Andrew Petty is Dying

After receiving two medical death sentences, separated by 30 years, my guest on this episode is still surfing.

Rick Kahn helps us learn how to let go and live now, reveals the sneaky downside of hope, and shows us how to embrace life's necessary "little deaths."

His road from dyslexic middle child, high school drop-out, globetrotting spiritual seeker, and high-end custom home builder to the life he lives today based out of a quaint seaside town in Mexico is fascinating at face value. But add to that storyline his two mind-blowing encounters with mortality--and you've got a tale that's packed full of extraordinary lessons and wisdom for all of us.

Meet Rick

Rick is an outstanding executive coach for companies whose products and services we all use every day. He specializes in leadership and communication development for executive-level professionals. His clients include Facebook, Ebay, Cisco, the Stanford Research Institute, Wire, and other Silicon Valley technology companies. As a strategic partner with FMI, the nation's premier full-service consulting firm to the Architecture, Engineering, and Construction industries, Rick provides best-of-class leadership development training to executives and teams.

Eat, Drink, and Be Merry--for Tomorrow...

At 24, Rick was living it up in 1970s San Francisco--bartending and taking in the vibrant music scene as a self-described "Van Fan" (referring to Van Morrison). Then some alarming symptoms took him to the hospital, where eventually doctors gave him a grim diagnosis: colon cancer. What Rick did next took me by surprise: He ignored the treatment protocol prescribed to him and instead doubled down on his life of sex, drugs, and rock'n roll--determined to live his life his way...whatever was left of it.

Then, a couple of weeks later, a nurse showed up at his apartment door with shocking news: He had been misdiagnosed. His symptoms were evidence of a hookworm infestation picked up during several years of traveling and spiritual searching in India before moving to San Francisco. The hookworm problem was remedied, and Rick suddenly found himself with the possibility of years ahead of him instead of only days or weeks.

Simplicity is Bliss. Expectations Bring Disappointment.

Rick left home at 18 as a high school drop-out--tired of living in the long, dark shadow of his older brother's luminous performances at whatever he put his hands to. This was one of the first "little deaths" that Rick embraced--dying to the ever-present comparison and competition with his brother. He headed for India to find the better version of himself "out there" that he was convinced existed within him--traveling overland via the "Hippie Trail" through countries like Afghanistan and Iran along the way. In India, he learned that "simplicity is bliss, and expectations bring disappointment." He also rubbed shoulders with the idea of "impermanence"--the temporary nature of joy and sadness, pleasure and pain, etc.

This experience added spiritual and philosophical depth to Rick's already courage-fueled and risk-friendly orientation to life, so that when the colon cancer diagnosis hit, he resolved quickly to keep it simple, embrace the impermanent nature of both joy and suffering, shed expectations about how everything would turn out, and go out with a bang if that was the hand he'd been dealt.

When he got the news of the misdiagnosis, it bolstered his confidence that he could find his unique path in life.

A New Lease on Life Brings New Focus

Now free of the medical death sentence and rid of his hookworms, Rick began to exercise more moderation on the party scene and put his aptitude for construction to work. Gradually, he built a high-end custom home construction business that flourished until the Great Recession of 2008.

The demolition of his construction business was another one of Rick's "little deaths"--and it led to a new life based in Mexico, where he and others like him settled down as economic refugees.

Surfing Blind

One day, Rick realized something was terribly wrong with his left eye. While surfing, he was suddenly unable to see well out of it. And then it went dark.

30 years after his first (incorrect) medical death sentence, at 54 Rick was shocked to receive a second medical death sentence: aggressive MS.

And once again, this second death sentence proved premature. A radiologist friend of Rick's took a second look at his imaging and discovered that the symptoms the doctors initially attributed to MS were actually the result of "artifacts" created during the imaging process: slight movements while Rick was in the MRI machine created the appearance of lesions characteristic of MS.

Takeaways from Rick's Story

At least several key takeaways emerged from this amazing tale and the way that Rick has used his experiences to shape the course of his life:

• Hope and fear are close cousins. When we hope for a specific outcome, we can also become fearful that we won't achieve that outcome. Rather than hope for a specific outcome, Rick recommends that we stay present in the here-and-now process of life and allow the outcomes to emerge as they may.
• Expectations are tricky and potentially harmful.
• Goals are useful and important--when we're able to stay open to outcomes other than we originally envision.
• Let go of the tiger's tail. If we grasp the tail of life firmly and desperately, we will be shocked when it turns around and bites us. Instead, let go and "be in life now" rather than demanding your life be or turn out a certain way.
• Life is full of good and necessary "little deaths" that open the door to new life. The death of a parent's approval. The death of other's expectations. In Rick's case, the literal death of sight in one eye. Some deaths need to happen so that we can move past them and into the new life that awaits. Don't resist them. Let them happen.

The full episode has so much more nuance and dialog and depth than these shownotes can ever hope to convey, so I hope you'll tune in.

Change the World With One Click

If you enjoyed today's conversation with Rick, share it with one other person who you think needs to hear what Rick has to say, too. That one simple step--just a click of your mouse--will help change the world by creating a movement of people committed to becoming the people they were MADE to be and living the lives they were MADE to live. That's what we're up to here on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Get Close Up with Rick!

Here's a special opportunity--limited to just six listeners:

On Wednesday, August 19, 2020, from 4:30-6:00pm Mountain Time, I'll host an exclusive Guest Close-up video call with Rick. If this episode left you wanting more from Rick, then this is the best place to get it! The first six people to throw their hats in the ring will get to join the call. Email me, or connect with me on Facebook.

Connect With Rick

Email | LinkedIn | Website

Learn About FMI, the nation's premier full-service consulting firm to the Architecture, Engineering, and Construction industry.

I Can Help You Leave It All Out On the Field of Life

My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on Facebook or email me at [email protected]. I'll help you create the life you know you were made to live.

Learn more about Graveyard Group masterminds--where you tap into the power of your mortality to become the person you were made to be and live the life you were made to live.

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

If You Liked This, Listen to These!

• 011 Embracing Mystery, When to Call It a Day, and What Matters Most: Lessons From an Astonishing Life-After-Death Story
• 012 How to Harness the Winds of Discomfort to Get Where You Want to Go: Becoming a Seasoned Sailor On the Seas of Life

What do you do when life gets uncomfortable?

Discomfort's not going away this side of the grave. So we'd better get used to it.

Even better, on today's episode, you'll learn how to USE discomfort to become the person you were MADE to be and live the life you were MADE to live.

It Was a Tough Week

I was uncomfortable a LOT this past week. My last episode featured Joe Harsel, a friend and mentor who actually died for 30 minutes 3 years ago after experiencing sudden cardiac death, then remarkably came back to life for no apparent reason. As I said in that episode, that sudden cardiac death scenario is literally my worst nightmare--the scenario that can trigger intense anxiety in me. So it was a pretty big exercise in facing my fears to have that conversation with Joe. So glad we did, BTW--what a story, and so many important lessons for all of us from his experience.

Then, for several days last week, I had weird sensations in my chest that I couldn't ignore and couldn't explain. Anxiety began to have its way, and I was mentally and emotionally compromised for the entire day on Friday. Just ask my wife--she'll tell you.

I finally went to the doctor--and emerged with nothing conclusive. I had to begin practicing what Joe talked about--embracing the mystery and uncertainty of life.

It was a lot of weight on the bar for me, and it didn't feel great lifting it.

Slowly but surely, though, over the years I've been upgrading my relationship with Discomfort. As much as the discomfort of the last week was, well, uncomfortable and honestly, unwanted, I know that it can make me stronger, more resilient, and more prepared for life's future challenges if I lean into it, harness it, and use it.

