President Lyndon B. Johnson's administration is known for all sorts of stuff, like the Civil Rights Acts of 1964 and 1965, the creation of public radio and television, food stamps, and Medicare and Medicaid. And, of course, escalating the Vietnam War. 

Lyndon did all that...while whipping his dick out all the time. And his wiener? He named it Jumbo! BEWARE: lots of penis puns in this one. Sorry!

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This episode starts with a frothing vat of piss. And the story set in the 1980s, sorry guys, that is history now. Worse than all of that, this episode is about FINE ART. 

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Happy Halloween! Trying to get over that consumption cough?? Have you tried digging up your dead grandma and BURNING HER?!

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James Garfield gets shot, and some doctors stick their nasty fingies in the wound. Yum! 

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Before James Garfield was (briefly) president, he had a fun hobby of cheating on his wife. But it's okay because he felt SO BAD about it. 

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Union soldiers won't stop banging, so they hire a boat. 

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Finally, an episode featuring incest.

Before she married Founding Daddy Gouverneur Morris, Ann Cary "Nancy" Randolph got accused of not just incest but also infanticide! Neat! 

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FDR hates gay sex. Well, sort of. (Also, I don't think I made seamen/semen joke in this episode, which is a real oversight.)

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Watch out for your eyes! 

MAIN SOURCES:

• Elliott J. Gorn, "Gouge and Bite, Pull Hair and Scratch,”
• Thomas Ashe, "Travels in America Performed in 1806."

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Founding Daddy Gouverneur Morris is coming for (and on) your wife. 

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