An Evolving Man Podcast

 What are the 3 types of trauma? 

Today I talk about developmental trauma. 

This comes from the work of Gabor Mate who is one of the world's leading voices on trauma. 

Last week I talked about shock trauma. 

This week I am talking about developmental trauma. What is it? 

I give some examples of what this type of trauma is and I also quote some of the words of Nick Duffell and Thurstine Basset in Trauma, Abandonment and Privilege, Prof Joy Schaverien from her 2021 paper called Boarding School Syndrome Revisited and Pete Walker's Complex PTSD. 

I talk about how boarding school syndrome is a developmental trauma.

Next week I will talk about attachment trauma. Any questions please do let me know. 

Warm regards, 

Piers

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I have a fascinating conversation with Shahid Van Helden talking about tantra, sex, porn addiction and intimacy.

He also talks about presence and the three things that we need to do as men to become more present.

He also share some ideas for how we improve our love-making and our sex lives.

A really fascinating conversation.

---

Shahid Van Helden is a men's group, men's & couples' retreat and Tantra facilitator. Shahid has also trained in Tantra Massage & Bodywork. He runs couples retreats with his beloved, Shashi Solluna.

Some areas to talk about:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please talk a little about Tantra. What is it?
3. If you are a man who has been through trauma or a dysfunctional upbringing especially regarding sex, how do we start to heal that?
4. It is said in personal development circles that it is women who do most of the inner work. How do we as men step up and start to examine our inner workings?
5. How do we cultivate presence?
6. How can we as men be vulnerable and not collapse?
7. Some men feel that they are not good enough especially regarding sex. What would you advise someone who comes to you with this problem?
8. Dissociation. Through trauma a man comes to you who has dissociated, especially in sex. They're always in their head. What are some of the practices that you teach men to be more embodied?
9. What do you suggest for men who have no ability for intimacy and no perceptible sex drive?
10. How do people learn more about your work or reach out?

To learn more about Shahid's work please visit: https://www.masteringtheartoflove.com/

Or to learn more about his couples work with his partner Shashi Solluna please visit: https://www.thetantriccouple.com/ or https://www.livetantra.com/

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 What are the 3 types of trauma? 

Today I talk about the most well know type trauma. 

This comes from the work of Gabor Mate who is one of the world's leading voices on trauma. 

The first one is shock trauma. 

What is shock trauma? 

I give some examples of what shock trauma is and I also quote some of the words of Bessel Van der Kolk from The Body Keeps the Score and Peter Levine from his book Healing Trauma. 

Next week I will talk about developmental trauma and the week after that about attachment trauma. Any questions please do let me know. 

Warm regards, Piers 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

“Our vulnerability is our superpower.” These words come from the co-director and executive producer of one of my favourite films, 'The Work'.

The Work is one of the most powerful films I have come across. It has me in tears every time.

What is it? The journey of three men visiting Folsom Prison to attend a four day men's retreat.

What unfolds is so beautiful. Grown men in tears. Some of the toughest men on the planet showing their vulnerability.

If they can do it, so can we. To watch the film please visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEUHVVAPyTA

He also talks about one of his other films about the Brazilian Jujitsu Master Renzo Gracie called Renzo Gracie: Legacy: https://youtu.be/s3HrHJ_dQl0

---

Gethin Aldous is a film and video game maker who believes in the power of story to transform lives. He was co-director and executive producer of The Work documentary, winning a UK Grierson Award for Best International Documentary and Best Cinema Documentary. He has also been honored with a Ron Herring Award by the Mankind Project USA. Gethin has been involved in men's work for over a decade and has staffed group therapy retreats at Folsom Prison with Inside Circles and Massachusetts Correctional Institution at Norfolk with the Jericho Circle. 

Some of the areas to cover:

1.  I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work that you now do?
2.  How did the film The Work come about?
3.  What for you were some of the gold from filming The Work?
4.  What were some of the challenges?
5.  It is six years since the film came out, what was the response to the film?
6.  How was filming Renzo Gracie: Legacy?
7.  How long did you film for?
8.  What did you learn and what was some of the gold?
9.  What were the challenges of filming this documentary?

To learn more about Gethin's work please visit: https://www.allkings.org/our-team/blog-post-title-one-2aw8j-actp8

• Or his IMDB page: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0017634/?ref_=tt_ov_dr

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I wanted to talk about a subject which is very close to my heart - that of mental health and especially with regards to teenagers. 

As a teenager in boarding school I really struggled with my mental health. 

I was suicidal and at the age of 14 one of my friends at boarding school committed suicide. 

