larger plate can help them focus more on eating and less on the amounts in front of them. Finger foods may also help them eat more, especially as their motor skills worsen. Silverware can take more focus to use and if they are having trouble getting the food to their mouth, they may get angry and refuse to eat. Finger foods, like cut up sandwiches and fresh fruit, can be easier for them to eat themselves, without needing help from you.

Limiting distractions during mealtime can also increase the likelihood that your loved one finishes, or even eats, their meal. Try turning off the television or music and refrain from having conversations during mealtime if your loved one usually gets distracted by these things. The less distractions around, the more your loved one is able to focus on the task at hand.

Exercising may also help increase your loved one’s appetite. Going for a walk with your loved one may help them begin to feel hungry and thirsty and they may decide it is time to eat on their own. Studies have also shown that exercising may help slow the cognitive decline in dementia patients.

If your loved one is able to eat in small quantities, but isn’t getting all the nutrients they need, focus on adding more to what they are able to eat. For example, if your loved one can eat a half a cup of fruit at once, try adding some yogurt or cheeses to add more fat to their diet.

When trying to make sure your loved one is gaining or maintaining weight, ensuring they are eating foods high in calories and proteins is essential. Cooking with butter or high fat oils is a great way to sneak in more calories that won’t affect the taste of their foods. Whole milk and fruit juice is also a good way to get them to drink calories.

Protein shakes like Ensure can also be helpful. You can also put ensure in the freezer for a few hours for a frozen snack they can eat with a spoon. We’ve heard from quite a few families and caregivers that Chocolate Ensure is best this way.

The Crisis Prevention Center says to just remember that each person is different, and care must be individualized depending on specific needs and through observation. What works for someone else may not work for your loved one, and that’s okay. If you are interested in learning more about Dementia, check out our Dementia and Alzheimer’s playlist on YouTube.

Similarly, if your loved one frequently forgets that they just ate and wants to eat again, try giving them multiple small meals. You can start with something like chicken, and then move on to rice, and then to asparagus. If your loved one is having problems with overeating due to memory loss, this technique can be especially helpful. You can give them smaller portions of the meal and spread it out over time.

The most important tip we can give you today is to observe. Let them eat as much as they can on their own so that they may hold on to some sense of independence. Observing also allows you to notice any patterns your loved one may have with eating. You may find that they have a favorite food or herb this way, or you may notice that they eat more when they use a spoon versus a fork. 

We hope this episode has given you some helpful tips and tricks for dealing with mealtimes with dementia. We know that dementia is hard on everyone, not just your loved one, and we are here to help. If you would like more information on mealtimes and nutritional health for seniors, check out our Nutritional and Dietary Support for Seniors playlist on YouTube.

For more information and resources on nutritional health for your loved one with dementia, visit the Alzheimer’s Association’s website at ALZ.org. They have many resources that you may find useful. You can also find a link to their website in the show notes for today’s episode.

We want to say thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone is who could benefit from this episode and please make sure to share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode.

Sources:

https://www.terravistafoundation.org/eating-tips-alzheimers-disease/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw8vqGBhC_ARIsADMSd1BrOqbXQ3kxpTx3xPdfpE4pdgonrwhlgAQUE4wkBOfSIhd6EglaWtQaApgkEALw_wcB

https://www.crisisprevention.com/Blog/food-and-dementia

https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/daily-care/food-eating?gclid=Cj0KCQjw8vqGBhC_ARIsADMSd1CGFYJ1oB1S4noiJn3cMRRtD0VE4HV0I8PtomXpmVIzzbG4e3ZJ9McaApw3EALw_wcB

All Home Care Matters is honored to welcome a very special guest, Vicki MacGregor.

Vicki is sharing her personal story and experience of her son, Stephen. Stephen was diagnosed with Williams Syndrome when he was 13 months old. We discuss what it was like as she was raising Stephen and the trials and accomplishments that they experienced.

Vicki is sharing her story for the first time in a very long time and shares how she handled this diagnosis and how through a mother's love helped Stephen to not be defined by a label. During this interview Vicki takes us through her journey raising him into a remarkable young man and we hope that you will be encouraged by her story and also become better informed about what Williams Syndrome is. 

Connect with Vicki:

Email: [email protected]

Website: https://www.victoriaspress.com

All Home Care Matters is honored to welcome a very special guest on this episode, Bill Cohen CSA. Bill is a caregiver support group leader and speaker, an Alzheimer's Association volunteer and advocate, Certified Senior Advisor (CSA)®, and the owner of Cohen Caregiving Support Consultants LLC.

Bill's journey to becoming a Caregiver consultant did not happen immediately. It was the journey once his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's that would eventually lead him into the profession of helping others who are on the same journey that he himself has travelled. His loving and talented mother, Sheila, lost her home to Hurricane Katrina. Then, she lost her health, ability to create beautiful art and, ultimately, her life due to Alzheimer's. For almost 10 years, Bill was her primary caregiver and advocate, not just her elder son.

Bill shares his story and journey with his late mom, answers specific questions and concerns, and provides advice on how to manage care and behaviors, and how to practice self-care and prevention. Bill's unique perspective allows him to support caregivers to help avoid caregiver burnout as well as help provide them with the tools and caregiver resources to help them as they are caring for aging parents and loved ones.

Bill has completed multiple caregiving and aging courses through the Alzheimer's Association and the Society for Certified Senior Advisors™️, has a financial services and government background, and earned business degrees from Boston and Portland State Universities. He has lived in the Portland, Oregon area for over 36 years with his wife, Lori. 

Connect with Bill and Cohen Cohen Caregiving Support Consulting:

https://cohencaregivingsupport.com

Facebook Caregiver Support Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/billcohensupportgroup/

YouTube Channel for Caregiver Tips and Support:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVe4E5fw4OuibwgRSAk3-xA

LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/checkpoint/challengesV2/AQE0AaFi5RclSQAAAXu3IBKqrZTw8Jdw3Lhdf-5G9-XPA3laeWYwf4TP-Zo6aeFw4GkI2iI4CP9dCpiJWQIaKPUrHm1S49ioBg?original_referer=https%3A%2F%2Flinktr.ee%2F

On today’s Quick Tips episode, we are talking about how to handle siblings who are in denial about a parent’s health. First, we’ll talk about ways you can understand denial and why your siblings may be in denial about your parent’s health. Then, we’ll move on to ways you can approach your parent’s health with your siblings. Finally, we’ll talk about a few different communication tactics you can use when talking about your parent’s health with your siblings. Now let’s move on to the rest of the show.

In a blog post for the Arbors, Sondra Jones writes that no one wants to watch their parents get older. If your brother or sister really doesn’t want to think about them aging and what that means for your family, they might be trying to protect themselves by refusing to accept the truth about the situation. In other words, they’re in denial.

Denial is a coping mechanism that your siblings use in order to protect themselves from having to think about what having an aging parent needing care really means for them and the rest of your family. Denial is normal, but it can be harmful if it is not overcome in a timely manner.