What Causes You Discomfort?

I want to pause here for a moment. Anxiety is a consistent source of Discomfort for me. Take a moment to think of one of the most common sources of Discomfort in your life. Call it by name, and keep it in mind throughout the rest of this episode.

Alright. Let's keep moving.

A Metaphor To Make the Point

I spent two years during middle school in Southern CA in an amazing little beachside community. One of the most exciting things we did as a family during those two years was sail from Long Beach harbor to Catalina Island, one of California's Channel Islands and a popular tourist destination since the 1920s, when chewing gum magnate William Wrigley, Jr. began developing it. My mom, sister, and I were all new to sailing. My dad was the most seasoned sailor among us, with a newly-minted captain's license as proof. It turns out, sailing is a treasure trove of metaphors for life. Here's one of them.

Assuming the vessel itself is seaworthy, a sailboat needs a couple of things in order to serve its purpose: the forces of wind and water. These forces are essential, not optional. Without them, you're not sailing; you're just sitting on a boat. The fastest "point of sail"--i.e. the direction you're sailing relative to the direction of the wind--is called a beam reach. On a beam reach, you're sailing perpendicular to the wind, or across it. Often, a beam reach is the most direct way to get from point A to point B. It's also the fastest point of sail. Simple enough, right?

The funny thing about a beam reach, though, is that it can make for especially rough sailing. The force of the wind blowing across the boat causes the boat to lean over ("heel over") as the sails catch the wind and convert it into forward motion. The pulleys and cables and other rigging components pop and groan. The sails are stretched taut. The boat travels across the waves, so the bow digs into them, and spray flies across the deck. It's wet, windy, and noisy.

Same Conditions...Very Different Experiences

As a rookie sailor, I remember the beam reach as an uncomfortable, stressful experience. It didn't feel okay. Could the boat and the rigging take that kind of stress and strain? Would the boat flip over? Was it really necessary to stay on that point of sail? Why weren't we doing everything we could to make it a more relaxed and peaceful ride?

A more seasoned sailor on the same beam reach, though, says, "We're good! In fact, we're better than good. This is the best way to sail to get where we're going. And this is exactly what this boat is built for." He might trim the sails a bit and adjust the point of sail a smidge to optimize efficiency, but the seasoned sailor knows that this is precisely how we need to sail to get where we're going. He sees the wind and water as allies, not threats--necessary forces to get him where he wants to go.

Same forces of wind and water, same point of sail, same behavior of the boat in response to those forces--but two very different perspectives and experiences.

An Easier Way?

There IS a much more relaxing point of sail: "Downwind" keeps the wind at your back. The boat runs with the wind and waves instead of contrary to them. The ride is quiet and smooth and doesn't require much of the sailor. It isn't often, however, that your destination and the direction of the wind match so that you can run downwind all the way.

As in sailing, so in life. Rarely (if ever?) do the forces in our lives--family, work, health, our own internal challenges, etc.--array themselves behind us and propel us on a relaxing "downwind" run toward our destination. Much more often, we find ourselves on a beam reach, sailing across the wind and into the waves, all of our physical, mental, and emotional rigging absorbing life's forces in an effort to convert them into forward motion.

The Choice is Yours

Some moments, on some days, I'm a rookie sailor on the seas of life, fretting about this and that and worried that my ship will flip over or I don't have what it takes to maintain the beam reach I'm being called upon to sail. On those days, I just want to turn downwind, to relieve the pressure on my rigging and have some peace and quiet. On other days, in other ways, I'm more of a seasoned sailor--monitoring the wind and waves, trimming the sails and adjusting my course to sail a solid beam reach. On those days, the stress and strain of life produce more exhilaration than anxiety. I take the helm with greater gusto and determination and welcome the forces swirling around me as good and necessary to get where I want to go. The wind and the waves and the spray remind me that I'm alive--ALIVE--and I'm fortunate to be the captain of my own vessel on the wild voyage of life.

I go back and forth, and I think that's pretty normal. But on the whole, if you graphed my overall trend through the ups and downs, I think I can honestly say that I'm becoming a more seasoned sailor. Some of that, at 46, I attribute simply to the passage of time. More of it, though, I attribute to the conscious choice I've made to become a seasoned sailor.

Because we really do have a choice, don't we?

If we agree that the forces life exerts upon us are constant--only varying in intensity--and the way forward involves getting better at harnessing them rather than avoiding them, then intentionally striving to become a more seasoned sailor is the best choice. In the moment, it might feel better and relieve some pressure, but if we make a habit of turning downwind whenever life's winds blow, we get incrementally off-course. Incremental course deviations over time compound into major waywardness over the years. Trim your sails. Stay the course. Put in the time. Do the work. The seasoning will come.

Seasoned Sailors Know When to Seek Shelter in the Harbor

It's worth noting that there are times when it is best to let down the sails, take shelter in the harbor, take on provisions, tend to repairs, and rest. There are also times when it's wise to seek refuge because the wind and waves threaten to overwhelm you. Take a break. Sleep. Go on a vacation. Seek the counsel of a good friend, a coach, a counselor, a trusted spiritual advisor. Hike, walk, run, paint, read, refresh yourself. Part of becoming a more seasoned sailor is knowing when it's time to head into the harbor.

Then, again, as in sailing, so in life: After time at anchor in the harbor, after you've re-provisioned or the storm has passed, set your sails and get back out on the wild, uncertain, and (dare I say it?) exhilarating seas of life.

There's no sailing without the forces of wind and water. And there's no meaningful progress in life without discomfort.

Life's Greatest Source of Discomfort: What Will You Do With It?

Know what can be especially uncomfortable? Our Mortality. What are you going to do with that discomfort?

My challenge to you is to let the pressure of your Mortality fill your sails with motivation to live with even more guts and gusto and abandon NOW so that when the ship of your life lands on that distant shore, you'll be proud of your voyage.

If you're uncomfortable, good; get used to it!

A Challenge

Which sailor are you today--the rookie or the seasoned sailor? Which one are you becoming? Commit today to becoming a seasoned sailor by upgrading your relationship to life's many Discomforts and harnessing their power to get you where you're capable of going.

These Guys Have Helped Me a Lot: Check 'Em Out

Two people have had an out-sized influence on my relationship with Discomfort, and I want to thank them here and recommend their work to you. I first heard legendary Navy SEAL, Jocko Willink, say "If you're uncomfortable, good!" And Ozan Varol, in his book Think Like a Rocket Scientist, has a fantastic section on the importance of embracing Uncertainty--an especially challenging form of Discomfort. (I'm sure the rest of the book is good, too--I just haven't finished it yet!)

Let's Sail Together: Get Where You Want To Go

My purpose as a coach is to help you discover, enjoy, and deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on Facebook or learn more at digdeepwinbig.com. I'll help you create the life you know you were made to live.

Subscribe to this podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

Related Episodes

If you liked this episode, you might also appreciate these:

• Ep. 001 | You're Dying: How To Make the Most Of It
• Ep. 005 | How To Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto

Imagine that you died and came back to life. How would it change the way you lived?

My guest for this episode doesn't have to imagine it. This is the first time that Joe Harsel has shared his story publicly, and if you let it, his story has the power to radically transform how you live. You'll learn what Joe sees differently, does differently, how he thinks differently, and how he uses gift cards differently. Yep, gift cards. Death seems to change just about everything.

Meet Joe Harsel

I met Joe when I was in high school, almost 30 years ago. He was a leader in Young Life, a Christian ministry to teenagers. Outwardly, I was somewhat of a golden child--athletic, academically gifted, well-behaved, and respectful. Inwardly, though, it was a very different story. Joe came alongside me at this critical time in my life and began to help connect my insides with my outsides, so to speak. I share more about how his investment in my life made a difference in the full episode.

