An Evolving Man Podcast

 This weekend with my wife and the director of my film, Boarding on Insanity we are going to be attending Gabor Mate's conference/ workshop. 

To sign up to support our film please visit: https://www.piers-cross.com/boarding-school-film 

We will also be interviewing Alex Renton and Dr Suzanne Zeedyk while we are there. 

I am looking forward to it.

If you would like me to share what I learned on the conference please let me know in the comments below. 

Warm regards, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

AEM #75 Nicky Moxey– ACES, Boarding School 

What are third culture kids? And what about military brats? 

And how does that link to boarding schools? 

Today I am speaking with author, Nicky Moxey about what third culture kids are. 

Nicky grew up in Africa but was sent to boarding school in the UK. 

She talks about the three different types of third culture kid - military, mercantile and missionary.

What is the difference between the three and why do third culture kids seem to struggle the most at boarding school? 

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In today's episode we discuss these topics and why Nicky Moxey is a an author, an amateur historian and archaeologist who lives in the middle of rural Suffolk, UK. She is currently writing and editing a book about boarding school and has published several historical fiction books.

Questions:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please speak about your boarding school experiences. How was it for you? When did you fully realise the impact it had had on your life?
3. Could you please talk about ACES, Adverse Childhood Experiences? What are they? What is the impact of them on children and the adults they become?
4. Could you talk about the cross over between ACES and boarding school please? Is there any overlap and if so what is it?
5. Could you please talk about Third Culture Kids. What does that mean?
6. Could you please talk about your new book about boarding school? What is it about and what is the message of the book?
7. Could you also please talk about the new book about boarding schools, The Trunk in the Hall by Penny Cavenaugh? What did you think about the book? 
8. How do people find out more about your work?

#thirdculturekids #aces #boardingschoolsyndrome #adversechildhoodexperiences

To visit Nicky's website please visit: https://nickymoxey.com/

To buy Nicky's books please visit: https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=nicky+moxey&crid=98YVPH9QKK1O&sprefix=nicky+mox%2Caps%2C361&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_9

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Been reading #GaborMate 's excellent book #mythofnormal. 

I talk today about the overlap between his chapter about our leaders "the traumatized leading the traumatized" and Nick Duffell's wounded leaders. 

David Cameron: Age 7 talking about his time at boarding school: 'The food was spartan. I lost a stone in weight during a single term. There was one meal that consisted of curry, rice – and maggots.’ 

Richard Branson: BBC Interview: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8mig8c 11.13
“I know that my parents sent me to boarding school because they thought that that was the best thing and the best thing for me. To bring us up tough. And my mother would say not to mollycoddle you at home. But I think that it was wrong. We would never do it with our kids or grandkids. I remember distinctly, I was 7 and a half, throwing up the first night and the matron coming in and telling me I had to mop up the sheets myself. I think that’s a bit much for a 7 and a half year old. Fortunately, things have changed a little bit since those days.” 

And more about his boarding school: “We got beaten all the time. You’d be beaten with a bare arse and sometimes until you bled. It was pretty horrendous in those days and as a dyslexic I thought I must be stupid because the word dyslexia didn’t exist. "

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

David Howe is a retired Professor and Dean for the School of Social Work and Psychosocial Sciences at the University of East Anglia, Norwich. He is the author of many book in the field of child abuse and neglect, including Attachment Theory for Social Work Practice and Child Abuse and Neglect.

Questions:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please speak about neglect. What is it?
3. Could you please talk a little about attachment. What is attachment and how important is good enough attachment for children?
4.  Could you please talk about why researchers are saying “child neglect has a more severe and adverse impact on children’s development than abuse.” (P.111)
5. What are some of the symptoms that might show up to signify a child is being neglected?
6. And might some of the symptoms be for an adult who was neglected as a child?
7.  Below is a quote from your book combined with a quote from a biography. I would love for you to speak to this and about physical neglect: “The broad characteristics of physical neglect are familiar to most childcare practitioners. Nutrition can be poor. Clothes are old or dirty or too big. Bedrooms are sparsely furnished and cold. Children are left unsupervised and under stimulated.” David Howe Child Abuse and Neglect, P.111 “The food was spartan. I lost a stone in weight during a single term (7-8 years old). There was one meal that consisted of curry, rice – and maggots. In the school grounds were woods and a lake where we could play unsupervised in green boiler suits - it is something of a miracle that no one drowned.” DC P.21
8. I would love you to talk about this from your book: “Our evidence supports the hypothesis that the most severe psychological conflicts arise from neglect.” Ney, Fung and Wicket 1994) P.111 
9.  Another quote from your book and a biography: “Take away our affective links with others and we feel vulnerable, alone and distressed.” P.112 “I missed mum and dad terribly, and on the occasional night where I felt this the worst, I remember trying to muffle my tears in my pillow whilst the rest of the dormitory slept.“In fact I was not alone in doing this. Almost everyone cried, but we all learnt to hide it, and those who didn’t were the ones who got bullied.” BG P.58
10. Could you please talk about emotional neglect. What does emotional neglect look like?