There are several reasons your siblings may be in denial. Like I just mentioned earlier, they may be using denial as a coping mechanism so that they don’t have to think about your parents getting closer to death.

Distance is another big factor for denial. If your siblings live farther away and are unable to see your parents regularly, they will be unable to see the state of decline you see in your parent’s health.

AgingCare states that even with updates and warnings, a long-distance sibling doesn’t always get the full picture of how their parent is doing or what caregiving entails on a daily basis. To complicate things further, elders will often perk up when their less involved adult children show up to visit. That’s only natural.

This phenomenon is often referred to as “showtiming,” especially in elders who have Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of dementia. The parent rallies, excited to see their long-lost child, much to the primary caregiver’s annoyance. But this isn’t just frustrating. Showtiming can also make it appear to occasional visitors that reports of their parent’s decline have been exaggerated.

Many times, especially in parents that have dementia or Alzheimer’s, once your sibling leaves and is no longer around and your loved one’s excitement has time to regress, they revert back to the state they are usually in and may even forget that your sibling had come for a visit.

Author of Minding Our Elders, Carol Bradley Bursack, shares her personal experience with this. She says that that happened once after my brother and his wife visited when our mom was declining. She had looked forward to the visit for weeks.

My brother and sister-in-law arrived as planned, spent time with Mom, and then traveled back to their distant home. Afterward, Mom continued to ask me when they were coming. She was still looking forward to their visit and had completely forgotten that it had already happened. It nearly broke my heart to tell her they had been here over the weekend, but I couldn’t lie about something so important to her. We caregivers have to do some pretty dreadful stuff.

Unfortunately, Carol’s experience is more common than we would hope it would be. Caring for a loved one with dementia or other cognitive health issues takes a lot of work and it is important to make sure that you have the support system you need to provide the care your loved ones need. If you are interested in learning more about caring for a loved one with dementia, please check out our website for more episodes!

Now that we’ve talked a little bit about what denial is and why your siblings may be in denial, let’s move on to ways you can approach your siblings about your parent’s health.

When your siblings are in denial about your parent’s health, they may not want to talk about it with you. Watching your parents’ health decline isn’t easy for you, and it’s not easy for your siblings either. The best thing you can do is to let your siblings know that you are there for them and that they can come to you with any questions or fears that they have about your parent’s situation. Letting them know that you are open to communication is a great first step to talking to your siblings about your parent’s health.

When you decide it is time to talk to your siblings about your parent’s health and care situation, set a date and time and plan a meeting in advance so that everyone can take time to prepare and make sure that they are available. Having the meeting in person is best, but you can do a video call if you are not all able to get together in the same place at once. Video calls still allow you to see how your siblings react to news and allow you to pick up on visual cues that you would miss if you only talked through a phone call or email.

As the sibling that is currently around your parents the most, it is your job to present the quote-unquote case to your siblings. You are the one that is around your parents the most and you know what state their health is actually in. Having recent doctor visit notes available can help you give more credibility to what you’re saying. Some people need facts and figures to really understand a situation, so having those handy can help your case.

If you think that you and your siblings will have a difficult time coming to an agreement regarding your parent’s care situation, consider having an elder care mediator present during your meeting. According to Five Star Senior Living, sometimes the mediator is an elder care attorney or therapist. They may be able to step in to keep conflicts from getting heated.

The mediator can also help ensure everyone has a chance to speak. Most importantly, the mediator will make sure everyone remains focused on the goal: To provide your aging parents with the best care and the best lifestyle possible in their senior years. A mediator won’t tell you what to do, but they will help you and your siblings to reach an agreement.

Hopefully, you can use some of these tips to help you approach your siblings about your parent’s health. Now, let’s move on to our final section, which is communication tactics you should use when talking to your siblings.

AgingCare suggests that first, we must take a good, hard look at ourselves and consider two tough questions when it comes to our siblings: One: Have you asked for help directly? and two: Have you made specific requests of them? When you answer these questions to yourself, you can then use your own answers, in turn, to help you decide where to start with your siblings. If you have yet to ask specific requests of your siblings, you now know that is an option.

Before talking with your siblings, make a list of everything you want to tell and ask them to make sure you don’t forget what you want to talk to them about. It’s also a good idea to make a list of things you notice while taking care of your aging parents.

Care is continuous, so it’s important to keep updating your family about your parents, their health, and any help you are in need of. Sending out weekly emails or texts is an easy way to keep your siblings in the loop. You can even ask one of your siblings to update the rest of the family for you in order to take some of the caregiving burden from you.

One of the most important tips we can give you today is that it is okay to take a break. If the conversation is becoming too tense, take a short break and let everyone relax for a bit. Having some time to reflect on what’s been said, or even vent to someone not involved in the situation, can help everyone come back a little more refreshed and able to see things from a new perspective.

Caring for a loved one is difficult and so is coming to terms with the new reality that your parent is no longer in good health and will not be around for too much longer. Just remember that your siblings are likely processing this information and they may need some time to adjust to a new normal, but they also just want what is best for your loved ones.

We want to say thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate these long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. Join us next time on All Home Care Matters where we welcome Bill Cohen. Bill was a caregiver for his mother and turned that experience into a career of helping other Caregivers and families. This is an informative and helpful interview that you won’t want to miss.

Sources:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/siblings-in-denial-about-elderly-parents-health-140800.htm

https://arborsassistedliving.com/how-to-deal-with-siblings-in-denial-about-parents-needing-help/

https://www.fivestarseniorliving.com/blog-post/how-to-talk-with-siblings-about-senior-care-for-a-parent

https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/family-disputes

Today, we are talking about how to talk with your children about their grandparents with dementia. First, we’ll discuss what dementia is and how it affects the whole family. Then, we’ll talk about a few ways to approach the subject with your children. After that, we’ll dive into ways your children can interact with a loved one with dementia. Finally, we’ll end the episode with questions and answers by and from real families experiencing dementia. Now let’s move on to the rest of the show.

Dementia affects millions of families each year. According to the World Health Organization, there are 10 million newly recorded dementia cases each year. Worldwide, five to six percent of all individuals over the age of sixty have some form of dementia and that number goes up with age. One-third of all adults over the age of 85 have some form of dementia. If you have a loved one with dementia, it may be helpful to know that you are not alone. Dementia and other cognitive health diseases are tough for the entire family, not just for the patient and their caregiver. That is why we have decided to talk about dementia and how it affects grandchildren today. We hope that today’s episode can help give you a few ways to talk to children about their grandparent’s diagnosis.

The National Institute on Aging says that dementia is the loss of cognitive functioning — thinking, remembering, and reasoning — to such an extent that it interferes with a person's daily life and activities. Some people with dementia cannot control their emotions, and their personalities may change. Dementia ranges in severity from the mildest stage, when it is just beginning to affect a person's functioning, to the most severe stage, when the person must depend completely on others for basic activities of living.