A clear theme emerges when you look closely at Joe's life--no matter which of several different professional chapters you examine: a commitment to investing in and serving others. Joe is a perennial optimist, an exuberant fan of everyone he comes alongside, a devoted husband and father, and someone to whom hundreds owe a deep debt of gratitude--including yours truly. Joe and his wife, Carol, live in Baltimore, MD, and have four grown sons.

Fine One Minute…

...dead the next. That's what happened to Joe three years ago, as he walked up to his son's swim meet. A friend said hi, and Joe collapsed headlong--upright and breathing one moment and prostrate with no measurable vitals the next. Remarkably, a man just a few feet to his side was the Maryland state trainer for municipal EMS. He immediately got his medical bag from his car and began CPR. For more than 30 minutes, Joe received CPR, shots of epinephrine, and multiple shocks with a defibrillator--all to no avail. In fact, onlookers said that Joe began to look dead--his skin turning a grayer color and his body cooling.

Carol was riding her bike to the swim meet when she got the call that Joe had collapsed. Friends began to send texts and call others with the tragic news that Joe had died.

Remarkably, just 24 hours earlier, Joe had gotten a good report from his doctor: blood pressure down, cholesterol down, weight down. Everything looked good.

Fine one minute. Dead the next.

Dead One Minute...

...and alive the next. Unbelievably--against all odds--as the ambulance pulled up to the hospital, Joe came back to life. For more than 30 minutes, he had no measurable signs of life, all of the definitive signs of death, and none of the prolonged efforts to revive him had ANY measurable effect. And yet there he was--alert and talking.

What Happened??

The medical term for what Joe experienced is "sudden cardiac death"--in other words, the heart suddenly and catastrophically stops working. This is different from a heart attack, in which case a blockage prevents blood from reaching the heart. Only 6% of sudden cardiac death victims recover, and most of those have significant neurological impairments upon recovery because of oxygen deprivation. In addition to being an odds-buster simply because he revived, Joe's case is even more remarkable because he has very little, if any, lingering problems from the episode. He did have a stint put in to address an occluded "widow-maker" vessel and a defibrillator implanted in the event of another episode. It wasn't totally clear sailing after the episode, but he was ALIVE.

What word would you use to describe Joe's experience? Miracle? Anomaly?

Embracing Mystery and Other Lessons

Shortly after Joe's remarkable recovery, he and Carol agreed that they wouldn't push to understand or explain what had happened right away. That they would instead embrace the mystery of his experience. This is a key takeaway from Joe's story for all of us. Life has moments of mystery that defy all of our abilities to define, explain, categorize, or analyze--despite our best efforts and most earnest desires to understand. Life is simply wilder and the list of possible woes and tragedies much longer than we want to acknowledge. Joe and Carol have grown more comfortable with the discomfort of NOT understanding. This, in my opinion, demonstrates a humility in the face of a terrifying experience that all of us can stand to learn from and integrate more into our own lives.

If Joe's story teaches us anything, it's that some things in life defy our every attempt to understand them. And attempting to explain them is a desperate bid to regain a sense of control where, in fact, we have very little--if any.

How comfortable are you with mystery in your life? Or do you demand that everything has its place, its category, its explanation? Challenge yourself to open up to life's Mystery. This relationship with Life aligns much better with the reality of Life and builds your courage muscles in the process. See Life's wildness with your eyes wide open...and live!

Other key takeaways include:

• Relationships matter most. Many people immediately began to travel to Baltimore when they heard that Joe had died--not knowing that they would arrive to instead find him alive! Rather than attending Joe's funeral, they had a visit with him in-person. And Joe basically received a sort of verbal obituary from these folks. They recounted the many ways that he had impacted their lives and expressed their deep gratitude. As he had more of these visits, Joe realized that thankfully, his life had been well-lived and well-invested up until then. In fact, he realized that had his life ended then, he would have been pleased with the life he lived. All because of the relationships he'd invested in and made a priority his whole life. Today, relationships are all that much more important to Joe. Any time he has a chance to come alongside someone--especially someone he's already invested in--Joe seizes the opportunity. And if there's any solace in the face of life's terrifying unpredictability--its defiance of our attempts to create A + B = C formulas for living--it's to be found in the comfort and safety of meaningful relationships with others. And it's in that context that the wildness and mystery of life can be experienced and honored without it doing us in.
• Be okay with calling it a day. Today, Joe is much quicker to call it a day if he's simply losing steam--trusting that the next day will bring fresh energy and insight. And, Joe asserts, it's pretty much always the case. My takeaway from this is simply to trust yourself--what your heart, mind, and body are telling you. Loosen your white-knuckled grip on productivity, and live to fight another day.
• Stay laser-focused on the here-and-now. Joe's new awareness of the wildness and unpredictability of life--the list of possible woes and tragedies that are possible has grown much longer--has led him to become hyper-focused on the here-and-now. It is, after all, all we've got. The past is history, the future is anybody's guess. But right now? That's real.
• And more...Tune in to the full episode to capture all of what Joe's story has to offer you. There's a lot more.

We're All Going To Die. But Are You Living?

It's not often that we have the chance to learn what matters most in life from someone who actually came back from the dead. What part of Joe's story will you allow to change your life? We don't need to live in fear of Death. But, let's not try to ignore or avoid it, either. Instead, let's wake up, acknowledge that it's coming, and do what we can today to become the person we were made to be and live the lives we were made to live.

You are the One and Only You! There never has been nor will there ever be another human exactly like you. You matter. Your life matters. Your time on this blue and green cosmic marble we call Earth matters.

You ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

Feeling Motivated? Strike While the Iron's Hot.

My purpose as a coach is to help you discover, enjoy, and deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on Facebook or learn more on my website. I'll help you create the life you know you were made to live.

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

Connect With Joe

Instagram | Twitter | Email

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Appreciate These, Too…

• 005 How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto
• 006 The Nine Lives of Lise Leroux: One Woman's Mind-blowing Tale of Living With a Terminal Diagnosis

If the Life Inspector (I'm sure it's a thing!) stopped by unannounced today, would the house you're building with your life pass inspection?

I had a completely different episode in mind up until about an hour before I recorded it. But a phone call with an old friend and some kite flying with my family changed all of that.

What Changed?

I got off the phone a little while ago with a friend I hadn't connected with in a long time. Before he was a friend, though, more than 25 years ago he was a mentor, an encourager, a believer in the future Andrew--well before I had begun to learn to believe in myself. 3 years ago, he had a mindblowing encounter with mortality...that I'm not going to tell you more about now because I'm hoping he'll be a guest on this podcast sometime in the very near future. For now, the point is not his story but the impact that the conversation with him had on me.

When I got off the phone, I went downstairs to find that my wife had just returned from running errands and was assembling two kites she'd bought to fly with our boys.

She's awesome.

But after the phone conversation with my friend, I immediately found myself conflicted. I could say "hi" and then head back up to my office and get back to work. Or, I could go fly kites with my family. I still had plenty of work to do. Maybe even work that on one level, I should do.

In that moment, though, I was more aware than ever of the extraordinary value of ordinary moments. Of how precious and fleeting life is. Of how I probably wouldn't ever look back on my life and be glad that I passed on kite flying in order to crank out some more emails.

So, I went kite-flying.

Not What You Might Expect

And this is where you might expect me to report to you that it was one of the most magical and delightful and carefree moments we've experienced as a family. That this one decision and the time we spent together in the park were life-altering game-changers. And that I recommend that you should go kite-flying--literally or figuratively--whenever you have the chance, no matter what.