#neglect #childabuse #childhoodneglect #trauma

To buy David's books please visit: https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=david+howe&crid=3F9I74L1F8SFC&sprefix=david+howe%2Caps%2C263&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I explore the question about childhood neglect and boarding school. I draw upon the writings of David Cameron, ex-Prime Minister of England who said about his boarding school, "The food was spartan. I lost a stone in weight during a single term. There was one meal that consisted of curry, rice – and maggots. " 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7464599/How-David-Camerons-brutal-prep-school-1970s-featured-regular-beatings.html 

So today I draw upon the work of Joy Schaverien and share some thoughts from the NSPCC about neglect. 

As they say on their website: "Neglect is the ongoing failure to meet a child's basic needs and the most common form of child abuse." https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/neglect/ Is boarding school neglect? 

I also quote from Bear Grylls. 

Any questions please do let me know, 

Warm regards, Piers 

--- Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Childhood Neglect What is it and why is it so damaging?

Today I offer some reflections about childhood trauma and neglect.

I share some reflections about the work of Bessel Van der Kolk, Gabor Mate and Judith Herman. 

I like to look through the indexes of many authors before I prepare a video or audio. Interestingly, there were no references to neglect in any of the books in the indexes.

Why is it that so few publications talk about neglect?

And yet as Simon Partridge shares: “There is a growing consensus, backed by neuroscience & among traumatologists that neglect is even more damaging to the developing child and its brain than acute abuse. As Camila Batmanghelidjh put it when I asked her once: “Because abuse, however awful, has a beginning, a middle, and an end: for a child, neglect goes on forever.”

I quote from the NSPCC: "Neglect is the ongoing failure to meet a child's basic needs and the most common form of child abuse. A child might be left hungry or dirty, or without proper clothing, shelter, supervision or health care. This can put children and young people in danger. And it can also have long term effects on their physical and mental well-being." NSPCC 

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/neglect/

Physical neglect. A child's basic needs, such as food, clothing or shelter, are not met or they aren't properly supervised or kept safe.

Educational neglect. A parent doesn't ensure their child is given an education.

Emotional neglect. A child doesn't get the nurture and stimulation they need. This could be through ignoring, humiliating, intimidating or isolating them.

Medical neglect. A child isn't given proper health care. This includes dental care and refusing or ignoring medical recommendations.

Neglect changes childhood. Children who've been neglected might experience short-term and long-term effects. These can include:
problems with brain development
taking risks, like running away from home, using drugs and alcohol or breaking the law
getting into dangerous relationships
difficulty with relationships later in life, including with their own children
a higher chance of having mental health problems, including depression.”

I also quote from the work of David Howe, the author of Childhood Abuse and Neglect and a guest on my podcast in a couple of weeks.

Any questions please do let me know,

Warm regards,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Richard Grannon shares today about narcissism, codependency and his experiences growing up in Portugal and then in boarding school.

How was it for him?

He also talks about his experiences of martial arts and what he learned from training in different martial forms.

He talks about narcissism, codependency, and complex PTSD.

He also shares about George Orwell's 1984 and some of the psychology of that story.

A really fascinating episode, thank you Richard.

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Richard Grannon is a leading author and one of the internet's leading teachers about narcissism and codependency with over 70 million views on YouTube and 500,000 subscribers.

He is passionate about helping others defend themselves, get back on their feet, and finally free themselves from narcissistic abuse. 