We have talked in depth about dementia before, so we won’t be defining it further today. If you are interested in more information on dementia, you can check out our YouTube channel, where we have an entire playlist dedicated to dementia and Alzheimer’s. You can also visit our website for even more episodes and resources.

Your loved one with dementia may go through a number of behavioral changes, mood swings, and loss of both social and motor skills, and most of these will worsen as time goes by. Watching your loved one’s mental state slowly deteriorate over time is difficult and something no one ever wants to have to do. Visiting with a loved one with dementia can help improve their day and their mental capabilities. Many families are anxious to visit their loved ones after a dementia diagnosis has been made, especially if they have children. They are worried that their children may accidentally set off their loved ones, or that their loved ones may not remember them.

Seeing our parents’ health decline is hard on most of us, and dementia makes it even worse. Caregivers in a memory care facility stress the importance of visiting loved ones with dementia, even if it is difficult. They’ve seen family members come from hundreds of miles away to bring something that their loved one with dementia needs, such as medication or paperwork, but they are unable to stay and visit because it’s hard for them to come to terms with their loved one’s current state. One caregiver says that if only the families realized what a difference it makes, they would want to come more.

Visiting a loved one in a facility is tough, and depending on how far away the facility is, it can be an all-day event. When your loved one is in a facility, even if you visit every day, you may notice changes every time you visit. When your loved one is living with you, you also notice changes, but most of them are gradual and it isn’t something you notice every time you look at them. Your loved one’s changes can way heavy on your mind, too, but one thing that should help to ease some of the stress is knowing that they are getting the care they need while living in a facility. These special memory care facilities are devoted to caring for patients with dementia and other cognitive health diseases and issues. The staff are trained to handle any difficult behaviors that may arise, and they are always there to provide comfort and care, and another option many families choose for their loved one is for them to remain in their home for as long as possible. The benefit to that choice is that their home is familiar to them and provides them with a sense of security and comfort and the care they receive from a professional home care provider would be specific to them, which helps with their care.

Deciding that you alone are not enough to take care of your loved one can be a frustrating decision to make but is ultimately better for your loved one. Dementia is not something that gets better with time and can go away, it sadly only gets worse. Dementia affects the entire family, not just your loved one with the diagnosis. If your loved one becomes hostile, they can make your home be somewhere that you and your family dread going back to, and that’s not how you want you and your family to live. Sometimes if their behavior is more aggressive then a facility is the best option for your loved one and your family. In a facility, you can make sure they are safe and watched over at all times, and you don’t have to worry about how their mental state and behavioral changes will shape the day.

Now that you know a little about what dementia is and how it affects your loved one and the family as a whole, let’s move on to ways to talk to children about dementia.

Haley Buress, writing for Lotsa Helping Hands says that teaching your kids, or other children in your family, about dementia, can be challenging. However, it can also be a positive shifting point in their relationship with their grandparent. Knowledge is power, right? So empower your kids by learning how to teach children about the dementia process.

Kids are inquisitive by nature, and they are sure to ask you questions about their grandparents and the changes they are noticing in them. Their questions can be a great start to a conversation on dementia and how it will be affecting their grandparents in the not-so-distant future. When your child brings a question to you, try to answer it as best as you can using age-appropriate terms. If they ask you why their grandparent doesn’t remember one of their favorite things, you can take the opportunity to tell them that your loved one will have problems recalling information and that it will not get better, but that it will only worsen as time goes on.

Telling them that their grandparents memory is only going to get worse will help them understand why their grandparent can no longer remember more important things, like their name, as their dementia worsens. You may want to shield your child from what is happening and protect them from any hurt their grandparents loss of memory may cause them, but you would be surprised how understanding your child can be and how much they can actually handle. Of course, you know your child best. You should use your best judgment when talking to your child about their grandparent with dementia. You probably wouldn’t tell your six-year-old the same thing you would tell your seventeen-year-old, but every child is different, and you are the one that ultimately decides what to tell. Our hope today is to give you the helpful information you will need to have a dialogue with your children when they ask you “What’s wrong with grandpa?”

The most important thing you can do is tell the truth. Don’t lie to your child and tell them that nothing is wrong and that they will get better, because something IS wrong and they WILL NOT get better and your children will know, regardless of what you tell them. Not telling them or lying to them will make them feel like you don’t trust them enough to tell them what’s really going on or they may be upset and feel like no one is listening to what they are saying if they ask you what’s wrong with grandpa and you repeatedly tell them that nothing is wrong.

Buress also suggests that depending on your child’s age, you can pull age-appropriate literature from your local library or the Alzheimer’s Association to help start a conversation or give a new point of view. Older kids can get a lot of information from books such as Still Alice or Dancing with Rose. Younger kids can enjoy books like Still My Grandma or The Memory Box. With younger children, consider reading the book and then following up later with a coloring session or puppet show that the child leads. It is often in these moments of free play that a concern or question finds its way out.

It isn’t easy to tell your kids about dementia, especially since you are likely in the middle of many different emotions yourself. Being a parent is hard work, but with a little honesty and vulnerability, you can find beauty in even this situation. Watching the intergenerational relationship between your kids and parents will last well into the dementia process and will be a gift to everyone.

When you are having the initial conversation about dementia with your child, make sure you tell them that nothing they did is why their grandparent is sick with dementia and that they also cannot get dementia or memory problems from their grandparent. It is still safe to visit, and they should visit!

Make sure your child knows that any feelings they are having when it comes to dementia and their grandparent are valid. If they are depressed, anxious, or confused, they can tell you and you can both talk about why they are feeling that way and discuss ways that can help them understand and conquer their feelings. For more help on how to talk to your child about dementia, check with your local Alzheimer’s Association. They may have support groups that can be helpful for you and your child. If your child is really struggling with this concept and doesn’t want to open up to you about it, a support group may help them more. They may have trouble telling you because of your closeness to the situation, but they may be able to talk to someone they don’t view as being a part of their life.

Now that we’ve gone over some ways you can talk about dementia with your child, let’s move on to ways your child can interact with a loved one with dementia that is beneficial for them both.

A Winchester Health article says that your child may be feeling left out and lonely from all the attention the grandparent needs to receive. Therefore, be sure to involve your child in the grandparent’s care during visits. Setting limits and boundaries before the visit will help reassure your child, too. For example, set a time period for the visit and schedule them regularly.

Tell your child that if their grandparent becomes upset, you both will leave and come back another time when they are not upset. Before your visit, talk about what they may notice their grandparent doing during the visit. Let them know that they may not do things the way you think they should be done, and that’s okay. Talking about this ahead of time can help reduce your child’s unexpected reactions to changes in their grandparents’ behavior.

Even though their grandparent has dementia, they may still be able to enjoy activities with their grandchild. If your child has any activities they look forward to doing with their grandparent, they can most likely still do those things together, but if you need a few ideas on what your child and loved one can do together, we’ve got a few for you.