It devastated me although I never dared shared my emotion with anyone. That was not allow in boarding school! 

So today I offer some reflections about mental health. 

- Why are our teenagers struggling so much mentally? 
- And what can we do as parents and adults to help? 
- What do psychiatrists like Christopher Palmer from Harvard Medical School say?

Please do share below any practices that you have implemented or use with your children? 

Warm regards, Piers 

#suicideprevention #mentalhealth #teenagementalhealth #childhoodtrauma

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Jai Singh is a men's coach and workshop leader who specialises in helping fathers find a deeper sense of purpose in their lives. He also runs a 10 week program for fathers, called The New King.

Some of the areas to cover:

1.  I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work that you now do?
2. What are some of the challenges that men face as fathers in today's world?
3. Could you please talk a little about marriage and fatherhood as a crucible for personal growth and evolution?
4. Could you please speak to conscious masculinity in the context of fatherhood?
5. How do we start to create a life of purpose and passion as a father?
6. If you are happy to talk about this I would love to hear your experience of growing up with a father who went to boarding school. How was it?
7.  How do we as men and father deal with being triggered in our roles as Dads?
8.  What is the importance for us to have a relationship with ourselves before we begin having a relationship with our family? How do you help men to do this?
9.  What are some of the practices you get men to do?
10.  What is a healthy King in your eyes. How do we cultivate that as fathers?
11.  How do we shoulder greater responsibility?
12.  How do people learn more about your work or reach out?

To learn more about Jai work's please visit: https://www.awakened-masculine.com

• Call booking page: https://www.awakened-masculine.com/call
• Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@awakenedmasculine55
• Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/the.awakened.masculine/

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Anabel Gonzalez, M. D., Ph. D. works as a psychiatrist and psychotherapist in the Public Mental Health System. She coordinates the Trauma and Dissociation Program in the Severe Mental Disorders Services of the University Hospital of A Coruña, and has a broad clinical experience with Dissociative Disorders and Complex Trauma. 

Trained in different psychotherapeutic approaches, she has been working with EMDR since 1999 and is an EMDR trainer. Anabel Gonzalez is President of the Spanish EMDR Association and she is author of several articles, presentations, and books 

Some areas and questions to explore:

1.  I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work that you now do?
2.  Could you please explain more about the difference between trauma and complex trauma?
3.  Could you please talk a little about attachment and the importance of secure attachment in childhood?
4.  What is dissociation? Why does dissociation happen with trauma?
5.  In the UK we have normalised sending children to boarding school from the ages of 5, 8 or 11. As a psychiatrist who specialises in trauma, attachment & dissociation what is your clinical opinion of this practice? Might the breaking of attachment at this age and putting children into a loveless institution potentially create complex trauma? And if so what might that impact me on the child, and the adult? What if these adults were in charge of government? Might that effect those around them?
6.  You mention in your book that people with dissociation, “feel, think or do things that are quite different from what they would like to do.” Could this explain why so many leaders who have been to boarding school act in a contradictory way? Because of complex trauma?
7.  What might the impact be on a child who is left in an institution by their caregiver for long periods of time and told that this will be good for them? When the reality turns out to be very different how might this impact the child.
8.  What are the key tools you use with clients to help them overcome dissociation?
9.  Could you please talk about the importance of making mistakes in the healing of complex trauma? I really love this idea
10.  In your clinical opinion, what can we do about the boarding school situation? And our leaders?
11.  What are some of the solutions to complex trauma?
12.  How do people find out more about your work?

To buy Dr Gonzalez's books please visit: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Its-not-Understanding-Attachment-Dissociation/dp/8409066866/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1679737611&refinements=p_27%3AAnabel+Gonzalez&s=books&sr=1-1&text=Anabel+Gonzalez

To learn more about her work: https://anabelgonzalez.es/

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

"Boarding Schools Are Traumatic & Dangerous for Most Children" Today I am speaking with Joss Goulden who is trained in psychology and is a parenting coach. She also went to boarding school for 10 years.

Here she talks about why she feels that boarding schools are not safe places to bring up children. How boarding schools create trauma in our young people rather than helping them to flourish.

She shares some of the solutions. 

Areas to talk about:

1.  I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work that you now do?
2.  What is Aware Parenting? What does it mean to consciously parent our children?
3.  What is the impact of trauma on children? How do we heal our traumatised children?
4.  How do we support children to experience less adversity and suffering?
5.  I would love for you to speak about your boarding school experiences. How was it like for you? How has it impacted the work you now do? 
6.  Do you feel that boarding school has an impact on a child? If so what might that be?
7.  Do you feel that we normalize boarding school and childhood trauma? What is the impact of this normalization?
8.  What is the positive way of working with children?
9.  In your work what is the power of speaking up and sharing our stories?
10.  How do people learn more about your work or reach out?

