Authenticity is a word that’s thrown around a lot, but not many people talk about how hard it is and WHY it’s so hard. Why do people go to such lengths to avoid authenticity and hide who they are? Hiding comes from a lack of self-worth. It stems from shame, guilt, fear of judgment (from others as well as ourselves), lack of self-trust, fear of rejection, etc. When we are used to intellectualizing and trying to control everything, letting go and revealing vulnerable parts of ourselves is difficult.

In my years of coaching, I’ve seen all different ways people hide. I myself used to be a Class A hider, and I did it in all areas of my life. What I’ve noticed is there are basically four ways people conceal themselves. They outright lie to themselves and others, they withhold important details, they only reveal the “safe” parts they want others to see (keeping everything under tight control) and they fly under the radar, hoping if they go unnoticed, they won’t be criticized. You may do one or all of them.

Hiding robs us of living a full life. To come out into the open, you have to acknowledge all the ways you hide and own it. Instead of being a background player at the office, put your name on your work. Reveal something to a friend or partner that feels uncomfortably vulnerable. People are going to see you how they choose to see you, so why not embrace the freedom that comes from being unapologetically you?

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