They can play a musical instrument together. If your loved one has a piano, they may enjoy playing it with their grandchild. And playing music may bring back happy memories for them. They can read a book or a magazine together. Your child can bring their favorite book with them during their visit. They will be excited to show it to your loved one and patients with dementia usually react well to excitement. Coloring is another easy activity that they can do together, especially if your loved one is bed bound. Make sure that you don’t correct your loved one when they are coloring. If they make the grass purple, don’t tell them that that’s not what grass looks like. You may accidentally upset them and have to end the visit early.

They can play a favorite board or card game together. Games can also help your loved one exercise their mind, which can potentially help strengthen their brain. If your loved one needs a drink or a snack during your visit, let your child get it for them. Being able to accomplish a task that helps their grandparent on their own will give them a sense of satisfaction and help build their sense of compassion. Your child may be cautious about hugging their grandparent, but you should encourage them to hug. Your loved one will really appreciate this show of love and it is a way for them to communicate their own love for their grandchild when words become difficult for them. After your visit, offer to answer any questions your child may have about the time spent together. If you don’t know the answer or don’t know how to effectively answer them, let them know that you don’t know, but that you can figure out the answer together.

In an article for AgingCare, one grandson of a grandparent with dementia gives his take on what to do with a grandparent with dementia. He says that he’s learned to adapt as he goes. He’s learned to avoid asking questions that his grandmother won’t know the answer to and says he’s gotten good at shifting the conversation quickly to distract her from tricky things or topics that upset her. Even if you say something wrong, it’s okay. Just learn from it and try to redirect them to something happier. They will likely forget the incident in a short time.

He also says that it really helps if he uses his grandmother’s own words and phrases to describe things. She recalls the information better that way. For instance, if he says the name of the café they go to all the time, she doesn’t remember it. But if he refers to it as “the one with the steps to the courtyard outside,” she remembers straight away. Try to find small things like this that can simplify and improve communication.

Some days are better than others. On days where she’s having more trouble remembering things, he says that it’s good to make his grandmother feel like she’s not forgetting too much and reassure her that it’s okay. When she can’t remember a name, event, or detail, he acts like anyone could forget such a thing and tells her it’s not a big deal. Sometimes you have to play down pretty major things to help a dementia patient feel a little bit better.

He says he still likes spending time with his grandmother and that they were very close when he was little. Now, he gets lots of hugs from her, and she’s very adoring. He thinks it’s absurd, but it’s also kind of nice.

Most of our ideas for this episode have been geared toward younger children, but we’re hoping this real-life account by a teenager can help those with older children see how other families are navigating life with a loved one with dementia.

Now that you know some ways that your children can interact with their grandparents with dementia, let’s move on to our final section for the episode, which is questions and answers by and for families that are dealing with dementia.

For this last section, we’re taking a look at a question posted by a 7 cups user on their question-and-answer forum. 7 Cups is an on-demand emotional health service and online therapy provider. For more information on their services, visit their website at 7 cups dot com. You can also find a link to their website in our show notes.

The user-posted question we’re looking at today is My grandparent has dementia. How do I deal with this? What can I expect?

The highest-rated response is dementia symptoms vary but usually include a loss of memory, difficulties in communicating, and personality changes. If you love your grandparent, and I am sure you do, seeing him decline in these ways will be very challenging and you may find that you feel helpless and sad. These reactions are normal. Joining an Alzheimer's disease or dementia support group can help you cope with your feelings and can be very beneficial. Regarding your grandparent, the best approach to helping him is to be a good listener, be supportive and positive, and reassure him that he can still enjoy life regardless of the changes he is experiencing.

Another good response we found was that the most important thing to remember about verbal or physical aggression is that your grandparent is not doing it on purpose. Aggression from dementia is usually triggered by something—often physical discomfort, environmental factors such as being in an unfamiliar situation, or even poor communication. This is what you have to expect. Harsh responses. You have to try to cope with him, understand him, don't let yourself be offended or hurt.

Another user suggests making the most of the times when they are lucid. Spend as much time with them as you can spare, particularly in the mornings- dementia is often much worse later in the evening when the sufferer is tired. Ask them to tell you stories about their past. Most people say that the thing they regret the most is not spending time with them whilst they're still lucid. Of course, there are going to be bad times and good times, and it does get worse as time goes on. Getting support from and supporting your family can be very important in the bad times.

One of the most helpful responses we found was to know more about what to expect, find out what condition your grandparent has that causes dementia, because symptoms and prognosis can vary widely. In general, people with dementia suffer from severe memory problems, can be very disoriented, cease to recognize loved ones and familiar places, and have challenges caring for themselves. Whatever happens, don't take it personally if your grandparent doesn't recognize you.

Avoid arguing and trying to reason with a person with dementia. Avoid treating them like a child. They may be confused, but they still deserve respect and dignity. Learn to respond to the emotions behind what your loved one says, not the facts. For instance, if they say they refuse to take a bath because they don't want to drown, they might really be trying to say that they want their privacy, or they're frightened, or even that they're afraid the bath will be too hot or too cold. Therefore, don't think of seemingly random things the person says as nonsense, but instead view them as attempts to communicate with you. There are many professionals, such as occupational therapists, who can help you with advice on how to help your loved one live as happily and independently as possible. If you are a caregiver, get as much additional support as you can.

One creative response that might not work for every situation says that his son coped with a grandparent who would repeatedly ask the grandson whether he had eaten. The grandson would smile and tell the grandparent that yes, he had eaten, and show a spoon as proof. He always carried a spoon in his pocket when he was home. Then he’d ask the grandparent whether she had eaten, and the grandparent would look content… until she asked once again if he had eaten. This approach may not work for everyone, but it shows that remaining calm and creativity works sometimes and is worth striving for. At least some of the problems that dementia creates may be reduced this way.

Everyone is different and every situation is different, but we hope that you have been able to use something from today’s episode to help you and your family navigate the problems that dementia comes with. For more information on dementia, check out the sources in our show notes and also visit our website for all the latest information on long term care issues and tips.

We want to say thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate these long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. Join us next time on All Home Care Matters where we will be discussing a topic that can be difficult and emotional at times and that’s “When Siblings Don’t Agree”

Sources:

https://lotsahelpinghands.com/blog/how-to-teach-children/

https://www.verywellhealth.com/helping-a-child-whose-grandparent-has-alzheimers-98005

https://www.7cups.com/qa-family-stress-23/my-grandparent-has-dementia-how-do-i-deal-with-this-what-can-i-expect-390/

https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/dementia

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/what-dementia-symptoms-types-and-diagnosis

https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/grandparents/helping-your-grandchildren-understand-dementia/

https://www.winchesterhospital.org/health-library/article?id=998960

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/5-dementia-tips-from-a-grandson-212858.htm

Today we are talking about something many of our listeners, viewers, and especially those with parents that have cognitive issues, like Alzheimer’s and dementia, experience, and that is parenting the parent. First, we’ll talk a little bit about what we mean by parenting the parent. Next, we’ll talk about the role of an adult child in the caregiving role and help you prepare for this new role reversal in your life. Then, we’ll move on to ways you can effectively parent your loved one when they are unable to care for themselves alone. Finally, we’ll look at some of things adult children should and shouldn’t be doing while caring for a parent.

