An Evolving Man Podcast

 #17 AEM - An Evolving Man Podcast - Ben Cole - Transforming The Wound of Bullying - Tales of Boarding School Trauma & Healing 

Today I am speaking with Ben Cole on my podcast. This episode was a heart felt and for me a tearful one. 

Ben is a storyteller, cinematographer and director and he uses this gift to really share a heart-renching and transformational story. 

Ben shares how he attended boarding school from ages 11-13 in what was a really violent and unsafe environment. 

He shares how he was bullied and how he started to learn to cope with the bullies - by listening. 

For some viewers and listeners this episode might be upsetting and triggering. 

It is not an easy story to hear. 

Ben goes onto share how he has transformed this wound in the work that he now does with young offenders in the charity A Band of Brothers (ABOB). 

By him sharing his story with these young men, they learn to trust him. Of those young men that go through ABOB 86% stop offending and turn over a new leaf. This is the power of story. 

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 I found this episode profoundly moving and touching. 

Thank you Ben.

Some of the areas we covered: 
- His journey at boarding school and what went on with the bullying 
- How his parents responded to his pleas to come home. 
- How hurt people hurt people 
- How he feels being in service has been so healing for him 
- The power of the wound 
- How he has transformed this wound of bullying 

For more information about his work and A Band of Brothers please visit: https://abandofbrothers.org.uk/ http://bencolecinematographysite.com/ https://middleearthmedicine.com/ - Ben Cole is a film maker, documentary maker, and his filmography includes 1 Giant Leap and The Time of The Sixth Sun. He makes positive films about what it is like to be human. For him the ordinary man is the new guru. He was also an actor for 20 years. He also teaches the principles of the Mankind Project (MKP) of the 4 Archetypes. He also teaches The Wheel of Souls Return. He is also a mentor for A Band of Brothers which mentors young offenders. 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

#16 Simon Partridge - Upper Class Complex Trauma Condition (UCCTC) - AEM Podcast - Boarding School Trauma 

In today's podcast I have a fascinating conversation with Simon Partridge about UCCTC.

Simon comes from a partly French post-colonial background in India. His half-French grandfather went to Eton. Simon Partridge was sent to weekly board in 1954 at 6 and to full board from 7-17. He was sent to his father’s public school Eastbourne College in 1960, where he failed to follow in his footsteps… 

Apart from a short time at the doomed Greater London Council (1984-86) developing community radio he has been an itinerant writer/researcher covering: devolved politics; the British-Irish conflict; ethno-cultural mingling across the islands of Britain and Ireland; the psycho-neurobiological consequences of detached upper-class child rearing and boarding schools; inter-generational war trauma; and more latterly Complex-PTSD and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). He is a founding director of the London ACEs Hub - https://www.londonaceshub.org/ . He continues to explore and write, from lived experience, about the linkage between early attachment deficits and ACEs.
Email: [email protected]

Questions:

1. I would love you to share some of your own journey at boarding school and your own healing journey. What triggered your journey into exploring boarding school trauma?


2. I would love you to talk about the difference between boarding school syndrome and upper class complex trauma condition (UCCTC)?


3. Does social background effect how one is effected by BS and is it a cause of bullying?


4. “I'm interested in the generational traumas, generations of generals and admirals, all following in the footsteps of those who came before. And how these familial traumas over a long time have influenced their descendants' behaviours now?”


5. “And I'm interested in knowing about HOW some of those descendants have changed their views/behaviours, e.g. taking a different stand as a Conscientious Objector or otherwise.”

6. “Defining what the categories of Social class and SES seems to have evolved over recent decades, so I'm wondering how that shapes Simon's lens?”

7. “The phenomenon of father who went to boarding school sending son to bs, and so on through generations, as well as both parents supporting both boys and girls 'going away' to boarding school is interesting enough. When we know that those fathers and mothers had a tough time at bs one can't help but wonder why they would send their children with any chance that they might also suffer. Understanding the rationale within a class context is something that Simon probably grasps more than anyone. Would it be factors such as beliefs in either the social or educational goals of a bs education that would shout louder than their suffering, or would they rationalize that things would change for the next generation? Do they think that bs provides a necessary toughening up process? Is bs just part of what " people like us" ( PLU) do? Has their bs experience desensitized them and made them less empathic than they might be? Maybe they just haven't given it a thought?

