An Evolving Man Podcast

Boarding at age two and a half. Today I am speaking with Roger Sharpley who went to boarding school from the ages of 2.5 until 7.5 years old.

What was the impact for him in his life?

Why did his parents send him and his sister to boarding school at such a young age?

We also talk about the path of recovery he has taken.

We talk about Buddhism, Tai Chi, Qigong, meditation, therapy and singing.

A very heart felt and sometimes tearful podcast episode this week.

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Roger Sharpley is a retired homeopath. He originally worked in a seismology company before retraining as a homeopath. He went to boarding school from the age of 2.5 years old until the age of 7.

Some questions for Roger:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. What was your boarding school experience like?
2. Why did your parents send you to board so young? What was the reason for it?
3. What was the reason you left boarding school at age 7.5? Did something happen?
4. What happened after you left school? How was life as an adult?
5. When did you start to realise that your boarding school experience had impacted you?
6. What are some of the tools that you have found to help you begin the healing process?
7. Could you please speak to neglect and the lack of food? How did that impact you?
8. Other areas to talk about:

• Meditation
• Tai chi
• Singing and being in a choir
• PTSD and how the symptoms show up in your life
• Buddhism
• The importance of a loving relationship
• The healing power of animals and pets
• The importance of finding a therapist

 #boardingschoolsyndrome #trauma #ptsd #abandonment

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What is the impact of taking a child age 13 away from their family for a year and putting them in a boarding school?

And during that year the child only sees their parents once for Xmas?

What would happen to that child especially if they were put into one of the top boarding schools in the UK, Westminster?

Today I am speaking with author Andrew Kavchak who shares his own experience of living away from his parents for a whole year at Westminster.

He shares his loneliness, how it felt like he “had been dumped in a foreign orphanage,” and how he struggled with his studies.

A really fascinating conversation. I also really recommend his book.

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Andrew Kavchak was born in Montreal and has called Ottawa home since the late 1980s. Andrew studied political science (M.A.) and law (LL.B.) at university and then joined the federal civil service to pursue a career in public policy. After a lengthy career in the bureaucracy he began writing books that are available on Amazon. Today we will be talking about his book, Westminster: Reflections of a Boarder.

Some questions for Andrew:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. What drew to you to writing your book about boarding school?
2. In writing your book you talk about the history of boarding school. What did you learn about the tradition of boarding?
3. Having been brought up in Canada what was it like being in a British boarding school. How much of a culture shock was it for you?
4. What was the number one thing that stood out to you about boarding? Both positive and negative.
5. What was the long separation from your parents like for you?
6. You mention having a big emotional release after watching an interview with Nick Duffell. Could you talk us through that please? What happened? 
7. Other areas to talk about:

• How historically Public School boys seemed to have preferential treatment (P.73)
• What is the HMC and is it still in place? (P.79)
• The lack of privacy (P.103)
• John Dancy and Public Schools and the Future. I found what he wrote shocking. What was your response to his words? (P.106-109)
• Belonging and exclusion
• Abandonment and alienation
• How boarding school affected you
• Success and failure
• History and modernity

#lifeofaboarder #westminster #boardingschoolsyndrome #abandonment

To buy Andrew's books: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Westminster-School-Reflections-Andrew-Kavchak/dp/B0BYR8PG12/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?keywords=andrew+kavchak&qid=1704370296&sr=8-1-fkmr0

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Touch is so important for #childdevelopment.

Last week I was reading author Andrew Kavchak's book about his boarding school experience:

"One of the features of being at a boarding school that contributed to my starting to feel like a grape drying on the vine and shriveling up like a raisin was the absense of any touching with another human being.

As the much-needed physical contact had vanished from my life I began to feel as though I was a Ieper."

Researchers, like Aikaterini -Katerina Fotopoulou talk about the importance of touch in human development.

Today I talk about the importance of touch and the lack of touch in boarding schools. How might that impact the children who are rarely touched for large parts of childhood?

#touch #trauma #traumarecovery #boardingschoolsyndrome #boardingschool

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In working with ex-boarders I see that we are so hard on ourselves. 

Our inner critic can be brutal. 

Today I share some thoughts about #selfcompassion. 

What are 3 ways of cultivating it? #compassion 

https://youtu.be/PhHJ_ZlaaMc 

For the film fundraising: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/boarding-on-insanity#/ 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Wishing you all a Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year. 

Here's to a year of healing and moving into wholeness. 

Today I was asked some questions by someone who was going out with an ex-boarder. 

She tells me: "My ex partner is a boarding school survivor. We recently split up and I really miss him. I feel like he loves me, but pushes me away. I am wondering if I should just give him space? 

1. He pushes me away so much, so the point where he has blocked my number. Then, once I find a way to talk to him again, he acts like he really loves me. 

2. Is there a way I can get him to open up and talk to me? 

3. How can I express my needs to him without him getting frustrated and giving up?" 

Today I offer some reflections drawing on the work of attachment theory and the work of John Bowlby, CG Jung and Dr Diane Poole Heller. 

Warm regards, Piers 

#boardingschoolsurvivor #attachmenttheory #relationships 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

On today's podcast I am speaking with best selling author Michael Davitt, who writes under the pen name, Luke Pemberton.

Today he talks about some of his mental health journey.

He talks about his breakdown while working in the diplomatic service and how he links that into complex PTSD and his time spent as child growing up and at boarding school.

He also talk about Boris Johnson and how his boarding school experiences might have impacted his leadership.