When we are young, most of us see our parents as strong, constant figures. As a child, I know I never thought of my own parents getting older, and I definitely never thought I would be in the position where I would have to take care of and be in charge of my parents. But our parents are not the stuff of legends, they don’t live forever, although we wish they may. Old age and sickness will prevail in the end and the child will become the parent.

Parenting a parent is scary. Seeing our parents decline is not something any of us wants to witness, but it is what most of us will come to know at some point in our lifetime. Parenting a parent is tough, yes, but it is also rewarding and allows you to spend precious time with your loved one. You will be shocked to know how much about your loved ones you don’t know until you undertake this new position of parent. Caring for your loved one at the end of their life creates a bond that is unlike any other. The child-parent bond is strengthened when child becomes the parent, as both sides get to walk in the other’s shoes. Many people find that they have more compassion, patience, and a desire for service after caring for a loved one.

We may find ourselves in the position of parenting our parents during their old age, when they are unable to go about their daily lives on their own. Alzheimer’s, dementia, and sudden illnesses, like cancer, can also cause us to have to care for our loved ones, even if just for a short while. No matter what reason we find ourselves parenting a parent, the end result is the same. Our parents, the ones we once thought invincible, need us.

They need our help to do things they may not have thought they would ever need help doing, like grocery shopping or cleaning the house. Parenting a parent isn’t easy for us, or for our loved ones. When your loved one gets to the place in their life where they find that they are needing constant help to do things they once thought was easy, it may be hard for them to come to terms with.

With the aging population growing, approximately 10,000 people turn 65 every day, the likelihood that your loved one will need support is higher than what it would have been a few years ago. According to a study on Financing end-of-life care in the United States, three-quarters of people who live to age 65 will develop cancer, heart disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, or dementia or will have a stroke in their last year of life.

At the end of their life, your loved one needs all the support, love, and care that you can give them. It is a scary time for your loved one, as well. Parenting your loved one lets them know that someone is there with them and will be there continuously throughout this strange new time, no matter how long it may last. Parenting a parent allows us to return the favor and show our aging parents how much their love and support has really meant to us throughout our entire lives.

Now that you know a little bit about what parenting a parent is and why it is so important, let’s move on to your role as the adult child caregiver and how you can prepare yourself for this new role reversal.

Many adult children find themselves in the position of caregiver for their aging parents and if you are listening or watching this episode, you have probably come to find yourself in this position or will be in this position soon enough. It is our hope that this episode, as well as the rest of our discussions and episodes, can help you and your loved one navigate this journey you both are on.

As a caregiver for your parent or loved one, you will find yourself in charge of many things other than just your loved one’s care. You will need to know your loved one’s medical information and history, information about their financial situation, who to contact to relay information to family and friends, their legal information, including their will and any wishes they have for after they are gone. The list goes on and on.

Many times, family caregivers feel overwhelmed when the time comes to provide care for their loved ones, and that is because they were not prepared. Preparing to care for your parents ahead of time can ease the transition of the care process and reduce everyone’s stress and raise your level of comfort. Talking to your parents about what to do when they are unable to take care of themselves can be uncomfortable not only for you but also them, but it is an important conversation to have, although it will likely be more than one conversation.

When talking about caregiving, make sure to include siblings and other important relatives, even if they are not in the area. Together, you can all come up with a care plan, whether it be one person providing continuous, around the clock care, or taking turns providing care for your parents. Who provides the care will likely be determined by where your loved ones will be living out the remainder of their days and how much care they will require.

Making these plans in advance allows everyone to have a say, or at least be heard. When the time comes that your loved ones need help with day-to-day living activities, they can be reassured by the knowledge that they already have a plan in place and know what will happen next.

Having a plan before the time comes is helpful, but it is also important to revisit and reevaluate the plan occasionally. Things can change. Your sibling that was going to move in with your parents may have moved across the country for a job and can no longer provide the care they had planned for. Or your loved ones may need more care than you initially thought and are unable to stay by themselves. You should also reevaluate the care plan when it is in place. While caring for your loved ones, you may find that your plan no longer covers all of their needs, and that’s okay. When you already have a plan, it is easy to adapt it to fit your current needs. Adapting a plan is much easier than creating an entire plan from scratch while also providing care.

As your parents’ caregiver, you will often find yourself making decisions. The most important decision you will have to make, though, is when to let your parents decide. Making all the decisions for your loved ones will end up making them feel inadequate and less like themselves. As a caregiver, you want to make sure you are allowing your loved ones to decide as much as they can, allowing them to maintain their independence for as long as possible. Your goal is to make sure that they are safe and healthy, your goal is not to control them. Making sure they are able to make decisions for themselves, even if it is just what they are eating for lunch or what shoes they are wearing for the day, gives them control over their circumstances when they don’t have control over much else.

In a How Stuff Works article, Jennifer Sellers writes that because people are starting families later, and older adults are living longer, many folks are taking care of their older parents while also raising children of their own. People in this group are known as the sandwich generation. An AARP report found that 44 percent of 45- to 55-year-olds had both at least one living parent and one child under the age of 21. If you are also a part of the sandwich generation, you will most likely find yourself parenting your parent, as well as your own children.

When taking care of two generations, you have to make sacrifices and decisions that you deem best. There will come a time when you have to decide between your child and your parent, and that is a tough decision to make. When making these decisions, make sure both parties are aware of any conflicts that arise. If your daughter has a soccer game at the same time as your parent’s doctor’s appointment, make sure they both know about the other’s occurring conflict. Hopefully, your children and parents will make the decision easy on you and no feeling will be hurt, but that might not always be the case.

Scheduling time alone, and together, ahead of time can help ensure everyone is getting the care and attention they need. A family calendar can be a good visual tool for everyone to use.

It is also important to schedule time for yourself, especially when caring for two generations. Caring for just a parent or a child is already a lot but adding in the other generation puts even more stress on you, so it is important that you plan time ahead for yourself. Planning ahead also makes it more likely that you will actually get this time to yourself, as everyone in the household will be aware in advance that you will be unavailable, unless of course for an emergency.

Now that we’ve talked some about your role as the adult child caregiver and how you can prepare for it, we’re going to take a look at some of the ways you can actually parent a parent.

Just like how your parenting style changes as your children age, the way you provide care for an aging loved one will change over time and will be dependent on your loved one’s physical and mental capabilities. You may gradually have to provide more and more care as your parents age and need more help. You may also suddenly find yourself providing care full-time. Each caregiving situation is unique, and your situation may be similar to someone else’s, but it won’t be the same.