8. Happy to try to unpack difference between UCCTC and BS syndrome 1st Nations, and BS syndrome Brit boarding. The “social context” is important for me… 

9. “I wonder what Simon thinks about BSS as a concept, and whether or not it might be revisited, expanded, or dropped? Does he think it's the same Syndrome in first Nations Children for example, as might be experienced by some boys at Eton?"

10. In your opinion how do we change this system?

11. How do people learn more about what you do or read your papers? Is there anywhere you can direct people?

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Alistair specialises in helping people to heal from childhood trauma, co-dependency and addiction and in empowering people to achieve success in their lives. He is passionate about supporting clients in breaking free from generational trauma. He has worked in some of the world’s most exclusive addiction treatment centres. 

He has been using EFT for over 20 years to enhance the other therapy. He runs transformational Survivors workshops for healing childhood trauma for 11 years so far, and combines this therapy with SET and IEP, inner child work and Matrix Re-imprinting to support deeper healing and change. He specialises in using Energy based methods such as IEP, SET. 

He has also been teaching and sharing healing for over 25 years. His qualifications include an MSc in Addiction Counselling and Psychology, Post induction Therapy,(Pia Mellody’s model from the Meadows for healing and resolving developmental and childhood trauma) EFTMRA Trainer and advanced practitioner, Matrix Re-imprinting and many healing modalities , now focusing on Gaia Eternal Light healing and is a flower essence practitioner. 

IEP has really helped me to transform myself more and I use it with all my clients. I am in recovery from addiction and co-dependency for 19 years too. Alistair’s Contact Details: Website: lifeforcetraumahealing.com Email: [email protected] 

Addictions and Trauma

1. I would love for you to share some of your own journey into what drew you into doing the work that you now do.
2. How do you feel addictions link into childhood trauma?
3. Is there a certain protocol for letting go of addictions? If so what is it?
4. How do we break an addiction?
5. Do we need to have a safe space or a community in order to break an addiction?
6. “Some addictive behaviour is more socially acceptable than others. For example, overwork is often seen as a virtue and the person with the addiction to overwork can easily judge others as ‘less committed’ or even less valuable as a human being. Do you have any advice for those trying to understand and change this destructive pattern of addictive behaviour?”
7. “Have you noticed a correlation between boarders and patterns of addiction?”
8. “At the Priory do they get ex BS people with addictions? What sort of addictions do people have? Do staff at the Priory think there is a commonality with these people? Do they tailor their treatment any differently for ex BS people? How do they help these people? Does the addiction treatment work?”
9. “Is it harder for boarding school people to even admit to having an addiction, given that weakness in that culture is almost taboo?”
10. “I wonder if your guest has views on what patterns of addiction are more likely during or after boarding school?” 
11. ‘Does an addictive personality, actually exist?’ 
12. Does it matter how the addiction came about, or how severe it is? Is the measure of concern one that relates to how the addiction disrupts the typical flow of life, or if it bankrupts you or causes major social awkwardness? The measure is dysfunction, maybe? But addiction is often treated as an all or nothing situation; the alcoholic is encouraged to stop drinking not moderate it. Should that be the strategy for all kinds of addiction? 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 In today's podcast I am talking to Francis Michael Eliot about the boarding school Eton. 

We talk about what his experience were of Eton and how it impacted him. 

He also shares some insights into how he feels Eton might have impacted the current leaders in the UK by their boarding school education. 

Here are some of the questions that I ask him (he doesn't answer all in depth): 

1. I would love you to share a little about your own boarding school journey. How was it for you? 
2. Could you speak about class, prejudice, and 'what it was like to be an Etonian out in the world' 
3. "Three people I know thought the education was good but were all very unhappy. Was he unhappy? If so why? What would have made it better?" 
4. Or was he happy? What made him happy? 
5. What was best, what was worst about it? 
6. Did having his own room from the beginning (as I think they do) mean he had his own space? Or was it invaded? 
7. 'Boarding school survivors have lived a life very detached from that which most people call 'real life'. Is it possible for the leaders of today, coming from this damaged background, to even understand the society and people they stand for? Should they be required to undergo mental health/therapeutic screening, as the clergy are required to, prior to taking up public office?' 
8. Did his father go to Eton? Did his father go to public school? Did his mother go to boarding school? Does Eton en-culture a sense of superior entitlement? 
9. Is Johnson a typical product? 
10. Was he bullied? 
11. Was there discrimination by staff or boys on the basis of race, sexual orientation, wealth or class? 
12. Was there fagging while you were there? If so how do you feel it impacted the younger boys? 
13. Has he sent a son there? If he can’t afford it, would he send a son there if he could? If so, why, if not, why not? 
14. Did he attend a boarding prep before Eton? What age did he go, if so? 
15. What has Eton given him? What are the downsides? 
16. What have you found has really helped you to heal from the trauma of boarding school syndrome? 

