An Evolving Man Podcast

What is Boarding School Syndrome?

Today I am offering some reflections about what is boarding school syndrome. 

I often talk about boarding school syndrome in more detailed terms but today I wanted to go back to the basics.

What is it?

And what are the ABCD of boarding school syndrome as coined by Dr Joy Schaverien?

And what about the symptoms of this syndrome? What are they?

I share stories from #PrinceHarry and his time at boarding school and from #BearGrylls and his autobiography, Mud, Sweat and Tears. I also shares some of #StephenFry and his book Moab is my Washpot and even Sir Ranulph Fiennes.

For my upcoming online workshop about Boarding School Syndrome please visit here: https://www.piers-cross.com/boarding-school-trauma-recover-workshop

And please feel free to like this audio and subscribe.

Warm regards,

Piers

#boardingschool #boardingschoolsyndrome #abcd #boardingschoolsurvivors

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Mervin Canham is an addictions specialist and co-leader at The Mankind Project (MKP). The MKP is an organisation aimed at changing the world one man at a time, allowing men to touch a piece of their shadow by being vulnerable with other men. 

Questions he answers:

1. I would love for you to share how you got into the work that you now do?
2. Could you please talk about addictions and addiction recovery. What was your recovery journey like and how did you get clean?
3. What was it like as a boy growing up in South Africa? What were you taught? You mentioned in another podcast that you lost your brother to suicide? How was that?
4. Could you talk about men's work and the Mankind Project? What have you learned from your years in the MKP?
5. Other areas to talk about:
   1. Vulnerability
   2. Crying
   3. Mission and purpose
   4. Confidentiality
   5. I Statements
   6. 10 Day Silent Retreat
   7. Men's circles and sitting in circles
   8. Trauma and addictions
6. How do people find out more about your work?

#addictionrecovery #mankindproject #mensmentalhealth #tears

Connect with Mervin Canham:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brothershabazz/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mervin.canham
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mervin-canham-16237722b/

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

On Saturday August 12th 10-5pm I am running an online workshop for ex-boarders (male and female) and therapists around the subject of boarding school and the path of recovery.

The morning session will be talking about some of the leading research into trauma, neglect and boarding school. 

The afternoon session will be exploring some of the leading edge techniques that I use with my clients. 

Some of the areas we will be exploring are:

- What is trauma?

- What are the 3 types of trauma?

- What is hidden trauma?

- Boarding school and trauma and the evidence

- What is boarding school syndrome and how does that impact us as adults?

- Teachings about betrayal trauma. Why could boarding school be a betrayal and how that impacts loss of memory.

- Neglect. Why boarding school could be considered neglect and the impact that has on us.

- Attachment theory. The four different types of attachment. 

- Why many ex-boarders become insecurely attached and what this means.

- The 3 types of Nick Duffell's Strategic Survival Personality, Complier, Rebel and Crushed.

- Strategies for how to become securely attached again

- Teachings and practices for beginning to heal complex trauma and boarding school syndrome.

"As an ex-boarder who was sent away aged eight, I have struggled for many years with feelings of abandonment, alienation, anger, detachment, lack of self-worth, and a nagging sense of victimhood that coloured everything. Piers has given me a marvellous toolkit of methods and mental models that have transformed my life and allowed me to be present in the moment.

"I am extraordinarily grateful for the time we have spent working on my journey together and would encourage anyone struggling with similar issues to contact him." John, UK

Cost: £80

Early bird price ends Saturday 29th July: £65

For more information: https://www.piers-cross.com/boarding-school-syndrome-workshop

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I am delighted to be speaking to Alan Clements. Alan, who is an author and an ex-Buddhist monk talks today about his journeys as a monastic in war-torn Burma now Myanmar.

He shares some of the wisdom he learned living in the jungles of Sri Lanka and Burma and his work as a journalist interviewing many of the political prisoner of Burma.

He also shares some of the insights into war, extreme conflict and trauma. A very enlightening conversation.

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Alan Clements is a satirist, performing artist, former Buddhist monk, and investigative journalist in areas of war and extreme conflict. He is also the author of numerous books, a spoken word album, and the subject of a feature documentary film ’Spiritually Incorrect'. His latest book is 'Extinction Rated: An auto fictional satire about good and evil'.