But that's not what I'm here to report, and that's not what I'm here to recommend. It was a nice break, and it was fun flying the kites, and it was a beautiful day, and I'm glad we did it. But the boys lost interest pretty quickly, and the wind was spotty. Soon, my wife and I lost interest, too, and the moment had passed.

Two Moments

While we were still flying the kites, though, I looked over at my wife and was struck by my gratitude for her, and I walked up behind her and held her tight. Then she leaned into me, and we started talking about how moments like these were "living," and the rest of our time is occupied with life maintenance activities--things that keep a roof on our head and food on the table and so forth. And then, how that's really a false distinction--"living" vs. "life maintenance." We didn't get that train of thought much further along before everyone had fizzled and was ready to go home. The kite-flying diversion was pleasant, but those brief few moments with my wife were memorable.

And then I got to walk home hand-in-hand with my 8-year-old, and along the way he told me a riddle about green glass, and I tried to solve it. When we got to our front walk, I pulled a few rogue weeds and kept working on the riddle while he plopped down in the hammock on our front porch. The kite-flying excursion was nice enough. But the precious moments with my son were beautiful.

The Big Idea

Here's the big idea I want you to chew on from this story--and surprise, even though it came out of the kite-flying experience, it's not about the kites:

Life is like a house with many rooms.

The kitchen has a purpose, the bedrooms have a purpose, the bathrooms have a purpose, the den has a purpose, the home office has a purpose, the game room with the ping pong table has a purpose, and so forth. We spend some time in each of those rooms in the course of a day for different purposes. We nourish ourselves with food prepared in the kitchen. We prepare ourselves for the day in the bathroom and visit it occasionally throughout the day when nature calls. We sleep and make love in our bedrooms. We relax and unwind in the den after a long day.

But it would be odd to spend the whole day in the bathroom. Or the whole day in the kitchen without using any other rooms. Nor would we understand a house that only had laundry rooms in it. Someone who spent all his time in the game room without visiting the kitchen or bathroom from time to time would soon find herself in a world of hurt.

What kind of house have you built with your life?

Here are some exaggerations to make the point…

Is it a house full of home offices, where all of the best time and energy are given to your livelihood while your partner or kids wait for you to emerge to give them whatever scraps of you are left? It is full of game rooms, where there's a huge emphasis on fun while the bills are stacking up unpaid in the mailbox? Are there too many bathrooms full of mirrors in your metaphorical house--where you spend too much time attempting to perfect the version of you that the world sees and not enough time actually living in the world?

I hope you're beginning to get the point here. My kite-flying decision was a decision to spend some time in the game room with my family, so to speak. My conversation with my friend helped me make that choice in that moment instead of the choice to bang out more emails. And along the way, I had some special moments with my wife and son--both of which are now written in permanent ink in our hearts and not even Death can take away.

Then, time in the game room came to a close, and it was time for my wife and I to spend some more time in the "home office," and my boys spent some more time in the game room--this time on devices. Because it's summer--and summer is awesome when you're a kid.

Next, my wife made dinner (yes, that's our consensual arrangement--not some sexist holdover from a bygone era!), and I kept working. I'm honestly not sure what my boys did next. I'm hoping my wife knew!

We Can Feel Conflicted Because...There's a Conflict!

I mentioned earlier that when I was presented with the choice to fly kites or work more, I felt conflicted. That's because the choice I was making was between two good and necessary rooms in my house, so to speak. There's a tension there. On this occasion, fueled by my conversation with my friend and a fresh perspective on mortality, I decided to take a break from the home office and spend time in the game room instead. On another occasion, I might very well make the opposite choice and be equally glad I did. There's no silver bullet here, and I'm no master at this. But, especially by tapping into the power of our Mortality, we can avoid complacency and spend quality time in each room of our house.

What to Do? Well...

Don't be a one-room kind of guy or gal. Don't wait until retirement to step out of the office and have fun in the game room--only to find that the fun has passed you by. Don't neglect life's important nuts and bolts by lounging in the den too long--only to find that your literal house has been repossessed. Give each of the rooms of your house their time and their due.

OK, I think I've driven that metaphor to the very end of the runway. I hope you're picking up what I'm putting down.

House Inspection Time!

What room in your house is being neglected--or maybe doesn't even exist at all? Share your response on the post for this episode on Facebook.

Let's Work On Your House Together

My purpose as a coach is to help you discover, enjoy, and deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on Facebook or learn more on my website. I'll help you create the life you know you were made to live.

Subscribe to Andrew Petty is Dying on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

Remember: You ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet! Become the person you were made to be, and live the life you were made to live.

Do you remember what life was like when you were 10?

It can be hard to recall how we felt, what we thought, what concerned us, what excited us, what we dreamed about, and what confused us at 10 years old. But make no mistake, there was plenty going on in our heads and hearts back then.

So what, you might ask? How does that possibly matter to me today? Here's at least one big reason: Our hopes and dreams when we were a kid were some of the first and most important clues to our unique purpose in life. Somewhere along the way, many of us forsake those "childish" dreams in order to "grow up." Often, it's not a conscious process but rather an accumulated string of influences and decisions and experiences that leads us to discard our childhood dreams and embrace counterfeits, instead. To drift gradually but surely away from the truth of who we were uniquely made to be and what we were uniquely made to do in the world. I believe that this drift--this loss of integrity--leads to many of the most destructive ills that we experience as adults and, when multiplied across individuals throughout society, contributes to many of the worst woes we experience in humanity. Rampant mental health challenges, ravenous greed at the expense of others, relational meltdowns, chronic health challenges that result from coping badly with our loss of integrity, destructive forms of competition, and much more. Aligning our real-world lives with the truth of who we really are and who we were made to be is world-changing work.

I had been wanting to capture a kid's perspective on life and death and dreams and aspirations, and Macgray was already really eager to be on the podcast. So, we seized the moment. It was a blast to do. If nothing else, I have a precious snapshot of my son at 10. But I believe there's something here for you, too. This lighthearted but enlightening conversation will take you back to more innocent, less-jaded, less life-encrusted years--when most of life still lay ahead of you. I hope it touches you and encourages you to let your inner 10-year-old--the part of you that was full of wonder and curiosity and simplicity--back into your life today just a little more. See the world through Macgray's eyes, and let that experience awaken your inner kid so you can be the best adult you can be.

First, Removing a Speedbump

A quick but important note before we dive into the episode: Part of this conversation is Macgray talking about his dream of being a police officer when he grows up. As I trust you'll see, it's the normal aspiration of a young kid to have a specific kind of job when he grows up. Because this episode is airing in the midst of an especially intense time of racial discord triggered by police brutality, though, I thought it was important to mention. Racial injustice is an absolutely critical issue of the highest order--it's just not what this episode is attempting to address. I hope this disclaimer heads off any mental or emotional speedbumps you might have encountered without it and clears the way for you to receive whatever this episode has in store just for you.

Meet Macgray

Macgray is one of the coolest, most interesting kids I know. Yeah, I'm biased. Oh well. He's a gear-head and an aspiring cop. He keeps a pretty stoic exterior where his feelings are concerned, but his waters run deep. It was Macgray who said, "Death brings meaning to life"--the quote that kicked off the very first episode of this podcast. He laughs easily at himself and his innate desire to serve and protect causes him to run toward the fire rather than away from it. He's also goofy and likes to dance, and he knows what interests him and couldn't care less about stuff that doesn't. When he was two, he stared closely into the baby monitor camera in his room and, in response to me saying "hello" through the monitor, said, "Whatcha doin' in there, little fella?" After getting absolutely shelled in goal during one soccer game, he recovered from a meltdown, finished out the half (heroically, in my opinion), then played his heart out and encouraged his teammates on the field in the second half. He is a man in the making, and I love him deeply. It'll be so much fun to see what mark he makes in the world in the years to come. I think you'll get a sense for the fun, deep, quirky little dude that I get to call my son when you listen to this episode. So without any further ado, it's my pleasure to present the world through the eyes of my 10-year-old son, Macgray!