Francis Eliot is a 5Rhythms movement meditation teacher, a non-duality facilitator, and an active father to his two school age sons. He also facilitates deep process men's work. Along with his partner he's recently acquired the historic old ashram in Glastonbury where they will soon be establishing a centre for healing through the creative arts. He's spent decades in the spiritual arena studying with various teachers, and offers us an interesting and inspiring perspective on his life as an Old Etonian. 

For more information about his work: http://awakenedpresence.org/ And for his YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQMzbte1_4g2w3L54lb0ysQ 

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 Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Today I speak with Rob Nelson on my An Evolving Man podcast. 

Rob Nelson is Director of Tapping the Matrix Academy, an artisan training and certification program for EFT and Hacking Reality practitioners. Rob holds a Masters in Counselling Psychology and work with clients worldwide. 

He is also the author of the book Hacking Reality and Rob makes his home in Santa Rosa, California. 

He gives us some guided EFT tapping and teaches lots of techniques especially for those who feel like they have complex trauma like boarding school syndrome or C-PTSD. A great interview and I really enjoyed speaking to him. 

Here are some of the questions that he answers:

1. I would love to hear how you started on the journey of supporting others and helping people to heal.
2. What is the work that you do?
3. What is EFT? What is Matrix Reimprinting? How do they differ from counselling? Having trained in both modalities have you found one works better or more effectively than another? What about for complex trauma?
4. Can you please explain about the fight, flight, and freeze responses? What is the difference between the 3 and how does this effect us as adults if we were triggered or received trauma as children?
5. Can you please talk about the amygdala? How it is involved in the fight or flight response? You mention that spoken word doesn't really register with the amygdala. How does EFT connect to the amygdala?
6. Could you talk about the difference between trauma and complex trauma? In the work that you do what differentiates someone who has one or the other? Do you approach someone who has complex trauma differently, and if so how?
7. Can you explain about the subconscious mind and about how we have these tapes playing about in the background? How do we start to turn these tapes off?
8. I would love to hear you speak about randomness and meaningless. Also about the experiments of Rene Peoc'h and her observations of physical reality, “life is a miracle”
9. What is your formula for happiness even if we have been through trauma?
10. The key issues of boarding school syndrome are Abandonment, Bereavement and Captivity. How would you advise someone who has been to boarding school?
11. Ex-boarders often struggle in intimate relationships. What are the tools or exercises that you recommend for people who struggle in intimacy?

 To purchase Rob Nelson's book please visit: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hacking-Reality-Upgrade-Your-Inside/dp/1733682600/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=rob+nelson&qid=1620639153&sr=8-1 Or from his site: https://hacking-reality.com/ For more information about Rob: https://tappingthematrix.com For his EFT videos: https://tappingthematrix.com/videos/ 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

#12 - Simon Hinkly   Growing Elders and Discovering Purpose -  Cultivating Wisdom As You Age

 Today I am speaking with Simon Hinkly about eldership, older vs elder and what is to cultivate wisdom in our elder years. 

Simon used to be a film producer and spent 50 years in the film industry. 

He now works as a mentor and still dreams of writing the perfect screenplay. He's been in the Mankind Project (MKP) since 2003 where his mission is to grow elders. 

He has also been the Chairman of the International Council of Elders for the Mankind Project. 

Some of the questions and topics we explored today were:

 - What began you on your journey of wanting to understand more about eldership? 
- I would love to hear you speak about being an elder and purpose. One man in his 70s said that since he has reached retirement he has struggled with feeling like he has a purpose. How does he rekindle that again? 
- I would love you to speak about the relationship to the King archetype and being elder?
 - What does being an elder look like? What is an elder's role? Do we need to be over a certain age? How do we cultivate eldership?
- How do we cultivate wisdom? - Robert Bly says that the older men need to be there for the younger generation. How? Many men don't know where to start.
 - What is initiation from an elder's perspective? 
- How do we support the younger men and women to be initiated?

 For more information: The Mankind Project UK: https://mankindprojectuki.org/ The MKP New Warrior Training: https://mankindprojectuki.org/the-new-warrior-training-adventure #eldership #mankindproject #mkp #purpose --- An Evolving Man Podcast is a series of interviews where I talk with leaders in the fields of masculine psychology, trauma and boarding school issues. 

--- Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Today I am speaking with Christine Jack in the latest An Evolving Man Podcast (AEM). AEM invites conversations about masculine psychology, healing trauma and boarding school syndrome. 

Christine Jack spent 35 years as an academic in the field of teacher education, including holding the position of Head of Primary Education at the University of Canberra. She is a respected and well published Australian educational historian and is currently an honorary researcher at Charles Sturt University.

Christine is also the author of Recovering Boarding School Trauma Narratives.

 I asked her some of the following questions: 

1. What lead you to write your book about your own boarding school journey and that of Christopher Robin Milne?
2. “Do you think boarding school has a place in the 21st Century?”
3. “If there was university research money available, what lines of inquiry might you consider most important regarding boarding school and its long term impact on individuals or society?”
4. “British boarding schools, Canadian and American Residential Schools for First Nations and Native American children, and boarding schools in countries including Australia, the USA, and South Africa, came to exist for different purposes (e.g. remediation, distance, social advantage, skills acquisition, religion). In your opinion what lessons about children's experience might be learned across these populations?”
5. “Boarding School Syndrome is becoming an increasingly well used frame of reference. How helpful is it in terms of describing, defining, helping, or diagnosing and treating an individual's response to boarding school?”
6. “Boarding school life of children is often equated with privilege in Britain - and beyond. How does that accord with your experience?”
7. “How do you see power and bullying as challenges in boarding schools? - do we think of children as 'essentially good' or 'little savages', and does this view shape how children are treated?”
8. “Might you frame some boarding school experiences as Children's Rights infringements?”
9. “Which type of therapy might be best suited to someone wanting to overcome boarding school trauma? Is it necessary for a therapist to understand fully BS syndrome in order to really understand those who are BS survivors? And could a specific therapy ever emerge to deal with BS trauma? Most therapists in my experience seem to have difficulty relating to our particular wounds.”
10. “How to reconnect with the development process of the child that was curtailed?”
11. “How to let go of regrets?”

 In order to find out more about Christine please visit: https://researchoutput.csu.edu.au/en/persons/christine-trimingham-jack 

To buy her books from Routledge: https://www.routledge.com/Recovering-Boarding-School-Trauma-Narratives-Christopher-Robin-Milne-as/Jack/p/book/9780367819521 And from Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Recovering-Boarding-School-Trauma-Narratives/dp/036781952X/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=christine+jack&qid=1619098687&sr=8-1

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. 

To purchase Piers' first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Professor Joy Schaverien works as a Jungian psychoanalyst, psychotherapist and art psychotherapist in private practice.   She supervises experienced practitioners and trainees.  She also lectures at home and internationally on varied topics. Her research interests are reflected in her books and published articles.

 Prior to training as an psychoanalyst and psychotherapist she has worked in the NHS in the UK and has held posts in Universities running the Master’s programme at the University of Hertfordshire.

Here are some of the questions that I asked her

1. What in your definition is Boarding School Syndrome?
   
   
   
2. I would love to hear how you started working in the area of boarding school syndrome. What drew you into working in this field? 
   
   
   
3. I am fascinated by art therapy having used it myself to great affect. Could you explain why you find art therapy works so well for ex-boarders?
   
   
   
4. “I find that when I am at my most in need i.e. ill or struggling with something really difficult, I will shut out everyone around me and just put my head down and get through it. Friends and family feel pushed away, but it’s the only way I know how to deal with hard situations. I then feel so alone and tired. How can I let people back in at my moments of need?”
   
   
   
5. “I would love to know more about the split self that happens when you go to boarding school at a young age. How does it manifest through life? How can we recognise its there? What healing work can a person do to reunite all aspects of themselves?” 
   
   
   
6. “Should boarding in pre-teens be defined as child abuse?- Should the multiple financial incentives via reduced rates, subsidy from government via gift aid to private schools which board etc, be curtailed?- Do boarders suffer similarly to refugees, despite the status differences?
   
   
   
7. “What is Joy’s point of view on what ‘recovery’ looks like after boarding school?”
   
   
   
8. “Boarding school broke my family relationships as well as a large part of me. I would be must interested to hear what she has to say about family relationships. Being sent away to school at 9 years and leaving my younger brother living at home and being educated locally - has made our sibling relationship very difficult. Can these relationships be repaired?”
   