Some areas to talk about:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please speak to the experiences of trauma that you have been through in your life? What have you seen, experienced and learned?
3. Could you talk about some of the spiritual insights you had as a monk and in your life?
4. Could you please speak to the mindset of totalitarianism? What is radical cohersion?
5. Could you please speak about meeting and interviewing Aung San Suu Kyi?
6. Genocide – what did you learn about what you saw in Burma and Srebrenica?
7. Could you please talk about the Buddha's Four Noble Truth. Why is this such an important teaching?
8. How do people learn more about your work or reach out?

To learn more about Alan's work please visit: http://www.worlddharma.com/

Or to buy his books on Amazon please visit: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Alan-Clements/e/B001JRVBBK?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2&qid=1687192808&sr=8-2

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I wanted to share some reflections about childhood trauma and dissociation.

In this video I share some of my thoughts about how as a result of childhood trauma we dissociate.

I quote from the work of Bessel Van der Kolk and his book the Body Keeps The Score and from the other classic book on trauma, Trauma and Recovery by Dr Judith Herman.

I talk about some of my own experiences of why and how I dissociated and what I did to start feeling again.

I talk about some of the following ideas for recovery:

• Slowing down
• Be creative
• Connect with the right side of the brain – move from analytical to feeling/ intuitive
• Do less not more
• Physical activities like massage, yoga and tai chi.

Any questions please do let me know.

For this Friday's podcast with Alan Clements to talk about trauma and his journey of healing as a Buddhist monk in the jungles of Burma/ Myanmar please visit here: https://youtu.be/rXWsPdSqnGk

And for last Friday's episode with Jane Evans talking about Childhood Trauma and Polyvagal Theory please visit here: https://youtu.be/VXkxKHUlOCg

#dissociation #trauma #childhoodtrauma #dissociationrecovery

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What does neuroscience say about trauma? And what does childhood trauma look like through the lens of polyvagal theory and subconscious beliefs?

Today I am speaking with leading coach and trauma expert, Jane Evans to talk about these subjects. She shares some of her journey working with children and in fostering and the impact of childhood trauma. She also shares how we can start to heal from this trauma.

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 Jane Evans is the co-creator of Healing Together, a multi-award-winning social enterprise supporting young people & families to access early trauma-informed help.

Jane is known internationally for her work with parents and children and is an expert in childhood trauma. She’s also the author of a number of books which help adults explore and discuss difficult issues with children including one on domestic abuse called 'How Are You Feeling Today Baby Bear?'

Questions to ask:

1. I would love for you to share how you got into the work that you now do?
2. Could you please talk about childhood trauma. What is it and how does it impact firstly a child and then the adult they become?
3. Could you please speak about the brain and how childhood trauma and abuse affects the brain? What does neuroscience says about trauma?
4. How might these patterns show up in adulthood?
5. I would love for you to share some of your experiences of fostering. How does trauma impact children in care?
6. Could you please talk about anxiety and childhood trauma? Why is that many people who had childhood trauma struggle with anxiety?
7. What are some of the techniques for dealing with childhood trauma?
8. What about for anxiety? What are some of the techniques that you have found most powerful?
9. How has Covid and lockdown affected children?
10. A lot of the work I do is around boarding school and the trauma it creates. Many of our leaders went to boarding school. How might that impact their decision making in your opinion?
11. How do people find out more about your work?

#fostering #polyvagaltheory #trauma #childhoodtrauma #anxiety

To reach out to Jane please visit her website: https://thejaneevans.com/

On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Parentingbeyondanxiety

On Twitter: https://twitter.com/janeparenting2

To buy her books please visit: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Little-Meerkats-Big-Panic-Learning/dp/1785927035/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=jane+evans&qid=1688653676&sr=8-1

And to watch her Ted X Talk: https://youtu.be/qKlzd-H2X9w

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 "I can't do this any more", "This is too much", "Life is too hard" and "I want out". 

What can we do when we start to feel this way? 

What can you do when life just seems too intense? 