Serve & Protect

For about four years, between the ages of 3-7, Macgray was a firefighter-in-training. He put on his turnout gear in the morning, kept it on all day, and ran his own drills to increase his speed putting on and taking off his turnout gear. He loved, lived, and breathed everything firefighter-related. Then, as he shares in this episode, one day he picked up a toy revolver and stuck it in his turnout gear--a gun-toting firefighter. In his mind, this moment represented his gradual transition from a firefighter-in-training to a cop-in-training. Ever since then, for a couple solid years, it's been all about law enforcement. The obvious theme here, is serving and protecting those in danger or any kind of trouble. His favorite position to play in soccer was even goalie--protecting his team from getting scored on. My wife and I never encouraged him to pursue these interests. These preferences bubbled up out of him because they reflect his fundamental, innate wiring--the kind of human that he is. It remains to be seen how all of this plays out in adulthood, but at this point, it's hard to imagine Macgray following a path that didn't somehow have a "serve and protect" emphasis--and involve a lot of cool gear!

Macgray's innate impulse is to serve and protect. He was born with it. What innate impulse were you born with? Do you remember? Is that impulse honored and used in your life today?

First Encounter with Mortality

In February of 2019, Macgray's younger brother, Marshall, had a febrile seizure during a bout with the flu. My wife found Marshall breathing erratically and unresponsive in his bed around 9:45pm. It was super-scary. Macgray watched the whole thing unfold from his top bunk--first us and then EMS working on Marshall. Thankfully, Marshall made a speedy and full recovery. But Macgray remembers that moment as the scariest one of his life so far. He later shared during a parent-teacher conference that he felt like he became "less expressive" about how he was feeling after that episode--an important insight for us as his parents regarding just how traumatic that experience was for him.

Terrorists and Targets

I was really surprised to hear Macgray say that he wishes there weren't terrorists in the world today. I didn't know he had any real awareness of terrorism and those who perpetrate it. But he does. And it registers in his impressionable young mind. When I asked him what he wishes that adults knew about what it's like to be a kid, he responded that we need to be aware that kids are "targeted" by others in unkind ways. I was struck by that language. It seemed to reveal a sense of vulnerability and exposure that I didn't know he experienced. Being a kid must feel kind of scary, sometimes.

What fears and concerns do you remember having as a kid? What fears and concerns might your kids have today that you're unaware of?

The Rest of the Conversation

Tune in for the rest of the conversation--which eventually found its way to Macgray's affinity for ducks! Who would have guessed. But that reflects the wonderful spider-webby quality that a kid's thinking can have. It was intriguing to get inside Macgray's brain for a while and see things through his eyes.

Awaken Your Inner Kid!

What part of your 10-year-old self do you want to let back into your life today just a little more? Like me, somewhere along the way did you learn not to want big things and chase big dreams? Or maybe someone told you when you were young that you would always be thus and such or never be this or that? What happened when you were around Macgray's age that's still holding you back today? What happened when you were Macgray's age that has actually contributed to your success?

You are the One and Only You. There's never been anyone exactly like you, and there never will be again. Let your inner 10-year-old speak truth to you about your unique purpose in life, and dare to heed what you hear.

If You Liked This Episode, Check Out These, Too

If this episode spoke to you, you might also enjoy Episode 3, How to Turn Your Imperfections into Superpowers, and Episode 5, How to Become the Boss of Your Fear--both available at andrewpettyisdying.com or wherever you listen to podcasts.

My purpose as a coach is to help you discovery, enjoy, and deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on Facebook or email me. I'll help you create the life you know you were made to live.

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

In the prime of his life, Phil Kohn was suddenly forced to wrestle with issues of physical pain, emotional anguish, and the reality of his Mortality. Today--because of his trial--he is more alive than ever.

How do you relate to discomfort, challenges, and suffering? Our relationship to those things determines what we will produce in our lives. In Phil's case, courageous vulnerability has allowed him to turn his pain into a deeper understanding and deployment of his unique purpose in life. Phil's story can help you learn to do that, too.

Phil's ensuing health saga wasn't something you'd wish on your worst enemy, but remarkably, it kicked off a complete life renovation for Phil. Today, Phil defines what it means to be alive very differently. When I listened to the recording after the interview to prepare it for release, I was so impressed with Phil's depth and breadth and authenticity. He's the sort of guy that you realize might have some of that genius quality about him, and he's got a really cool humility to go along with it.

This episode is loaded with insight and application for life that Phil has mined from the past seven years of struggle. It's a lesson in personal courage, resilience, mastering pain, and discovering your unique purpose in life. Some of you may even be able to relate to the specifics of Phil's health battle, and if so, I know you'll be encouraged and inspired to press on. I hope you get as much out of it as I did.

Meet Phil Kohn

Phil Kohn worked as an investment banker on Wall Street and Sydney, Australia. Then he traveled the world building international lottery partnerships for a publicly-traded lottery ticket and gaming business. His fast-paced life in finance hit a brick wall in 2013 when a battery of complex chronic illnesses took hold. His life flipped on its head, Phil decided to become an entrepreneur--with his first business launching out of his Beijing apartment. Phil has since transformed into a Mandarin-speaking, ultra-health-conscious individual who is currently training in Neurodynamic breathwork while co-hosting a new podcast on breathwork called The Breath Circle. He also just wrapped up the pilot season of StratosCast - a podcast highlighting changemakers on the frontiers of health and wellness (click here for the soon-to-be-released season finale episode discussing tools to hack resilience and promote creativity and curiosity in life). During the day, he advises and coaches business founders while also building a conscious media business called Myndful. He and his partner Miranda currently live in New Mexico.

Brick Wall to On-ramp

In 2013, Phil was based in China--living the dream, as they say, a young man making his way in the world adventurously and with plenty of financial reward. Then a sudden bout of food and water poisoning put him on his heels and in the hospital and kicked off what has now become a seven-year health saga that includes chronic Lyme disease, mold and heavy metal poisoning, and significant mental health challenges. It has been a really rough road, to say the very least. Over time, though, the proverbial "brick wall" has become an unlikely on-ramp to a completely new perspective on life and what matters most.

Where the On-ramp Has Taken Him

There's no way to sum up Phil's seven-year journey of suffering and renewal in these shownotes. The full episode itself can't do that. But we can tease out some of the major transformational points that have emerged so far for Phil so that we can learn from his story.

The three most powerful transformational points that jumped out to me from my conversation with Phil are his new relationships with vulnerability, pain, and control.

Vulnerability: Finding Strength in Weakness

His physical plight forced him to demonstrate a level of vulnerability that he'd never experienced before as he sought understanding and solutions from a myriad of medical and alternative sources. And he found himself dependent on family and friends for care and encouragement in a way he never had before. It opened him up to deeper relationships with other conscious men and an unprecedented level of commitment to personal growth. For Phil, vulnerability has now become a valuable and trusted approach to living his best life.

How many of us view vulnerability this way? The prevailing culture doesn't. But Phil's story turns the conventional wisdom of the prevailing culture on its head, and shows us that vulnerability can be a source of strength and a tool for transformational healing. What he was forced to discover because of the health saga, we can choose to discover ourselves to live an even more impactful life--starting today.