   
   
9. “Her book was so insightful! I would love to know more about BS and the connection with eating disorders, as I myself suffer with anorexia (others have asked about overeating or binge eating) and have done since very young and I’m sure it comes from the feeling of abandonment.” 
   
    To find out more about Joy's work please visit: https://www.joyschaverien.com/ To purchase her books on Amazon please visit: https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=joy+schaverien&ref=nb_sb_noss For the Boarding School Survivors Support: https://www.bss-support.org.uk/ #boardingschoolsyndrome #joyschaverien #boardingschooltrauma 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In today's podcast I am interviewing Alex Renton who is the author of the book Stiff Upper Lip and producer of the ITV documentary Secret Shame about child abuse at boarding school.

Alex is a writer and journalist whose career has ranged from arts and food writing to politics and the investigation of child abuse. His career as a war reporter and development worker took him to the Middle East, Africa, East Asia and the Balkans. He has worked for The Independent, The Times, Newsweek, and the London Evening Standard and contributed to a host of other newspapers and magazines. He is also the author of the e-book Planet Carnivore: how cheap meat costs the earth (Guardian Shorts, 2015).

Alex has won many awards for his work in investigative journalism, conflict and development reporting and for food writing, including the One World Award and the Glenfiddich Trophy.

Born in Canada, educated in English boarding schools and at Exeter University, Alex now lives in Edinburgh with his wife, son and daughter.

Here are some of the questions that I asked him:

1. I would love for you to share your own boarding school journey and how things changed for you in 2013 with the article you read about child abuse at the boarding school you attended?
   
   
   
2. What are some of the insights that you have had from publicly sharing your journey? Have people in the main been critical or supportive of you?
   
   
   
3. I would love to hear what you have found out re boarding school and complex trauma. I am hearing people talk about PTSD and boarding school syndrome. What is your sense of this analysis?
   
   
   
4. What do you see are some of the main issues that we as ex-boarders present? e.g. relationship problems, emotionally shut down etc. 
   
   
5. My work is in helping people to heal from boarding school wounds. I would love to hear what you have found has helped others in the stories that you have heard? What has worked for you?
   
   
   
6. I love in your book how you talk about initiation (P.41). I would love to speak a little about how boarding school could be seen as an initiation – although not a healthy one. What could we do instead to help initiate boys and girls?
   
   
   
7. What is your vision for the future re boarding schools. Can we change the system? If so how do you feel we can change the system? Can we stop early boarding? What is the future of BS?
   
   
   
8. What are you doing next? How do people get in touch with you or get your book?

Alex also shared about the IICSA and said the following: “I think if we are going to get results out of it for children in residential care, in terms of solid safeguarding protocols and hard law to protect them and the whistleblowers, it will be largely because of Tom Perry's tireless work with mandatenow.org.uk.”

In order to buy Alex's book (he has offered to sign copies for people if you contact him here) please go to https://stiffupperlipbook.com/contact/ and to buy it https://stiffupperlipbook.com/buy/

For the ITV documentary that Alex helped to produce please visit 

https://youtu.be/uhWOM3iqF7c

For more information about Piers Cross:

Piers is a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups and runs a podcast called An Evolving Man.

 Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 
http://piers-cross.com/ 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 On today's podcast I am joined by the First Nations elder Ipswa Mescacakanis Douglas Headworth. 

Ipswa is a great grandfather in the northern tribes of Canada and works at supporting his community. 

Ipswa also helps with rites of passage ceremonies with teenage boys and volunteers with the men's charity the Mankind Project. 

Today Ipswa shares his perspective on the recent "Black Lives Matter" movement. 

He talks about it from an indigenous perspective. He also talks about what we can do to reconnect to Mother Earth, how to use a talking stick and about Rites of Passage and how we bring our children up. Some of the questions that I asked Ipswa were as follows: 

1. What can we do to heal this racial divide that we currently see playing out in the world and come back in to balance with all our relations? 
2. What can we do as men (and women) to get back in touch with Mother Earth and with each other? 
3. Often I hear teachers speak about the importance of looking back and learning from our ancestors in order to move forward. What do you feel the Ancestors are saying to us at the moment? What are the key teachings in order for us to move forward? 
4. I know that you have done a lot of work with teenage boys and I would love to hear your perspective about initiation. How do we initiate teenage boys? What is needed? How do we support this generation? 
5. How do we support any projects that you are doing? 

To support Ipswa in his fundraising for Rites of Passage for teenage boys please leave a donation here: https://gf.me/u/ygfxw2 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/