“I attended boarding school in the UK for 10 years from the age of 8.  Since then, I have dedicated most of my adult life to learning more about attachment, trauma and healing, initially for myself and then to support others. 

On leaving school, I completed a BSc in Psychology, and post-graduate qualifications in Human Communication Science and Counselling. I became a parent myself in 2003 and was blessed to discover Aware Parenting shortly after that. I am now a parenting coach and an Aware Parenting Instructor, certified with the Aware Parenting Institute, founded by Aletha Solter Ph.D.

I support parents to raise their children with more awareness, connection and secure attachment, and with significantly less trauma, adversity and suffering, much of which involves supporting parents to also process and heal their own stress and trauma from their childhoods. 

I am passionate about increasing the understanding of the impacts of stress and trauma on children to ensure more children are raised with compassion. Part of this is understanding the impact of the trauma of boarding school attendance so that fewer parents choose to send their children away to these institutions and instead choose to keep their children at home with them. I offer individual and group sessions to parents, as well as courses and communities. 

To find out more about Joss' work: https://awareparenting.com.au/

Or find her on social media @awareparentingwithjoss

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What is heart-led leadership? What are men's circles and men's group and why are they so helpful? What can we do for men's mental health at the moment? 

Today I am speaking with Peter Eugène Bennett. Peter is a men's coach who also works with the Sons of Zion and the Sacred Sons. 

He has trained in Vipassana Meditation, Wim Hof, Nutritional Therapy, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Qigong, Tantra, and is currently training as a Mentor & Coach.

His work now is focused on helping men reach their potential, creating healthy community spaces of brotherhood so they can be of service to the world and each other. 

Questions and areas to talk about:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work that you now do?
2. Could you please speak to men's work. What is men's work? And why it is so transformational?
3. I would love for you to talk about what you understand about trauma and the body. How can we better get in touch with our bodies if we have been through trauma?
4. Could you please speak to ancestry. What is the importance of understanding our ancestry?
5. I would love for you to speak about your boarding school experiences. How was it for you? What were the gifts and what were the shadows?
6. How important is community to healing? How do we start to cultivate loving and transformational communities?
7. Could you please speak to men's mental health, suicide and self-harm?
8. How do people learn more about your work or reach out?

You can follow Peter Eugène Bennett on IG: @mensworkcoach 

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/mensworkcoach

Or his website here: https://www.mensworkcoach.com/

Sacred Sons: https://www.sacredsons.com/

Sons of Zion: https://www.sonsofzion.uk/

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What is mindfulness? What is the path to happiness? How do we overcome addictions using mindfulness? And what are some of the key teachings of Buddhism?

Today I am speaking with Buddhist psychologist and best-selling author, Thomas Bien, PhD in a fascinating conversation about happiness, mindfulness and recovery from trauma and addictions.

Dr Bien has lectured around the world and spent time with the Vietnamese Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hahn (or Thay).

---

Dr. Thomas Bien is a licensed psychologist, author, and mindfulness teacher.  In addition to his doctorate in psychology, he also holds a master's degree in theology from Princeton Theological Seminary.   

He is the author of numerous scientific articles and book chapters in psychology, especially in the areas of spirituality and addiction. He is the author of Mindful Recovery, Finding the Center Within, and Mindful Therapy. He is also the coeditor of Mindfulness and the Therapeutic Relationship. 

Some of the topics and questions to cover:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. I would love for you to share some of the insights you learned about the path to happiness. How do we lead a more contented and happier life?
3. What are some of the Buddhist teachings that have had the greatest impact on you?
4. What are some of the Buddhist teachings that have had the greatest impact on your clients?
5. What are some of the barriers to happiness?
6. How do we start to learn to enjoy the small, joyful moments more and more?
7. Many of my listeners have been through a lot of trauma. What is your suggestion for those who have been through trauma? What has worked best for your clients and in the research that you've done?
8. Could you talk about mindfulness and addictions please? In your work what is the cause of addictions and how does mindfulness help with the overcoming of addictions?
9. What are some of the tools that you recommend for overcoming anxiety and stress?

To learn more about Dr Bien work's please visit: https://www.mindfulpsychology.com/

And to purchase his books please visit: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thomas-Bien/e/B001ITTUC6/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/