Drawing on numerous forms of psychotherapy, including NLP, cognitive behavioral therapy, zen meditation, psychodynamics, and more, Grannon’s unique methodology offers a direct, practical solution to help narcissistic abuse victims reclaim their self-worth. 

He is the author of the book, A Cult of One.

Some areas to explore:

1. I would love for you to share how you got into the work that you now do?
2. Could you please introduce narcissism and codependency? What are they and how do they show up in people and relationships? (P.14)
3. What are some of the symptoms of narcissism? (P.78)
4. Other areas for exploration:
   1. Your boarding school experiences and how it impacted you.
   2. Boarding schools and narcissism
   3. Narcissism and our leaders
   4. Consumer capitalism and how it teaches us greed and immaturity (P.82)
   5. The psychology of combatives and martial arts – what did martial arts teach you
   6. People pleasers and the 15 traits (P. 63)
   7. The Golden Child (can do no wrong) / Black Sheep (“who cannot do anything right” (P.66)
   8. The difference between PTSD and Complex PTSD
   9. NPD “It was seen as excessive self-admiration rooted in a failure to develop feelings of love outwards in childhood.”) P.66)
   10. Narcissistic abuse
5. How do people find out more about your work?

#narcissism #narcissisticabuse #codependency #trauma #boardingschool

To reach out to Richard please visit her website: https://www.richardgrannon.com/

On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/richard.grannon.spartanlifecoach

On Twitter: https://twitter.com/GrannonRichard

To buy his books please visit: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cult-One-Deprogram-Yourself-Narcissistic/dp/B0BSGCR6XR/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=richard+grannon+books&qid=1689696550&sprefix=richard+gr%2Caps%2C221&sr=8-1

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 What Is Trauma? 

Today I wanted to share some thoughts from Gabor Mate, Peter Levine and Bessel Van der Kolk on trauma. 

What is it? 

What is the definition of trauma? 

Any questions please do let me know. 

Warm regards, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I explore the question about child abuse and boarding school. 

I draw upon the writings of David Cameron, ex-Prime Minister of England, who said about his boarding school, "The food was spartan. I lost a stone in weight during a single term. There was one meal that consisted of curry, rice – and maggots. " https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7464599/How-David-Camerons-brutal-prep-school-1970s-featured-regular-beatings.html 

And I alsoI draw upon the work of Joy Schaverien and share some thoughts from the NSPCC about neglect. As they say on their website: "Neglect is the ongoing failure to meet a child's basic needs and the most common form of child abuse." https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/neglect/ Is boarding school neglect? 

I quote from Bear Grylls, Eddie Izzard and also from the Children and Young People’s Commissioner Scotland, Bruce Adamson who says that "The decision to take a child away from family and community and deprive them of their liberty must only be done when it is in the child’s best interest, as a last resort and for the shortest period possible." https://www.cycj.org.uk/news/aces-distance-resilience/. 

Link to my boarding school trauma and recovery workshop this Saturday 12th August 10-5pm: https://www.piers-cross.com/boarding-school-trauma-recover-workshop 

Any questions please do let me know, 

Warm regards, Piers 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

On today's podcast I am speaking with Yuval Mann about many fascinating areas around sex and relationships.

How do we deal with feelings of sexual shame that we may have carried from childhood?

Yuval talks about the importance of coming back into the body and slowing down.

A really fascinating episode.

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Yuval Mann is the founder of the Sensual Alchemy School Of Integrated Sexuality and he's spent well over 10,000 hours learning, experimenting, exploring, and teaching people about sex and love. He also hosts the Sensual Alchemy Podcast.

Areas that we explore:

1. I would love for you to share how you got into the work that you now do?
2. Could you please talk about some of your journey through trauma and sex? What did you learn? How did you start to heal your trauma around sexuality?
3. Could you please talk about feelings? How important are they as a compass of raw, evolutionary aliveness?
4. Some areas to talk about:
   1. Sex, Kabbalah and mysticism – sacred sexuality
   2. Porn addiction
   3. Masturbation and self-pleasuring
   4. The belief that sex is a sin
   5. Feeling and emotions
   6. Vulnerability
   7. The importance of coming back to our bodies
   8. The importance of touch – skin hunger
   9. Shame and sex
   10. Dissociation
   11. Self-pleasuring

To find Yuval on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@yuvalmann

To visit his website: https://yuvalman.com/

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/