Pain: From Enemy to Companion

Phil's physical and emotional pain was and still is significant. For a while, he looked for ways to numb or eliminate the pain altogether. As option after option disappointed, he slowly came to grips with the fact that pain was now his companion--albeit an unwelcome one. This acceptance led Phil to discover that by leaning into and exploring the pain non-judgmentally and with curiosity and a TINY bit of love and appreciation--"Thank you, body, for communicating with me so clearly"--the pain actually faded into the background of his life rather than being a big glaring blip on his radar screen. His choice to stop fighting has--paradoxically--led to a substantial measure of relief from the pain.

What is your relationship with pain--whether it's physical, mental, both, or something else altogether? My experience with life-long anxiety has taught me the same lesson that Phil has learned: Acceptance rather than Resistance is the way forward.

Control: It's Not All It's Cracked Up to Be

Phil tells a great story about hurtling down the road in a newly-leased, chartreuse BMW M4--feeling in control at the wheel of the ultimate driving machine going well over the speed limit...and simultaneously realizing that he was truly out of control as a man. That led to an overall reconsideration of what he was and what he wasn't in control of in life. The ironic destination of his road trip was his first Men's Circle experience, where he became the unwitting focus of the group's attention and was first introduced to the healing power of deeper relationships with conscious men. The following day he participated in his first breath circle, followed by two days of 1-1 breathwork sessions — the beginning of a deep exploration into the power of transformational breathwork, a whole new world beyond yoga and pranayama.

Control really is an illusion. There is precious little, if anything, that we can truly, 100% control. We insulate ourselves from that terrifying truth in myriad creative ways. Phil shows us that--counterintuitively--relinquishing "control" is a path to freedom. And for him, breathwork was the starting point for retraining his mind and body to embrace this incredibly simple but very elusive idea.

Phil's New Path

It's no hyperbole to say that Phil is a very different man today than he was seven years ago. He's still suffering the effects of his long-standing, complex health issues, for sure--but strangely more alive than ever. Today he seeks to beautify the world through his life rather than (and this is an overstatement for contrast) use or consume the world for his benefit. Meditation, breathwork, coaching, podcasting, and creative collaborations with others similarly orientated have become his new focus. His substantial innate gifts and accumulated experience and expertise are being brought to bear on projects that create deeper human connections and enrich the world. Links and info about some of those projects and ways to connect with Phil can be found at the end of these shownotes.

To get the full benefit of this conversation with Phil, I hope you'll tune into the full episode!

A Challenge, Should You Choose to Accept It

If you are a regular listener to Andrew Petty is Dying, then you are already taking the road less traveled and growing in your resolve to be the person you were made to be and live the life you were made to live. Awesome. You're changing the world one day at a time because of that commitment. And even if this is your first episode, there's something in you that knows that you've got more to give.

I've got a simple formula for human change: Insight + Action = Transformation. Insight on its own is energizing and enlightening. But without Action--without actually DOING something differently--we can't achieve the full Transformation that the Insight has to offer us.

So I want to challenge you: What's your biggest takeaway from Phil's story? And what's one thing--just one thing--that you will actually DO differently as a result of that insight? Let's add a little pressure to the equation: If you knew with 100% certainty that you would die 5 years from today, what would you do differently today? Whatever it is, DO THAT THING.

Get More Gold for Living With Phil Kohn!

I've got a really cool opportunity for six lucky listeners: The first six listeners to email me will get to participate in an exclusive, live follow-up conversation with Phil on Wednesday, June 17, at 4:30pm Mountain Time, via Zoom. So email me, and if you're one of the first six, I'll send you info for how to join this exclusive conversation.

The Graveyard Group: Optimizing Life by Remembering Death

Andrew Petty is Dying is a one-of-a-kind production of The Graveyard Group. The Graveyard Group is all about waking us up to the reality of our Mortality so we find motivation to live with guts and gusto and abandon right NOW. It will evolve over time, and right now, The Graveyard Group primarily exists in the form of small group masterminds--where with five of your peers, you carve out time each week to do the most important work of your life. The work that we know needs to be done but is so easy to put off for days, weeks, and years--and then it's too late. You'll eliminate deathbed regrets and show up better than ever to the relationships and responsibilities that matter most to you. To learn more about The Graveyard Group and how you can join a Mastermind, visit digdeepwinbig.com/thegraveyardgroup. My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on Facebook or email me. I'll help you create the life you know you were made to live.

Connect with Phil

• Phil on Instagram
• The Breath Circle on Instagram
• LinkedIn
• Website
• Email

People and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

• Raymond Francis' Never Be Sick Again
• Dr. Joe Dispenza
• Dr. Stan Grof
• Michael Stone's Neurodynamic Online Breathwork
• StratosCast
• Phil Kohn's 7WoW

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

If you appreciated this episode, you'll also like…

• Kites in the Graveyard: Learning to Let Go at the Intersection of Grief & Joy
• How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto
• The Nine Lives of Lise Leroux: One Woman's Mind-blowing Tale of Living With a Terminal Diagnosis

Remember: You ARE going to die, but you're not dead yet. So live an incredible life!

Allyson Cheney had it all under control...until she didn't.

When she faced a parent's worst fear, she found herself at the intersection of grief and joy, and found freedom in letting go. Allyson's story will move you, inspire you, and challenge you to remember what matters most right now.

Meet Allyson

I met Allyson Cheney a couple months ago when we were both part of the speaker lineup for an event. Pretty quickly, I realized that there was a rare depth and a substance to Allyson. And now after becoming better acquainted with her story, I know that those qualities have been forged in a crucible of tragedy and loss and refined by courage and the deliberate choice to press on. Allyson's courage is on display in the very fact that she's willing to share her story on this podcast--which requires her revisiting the most devastating chapter in her life thus far. And she's willing to do it so that all of us can benefit from what she's learned without first having to go through an experience like hers ourselves. Her encounter with Mortality was unwelcome and unexpected, AND it has instilled in her a new zeal and zest for life. It's no exaggeration to say that Allyson Cheney is more fully alive today than ever BECAUSE of her tragic encounter with Mortality. Or more accurately, because of the way she has CHOSEN to use her encounter with Mortality to deepen and enrich her experience of life. I think that will jump out to you as you hear Allyson's story. Prepare to be moved, to be inspired, to be enriched, and to be equipped to live with more guts and gusto and abandon.

Allyson is passionate about educating women about essential oils and cleaner living across the board. She leads a diverse team of almost 2000 people through her online essential oils and clean-crafted wine businesses, and she has cultivated a supportive community of empowered wellness that meets you where you are. Her core focus is helping the busy, overwhelmed woman simplify the path to a cleaner lifestyle through one-on-one consultation, community, & collaborations. She thrives on breaking the expected mold so that others can be invited to do the same, and live in freedom, authenticity & abundance. Allyson lives in Kansas City with her husband of 18 years, and can most often be found taxi-ing her four children around town, running (literally and figuratively), walking her two doodles, or booty popping to old school 90's hip hop.

The Hits Keep Coming

At 14-weeks pregnant, Allyson and her husband were shocked to learn that she was carrying twins. Then, the exam room she was in when she learned the news began to buzz with activity from doctors and nurses. Eventually, a doctor explained that they were searching for a membrane that usually separates twins in the womb, but they couldn't find it. It was a mono-amnyotic pregnancy, and it carried significantly more risk than a "normal" twin pregnancy. Furthermore, they learned, to give both babies every chance to survive and thrive, Allyson wouldn't be allowed to carry them beyond 32 weeks, and around week 25 or 26 she would be admitted to the hospital for constant monitoring. This was especially shocking to Allyson because all three of her previous pregnancies had been very normal and easy, as pregnancies go. From routine pregnancy check to everything-but-routine in the blink of an eye.