Sellers has a few suggestions that can help you successfully provide care for your loved one and allow them to maintain their independence and dignity. First, participate in open communication with your parent and any other parties involved, such as your siblings or your parent's health care providers. You should also promote independence in the parent, whenever possible, even if there are limitations. You can reach out to support systems, such as family members and volunteer groups, when you need help. Observe your parent's routines and habits and be aware of any changes that happen. You should also familiarize yourself with your parent's financial and insurance details since as their caregiver, you will most likely be the one dealing with their finances. Lastly, educate yourself on eldercare issues. Knowing about issues that may affect your loved one can save you a lot of time and stress and can potentially save your loved one’s life.

When parenting a parent, it’s important that they continue pursuing their interests, as long as it won’t be detrimental to their health. If your parent likes gardening, you can help them garden outside. If they are unable to get on the ground, you could get them raised garden beds. If they are wheelchair or bed-bound and unable to easily get outside, you can bring the garden to them with a small, movable, indoor herb and flower garden. Our example is gardening, but you can help them to pursue any interests they may have. If you are unsure how to help them pursue their interests safely, you can start by getting them a book on the subject their interested in. Participating in things they are interested in helps keep their brain stimulated and helps fight off depression.

Another way you can parent your parent is by allowing them to participate and do things on their own. Making sure they still have the opportunity to feel needed and a part of the family, and not just someone you are taking care of, will help them retain some feelings of normalcy. Let them give you advice and feel helpful. They can help you pick out gifts for other family members or help you write thank you cards.

Letting them do things on their own means just that. Let them dress themselves, cook for themselves, and eat by themselves, even if it is time consuming and messy at times. You can invest in items that can help them do these tasks, like a long-handled shoehorn to put on their own shoes. Or precut veggies so they can cook dinner without having to chop things with a knife. Allowing them to do the things they are able to do, no matter how slowly, helps them maintain their independence. Just think how you would feel if someone was constantly doing simple tasks for you and wouldn’t let you even button your shirt by yourself. You would be frustrated. That’s how your loved one feels when you do these tasks for them.

Similar to how you have to babyproof your home before a new baby arrives, you will want to make sure your loved one’s living space is safe and accessible to them, whether it be your own home, theirs, or an assisted living facility. Installing brighter lights can help your loved one see better, as it can be harder for them to see in dim light as they get older. Rugs can be a fall hazard, so make sure you remove those, too. You will also want to make sure the entrances and exits of their home are safe for them to use. This could mean installing new handrails, fixing steps, and making sure outdoor lights are in working order.

Another important aspect of parenting is ensuring your loved one’s health. Going with your parents to their doctor appointments allows you to ask any questions you or your loved one has, and you can make sure to keep a record of their medical history and information when you are there in person. When you go with your loved one, you can also get first-hand information of what medications they are taking and what the side-effects are. As the caregiver, you are the one that will notice patterns in your loved one when they may not. You may notice a medical issue before they do and going to their doctor with them ensures that you have the chance to inform their doctor of any potential problems your loved one may have.

When parenting a parent, it is also important to remember that they are your parent, and they have a lot of life experience that you shouldn’t negate just because they need your help now. Treating your loved one as such will help the transition from total independence to whatever level of care they are receiving now.

If you are interested in learning more about how to provide care and what types of care are available for your loved one, visit our YouTube channel and checkout our Resources and Services playlist.

Now that you are familiar with some of the ways you effectively parent your parent, we’re going to move on to our final section for this episode, which is what you should and shouldn’t do while caring for your parent.

When it comes to what you should and shouldn’t do while parenting a parent, most things are dependent on the situation. And since every caregiving situation is different, you will have to decide for yourself what you should and shouldn’t do while parenting your parent. That being said, we’ve gathered a few things we think you should and shouldn’t do while parenting a parent.

First, you shouldn’t dismiss what your loved one has to say, even if you don’t think it is important. Sellers suggests that you should respect your parent's experience and knowledge. When you become like a parent to your own parent, it's easy to infantilize him or her. Remember that your mom or dad's failing health doesn't negate his or her lifetime of know-how.

You should also abide by your commitments. It's not healthy for you to be at anyone's beck and call, but when it comes to your parents, be sure to honor your promises and let them know what can be expected from you, and when it can be expected. If you continuously break your commitments to your loved one, they will feel unwanted, unneeded, and unloved and even could start to feel as a burden to you. Your intentions are not to hurt their feelings or make them feel this way, but when you don’t prioritize them, that is what you are doing. The same goes for yourself.

You should prioritize yourself and make and keep commitments to yourself. Just like how you have to put your own oxygen mask on first on a plane, you have to make sure your mental state is sufficient to take care of another person, and if it isn’t, you need to commit to taking a break and recharging so that you can come back and continue to provide care. For more information on how to prioritize and take care of yourself, check out our episode on Caring for the Caregiver.

Another thing you should do is visit often. If your loved one doesn’t live with you, loneliness can creep in and affect their physical and emotional state. You should also encourage your siblings, friends, and friends of your parents to visit, as well. You shouldn’t convince others to visit or force them to when they are not wanting to. Your loved one will most likely notice when someone doesn’t want to be there, and they won’t enjoy the visit. It will also make them feel like they are more of a chore for people, instead of an individual people are excited to visit with.

Lastly, you should know where your parent stands financially and legally. It's important to know details of your parent's accounts, such as whether or not they have long-term care insurance, which lawyer holds a copy of their will and whether or not their monthly bills are being paid on time. You shouldn’t hold their finances for them and make all their financial decisions for them, unless your specific situation calls for it. If your loved one has dementia or Alzheimer’s, you may be put in charge of their finances, but you should still try to let them have as much control as they can, as long as they can.

Hopefully you have learned a bit about parenting the parent today. We hope this episode has given you some idea of the role of the adult child caregiver and given you ways to prepare for the time when you are caring for your parent, as well as give you some idea of what you should and shouldn’t do while caring for a parent.

We want to say thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate these long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. Join us next time on All Home Care Matters where we will be discussing a topic that can be difficult for families with younger children, and that is What’s Wrong with Grandpa? This topic will discuss ways for families to help children understand when a grandparent has dementia.

Sources:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffbevis/2018/10/24/parenting-your-parents/?sh=35a664b570a9

https://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/aging/elder-care/child-becomes-parent.htm

https://www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/2006/09/art1full.pdf

https://www.interimhealthcare.com/blog/july-2019/dealing-with-role-reversal-from-child-to-parent-ca/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1282187/

Before we get started we want to give you a quick update on the interview we had schedule for today’s episode. Unfortunately, when we began the interview we started having some technical difficulties and due to the importance and nature of the interview we collectively decided it would be best to reschedule it.

So in place of the interview, we are going to be discussing an issue that has or will affect every family at some point and that is the long-term care crisis in America. First, we will talk a little about what long-term care is and who is in need of it. Then, we will gravitate towards why long-term care is becoming a crisis and what you need to do to prepare for it.

Maybe you’re already experiencing some of these issues or you’re looking towards the near future and are unsure what it may hold. Regardless of your current situation we hope that this episode will give you some ideas and suggestions for your long-term care situation. Let’s move on to the rest of the show.