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Michael Davitt is an author focusing on mental health issues. He has published five books to-date under his author pseudonym, Luke Pemberton. His books are based around a series of his drawings illustrating how he experienced, and then recovered from, complex-PTSD stemming from emotional neglect in childhood. Prior to writing these books, Michael worked in the diplomatic field after several years in the private sector. He is from Porthcawl in South Wales and is now based in Vienna, Austria.

Some questions for Michael:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you start to realise the impact that boarding school has had on you?
2. The notion that boarding school education equals privilege which can then shame people into not seeking the psychological help that many people inevitably need in adult life. 
3. How to overcome childhood trauma and the boarding school experience through:

• Acknowledging that things might have gone wrong for you in childhood and identifying the issues;
• Working through and processing the trauma (involving therapy, but most importantly honest introspection, note-taking or journaling, and then converting notes into drawings using analogies); 
• Executing a new life based on the knowledge and wisdom gained. 

1. The impact of religious education in male boarding schools." 
2. Other areas to talk about: Emotional neglect

• Complex PTSD
• The tools for recovery
• How to find your way out of despair
• Building your self-esteem

 #mentalhealth #complex ptsd #cptsd #breakdown #boardingschool #trauma

To buy Michael's books: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Find-Your-When-Despair-rediscovering/dp/1781327726?ref_=ast_author_dp

Or to reach out to him: [email protected] Or to visit his website: https://www.lukepemberton.com/ 

Published books: How to Put a Troubled Past Behind You: A FRESH, drawing-based approach (Find help, Record your feelings, Sketch your thoughts, and Harvest your success (self-published 2021).

How to Feel More Beautiful Inside: Learn to love yourself a little more, one step at a time (self-published, with ebookpartnership, 2020).

How to See Religion Differently: What questioning your beliefs can reveal, and why it can lead to a healthier mind (Silverwood Books, 2018) 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Today I wanted to offer some reflections about the film and the current fundraising which you can find here: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/boarding-on-insanity#/discussion 

We are currently half way through the fundraising. 

A big thanks for all your help. 

We have raised £5000 so far which is wonderful, thank you. 

We are starting to organise a retreat as part of the film. 

This will be a 4 day event where we will film 10 ex-boarders male and females. 

I talk a little today about what has been happening with the film. Please feel free to share the promo as much as possible. Thank you. 

Warm regards, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today's conversation is with author Person Irresponsible (PI). PI is the author of two books. 

Her first book charts her walk from the Mexico to the border of Canada in 2020. Her second book talks about her journey around the UK in a van and also shares some of her boarding school journey.

In this episode we talk about her experiences of boarding school and how that has impacted her life. She talks about how she came across the issue of boarding school while attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). In one meeting 5 out of the 6 attendees were ex-boarders.

PI shares her journey of recovery and also talk about her experiences of being a third culture kid (third country kid). She also shares the difference between girls boarding schools and co-ed boarding schools. What does happen in a girls boarding school?

A fascinating conversation.

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Person Irresponsible is the author of several bestselling book including Everywhere I Never Wanted To Go and Everything You Ever Taught Me about her travels across the UK and walking from Canada to Mexico. She is also an ex-boarder who attended two boarding schools.

Questions for PI:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you start to realise the impact that boarding school has had on you?
2. Other areas to talk about:
   1. Third culture kids
   2. Losing home
   3. Depression and how school dealt with it
   4. The language of denial – especially - “It never did me any harm...”
   5. The marketing and business side of a boarding school
   6. The psychological abuse girls are put under
   7. What were the punishments like?
   8. What in your eyes have been some of the side effects of boarding school on your life?
   9. Never settling
   10. Addictions
   11. Matriarchy

#boardingschool #girlsboardingschool #addictionrecovery #alanon 

To find out more about Person Irresponsible please visit: https://personirresponsible.com

And to buy her book please visit: https://personirresponsible.com/books or on Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Everything-You-Ever-Taught-Me/dp/1527295745

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Stress - How To Relieve Stress. Stress Management Strategies 

Today I wanted to share some techniques for managing stress.

As trauma survivors we often struggle with stress and can get stressed quite easily.

In this podcast I wanted to share some thoughts about what you can do the next time you are feeling stressed. 

What are some practices you can use to manage your stress levels?

To support the film, Boarding on Insanity: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/boarding-on-insanity#/ 

Kelly McGonigal's Ted Talk. How to Make Stress Your Friend: https://youtu.be/RcGyVTAoXEU?si=iG0bud8yTZu-z-zj 

Warm regards,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Review of RRR - Indian Film - The Psychology of the British Raj & The British Empire's Cruelty 

Today I wanted to offer some reflections about the Indian Telugu film, RRR, directed by Rajamouli, featuring Ram Charam and NT Rama Rao Jr. 

I watched this film at the weekend and today wanted to offer some reflections about the psychology of the British Raj which we see played out in the film. 

The story of the film starts with the British Governor played by Ray Stevenson and his wife who buy a young girl from a village they are visiting. The village presume they are being paid for the singing, not for the girl and try to get the child back.

The girl has a protector who tries to rescue the girl, a man called Bheem, played by NT Rama Rao Jr. 

The story shows his battle to get the girl back from the British whlie battling a policeman played by Ram Charam. 

I was drawn to writing a review because of how the trauma and cruelty of the British Empire is potrayed in the film and how I feel it links into the education of the British especially boarding school. 

I quote from Nick Duffell author of Wounded Leaders. 

#rrr #britishraj #britishempire #legacyofviolence 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RRR 

For more information about the film about the trauma of our leaders, Boarding on Insanity please visit: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/boarding-on-insanity/x/15184448#/ 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/