The Waiting Game

With three kids five and under at home and a husband who traveled full-time for work, Allyson was admitted to the hospital at 26 weeks to wait out the six weeks until her scheduled C-section delivery.

The Watching Game

At some point during the hospital stay, doctors noted fluid accumulating in the lungs of one of the twins. It wasn't particularly alarming at that point, but the watching began. Gradually, the fluid made its way to the baby's brain as well. Even so, a neonatal neurosurgeon assured them that things would turn out well, that "they would never see him again" (the neurosurgeon, that is).

Delivery Day

"I will never forget the doctor and the nurse coming into our room with big tears in their eyes...There was not much brain left...Something along the way in pregnancy had caused his brain to be severely damaged, and they didn't know if he was going to live." After delivering both twins, River was doing pretty well, but Archer, the twin with fluid in his lungs and brain, was in bad shape. Tune in to hear Allyson's full account of what happened next.

The Bewildering Intersection of Grief and Joy

Archer died in Allyson's arms five days after delivery. In almost the same moment that Allyson shared the news with family and friends standing vigil with her at the hospital, a doctor gave her the exciting news that River's health had improved dramatically--remarkably at the same time that Archer's life on earth had ended. In the same moment, Allyson had the joy of a healthy baby on one hand and the heartbreaking death of her other baby on the other hand.

A Decade Later, Kites in the Graveyard and Learning to Let Go

Recently, Allyson and her family--including River, the surviving twin--visited Archer's grave. And they remembered, and laughed...and flew a kite. "While death and dying and grief are excruciatingly hard...it's not all dark, and there's a lot of beauty to be found. Just like the kite in the graveyard. To the depths of heartache we have felt, it has allowed us to feel equally deeply in the opposite direction...We may yell a little louder, we may cry a little harder, but I guarantee you, we laugh a lot harder, too, we play a lot harder. We value our messy middle, which we're definitely still in, and might always be in."

What Difference will Allyson's Story Make in Your Life?

Allyson and her family are more fully and vibrantly alive today because they encountered Mortality and navigated the intersection of grief and joy. And, especially, because of the choices they made to live more guts, gusto, and abandon rather than shrink back in the face of life's fragility and uncertainty. If they can make that choice, so can we. Life is uncertain and full of legitimate reasons to be fearful. But, as Allyson put it, we can "quit wasting so much time in life trying to predict what your thing is going to be...what your crisis or tragedy or thing is gonna be that you have to struggle through, because odds are that you're wrong...You can never guess what your thing is going to be, but when you're in the middle of it, you have a choice to handle it with grace and to keep moving forward and to feel all the feelings thru it and know that ultimately it's all working for our good."

What's one small change you can make today?

There's So Much More

This brief summary of Allyson's story doesn't begin to do it justice. I hope you'll invest in yourself and the power of the story you're writing with your life by taking an hour to listen to the whole episode.

Hang Out With Allyson!

I've got a really cool opportunity for six lucky listeners: The first six listeners to email me will get to participate in an exclusive, live follow-up conversation with Allyson this Thursday, June 4, at 4:30 pm Mountain Time, via Zoom. So email me, and if you're one of the first six, I'll send you info for how to join this exclusive conversation.

Connect with Allyson: Facebook | Instagram | LinkedIn | website | email

My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on Facebook or email me.

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

If You Appreciated This Episode, You'll Also Appreciate…

• You're Dying: How to Make the Most of It
• Lessons for Life from a Decade of Death: A Conversation with Jane Davis--Widow, Suicide Survivor, Single Mom, Health Educator, and Ultrarunner
• How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto
• The Nine Lives of Lise Leroux: One Woman's Mind-blowing Tale of Living With a Terminal Diagnosis

Remember: You ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

How does a daily duel with Death change the way you live?

My guest on this episode, Lise Leroux, is an author, skydiver, globetrotter, and life cycle celebrant. More than three decades ago, she received a terminal diagnosis. Then just five years ago, her story took a mind-blowing turn.

Lise's story will strengthen your resolve to live with even more guts and gusto and abandon right now. Listen for how Lise's story has led her to her unique purpose in life. In episode 3, How to Turn Your Imperfections into Superpowers, I pointed out that our story and our unique purpose are inseparable, and Lise is a perfect example of that. I hope her example will help you connect the dots between your story and your purpose even more clearly. Her story is also a powerful example and affirmation of the big idea in episode 5, How to Become the Boss of Your Fear.

No One Believes Me

Between the ages of 15 and 25, Lise knew something was wrong. Countless doctors and specialists looked at her case, and one by one, they found nothing. Eventually, it was chalked up to hypochondria. As much as they wanted to believe her, even Lise's own parents ultimately sided with the "experts" rather than with Lise. But by 25, Lise knew deeply within herself that something was terribly wrong, and her time on earth was quickly drawing to a close.

Vindication

Finally, at 25 and with nothing more to lose, Lise packed up all her stuff in a UHaul trailer and headed to a facility in Montreal that could do MRIs--in 1985, a groundbreaking technology. Here, she received confirmation of what she'd known deep-down for a decade: Something really was wrong. It had a name...and a terminal prognosis. Tune into the full episode to hear how this news affected Lise. It wasn't how you might have expected.

Six Months to Live...For More Than Three Decades

This began an anger-fueled, danger-seeking, fear-conquering, globetrotting chapter of Lise's life. She was a woman on the run, living every day as if it could be her last, forming few meaningful attachments, dueling with the spectre of Death day-in and day-out. In one harrowing episode, she fell through the upper level of her home onto the stone floor below--where she remained for three days, unable to move, and accompanied only by her two dogs. Then five years ago, a routine--albeit very thorough--medical examination for her job changed her life dramatically again. Tune in for details. The truth really is stranger than fiction; you can't make this stuff up.

What Does Lise's Story Mean for Us?

Lise's story is like a sadistic experiment designed by a mad scientist. And the question posed by the experiment was, "What does the expectation of imminent death do to a person?" If there was any remaining doubt that Mortality is the most powerful motivator in life, then Lise's story helps put that doubt to rest. Even though she has regret over things she missed--investing more in intimate relationships and having kids, for example--she nevertheless is grateful overall for how Death caused her to live. So much so that she is carrying those lessons forward into the new chapter of her story. And one idea sticks out to me especially: That even though there's no guarantee of another day, we DO have a choice about how we live right NOW. In Lise's case, she chose to go for it rather than hole up and wait for Death. What choice are you making?

What hit you from Lise's story? Share your response in the comments on this episode's post on Facebook.

Connect with Lise:

• Facebook and LinkedIn
• [email protected]
• Life Cycle Celebrant website
• Writer & Playwright website

My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on Facebook or email me.

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher and leave a review!

See you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying!

What if you could become the boss of your fear? What difference would that make?

All of us experience fear. It's part of life. But not all of us know how to master our fear so that it doesn't get the best of us. In this episode, you'll learn how to put fear in its place so you can live with more guts and gusto. And you'll learn how your Mortality can become a powerful ally in the ever-present battle with fear.

From Fearful To Forward

It was early in the morning one day six years ago, and my wife and two boys were still asleep. I, however, was wide awake...lying prostrate on the living room floor. This was not a relaxed "prostrate," a slow, stretchy, meditative, welcoming-of-a-new-day kind of prostrate. This was a "holy crap, I'm scared out of my mind, all I can do is lay here" kind of prostrate. Super fun.