As we age, many of us will end up needing long-term care, which is a type of care required if you are unable to perform daily activities on your own. According to Genworth, daily activities means things like eating, bathing, dressing, transferring, and using the bathroom. For many long-term care providers, the goal of long-term care is to allow the recipient, and as often as it is in our case our loved ones, to maintain their lifestyle. As caregivers for our loved ones, we are allowing them to maintain as much freedom as possible and to live out the remainder of their lives as they wish.

Being the primary caregiver for our loved ones is usually the most cost-effective option, but it is not the only way long-term care can be provided. Long-term care facilities and professional home care providers are all options when it comes to long-term care for our loved ones. Often times, it comes down to what a family can afford. Medicare and Medicaid and traditional insurances don’t usually cover the cost of long-term care (this is where long-term care insurance is typically used), leaving families to try and cover the costs on their own.

Today, seven out of ten older adults will need some sort of long-term care support and 63 percent of family caregivers have to use their own retirement savings to help fund and pay for care.

With the aging baby boomer generation, the long-term care crisis will soon reach an all-time high. The COVID-19 pandemic has already seen to it that hospitals and other care facilities reached their full-capacity. America does not currently have the medical infrastructure to support the influx of patients that the pandemic has brought, and it certainly doesn’t have the infrastructure to support the 71.6 million baby boomers that will be needing care in the coming years.

Long-term care helps with daily living activities, but it can also include community services such as meals, adult day care, and transportation services. These services may be provided free or for a fee. Preparing for long-term care ahead of time can not only give you peace of mind when the time comes that you need long-term care, but it also ensures that the financial burden will not fall on your loved ones.

According to Market Watch, long-term care is extremely expensive, and for many Americans, it is simply unaffordable. Most seniors simply don’t have the average $100,000 a year for a nursing home, $45,000 for assisted living, or $33,000 for in-home care.

A report by the Long-Term Care Financing Collaborative found that the out-of-pocket costs of such assistance can be catastrophic, and few people have the necessary resources…to meet this need. Private insurance can cover some of the costs, but it won’t cover everything. Market Watch states that the average premium today is $2,050 a year for a 55-year-old man and $2,700 for a woman of the same age — with premiums rising 25 percent to 100 percent annually. That is, if you can find a policy. Insurers are pulling out of the market in droves as lifespans and health care costs rise — and profit margins fall.

Medicaid will cover the costs of skilled nursing care for lower-income seniors, but they don’t help middle- or upper-class seniors and Medicare doesn’t cover any of the costs. Families that leave the workforce to provide care for their loved ones forego approximately $300,000 ($324,000 for women and $284,000 for men) in retirement income. For many families, quitting their own jobs to provide full-time care is the only option. At All Home Care Matters, we fully support families as the primary caregiver, but we want you to be prepared to be a primary caregiver, instead of being thrust into the roll unexpectedly.

The cost of long-term care isn’t the only reason for the crisis. There’s also a shortage of room in facilities and a shortage of staff and unfortunately, both of these shortages cause the price of long-term care to increase even more, creating a very costly cycle.

Now that we know about the long-term care crisis in America and how costly long-term care can be for the care recipient and their family, let’s take a look at who needs long-term care and what the specific long-term care options are.

In GenWorth’s 2018 Beyond Dollars report, they state how seven out of ten people will need long term care at some point, yet six out of ten people are convinced the need for care will never happen to them. In fact, 63 percent of care recipients and 61 percent of caregivers report that, prior to the moment care was needed, they had never considered that the need for long term care at some point was a very real possibility. Among those that had considered the need for care prior to the need revealing itself, less than 25 percent had made any plans to cover this type of situation because they didn’t want to talk about it or admit that care was needed and many also assumed that they had more time.

When we do think about a time that we will need long-term care, we often think of it as being when we are in the end-of-life stage, but that isn’t always the case.

Hank, a long-term care recipient, never thought he would need long-term care, especially at his age. On Father’s Day, he had a stroke and was unconscious for 48 hours. He thought he was going to die. Luckily, his son found him in time and got him help. After his stroke, Hank’s son stayed with him, helping him with his daily living activities, like bathing, until he got some of his strength back. His son was able to go back to school and continue classes because of a caregiver that was able to come into Hank’s home and help him with daily tasks like laundry and preparing food.

Before his stroke, Hank never thought about what if. He hadn’t prepared for the expenses that came with long-term care or for the lack of income and the bills that added up while he was unable to work for several weeks. Hank says he can’t change what happened in the past, but he can change what’s happening now. Nobody knows when something similar is going to happen that is going to require you to get help and Hank wants to make sure his son and others prepare for that moment ahead of time.

As we’ve seen with Hank, anyone can be in need of long-term care at any point in their life. Besides age, accidents, illnesses, strokes, and other chronic conditions can all lead you to need long-term care. Cognitive illnesses, such as Alzheimer’s and dementia are one of the leading causes for long-term care, as well. According to GenWorth, 5.8 million Americans currently have Alzheimer’s, and that number continues to grow steadily. In fact, by 2050, this number is projected to increase to almost 14 million. For more information on Alzheimer’s and dementia, you can visit our official YouTube channel for our playlist dedicated to Alzheimer’s and Dementia educational videos.

Age, gender, family and housing situation, health, and lifestyle all factor into whether or not you will need long-term care. As you get older, it becomes more likely that you will need long term care. Gender goes hand in hand with age, as women have a greater likelihood of needing long-term care than men because of their likelihood to live longer than men. People who live alone and are without a support system in their area are more likely to need care from a paid caregiver.

People living with family or having a support system in the area don’t have a lower risk of needing long-term care, but they most likely will not need full-time care from a paid caregiver, as they have loved ones near that may be able to help provide care in some way. Having any chronic health conditions, like diabetes or high blood pressure, or a family history of chronic health conditions may also increase your risk of needing long-term care. Just like with most things in life, having a poor diet and lack of exercise can increase your risk of needing long-term care.

Thinking about and preparing for the what if, as Hank said earlier, can make all the difference when the time actually comes that you need long-term care. Preparing funds ahead of time, whether it be starting a new account to save specifically for long-term care or other health costs or deciding on an amount of retirement money to use can help you and your family budget for a future that may include long-term care.

Getting regular check-ups and leading a healthy lifestyle that includes eating healthy foods, staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, and getting an adequate amount of exercise can help you combat the need for long-term care, but it won’t make certain that you won’t need long-term care in the future. We never know what will happen, so it is best to be prepared.

When planning for long-term care, having an idea of how you will pay for the associated costs is a good start. You will also need to determine if a family member will provide care for you in your own home, or possibly in theirs. If you choose to go with professional home care services, you will have to determine what sort of care you want to receive from them and they can help you in deciding what type of care may be best suited for your needs.

There are a few different options you can choose from for long-term care and many of them will depend on what level of care you will be needing, which you most likely will not know until the time comes. There are three main types of care settings you need to know about when choosing what type of long-term care is best for you, in home care, community care, and facility care.