I talk about 5 ways of dealing with these feelings. 

1. Come back to the basics - the fundamentals of eating, moving and sleeping
2. Work with the traffic light system of Brian Cain. Am I good and feeling good or is it red and time to shift how I feel? 
3. Put your phone down. We are often overwhelmed by the amount of data we are bombarded with. Turn your phone off at 6pm and turn back on at 9am 
4. Iceberg Technique. See your younger wounded self. Where have you felt this same feeling before. 
5. Inner critic. Listen to the words you are telling yourself. Is it kind and benevolent words like, "You can do this!" "You've got this!" or "You're a piece of crap!" I share a technique I use for changing the voice around. 

Next podcast is going live on Friday about Childhood Trauma and Polyvagal Theory with Jane Evans: https://youtu.be/VXkxKHUlOCg 

And last week's podcast with Wendy Capewell is now live about Childhood Trauma, Relationships and Communication: https://youtu.be/r9qqCYStUvw 

Any questions please do let me know, 

Warm regards, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

How does childhood trauma impact our relationships? How might these symptoms of childhood trauma show up in our lives?

On today's podcast I am speaking with a leading counsellor and psychotherapist about just this topic. Wendy Capewell shares some of her own experiences and stories to help illuminate how impactful trauma is in our lives and how it effects your relationships.

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Wendy Capewell is a fully qualified BACP Accredited Counsellor and Psychotherapist, with over 18 years of professional experience. She specialises in helping people with childhood trauma, anxiety, stress and relationships and was a volunteer Counsellor at a Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre for 5 years. She is the author of the book Surviving to Thriving in Relationships.

Questions to ask:

1. I would love for you to share how you got into the work that you now do?
2. Could you please talk about childhood trauma. What is it and how does it impact firstly a child and then the adult they become?
3. How does trauma show up in relationships?
4. If we are struggling in relationships what are some of the things that you teach your clients to improve their relationships?
5. How do we improve communication in a relationship? What are some of the keys to good communication?
6. What can we do if we struggle to connect to our emotions in relationships? How do we learn to reconnect to our emotional household?
7. Could you please speak to anxiety. What is the underlying cause of anxiety? What are some of the key ways you teach others to help them to manage their anxiety?
8. Could you please talk to strategies to protect ourselves from being vulnerable?
9. How do people find out more about your work?

#relationships #trauma #childhoodtrauma

To reach out to Wendy please visit her website: https://www.wendycapewell.co.uk/

To buy her book please visit: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Surviving-Thriving-Romantic-Relationship-Reignite-ebook/dp/B01MRZDEJB/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2Z6O93C7XGH4M&keywords=wendy+capewell&qid=1686745415&sprefix=wendy+capewell%2Caps%2C636&sr=8-2

And to listen to her podcast please go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Listen-Talk-Repeat-Podcast-with-Wendy-Capewell/dp/B08JK2D3NL/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Wendy+Capewell&qid=1686745457&sr=8-1

For the Feeling Wheel: https://allthefeelz.app/feeling-wheel/  

And the Ted X Talk with Jane Evans: https://youtu.be/qKlzd-H2X9w

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

If you have been through trauma the chances are that you have a very powerful and often negative inner critic.

This is one of the ways that we cope with trauma.

Our inner critic comes online to protect us.

And on one level it did protect us.

The question is does it protect us still or does it keep us in our trauma?

This same voice can be so hateful, cricitcal and blaming of ourselves.

Especially when we are triggered, tired, unwell or someone is criticising us.

So today I wanted to share some of the teachings of Pete Walker in his book Complex PTSD or CPTSD and how he recommends that we challenge the inner critic.

These are techniques that I have used for many decades to great effect.

Any questions please do let me know,

Warm regards,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I offer some reflections about slowing down and taking a break. 

If you have been through some form of trauma then the chances are you are pretty hard on yourself. 

You work hard and you are often giving yourelf a hard time. 

Today I suggest that what is really useful is to slow down and to stop. 

To take a break and sit in your garden. 

Time to be still, meditate and take care of yourself. 

Bless you, you are amazing, 

Warm regards, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/