Over the previous few years, it had become unavoidably clear that I needed a change professionally and we needed a change as a family, too. To figure out what kind of change, we had worked a long, insightful, and highly-structured process with a coach--my first experience with a coaching partnership. We'd weighed pros and cons, clearly envisioned a better, more desirable, more satisfying life; taken a weekend retreat as a couple and a week-long retreat with my coach and his wife; made "low-cost probes" into various options; gained useful insight through assessments, and gotten counsel from family and friends. We'd invested a lot of time, energy, blood, sweat, and tears into the process, and eventually it had yielded the clarity we sought about the kind of changes we wanted to make.

And yet here I was--prostrate on the living room floor, scared to death to pull the trigger on a decision. Evidently, just knowing what kind of changes we wanted to make wasn't enough.

One insight helped me go from fearful to moving forward. Tune in to the full episode for the rest of the story. The mental and emotional change within me was instantaneous and exhilarating. When my wife entered the room a few minutes later, the first words out of my mouth were, "Let's go."

How is Fear Bossing YOU Around?

That's an example from my life. But what about you? In what areas of your life does fear hold you back or push you down or get the best of you?

What difference would it make if you began to be the boss of that fear rather than it being the boss of you?

How Do You Become the Boss of Your Fear?

Let's be honest: Life is full of stuff that's legitimately scary. There's simply no changing that fact. Dangers abound even on the best of days. Big leaps and new adventures bring real risks. This episode aired in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. The fear and uncertainty was palpable and global and no one knew how it would all play out.

So in a world full of fear-inducing realities, here's the big idea that I want you to wrestle with…

The way to master fear is not to become less fearful.

The way to master fear is to become more brave.

None of us would expect to get physically stronger simply by telling our weakness to go away. Nor would we expect to get stronger just by hanging around a bunch of weights or envisioning ourselves as stronger or meditating about bigger muscles--as useful as envisioning and meditating are in their own ways. We know that getting physically stronger requires putting in the consistent work to build more muscle. And that's hard work. But gradually, you do get stronger. And weight that was once impossible to lift becomes your new normal.

The same is true in mastering fear. We have to put in the work to build bigger bravery muscles so we can throw fear around more easily in the weight room of life.

Your Mortality: Steroids for Bravery-building

On this podcast, we tap into the power of our mortality to become the people we were made to be and live the lives we were made to live. And perhaps nowhere in life is our Mortality a more powerful ally than in our battle against fear. It is to bravery-building what steroids is to body-building--except for the whole illegal and unhealthy thing. When fear comes knocking, remind yourself that the clock of life is ticking. And tell fear to step aside as you charge ahead anyway.

Will Smith has said, "The best things in life are on the other side of fear." I totally agree.

If you're scared, practice being brave. Start today.

REMEMBER: You ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet! So get after it!

Amateur or Pro?

If bravery-building was a sport, would you be an amateur or a professional? Share your response in the comments on this episode's post on the Facebook post for this episode.

My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. Connect with me on Facebook, here, on my coaching website or email me.

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Everything's fine--until it isn't. And then it's too late to go back.

That's the terrible truth that my guest on this episode is confronting as he stares death in the face.

In this raw, unfiltered conversation, you get to walk a mile in my guest's shoes and see life through his eyes as he confronts his own Mortality. You'll learn how he wishes he'd spent his time differently in the past and what matters more to him now than it once did. His actual encounter with Mortality will motivate you to do "it" now--whatever important thing or relationship "it" represents--before it's too late.

Patrick Ayres, Cancer Warrior

My guest for this episode is Patrick Ayres--husband, father, and chef extraordinaire. Patrick's a member of my extended family on my wife's side--a brother-in-law once removed, or something like that, if that's a thing. And he's in the fight of his life FOR his life--a warrior battling incurable brain cancer.

When we recorded this interview in mid-February, Patrick wasn't feeling great. He was in the toughest phase of that month's chemo regimen, experiencing intense fatigue, missing a chunk of his brain the size of an orange. You can hear his weariness--physically and emotionally. That Patrick was still up for doing the interview tells you something about the kind of guy that he is.

Yep, This Is Heavy Stuff. Do Yourself a Favor and Listen Anyway.

If you're tempted to skip this episode because it might be too heavy, remember this: Our Mortality is the most powerful source of motivation in life, and by failing to confront it, we do ourselves more harm than good. Do yourself and everyone you love a favor by courageously embracing your own Mortality through Patrick's story so that you are emboldened to make the very most of TODAY.

Vertigo? Nope.

In early 2019, Patrick began to have dizzy spells. Vertigo was the best word he could find to describe what the spells felt like. When he finally went to the doctor in the early fall of last year, though, he had a gut feeling that something more serious was going on. After the usual agonizing wait for scan and test results, he got the devastating news that he had incurable brain cancer. Tune in to the episode to hear Patrick's account of surgery to remove the tumor and an orange-sized chunk of his brain, recovery, follow-up treatment, and absorbing the shock of his new situation.

When he got the diagnosis, Patrick dropped a "mortality bomb" in the laps of his fellow Graveyard Group members by sending a text with the scan showing his tumor and a brief note confirming it was cancer.

The Graveyard Group is a weekly mastermind that I formed in February 2019 to cultivate the consistent practice of remembering our Mortality so we can become the people we were made to be and live the lives we were made to live. This podcast is a production of The Graveyard Group--a way to invite a larger audience to embrace this powerful practice around Mortality. New Graveyard Groups are forming, and I'd love for you to be in one! Go here to learn more and about how to join.

And just like that, it got really real for all of us in Patrick's Graveyard Group. It wasn't just a powerful mental exercise any more; we had a friend suddenly in the grips of a mortal battle.

The Pain of Regret

The most dominant theme in this conversation--and at this early stage in Patrick's cancer battle--was regret. Regret for time frittered away pre-cancer. Regret that the tireless work and long hours spent building his culinary career were potentially for naught--and some of that time could have been better spent with his wife and daughters. The intensity of this regret comes out often through tears in this conversation. Tune in to hear more about Patrick's perspective on how he spent his time pre-cancer.

No Pretty Bow

I'd like to be able to put a nice pretty bow around the interview. But if I'm going to stay true to the spirit of Patrick's story and honor his battle, then I can't do that. His story tells us that there is no bow. Being in a life-and-death battle with cancer is simply hard. Looking Death in the face is hard. Patrick has regrets. And he hasn't yet uncovered any philosophical nuggets of gold to offer us in his confrontation with Mortality.

So what do we do with Parickt's story? It will hit us all a little differently, I'm sure, and that's good. But there is at least this one universal takeaway: It could just as easily be me, or you, or your husband, wife, son, daughter, mom, or dad. One day, it WILL be us--if not facing cancer, nonetheless facing the end of our earthly existence for one reason or another. Let's wake up today and embrace the gift of LIFE with gratitude and gusto and courage--saying to Death, "I see you, I know you're coming, but until then I've got a lot of living to do."

You ARE going to die, but you're not dead yet. So get after it!

What If...

If you got a life-threatening diagnosis today, how satisfied would you be on a scale of 0-10 with the life you've lived so far, and why? Share your score here.

If today's episode has been helpful to you, I hope you'll subscribe to Andrew Petty is Dying wherever you like to listen to podcasts, and leave your honest review. Go here to learn more about The Graveyard Group, the life-changing mastermind that I mention during the interview.

Subscribe to Andrew Petty is Dying on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, & Stitcher, and leave a review!

My purpose as a coach is to help you deploy your unique purpose in the world. I'd love to connect with you on Facebook, through my coaching website, or email me at [email protected].