The in-home care option means that a caregiver can help you with daily tasks such as personal care, hygiene, bathroom assistance, and memory care. They can also assist with any domestic needs that you may have as well like laundry, cleaning, cooking, transportation for shopping and appointments. One of the nice features of home care is that the care is customized specifically to the individual and not a one size fits all approach. People with cognitive illnesses can benefit from the home care option due to the close one-on-one interaction they will have with the caregiver and from being in their familiar environment at home.

Adult day care is an example of community care. Adult day care provides a safe place for a care receiver to stay while their loved ones are working or away for a few days. It also allows seniors to socialize and participate in activities they find enjoyable. Many families choose this option when they are the primary caregiver and work at the same time or when they want to make sure that their loved one is getting the social interaction they need. However, most adult day cares have criteria that individuals must meet to make sure they are a good fit for their programs.

Facility options include assisted living and nursing homes. Assisted livings are recommended for individuals that don’t require twenty-four-hour care and are able to stay on their own for a period of time. Depending on the facility, it could be a few hours at a time, or it could be overnight. Most assisted living facilities also have someone on standby in case of emergencies.

Nursing homes are a great option for patients that require full-time care and do not have the support system that is able to provide it at home or they need even more help than their family is able to provide. Often times people with cognitive illnesses will end up needing to live in some type of a facility during their long-term care. There are also specialized facilities for cognitive illnesses or specific memory units within a facility that take care of those patients. Patients in memory units quite often have more bad days than good by the time they end up living in a memory unit.

The long-term care crisis in America is only just beginning. With the aging population rising and the cost of health care at an all-time high, we can expect the crisis to worsen. It’s important to plan ahead now, so that when the time comes, and it may come sooner than you think, you will be prepared for it.

We want to say thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone is who could benefit from this episode and please make sure to share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. Join us next time on All Home Care Matters where we will be discussing a topic that can be difficult for families and that is Parenting the Parent.

Sources:

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/americas-long-term-care-crisis-is-worsening-2019-07-22

https://www.genworth.com/aging-and-you/finances/what-is-long-term-care.html

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/what-long-term-care

https://web.archive.org/web/20200428233813/https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/04/28/millennials-overtake-baby-boomers-as-americas-largest-generation/

https://pro.genworth.com/riiproweb/productinfo/pdf/282301.pdf

On this episode of All Home Care Matters, we are going to be talking about Common Issues to Address when Helping Aging Parents. We’ve gathered some tips, tools, and resources that we think can help you and your aging parents navigate this new, possibly difficult, and confusing path. Now, let’s move on to the rest of the show.

Many older adults don’t need any help in their day-to-day lives, but that may change with time, especially as lifespans are increasing and many adults are living well into their 80s, 90s, and some even live into their hundreds. As we get older and older, the likelihood that we will need some sort of help, either from family or from a medical service, increases greatly.

At some point, you may find yourself in a position where you will be helping your aging parents. According to Better Health While Aging, family members are by far the number one source of “long-term care supports and services” for older adults, so depending on your proximity to your parents, you most likely will end up helping your parents when they reach a certain age.

One of the most common issues to address when helping aging parents is the actual act of helping. Your aging parent may not want to admit they need help, but that is something they are going to have to come to terms with. Make sure you sit down with your loved one and your family to express your concerns for your loved one and establish a plan to help them in whatever ways are necessary.

It could be just helping them establish a time when you can take them to the grocery store and to their medical appointments, or it could be a deeper conversation about the type of help you think they need and they think they need. Make sure to keep them in the loop while discussing future plans so they are not completely blindsided. They are less likely to become argumentative if you approach the subject over a period of time and allow them to have input that you seriously consider.

When helping aging parents, another concern you will be faced with is their safety, especially when you are unable to be around them all the time. According to AARP, 60 percent of family caregivers are juggling paid work and caregiving. While you are away, you may worry about your loved one, and that’s normal. We all worry about our loved ones, even if they are not in a place where they are needing our help.

You and your loved one will need to think about whether or not they should be driving, their financial situation, and even how safe they are in their own home. For some tips and resources to ensure your loved one is safe at home, check out our recent episode on Aging in Place.

We’ve talked a lot about caring for the caregiver on this podcast, and today is no exception. It’s important to take care of yourself while you are caring for your loved ones. You should set up boundaries with your loved one and schedule time for yourself in advance. Scheduling ahead of time allows you to ensure that someone you trust, another family member, can be ready to help your loved ones if need be.

Medical and health issues are another common issues that you will likely have to address when helping aging parents. Many older adults develop chronic conditions and illnesses as they age and need medication daily to manage them. As we get older, we also have a harder time recovering from illnesses, so you may find yourself helping them recover, much like you would your child. Your loved one may not notice additions symptoms they develop, so going to their doctor appointments with them can ensure they are getting seen and treated for things before they get out of hand. And taking your loved on to their appointments also means you won’t have to worry about them driving themselves.

Planning ahead is one of the most important things you can do when it comes to helping aging parents. Before your loved one even comes to the point where you start to wonder if they are beginning to need help, you should sit down and make a plan of what they want to happen, what kind of assistance and care they want, whether they want to stay in their own home, move in with you, or live in a facility if the time comes when they are unable to live alone. Knowing how to use their financial assets ahead of time will also help in making a plan to help your loved one.

Better Health While Aging believes that planning ahead tends to reduce later stress, hassles, and sometimes expenses, and we firmly believe this, too.

We know this is not an exhaustive list of issues to address when helping aging parents, but we hope it may help you and your loved one and give you an idea of where to start.

We want to say thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone is who could benefit from this episode and please make sure to share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. Join us next time on All Home Care Matters where we will be welcoming a very special guest who will be sharing their experience caring for their son with special needs and the heartwarming journey they both shared.

Sources:

https://betterhealthwhileaging.net/what-to-address-when-helping-older-parents/

https://www.aarp.org/ppi/info-2015/valuing-the-invaluable-2015-update.html

All Home Care Matters had the privilege of welcoming music therapist, Alexis Baker to the show. During the interview Alexis demonstrates and shares how music therapy through a therapeutic process helps seniors and olders adults become engaged and active through music. Alexis is founder and owner of Bridgetown Music Therapy, which improves the lives of older adults through the use of music. She is a licensed and board-certified music therapist with 8 years of experience.

Alexis earned her Bachelor of Music Therapy degree from Marylhurst University in 2013. Over the years, she has worked with a variety of populations in multiple settings, but ultimately decided to specialize in serving older adults in 2016. Drawn to their rich wisdom, unique life stories and sense of humor, Alexis absolutely loves this age group and is passionate about making a difference in their lives using music and expressive arts therapy.

Connect with Alexis and Bridgetown Music Therapy:

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/bridgetownmusictherapy

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/bridgetownmusictherapy/

LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexis-baker-mt-bc-42b7b93b/

Website:

https://www.bridgetownmt.com/care

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